Letter From a Rake

by Sasha Cottman

  ‘I didn’t think you heard me,’ he replied.

  She pulled the tall hat from her head, and with no pins or ribbons to bind her hair, her long brown tresses fell freely down. Wherever her maid was, it was clear she was unaware of Millie’s secret late-night ramble. She threw the hat on a nearby chair.

  ‘I heard it; I just didn’t understand it. I have run so many different possible explanations through my head since then and it has taken me until today to make sense of everything, and to come up with a plausible answer. But before I tell you what I think, it is only fair that I let you give your version of events.’

  ‘All right,’ he replied.

  Everything hinged on what he was about to tell her. His whole future would be defined by her response. He tried to paint a mental picture of her, a memory of what she looked like the moment before he told her the awful truth. Alex took a deep breath and summoned his courage.

  ‘I didn’t write the letter to Clarice; David did. I asked him to write a love letter to you and I mistakenly thought he had. I then mailed it. Lady Clarice received it and the rest of the unholy disaster you know as well as I do.’

  Millie raised an eyebrow, but stayed where she was. ‘Except for the obvious question as to why you got your brother to write the letter in the first place. Your prose couldn’t be that bad. And you most certainly are no wallflower when it comes to women.’

  ‘I asked him to write a letter because I could not. Why couldn’t I write a letter to the woman I love?’ He stammered as he struggled to find the right words. ‘Because I cannot read or write.’ He closed his eyes. If Millie left now, he could not bear to watch her go.

  He heard her footsteps as she crossed the hard wooden floor. Her skirts brushed against his leg as she came to his side. He opened his eyes and watched with wonder as she took hold of both his hands. ‘Was that so hard?’ she whispered, as her deep sapphire-blue eyes looked up at him.

  She smiled and Alex lived again.

  ‘You put us both through weeks of misery and torture, simply because you cannot read? I don’t know whether I should be relieved that you have finally told me, or if I should kill you.’ She squeezed his hands.

  Alex swallowed deeply. How could she be so calm? He was astonished to find her still standing in his bedroom, let alone so close. In all the versions of this encounter he had imagined, never once had she stayed. ‘The words on the page, they dance around when I look at them. I can never make head nor tail of them. I can barely write my own initials; I cannot even read a street sign,’ he replied.

  She stepped in closer, and standing on her tiptoes she murmured in his ear. ‘Or the fables on a ceiling, or even a dance card. It all makes perfect sense now, but why Alex, why didn’t you tell me? Did you really think I would see you as less of a man just because you cannot read or write?’

  He searched her eyes for the slightest sign of insincerity, but they shone with a blinding honesty. She now knew his darkest secret and it didn’t seem to make the slightest difference to how she saw him.

  ‘You don’t think I am some sort of village idiot because of it?’ he said.

  A warm kiss was planted on his ear and Alex chuckled as it tickled him. ‘I said you were a fool, I never said you were stupid. You must have a brilliant mind to be able to recall all that knowledge of ancient Greece. I was impressed beyond words with your performance at the museum.’

  He winced. ‘You don’t think me a terrible brother because I press-ganged Stephen into telling me all he knew of the Elgin marbles and then dragged him out in the cold to come to the museum?’

  She smiled. ‘No, I thought it was rather sweet. You should have seen your brother’s face when you gave your informative lecture to the assembled crowd; he was positively beaming with pride,’ she replied.

  Alex unlocked Millie’s fingers and withdrew his hands. Reaching out, he put his arms around her and pulled her close. At the same time, her arms wrapped tightly around him. Her head came to rest against his chest and as he bent down to kiss her hair, he took a deep breath. The heady scent of Millie filled his lungs.

  Memories of the night he had first kissed her came flooding back. From now on there would be no need to steal away from ballrooms to be alone with her. He knew she would not let go. ‘You have no idea what this means to me,’ he murmured.

  She gave him a playful punch on the back. ‘It means you won’t ever lie to me again.’

  ‘And you won’t be going back to India,’ his replied with conviction. Before she could stop him, he had pulled the ticket out of her coat pocket, screwed it up into a ball and tossed it into the fireplace. It landed in the embers and burst into flames.

  ‘Oh,’ Millie said. ‘It took me all afternoon to handwrite that ticket.’

  Alex laughed. Whether from relief or joy, he didn’t care. Millie was here with him and that was all that mattered. She wasn’t going anywhere without him. ‘I promise to pay you double for the cost of the ticket,’ he replied with a smile.

  She shook her head. ‘Considering how hurt my parents were when they realised I was planning to book a passage back to India, if it had been a real ticket I would consider it an act of karma. I cannot believe I was foolish enough not to realise my father would have known.’

  ‘You did once tell me he could read your mind, and here I was thinking I was about to take on an intelligent wife,’ Alex murmured.

  Millie gasped, but Alex held her tightly. She would not be getting a second punch in.

  ‘You haven’t actually asked me to marry you,’ she replied.

  ‘Yet.’

  She pulled out of his embrace and took a step backward. Alex congratulated himself for the second time on having had the good sense to lock the bedroom door.

  ‘Only if you are sure, and only if I am your first choice,’ she replied. All the humour in her voice was gone and he could tell she was still in need of some convincing. He could not blame her for having her doubts. His behaviour over the previous weeks would give anyone reason to have second thoughts.

  ‘Yes,’ he said, taking her by the hand and walking her over to the tallboy. Opening the top drawer, he took out a small black box. He sank down on bended knee and placed a tender kiss on her fingers before finally speaking his heart’s desire.

  ‘Millie, it was only ever you, and I am sorry I made such a hash of things. But if you would do me the greatest honour possible and become my wife, I shall endeavour to spend the rest of my life trying to make amends.’

  Chapter 23

  ‘Yes.’

  Such a simple word and yet it meant so much to Millie. All the misunderstandings and false hopes were gone. A life’s journey together now beckoned.

  Millie blew the air out of her cheeks and tried not to cry, as Alex placed the diamond ring on her finger.

  She failed.

  ‘It was going to be a sapphire, but I knew it would always pale against the colour of your eyes.’ He came to his feet. ‘There is something else for you to wear. It matches the ring.’ He reached back into the ring box and took out a small diamond nose ring. Smiling, she took the ring and, as she hooked it into place, she felt complete once more.

  ‘Don’t ever change, Millie; to me you are perfect the way you are,’ Alex said, as he took her face in his hands. ‘You are mine now, forever,’ he whispered, as he lowered his head and his lips met hers.

  The kiss was slow at first, tender and uncertain, but as it continued, Millie sensed a change. Alex ran his tongue along her bottom lip and she found her mouth opening in response. His tongue swept past her lips and into her mouth, where it met her tongue and gently stroked it.

  She let out a low groan and gave herself up to the kiss. Softening her lips, she allowed him to possess her completely. Willing in her submission, she knew she had won.

  Alex’s hand glided down the side of Millie’s waist and clutching her hip, he pulled her firmly to him. She felt the evidence of his desire press up against her stomach.

  She gasped an
d stiffened; this was where his kiss had been heading that fateful night.

  All the colourful images she had carefully studied in the Kama Sutra had not prepared her for the intimacy of this moment. The pictures failed to convey the heat and desire she knew both their bodies felt. The man she loved was holding and kissing her. And there was no doubt he wanted her.

  She had risked travelling the dangerous streets of London on her own in order to get to the truth, but if she were honest with herself, beyond confronting Alex, she had not planned for the aftermath.

  He lightened the kiss and drew back. When Millie looked into his eyes, she could see they were clouded with passion.

  ‘Sorry I got a bit carried away then. I didn’t mean to frighten you,’ he said, clearing his throat. ‘I had better take you home. If you are sure of your decision, then I shall call on your father in the morning.’

  Millie felt her lips begin to cool as the heat of Alex’s kiss faded. She looked down at the diamond ring on her finger. ‘No,’ she replied.

  Alex winced and slowly nodded his head. ‘I understand. Of course it was too much to expect you to commit your life to an imbecile,’ he said. ‘Rest assured, no one shall ever know you were here.’

  A giggle found its way to her mouth as she raised her head. ‘Oh, you should see your face right now, Alex; it’s absolutely priceless,’ she said.

  He blinked at her, and then a look of relief appeared on his face. ‘You don’t mean no to me speaking to your father do you?’

  She shook her head.

  ‘You mean no to going home.’

  She nodded her head.

  ‘And am I Alexander the Completely Pathetic?’ he laughed.

  They both nodded in agreement.

  She ran her hand over his chest, until it came to rest over his heart. ‘This is why I must stay tonight. I know my own heart, but I am not convinced you are certain of it or that I love you as well as I should. Until am I completely yours, I believe that uncertainty will remain,’ she said.

  Her fingers drifted to the collar of his shirt and after undoing the first of the buttons, slowly worked their way down his shirtfront until the four remaining buttons were undone. He quickly pulled the shirt over his head, and Millie offered up her mouth once more to him.

  He feasted upon her pliant lips. A true lover’s kiss.

  Millie reached out and found herself touching a man’s bare skin for the first time in her adult life. She felt the light brush of hair on Alex’s chest. He let out a needy groan when her fingers found a nipple and she gently squeezed.

  ‘Minx,’ he whispered into her mouth.

  It was now his turn to tackle her buttons, and Millie shivered with anticipation as he eased her out of her coat. He threw it and the gloves on the chair, where they landed on his recently removed shirt and the oversized hat. The coat was quickly followed by the rest of their clothes.

  ‘I suppose we are a little past the point where I ask you if you are still sure about this?’ Alex said, as he removed the last piece of Millie’s clothing.

  She nodded quickly, and prayed he knew what he was doing. He took her by the hand and led her over to the fireplace. All the while she kept her eyes on his upper torso, fearful that if she looked any lower, all her courage would desert her. She didn’t need to look to understand the state of his arousal.

  He bent down and hurriedly stacked some more logs on the dying embers. Then, pulling the blanket off the end of the bed where he had tossed it, he pulled her close and wrapped it around them both.

  He brushed a stray hair from her face and placed a tender kiss on her nose. ‘Before we go any further, there is something else you need to know,’ he said.

  She gave a quick glance at the fireplace, where her homemade ticket to India was well beyond redemption.

  ‘No, it’s nothing that will result in you having to flee England. It’s what you do to me,’ he said.

  She raised her eyebrows. ‘Yes?’

  ‘The first time we met, you thought I was horrid to you. Which, thinking back on that night, I was.’

  Millie nodded. ‘Go on,’ she replied.

  Alex bit his lip. ‘Do you know what happens between a man and woman? I mean in the sexual sense?’

  She chuckled. ‘Yes, I understand the bits and where things go; I have not lived that much of a sheltered life. They do have animals in India, you know.’ At some point she would share her special picture book with him, and she couldn’t wait to see his face when she did.

  ‘Good. I take it then you understand the effect you are having on me right at this moment?’ he asked.

  She smiled as she rubbed her body against his manhood. Alex closed his eyes and groaned. It was a wonderful, heady feeling to know she wielded such power over him.

  He kissed her lips again.

  ‘The thing is, the moment I laid eyes upon you at your uncle’s ball, you had this effect on me. I thought I was going to faint from the lack of blood to my brain. My father was understandably furious. An experienced gentleman should be able to control his base desires in mixed company,’ he explained.

  ‘Oh,’ she replied, remembering the look of anger she had seen on the Duke of Strathmore’s face as he listened to Lord Ashton’s speech.

  ‘And the disagreement with David was because he got very drunk the next evening and revealed my embarrassing predicament to a number of our friends. As you can understand, I was utterly humiliated and we nearly came to blows. Of course, he has since apologised and we are reconciled.’

  She gave him a sultry smile and murmured, ‘I hope to test the limits of your control on a regular basis, Lord Brooke.’ She gave the door a quick glance. ‘I have a feeling we are going to be in need of a large set of keys with which to lock doors.’

  Alex let out a growl and swiftly took her mouth with his, rendering her incapable of any further speech. His hands came around her waist and he lifted her up off the floor. ‘Wrap your legs around me,’ he ordered, before they went back to kissing.

  Her breasts were now pressed hard against his chest. She brushed them to and fro, enjoying the exquisite sensation that this gave her. Heat pooled between her legs and she found herself becoming breathless.

  He pulled his lips away and whispered. ‘Come to bed, my love.’

  In a grand declaration of intent, she tore the blanket from their bodies and threw it on the end of the bed.

  Alex gently lowered her onto the bed and covered her naked body with his.

  She looked up into his eyes, and saw they shone with joy and wonder. ‘I love you,’ she said. It was the first time she had openly admitted her love for him to anyone.

  ‘You had better love me, because I am about to completely ruin you,’ he chuckled. As Alex began to gently knead her breast with his hand, she closed her eyes and lay back on the bed. When he took her nipple in his mouth and began to suckle, she put a hand over her mouth and stifled a scream.

  The bed shook with his laughter as he continued to tease her sensitive nipple. With her body becoming more heated and flushed by the second, there was little else she could do but lie back and let him ravish her. When he turned and gave her other breast the same attention with his mouth she groaned.

  ‘Make that seduced, ravished and ruined,’ he murmured, as he playfully rolled her nipple between his tongue and his teeth.

  The fingers of his right hand skimmed down the skin on the outside of her thigh, brushed over her knee and then began the journey up the inside of her leg. A single finger brushed over the soft curls of hair covering her most private place, setting her nerves alight.

  As he slipped a finger inside her heat, she gasped. When a second finger followed and he began to stroke, Millie sobbed. ‘Alex.’ He shifted position and found her mouth again, taking it in a hard passionate kiss. He continued to stroke her heat, calling forth her wet desire.

  With the smoldering heat building in her body and threatening to burst into flames at any moment, she thought she would go mad. How much
more of this could she take?

  He removed his fingers from her and, as he raised himself over her, his knees pushed her legs far enough apart for him to settle between them.

  ‘You are ready for me now. You are so hot and so wet. Millie, I have wanted this from the first time I met you. I love you. I always will.’

  His erection parted the lips of her womanhood and he pressed himself slowly into her. She felt her body begin to tense, and willed herself to relax. She had read enough of her brother’s books to know that it only hurt the first time, and if the man was as considerate a lover as he should be, it would barely sting. She placed her trust in Alex, knowing he would be skilled in the ways of loving a woman’s body.

  From this night on, only she would be the judge of his sexual expertise.

  When Alex reached the obstruction of her maidenhead, he stopped. She opened her eyes. Raised up on his arms above her, she saw he was drenched in sweat. His breathing was hard and laboured, as if he had run a hundred-mile race.

  ‘Take me, make me yours,’ she demanded, and grabbed hold of his buttocks. He bent and kissed her once more, and as he did, she felt his hips flex, followed quickly by the overwhelming sensation of taking him inside her as he took her innocence and buried himself deep within her willing body.

  ‘God, Millie,’ he growled.

  The small sting she had felt as Alex entered her quickly faded as he partially withdrew and then slowly filled her body once more.

  Her hands found a home on the side of his grinding hips and she quickly found the rhythm to the dance. Every time he thrust in deep, and his body ground against the opening of her sex, she dug her fingers in, spurring him on.

  The bed creaked loudly as they met each other thrust for thrust and groan for groan.

  Her breathing grew shallow as the pressure within her body built to a peak. Wherever he was taking her, she knew she was nearly there. She tore her lips away from his and looked at him, searching his face for an answer.