Stardust

by Joseph Kanon

There was applause as Julie finished, followed by a dinner gong, one of those handheld xylophones they used on ships.

  “Let’s see where she goes,” Lasner said, his eyes following her off the stage. “She’s going to sit with the family? No, so at least he’s not that crazy. Look at Esther. She’s thanking her, like she’s the help.” He shook his head and turned to Ben. “Hal tells me you’re almost finished with the picture.”

  “Almost.”

  “So we should talk sometime. What you’re going to do next.”

  “That’s up to the Army.”

  “Don’t be a schmuck. I talked to Arnold. They’re doing the papers. Maybe a week, two.”

  Ben nodded a thank-you.

  “My only question is, are you tough enough for this business.”

  “How tough do you have to be?”

  Lasner smiled, pleased with this, then put a finger on Ben’s chest. “We’ll talk. There’s Fay. Go keep an eye on your sister. Dick’s all over her.”

  “He’s supposed to be. That’s the idea. It builds her. For the picture.”

  “Yeah, I know all about that. I still say, somebody tell Dick. He’s god’s gift-he likes to be reminded. Any chance he gets. I know. I’m the one had to pay off the paternity suit. So keep an eye.” He tapped Ben’s chest again. “I tell Bunny, these things get out of hand, you’ve got a mess to deal with, but he doesn’t listen. Like he knows. Dames always think it’s real. Besides she’s supposed to be fresh. Right off the boat. Not another chippie. Look at that.” He nodded to the table, where Dick had put his arm around Liesl.

  “They’re talking to Polly. It’s for her.”

  “Five bucks it’s for him, too.”

  Ben joined them after Polly had gone, sitting between Liesl and Julie, Dick still drawing a blank as they were introduced again. Wine was served with lunch, but instead of feeling logy he was more alert than before, Lasner’s bet planted in his head now, watching Dick touch her, all the usual little moves, claiming territory. She smiled back at him, a public smile, but Ben suddenly saw them on pillows, talking lazily about nothing, smoking. He turned his head, cutting away from it. Julie, who’d been talking to Hal, turned at the same time.

  “That was terrific before,” he said.

  “You’re nice.”

  “No, you were good. You should do a musical.”

  “From your lips,” she said, laughing, rolling her eyes upward. “Mr. Pilcer’s trying to fix something.”

  “At Continental?”

  “I know, no musicals. But maybe a first time. If he can get Mr. Lasner to go for it.”

  Ben looked at her, lips glistening, her pretty face still young, going places. Did she really believe this?

  “But that’s probably not going to happen,” she said, sensible after all. “I mean, the studio’s not really set up for musicals. At Fox-I was there for about five minutes-they had a whole building, all these rooms with pianos. Arrangers. Voice coaches. You know, the whole thing. Maybe I should have done a party, like this. Sang for Zanuck. Anyway, now I’m here.”

  “Where they don’t do musicals.”

  “But here’s the thing-a loan-out? Mr. Pilcer knows people at Metro. He can get a test over to the Freed Unit. You never know. It could happen that way.” Her voice had got faster, a little breathy. “That would be my dream.” Said plainly, too important for irony.

  Ben smiled at her, trying not to look dismayed. The hunger that moved everything here. Did Liesl feel it now, too? Pretending not to care, a European reserve, but there every day at dawn. Maybe, like Julie, doing whatever it took.

  “I hope it works out,” he said blandly. What else did one say?

  “Something will. Mr. Pilcer’s helped lots of people,” she said, looking at him directly, without embarrassment.

  Sam and Esther had got up to dance, a signal to everyone else, and now Liesl and Dick followed, as much an attraction as Julie had been on the bandstand. Wardrobe had done a good job. Beneath the military padded shoulders her dress was soft and flowing, swaying against her long legs. Dick held her in the small of her back, just close enough to brush against her but far enough away to talk. About what? Evening after evening.

  When Sam made a welcoming toast during the first course, Esther at his side, Ben glanced at Julie, curious to see her reaction, but her face gave nothing away, a polite guest. He looked around the rest of the table, imagining for a minute all the invisible ties between them, and it occurred to him that Julie might be the only one who knew exactly where she stood, not measuring love, somebody else’s real feelings, not even wondering. Mr. Pilcer helped people, a simple transaction. But was it ever? What did she feel when she saw him beaming with Jonathan and Esther? People came with strings attached. When you touched someone’s skin, you always touched something else.

  He looked at Liesl, who was skittish, aware of him, aware of Dick, and he thought of that first night, how easy it had been, unplanned. Not calculated, not for a chance at a song, just because it happened. Dick was standing now and leading the woman on his right to the dance floor.

  “Careful with that,” Al Shulman said, joking, apparently his wife.

  “Back in one piece,” Dick said pleasantly.

  “Stop staring at him,” Liesl said in a low voice, even though they were alone. “He’ll think you’re angry with him. Something.”

  “Why would I be? When everybody’s so happy.”

  “Do you think I’m enjoying this? I didn’t make up the tables.”

  “Come and dance.”

  “No.”

  Kanon, Joseph

  Stardust

  “For old times’ sake.” He looked at her. “Otherwise Al Shulman’ll think he has to. Come on, before he gets up.”

  On the dance floor, only half-crowded, he put his hand on her waist, then moved it slowly to her back, drawing her to him with the music. “Easy to Love.” She put her hand in his, making contact, their heads still far apart.

  “I’ve never danced with you before,” she said.

  “No,” he said, feeling her.

  “We never did normal things.”

  “Like what?”

  “Go dancing. Meet in a cafe. Well, that was all before the war.” She looked up at him. “I wonder. If it had been you. In France. If I’d met you. How different everything would have been.”

  They moved together, easier, his hand resting higher now on her back. She came nearer, lowering her head. He touched the back of her neck, just one finger, stroking it gently.

  “Can anyone see?” she said, shivering a little.

  “No.”

  “Don’t,” she said, pulling away a little. “Like dancing class.” She looked at him. “Schicklich.”

  Another minute, just moving.

  “What do I say to you? I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything. We already did that.”

  “And now what? My father was asking about you. Why he never sees you anymore.”

  “What did you tell him?”

  She shrugged. “You’re busy. Both of us. Anyway, he’ll see you tonight.”

  “Tonight?”

  “At the Observatory. With Dieter. You forgot it’s tonight? But you’re coming, yes? He planned it for you.”

  “All of us?”

  “Yes, all. You want me to stay home? What would I say? That it’s awkward now? Just to be in the same room. We have to learn how to do this.” She looked away. “What a mess we’ve made for ourselves. If we’d never started this.”

  “But we did,” he said. “Why did we?” Not really a question, then looking at her, wanting to know. “Why did you?”

  The words hung there for a second, waiting, and he saw something change in her eyes, a flicker of hesitation, then a softening, familiar, the way they’d known each other before.

  “Because I wanted to,” she said, her voice low, like a hook, drawing him closer. “And you. We wanted to.”

  He drew a breath, remembering
the dress slipping off her shoulders, his mouth on her back, excited, both of them wanting it. He felt his lower body now against hers. The same. Not the same. But still drawn in.

  He leaned forward, whispering. “Come with me. Now. Just come.”

  She pulled her head back. “Are you crazy?” she said, barely audible. “We can’t.” A little breathless, panicky, everything happening on the dance floor, people around them.

  “Just for a minute. Come outside.”

  “How can-?”

  “Go to the ladies’ room. Take the door out to the courts. Just for a minute.”

  Her eyes were shining, excited now too, catching his eagerness, stealing just a minute.

  “Now. I’ll tell him. A minute.”

  “My purse. I can’t go to the ladies’ without my purse.” Complicit.

  She drew him by the hand, hurrying to the table before the others, picking up her bag.

  “The door out to the courts. Down the hall,” he said, but she had already gone, both of them caught up in a rush, not caring, as if they were throwing off clothes.

  Dick returned with Mrs. Shulman.

  “Liesl’s gone to the ladies’,” Ben said casually. “Can I bring you something from the bar?”

  When Dick said no, Ben started across. You always ran into somebody at the bar, it was bound to take a while to pick up a drink. Minutes, longer. He disappeared behind the crowd and out of the Grove.

  The Ambassador had courts and a pool behind the main wing, country club grounds. As he went through the side door he saw, in a blink, the studio cars grouped near the driveway, their drivers smoking in the shade, prepared to wait all day, like coachmen in a period picture, but then he saw her waiting for him, there first, and he took her arm without thinking, pressing her against the wall, and kissed her, his mouth already open.

  “We can’t. Not here,” she said.

  Without leaving her mouth, he moved her away against the adjoining wall behind a tree.

  “Jonathan has to light candles,” he said into her neck, moving back to another kiss. “Name all the relatives.” His mouth on hers again. “It’ll take hours.”

  “How do you know?”

  “It always does. Ssh.” An open kiss now, no time for talking, excited by the wet, by knowing she was here, wanting to. He leaned closer, pressing against her breasts.

  “Oh,” she said, finally breaking the kiss, gulping air. “I hate this.”

  “No you don’t,” he said, sure now, nuzzling her, feeling her respond.

  “Not this,” she said, moving her neck with him.

  “What?”

  She pulled her head back, breathing hard. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I used to know what I was doing. Now I-” She looked down. “One minute-now look at us. I’m not like this.”

  “Everybody’s like this.”

  “I don’t mean that. I don’t know myself anymore. I used to know-” She broke off. “But I was wrong, wasn’t I? All those years, I thought I knew and it wasn’t true.”

  He leaned forward again, but she put her hand up.

  “No, we have to go back.” She took a breath, calming herself, then smiled. “Tonight. Come tonight.”

  “Too many people,” he said, his face close.

  She moved her hand up to his cheek. “Not after. When they go to bed,” she said. “Not then. It’s what you want, isn’t it?”

  “If you do.”

  She nodded. “Yes,” she said, then looked down. “Another mess. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I want to do it anyway.” She brought up her purse and took out a handkerchief, reaching over and wiping lipstick from the corner of his mouth, then stopped, looking at him for a minute.

  The door slammed open. They both turned, Ben shielding her. Bunny. Her eyes widened, her fingers clutching him. But Bunny was preoccupied, never glancing to the side, heading straight for the studio cars.

  “He didn’t see,” Ben whispered. “Just stay still. What do you think happened? He’s running.”

  “I don’t care. If he looks-”

  “He’ll just see the tree. Why come out this way?”

  Bunny summoned one of the drivers with his fingers, then jumped into the backseat.

  “It’s early to leave,” Ben said as the car began to start down the driveway. He turned to Liesl. “Make some excuse for me. I’ll be back later.”

  “What excuse?”

  “Don’t say anything then. They’ll think I got lucky at the bar.” He touched her shoulder. “Later.”

  “But where-?”

  He ran out from behind the trees and darted into the lot, looking down the driveway to see which way Bunny turned on Wilshire, then raced back to his car, taking his keys out as he ran. It took two blocks before he got Bunny’s car in sight, hemmed in by Saturday traffic headed for the department stores. Maybe he was going back to the studio, a minor crisis to settle, but they passed all the logical turnoffs for Continental and after a turn on Sunset, Ben knew they must be heading for Bunny’s apartment on Ivar. Maybe he’d just had enough and decided to go home.

  Ben parked at the bottom of the block as Bunny got out, thanked the driver, and headed down into the basement garage. Why change cars? A Continental driver would take Bunny anywhere he wanted to go. Ben waited for a few minutes, watching the street, empty and sunny. Then Bunny’s car appeared up out of the driveway and turned back toward Sunset. Ben ducked. When he sat up again Bunny’s car was already at the next corner.

  The first blocks on Ivar were tricky because there were no other cars, but on Sunset Ben managed to put a few between them, staying far enough back to avoid being seen. Still heading west, past Highland and Hollywood High, commercial blocks of drive-ins and offices with blinds. Ben anticipated a turning somewhere, but Bunny stayed on Sunset, past Fairfax and then through the Strip, where Dick Marshall took Liesl dancing. I don’t know what I’m doing. But she wanted him to come. And how would he explain this, tracking Bunny? But he wouldn’t have just left in the middle of lunch. Sam would notice.

  There was a close moment in Beverly Hills, at the light before the hotel, when the car ahead turned and Ben found himself just behind. He pulled down the sun visor so that Bunny would only see the bottom of his face, then waited until someone had cut in before following again. The streets were quieter here and they picked up some time, Bunny actually running one of the lights. Still heading west, past UCLA, then down the hill past the Bel-Air gates. This endless city- where was he going? In a while they’d be in the Palisades. One of the emigres’ houses, on the steep slopes of the canyon? Why not Paseo Miramar? They were through the village now. If he didn’t turn soon, they’d be at the ocean. Ben imagined him making the hard right and climbing the cliff, past Feuchtwanger’s, past the lonely turn where Genia’s car had gone straight. Did MacDonald live up there, one of the neighbors Lion hadn’t met? He slowed a little, ready to make the turn.

  But Bunny didn’t stop, sailing past Paseo Miramar, all the way to the Pacific, and turning north on the coast highway, the sun flashing off the flat blue water. Ben kept following, confused now. They had reached the end, joining the steady stream of traffic going out of town. Ventura? Who lived this far away, where Bunny didn’t want to take a studio car? Ben checked his gas gauge-they could be going anywhere. Then suddenly Bunny’s turning signal started flashing, just before a narrow opening in the cliffs. Not a major road, not even signposted. Ben slowed, watching Bunny turn, but then drove past. Impossible to miss a car behind you on that road. He continued until a break in the traffic let him pull left in a U-turn and double back to Bunny’s road.

  What if it were a private driveway, Bunny’s car already invisible in a garage? At first there seemed to be no houses at all, just tall, wild grass. The road switched back as it climbed, the guard rail just like the one Genia had crashed through. A first house, with two cars in front, neither of them Bunny’s, then a modern, glass-fronted house, looking empty. Ben climbed again, another switchback, and the land l
eveled out, a straight stretch and then a clump of trees and a huge building, stucco with balconies, one of the big Mediterranean beach houses they’d built in the twenties, this one stuck on top of the hill for the views. In the white gravel forecourt there was a half circle of parked cars, Bunny’s at the end. Ben hesitated for a second, not sure what to do next, then pulled in beside it. The checks came to the studio. He had to be somewhere.

  Ben got out and looked around. Why so many cars? But he remembered Iris’s car at the house, a city where even maids drove. The morning fog had burned off and there was a breeze. He walked around to the side. The back of the house faced the water, with balconies large enough for outdoor furniture, a chaise to lie on in the salt air. Walking trails had been cut into the bluff. He went back to the forecourt. Someone was coming out, a girl with a sweater over a white blouse-no, over a white uniform, with white shoes.

  “The desk is just inside. If you’re looking for somebody,” she said, helping.

  He nodded a thank-you and watched her get into her car. Not a private house, but not really a hospital, either, not up this secondary road. He was still standing there, thinking, when Bunny came out and lit a cigarette. He saw Ben and froze, neither of them moving, then hurried over, throwing the cigarette away.

  “What are you doing here?” he said, his voice almost a growl. “Are you following me?”

  “You said you hadn’t seen him in years, but you get his checks. He lived at the Cherokee. So did Danny. I have a right to know.”

  “A right.”

  “Is he here?”

  “What do you want?”

  “Was he there that night? Is that what you were really trying to fix?”

  He looked at Ben, his eyes flashing, moving from fury to contempt, his whole body tense, unsettled. And then he quieted, a giving way, and Ben noticed what he’d missed before, the pale skin, the eyes close to brimming, face haunted, like someone after an accident.

  “You want to see Jack, is that it?”

  “What is this place?”

  “It’s where he lives now. Come and see,” he said, turning, his voice sharp.

  Ben grabbed his arm, stopping him. “Just tell me one thing. Was he there that night?”