Nothing Lasts Forever

by Jaxson Kidman

  He stood there and watched Sawyer, Kate, and Jason walk out the back door of the tattoo shop.

  “Daddy over here,” I said with a grin. “How’s it all working out?”

  “It’s going,” Tate said. “Things are moving along. It’s tricky sometimes. But I love that kid, Axel. I regret all the time I missed out on. But I can’t go back. Right?”

  “Can’t go back, man,” I said.

  “Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

  “Let me have it then,” I said.

  “Office?”

  “No. I don’t hide behind walls.”

  “Fair enough. You stubborn asshole. I want you over at the new place. I want you running it.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “You heard me,” Tate said.

  “No. Not a chance. You have Sawyer. He’s the owner of the place…”

  “I’m not asking you to own it,” he said. “I’m asking you to run it. I need a hard-nosed prick that won’t take bullshit. I need someone there who is tough and knows the business. That’s you.”

  “There are plenty of other guys here that can run the new shop.”

  “I know that,” Tate said. “But I want you to do it. You’re good at what you do. You’re meant to do this. It’ll help us out.”

  “You’re putting the trust of running the new shop into my hands?”

  “Yup.”

  “Tate, I’m fucking hungover right now,” I said. “I’ve got a thing back in my apartment that I’m hoping is gone by the time I get home. I’m already thinking about my first drink when I’m done working here.”

  “I know,” he said. “I know more about what’s behind those eyes of yours, Axel, than anyone else in the world.”

  “Not anyone, Tate,” I said.

  He nodded. “Right. Just me and one other person.”

  “Let me think about it,” I said. “I came in here to get some work done, and now you’re bothering me about running a shop.”

  “You know, most people would take a promotion as a sign of a good thing,” Tate said. “We didn’t even get to talk about money.”

  “I’m not worried about that shit,” I said. “I just want to be here right now, Tate. Tattoo some people. Let the rest of the world pass me by for a goddamn minute.”

  “Okay,” Tate said. “I have to admit, I didn’t think this conversation would go like this.”

  “What did you expect from me?” I asked, taking off my sunglasses. “You thought I was going to jump up and down and celebrate? Hug and kiss you?”

  Tate laughed. “You’re such an asshole, Axel. You make everyone else around here look like angels.”

  “Then there’s my legacy,” I said.

  I made a fist and patted it against Tate’s shoulder.

  I walked to the counter and told Danielle that I was open for appointments or just walk-ins.

  Twenty minutes later, I was sketching a picture of a skull and a rose. The original picture itself was pretty cliché, but I understood what the woman wanted. Go figure, right? Between the sheets, I had things covered. Sitting in my leather chair, getting inked up, I had things covered. Anything other than that, the battle between me and women went deep. Not that I made things easy for anyone, forever adding bricks to the wall I took pride in putting up. And to think, there had only ever been one person in the world who had the right tools to chip away at that wall. But even that didn’t work out.

  I took a break from the sketch and looked down at my left hand.

  Nobody else but me could still see the mark where the wedding ring used to be.

  3.

  I wiped her slender shoulder and gently touched the needle to her skin for the last little bit of coloring. I had to press a little harder to make sure that I got the dark red needed for the rose. She hung tough through the entire tattoo, considering it was her first. I asked her if she wanted to talk or just get this done. She kept her gaze forward, earbuds in her ears, and that was that.

  Which was good with me.

  A lot of the guys liked to talk. They liked to hear the stories, get involved, become part of the tattoo. Which was all amazing. But that wasn’t my style. I didn’t need to be part of the story. I just needed to do my damn job and bring this ink to life. Whatever was going through this woman’s heart and head was her business, not mine.

  Hell, maybe that’s why Tate wanted me to head up the new shop. That came out of left field for me though. I never thought in a hundred years that he would have asked me that kind of question. It was something to think about though. Like, really think about.

  I finished the last of the coloring and inched away.

  I wiped her shoulder down again and stopped.

  It took her a few seconds to realize I was done. She turned her head and ripped her earbuds out. Her eyes went down to her shoulder and her eyes went wide.

  “You’re all set,” I said. “Looks great.”

  “It looks amazing,” she said. “Like, really amazing.”

  I laughed as I started to patch up the tattoo. I ran through the usual stuff about how to take care of it. And since it was her first one, I even gave her a little care card, plus my card in case she had any questions.

  She only had one question.

  When was I available again?

  I told her to make an appointment whenever she was ready for the next.

  It was definitely an addicting world to enter.

  After walking her to the counter to pay, she turned and offered her hand.

  “I’m Amy,” she said. “Sorry. I never said my name.”

  “I’m Axel,” I said with a grin.

  “Is that your real name?” she asked.

  “Is Amy yours?” I asked with a wink.

  “Right,” she said. “Hopefully I’ll see you soon.”

  “You know where to find me,” I said.

  I shook her hand and then set my sights on the next person wandering around the front of the shop. That’s when my back pocket started to vibrate. It kept going, telling me that someone was calling me.

  I slipped my phone out of my pocket and looked at the screen.

  I let out a hmm sound as I nodded.

  “I know that look,” a voice said.

  I looked up and Cass stood there with a cocky grin on his face.

  “What look is that?” I asked.

  “That’s not a call you want to get,” Cass said. “Another one-night hangover?”

  I curled my lip. “No, asshole. It’s my ex-wife calling.”

  The more shocking part… I hadn’t talked to her in years.

  Three

  *PRESENT DAY*

  SHELBY

  1.

  I bit the corner of my thumb so hard, I winced and pulled my hand away in pain.

  “Shit,” I said.

  “Did you call?”

  “Hold on,” I snapped. “I’m looking for his number.”

  Lie.

  I had the number. I never lost it. For the very rare occasion that I would ever need to talk to him again. I had his number on the screen for the last five minutes, debating on how this conversation was going to go. If I could keep things right on course, then the call wouldn’t be so bad. But this wasn’t just any phone call. This was me calling my ex. And not just any ex.

  My ex-husband.

  Which I hated the sound of.

  It made me feel like I’d failed at something big in life. Even years later, just hearing ex-husband made me cringe.

  “Do you mind if I smoke in here?”

  I looked over my shoulder at Stacy as she sat at the table with bags under her eyes. She was pretty - no, beautiful - but the last year had taken its toll on her. There wasn’t anything else that she could have done for Den. She was there every step of the way throughout his wicked life.

  And now it was all gone.

  Stacy was my stepsister, but in our hearts, we were real sisters. Blood meant nothing to us, especially because of the way we grew up. Bounc
ing left and right like we were stuffed animals, never really understanding who was who or where our next meal was coming from. But it made us closer.

  “Yeah, go ahead,” I said. “I need a cigarette myself.”

  Stacy looked back at me. “I thought you quit.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Two years ago. Even still…”

  “Right,” she said. “The addiction thing.”

  She lowered her head and cried.

  “Shit,” I whispered.

  I turned off my phone screen and hurried to her for the hundredth time so far today. Which was fine. It was my job to be there for her. She had been there for me when things went bad with Axel. I slept on her couch for months. I disrupted her relationship with Den for a while too. And I knew that what happened with Axel was also hard on her because she loved him as much as I did, but in a far different way. She thought of him as a big brother and looked to him to teach Den how to be a man.

  There were times when it was good. When it was fun. When the four of us lived a life that seemed way too good to be true.

  Which came crumbling down.

  I held Stacy tightly as she cried, her hands balled into fists against my back, hitting me over and over.

  “I know, sweetie,” I said. “I know.”

  “Say something else,” Stacy said as she pulled away. She looked up and wiped her eyes. “Ohmygod, Shel, please say something else.”

  “I don’t know what to say without being cliché and hurtful,” I said.

  “Give it to me. I need that right now.”

  “Okay,” I said as I slowly stood back up. “He’s not suffering anymore, Stac. He’s not in pain. He’s not fighting that need. He’s not feeling guilty for doing that behind your back. I know you’re suffering right now, but you have to believe that he’s not. And maybe in some way… you’re free now.”

  Stacy knocked a cigarette out of her pack and stuck it between her lips. She lit it and took a deep drag. She looked at me with puffy eyes and smoke leaking from between her lips. Her lips were always thick and pouty. I was jealous of those lips.

  “Thanks,” she said. “You want?”

  She offered me the cigarette and I shook my head. “I was only kidding.”

  “Not really,” she said. “You look ready to chew your fingers off. I said I would call him.”

  “No,” I said. “I have to do it.”

  “I just can’t imagine him not knowing,” Stacy said. “I know that he and Den weren’t that close. I mean, we sort of forced that friendship, right?”

  “Yeah, we did,” I said.

  “I think Axel thought Den was a loser.”

  “To be fair, we all did,” I said with a smile.

  “Bitch,” Stacy said as her voice cracked. She took another drag of the cigarette and blew the smoke right across my kitchen. “I just need him to know. I miss him.”

  “I know,” I said.

  It hurt my heart to hear Stacy say that. She was grieving though. And when it came to this kind of grieving, she wanted Axel to hug her and tell her that it would be okay. It also didn’t help that she was drinking and self-medicating. It seemed like a hypocritical move to make, considering what had happened to Den, but the last thing I wanted was for Stacy to go way off the deep end and get lost. And I mean really lost.

  Plus, this phone call had nothing to do with us. Nothing to do with me and Axel. He and Den were friends. Stacy needed him as the older brother figure he always was to her. I respected it. Even if it hurt.

  “Have you called him yet?” she asked.

  “No,” I said. “I will though.”

  “Right now?”

  My mouth went dry. I moved my tongue twenty times, trying to calm a little.

  “Yeah… I’ll call right now.”

  2.

  Stacy smoked an entire pack of cigarettes. My apartment stunk from the stale smell. She’d crashed on the couch, cradling a bottle of vodka like a child with a teddy bear. I wrestled the bottle from her hands and put the cap back on. I left the bottle on the table, just in case she woke up looking for a drink. Good news was that I’d managed to get her sleeping medication and she hadn’t touched one all day.

  I walked through the kitchen with a can of air freshener, holding it in the air, spraying, waving my arm back and forth. I opened the kitchen window and turned on the ceiling fan, desperate to get the smell of smoke out.

  It was amazing how I’d never noticed the smell until I quit.

  Not to mention that the smell made me think of…

  My phone buzzed on the counter.

  I put the can of air freshener on the table and saw the name across the screen.

  “Axel,” I whispered.

  Leave it to him to call me back hours later.

  I touched my phone and knew that I had to make my decision, like, right now. To answer or not. I looked at the couch and bit my lip. Stacy needed to see Axel. Then we could move forward without the world of Den. Without the worry, heartache, headache, and pain. It would take time to heal…

  “Shit,” I said as I took the call.

  I shut my eyes and put the phone to my ear.

  I remembered the last time I talked to Axel. The exact conversation we had in our kitchen together. From that point, all communication was done through lawyers and paperwork.

  “Hello?”

  His voice was as deep as ever. It reverberated through my entire body, head to toe.

  “Hello? Shelby?”

  I sucked in a breath. “Hey… I… Axel?”

  “Shelby,” he said. “Are you okay?”

  I let my breath out slowly. “Hey. Sorry about that. I was… cleaning…”

  Cleaning? Really? When the hell have I ever actually cleaned?

  “You? Cleaning?” Axel asked. “Is that what you called to tell me?”

  “What? No. Shut up.”

  “Shut up? You called me.”

  “Hours ago,” I said. “And you’re just calling me back now?”

  “I have this thing called a life,” Axel said.

  “Oh, right. A life. I wonder what that’s like.”

  Am I really trying to take cheap shots? For what reason?

  “So you called to pick up where we left off,” Axel said. “I feel like I’ve stepped back in time a little here.”

  I touched my forehead and sighed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean… whatever.”

  “Okay,” he said. “So I’ll start over. Hey, Shel, what’s going on? How are you?”

  “Hey, Axel,” I said. “Things have been hectic. You know, life stuff. I didn’t mean to bother you. You know I would only call if it were something really important.”

  “Which I assume you’re going to get to soon enough here?”

  “Yeah. Right. Sorry. Stacy needs you.”

  “Stacy? Your sister?”

  “Yeah. Den died.”

  “Oh, shit,” Axel said. He took a deep breath. “What happened?”

  “He lost his battle, if you know what I mean,” I said.

  “Fuck. He couldn’t get away from it?”

  “No. He just got out of rehab not too long ago. But he went right back into it. Head first. Worse than ever. I think in the back of his mind, he wanted this to happen. Just to end it all.”

  “Yeah,” he said. “He was always messed up, it seemed. And your damn sister was too far gone on him to realize it.”

  “No, she realized it. She knew it. She had this romantic dream of fixing him. That never happened.”

  “Hey, I’m really sorry,” Axel said. “I never really got to know him all that well. But I know that he meant a lot to your sister.”

  “Yeah, well, she’s asking for you,” I said. “She’s really having a hard time.”

  “What am I supposed to do for her?”

  “Axel, come on. You know she always looked up to you,” I said. “You were like the big brother she never had. Everything that happened…”

  “I don’t want to talk about that,” Axel quick
ly snapped. “What do you need me to do?”

  “Tell her it’s going to be okay,” I said. “She’s obviously grieving. And she keeps asking for you, Axel. She begged me all day to call you. It was the only way I could get her to calm down a little.”

  “Where is she right now?”

  “Sleeping on the couch. Drank and smoked herself stupid.”

  “Still smoking, huh?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What about you?”

  “What about me?”

  “Are you still smoking?” Axel asked.

  I grinned and shook my head. “No, Axel, I’m not.”

  “You finally quit, huh?”

  “Yes. I finally quit.”

  “For good?”

  “For good.”

  “That’s good to hear,” he said. “You’ll live longer for it.”

  “And I’m sure you’ve quit drinking, right?” I asked.

  “What does that have to do with you smoking?”

  I opened my mouth, but held back. “Nothing. Listen, I know this is weird. I know that we haven’t talked in a long time. I’m worried about Stacy. She wants to see you. So you tell me what to do now.”

  “I get to tell you what to do, huh?” Axel asked with a small laugh.

  “You know what I mean,” I said, my cheeks getting hot.

  Axel laughed harder.

  “Seriously,” I said. “I can bring her to the tattoo shop if you want. Or you could come… here…”

  “And where is here?” he asked.

  “She’s staying at my place,” I said. “But I can take her to hers. Not sure how she’ll do there though because there’s still some of Den’s stuff there.”

  “Yeah, we should do it there then,” he said. “Her place. She live in the same apartment?”

  “Yeah,” I said.

  There was a small rush of memories that snuck through a hole in the dam I’d worked hard to build up to keep myself protected from Axel and everything that happened.

  “Okay,” Axel said. “Why don’t you let me know what day or time works best. I can rearrange my schedule for whatever she needs. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do or say, Shel. I mean, the guy was always messed up. She just tried to turn it into what we had.”