“But it did,” I say.
“I wish I could blame you,” he says. “I wish that I could say you were the one who kissed me. But it was all me and I am so mad at myself.”
“Why are you mad?” I ask.
“Because before, I didn’t know what it was like to kiss you,” he says. “I could ignore whatever this is between us. But now that I know, everything has changed.”
“It has for me, too,” I say, relieved that he’s saying that. I truly thought I was the only one who felt this way.
Sander takes a breath before turning to look me directly in the eyes.
I can’t help but feel whatever he’s about to say is most likely going to hurt.
“I am here to protect you,” he says. “And I can’t be with you and protect you. You would be a distraction from my duty.”
I nod, not able to speak. If I opened my mouth, I might cry. So instead, I just let him do all the talking.
“You’re the best kind of distraction,” he says. “But because I care so much about you... that is why we can’t be together. Because I need to keep a clear head around you.”
“Okay,” I say, hating how quiet and distant my own voice sounds.
My heart is breaking.
I absolutely think that Sander is making the wrong decision. And maybe I should tell him that. Maybe I will regret not telling him later. But I don’t want to look pathetic. I don’t want him to think I can’t live without him.
“I thought you would fight me on this,” Sander says, looking at me.
I shrug my shoulders. “It seems like you’ve already made up your mind, so why would I fight you? I don’t want to look like... Estaine. I mean, I don’t want you to think about me the way I think about him.”
Not that I think of Estaine in a negative way. I just feel sorry for him. And I feel guilty because I don’t care about him the same way he cares about me. I don’t want Sander to feel guilty. It’s not his fault that I like him more than he likes me.
“Look, don’t worry about me,” I say to Sander, before he can say anything else. “I’m going to be okay. You don’t have to come up with excuses. I like you more than you like me. It’s not a big deal. I’ll get over it.”
I’ll get over you.
Eventually.
“You think you like me more than I like you?” Sander asks.
“I can see that I do,” I say.
“That’s not true,” he says. “But there isn’t anything I can do to prove otherwise. I can’t be with you, Phoenix.”
I nod. “Okay.”
I am trying not to cry.
But it’s hard.
“Can you...” I clear my throat. “Just go? I want to spend some time alone.”
He looks at me like he’s looking right through me. But I can’t cry in front of him. I don’t want him to see how badly I am hurt.
“Phoenix,” he says.
When he says my name, a fear tears roll down my cheek. I wipe them away.
“Sander, please,” I say. “Just go away.”
He looks like he wants to protest, but what could he say? How could he make this better? The truth is he can’t. So, I watch him leave the room. Once the door is shut, I let the tears fall freely down my face.
I always knew that someday I would get my heart broken. I just didn’t realize it would hurt this bad.
Monday, September 25
Evacuation training.
Today, we are doing evacuation training. And maybe this should scare me, but I feel very calm about the whole thing.
Charlie is at school today. I assumed if I get evacuated, he would, too. But maybe not. I just trust that Sander knows what he’s doing.
“If something happens, it might be while you’re in the middle of class, or you might be asleep in your dorm, but you have to always be prepared,” Uncle Matty says, as he, Jake and Sander all stand in front of me. They all have matching expressions.
Clearly, they are all taking this very seriously.
“What about Charlie?” I ask.
“Charlie isn’t our priority,” Sander answer. “You are.”
“But I want him to be safe,” I say. “You should know; I would give up my life for him.”
“He’s got somebody to protect him if it comes down to it. Charlie has been introduced to the team that will evacuate him in an emergency,” Uncle Matty assures me. “But today is not about that. This is about you.”
I nod, letting him know that I’m listening.
“It will be one of us three coming to get you,” Jake says. “Don’t leave with anybody else, even if they say they work with us.”
I narrow my eyes at him.
Does he really think I’m that stupid?
“Hey, I’m just covering all our bases,” Jake says. “Better safe than sorry.”
“Don’t worry,” I say. “I won’t leave with anybody else. And I won’t get candy from some strange guy’s van.”
Sander smirks.
Uncle Matty crosses his arms. “This is serious, Phoenix. It’s not the time to joke.”
“I know,” I say. “I joke when I’m nervous. Sorry. But you guys are making me feel like somebody is about to kidnap me or something. Can we, like, calm the dramatic a bit?”
“Sorry,” Jake says.
“Okay, so, you come get me from class or my dorm or wherever,” I say. “What then?”
“We leave and go to a secure location,” Uncle Matty answers.
“We’re going there now,” Sander says.
“I get to leave campus for real?” I ask.
“Don’t get too excited,” Sander says. “We’re just going to a safe house.”
Yeah, but I get to get into a car and leave the East Raven Academy campus. This is a good thing. I feel like I’m going a bit stir crazy here.
I look at the black SUV in front of me.
How cliché.
But I’m not going to complain. I’m just ready to get out of here.
“Let’s go,” I say. “Can I drive?”
“No. Get in the back,” Uncle Matty says.
I roll my eyes, but do as he says.
Sander gets in the backseat with me, Uncle Matty drives, of course, and Jake gets in the front passenger seat. Being in the back of this car makes me feel like I’m super important, even though I’m not. I’m just a sixteen year old girl whose dad decided to run for congress. But I feel like I’m the president, being whisked away to some secret location.
Once we are in the car, Uncle Matty takes off. The gate opens for him as we reach the end of the campus and I feel a weight lift off of me as we drive onto the street.
Freedom is sweet.
“Do you know how to shoot a gun?” Sander asks me.
“I’m from Southern California,” I say. “What do you think?”
“I told you to drop the sarcasm,” Uncle Matty says.
I roll my eyes. “No, I have never shot a gun.”
“I just thought that since your dad is republican...” Sander says.
“Oh, no,” I answer. “I don’t really have an opinion about guns or anything, though. I mean, they’re kind of scary.”
“They’re only scary if you don’t know how to shoot them,” Sander says. “I grew up in Texas. I shot my first gun when I was seven. It was a BB gun, but still. My dad wanted me to be prepared.”
“Why are you asking me about guns?” I ask.
“I think I should train you,” he answers. “Just in case. I want you to be able to protect yourself in every possible way.”
“I thought that’s why I was going the whole MMA thing,” I say.
“That’s part of it. But knowing how to protect yourself in a fight won’t do a lot of good if there are guns involved,” he says.
I hadn’t thought about that.
“I don’t know,” I say, biting my lip. “Do I have to?”
“No,” Sander says. “Whatever you’re comfortable with... it’s just, I would like to teach you, that’s all.
”
“Okay,” I say. “I’ll think about it.”
And I really will. Sander is right about me needing to learn how to protect myself. It’s just that guns seem pretty scary. Maybe I wouldn’t feel that way if he taught me how to properly use one, though. I think I’d be willing to give it a shot. I’d rather not think about it right now. I just want to enjoy the moment.
I look out the window at the two lane road. East Raven Academy is sort of close to Boston, but it’s out in the middle of nowhere, too. There are trees along the side and I look at them, fascinated. The trees in Southern California are a lot different than the ones here. It’s amazing how different everything is on the other side of the country. It’s beautiful, though. I love it here.
When I first arrived at East Raven, what I missed most was the ocean. I thought nothing was more beautiful than having the Pacific Ocean in my backyard. But it’s beautiful here in its own way, too.
It’s still early in the season, so most of the trees are green, but some of them have orange and yellow leaves on them. I bet this will be beautiful in a couple of more weeks. I start to think that I hope I’ll see it then, but then I realize this is the path I’ll be taking if there is an emergency. I can live without that.
“How much farther is it?” I ask.
“About an hour,” Uncle Matty answers.
I relax against my seat.
Might as well get comfortable. It’s going to be a long drive.
Safe house.
I expected the safe house to be a small house in the middle of nowhere. So, I was especially surprised when we turned into a residential neighborhood. The safe house is a two story home at the end of a cul-de-sac. Uncle Matty pulls the SUV into a driveway as the garage door opens. He pulls the car in.
I get out of the car once it’s parked, happy to not be in the car anymore. It wasn’t a long drive, it’s just I was feeling anxious the entire time. I have actually felt anxious all day long. It makes sense. I’m literally doing evacuation training. A terrorist could find me at any moment. That’s why this whole thing is happening.
Jake uses a key to open the door from the garage into the house. I follow him inside, surprised to find a fully furnished home. Honestly, it looks like a family lives here. There are even pictures of a family on the wall.
“Does somebody live here?” I question.
“No,” Sander answers. “All our safe houses look like this. Like it’s lived in.”
“Oh, cool,” I say, walking farther into the house.
There is a huge kitchen. It looks brand new. Honestly, it probably is. I’m sure it doesn’t get used often. There is a large dining room, a beautiful foyer. In the foyer, there is a staircase that leads up. I don’t explore though. I’m much too nervous.
“Are you hungry?” Uncle Matty asks.
“Starved,” I say.
“We’re going to go pick up some food then,” Jake says.
“Okay, cool,” I say.
Uncle Matty and Jake head out the same door that we came in, leaving Sander and me alone in the big house.
“So, this is it?” I ask Sander.
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“If we have to evacuate, we just come here and chill out?” I ask.
He shrugs. “I guess. I mean, we’d be on high alert. I don’t imagine we’d stay here that long. It’s too close to the school. But we’d come here and regroup before we took you somewhere else. We’d probably get you out of the state as quickly as possible, maybe even the country.”
My heart races at his words. “I don’t want to leave. I really like it here. And I’m tired of running. I’d rather fight.”
“You sound like me,” Sander says. “And that scares the crap out of me. But this isn’t something you can stay and fight.”
“Sorry,” I say. “I am just ready for life to be normal again.”
“I understand,” he says.
Though, this is normal for him.
“I’m going to go upstairs and check out the rest of the house,” I tell him.
Mostly I just want to not stand still. I need to walk around and do something to occupy my mind.
I walk up the carpet covered staircase. At the top of the stairs, there is a hallway that goes left and right. I take the right hallway first, checking out all the rooms.
There are several bedrooms. One of them is a bedroom set up for a little girl. There is even a doll house. It’s very pink. That bedroom is connected to a bathroom that passes through to another room. This room is obviously decorated for a teenage boy. I can’t help but think they put a lot of thought into these safe houses. I guess they have to. If somebody is here, they don’t want to leave any clues behind on how to find them.
I hear a noise downstairs. I assume it’s Sander. It’s crazy how safe I feel with him watching me. As I am about to walk to the other side of the hallway, I hear somebody walk up behind me. I’m about to turn around when I feel something sharp poke into the side of my neck. Then, everything goes black.
They got me.
I open my eyes, feeling a bit confused. I am lying on the floor.
The last thing I remember was being at the safe house. I was walking around.
I sit up to look around, feeling dizzy. I go to rub a hand over my face when my arm is yanked back into place. That’s when I notice I am handcuffed.
My heart accelerates.
Oh, my gosh.
They got me.
The terrorists got me.
If they got me, then that means they had to kill Sander. There is no other way. He would’ve fought to the death for me.
“You’re awake,” a deep voice says.
I look up to see a man with a large gun over his shoulder. He’s got a mask on, so I can’t see his face, but he’s got dark eyes. They’re scary. I can see the evil in them. There is nothing good about this guy.
“What do you want?” I ask, hating how shaky my voice sounds. The one time I need to be brave, I’m scared out of my mind.
“Don’t worry. We don’t want you,” the guy says.
But he doesn’t answer my question.
I try to breathe.
“If all goes as planned, you’ll be back home in a few hours. If not, well,” he says, now smiling. “I guess I get to put a bullet through your scull.”
I yank at the handcuffs, as if I can pull free. I’m not sure if I could take this guy, but I have to try. Unfortunately, there is no give on the cuffs. There is no way I can get out of them.
He laughs and then walks out of the room, leaving me there to sob alone.
I am going to die.
Training.
It takes a little while for the drugs to get out of my system. I ended up crying myself to sleep, but I wake up frightened. I’m still handcuffed, but I feel determined. I am going to find a way to get out of this. Sander, Uncle Matty, and Jake spent a lot of time training me for this exact scenario. I lean my head down so I can reach my hand into my hair and pull a bobby pin out.
Charlie went through a phase when we were younger where he loved handcuffs. He would always pretend like he “lost the key.” I learned pretty quickly how to pick the locks on these things. Let’s hope I still remember.
I mess with the lock for about five minutes to no avail.
Come on, Phoenix.
I keep messing with it, not willing to give up. Eventually, I hear a click and the cuff falls from my hand, freeing me from the chains. About that time, the door opens. I quickly move in front of the handcuffs, keeping my hand hidden behind my back. I don’t want them to know I’m free. If I am going to make it out of here, I need the advantage of surprise.
“You’re more trouble than you’re worth,” the guy says.
It’s a different guy this time. He’s shorter and not quite as buff, but still large. I’m not sure I could take him on, but I have to try, right? What I do know is that if I make it out of here, I am never going to complain about a five AM wakeup call again. I’m go
ing to spend more hours training than ever before, because I want to live.
“What’s going on?” I ask, wondering why he’s saying this to me.
He walks towards me and I tense up. I don’t want him to see that I managed to un-cuff myself. I also don’t like that he has a gun in his hand.
“I wonder how much money I could get for selling a pretty thing like you,” he says, running a hand along the side of my face.
I smack his hand away.
Crap.
“How did you get your hands free?” he asks.
I don’t give him time to process the information. I just move quickly, while I can. I twist the guy’s hand, making him drop the gun. He starts to pull me backwards into him, but I follow my training. I turn around to face him, completely disgusted by being this close to such a vile man. I swing my fist towards his throat, hitting as hard as I can. He makes a choking sound as he lets go of me. I grab the gun, aiming it towards him.
Now, I wish I had that gun training Sander was talking about. And if I get out of this, I am going to learn how to shoot a gun.
I keep my finger near the trigger, but I don’t put my finger on there. I don’t want to accidentally shoot it. I’m not sure how many bullets are in it, but I want to be prepared.
The guy tries to talk, but he can’t. I don’t want him yelling for help, so, using the gun, I hit him over the head as hard as I can. He falls onto the ground, but it doesn’t knock him out. I’m not sure that I can knock him out. There is no way that I’m strong enough.
There is only one door that leads out of here and that scares me. I know that once I walk through that door, there will be more men. Men with bigger guns. So, I try to weigh my options.
I hear a noise at the door and realize that my time is now up. Somebody is walking through the door. I lift up the gun and aim it towards whoever is walking in.
I nearly cry of relief when I see Sander walk in. I drop the gun to my side and run over to him.
He’s smiling. “I should’ve known you’d find a way out.”
I hand him the gun. I no longer want that thing in my hand. I feel safe now.
Never Ever (East Raven Academy Book 2) Page 20
