Nothing Lasts Forever

by Jaxson Kidman

  Now that got all my attention.

  “An appointment?”

  “No. She wanted to talk to you. Said she wanted to talk about the other night.”

  “The other night,” I said.

  I pushed by Sawyer and jumped at the door.

  The other night… Shelby was here…

  2.

  My eyes searched for the curves that used to give my hands purpose outside of tattooing. But I had zero luck in finding what I was looking for.

  Instead, I saw Stacy looking through a book of tattoos that she had taken off the shelf.

  I gritted my teeth for a second.

  “Stac,” I called out.

  She turned and smiled big. “I like this one.”

  I walked toward the book and she pointed to a sunflower with a lady bug on it.

  “Yeah?” I asked. “Doesn’t fit you.”

  “No? Which one would then?”

  I flipped through the book and stopped at a picture of a devil with its tongue sticking out, blood dripping from its eyes and a nose ring.

  “This,” I said.

  Stacy laughed. “Sure. I’ll take that one right now.”

  I slammed the book shut. “Let’s go.”

  “Stop,” she said. “Uh… can we talk somewhere?”

  “Yeah, sure,” I said. “Follow me.”

  I led the way back to my room and opened the door for her. Of course that was the exact moment that Prick opened his door, ushering a woman out. He looked at me, looked at Stacy’s ass, then looked at me again. He tilted his head to the side, raised an eyebrow, and nodded. I showed him one of my middle fingers and promised myself I’d handle that situation later.

  “What’s going on?” I asked as I shut the door and pointed to my stool for Stacy to sit.

  She leaned against the table next to the wall instead. “Nothing.”

  “So nothing brought you here?” I asked.

  “Well, not nothing. But nothing. I mean, I just wanted to say thanks for talking to me.”

  “Yeah, no problem,” I said.

  “I’m still not okay with everything that happened.”

  “I wouldn’t be,” I said. “Nobody said you had to be.”

  Stacy waved a hand. “That’s not why I’m here, Axel. I don’t want to talk about Den anymore. He’s gone. I have to live with it.”

  “Okay. Then why are you here?”

  “I’m thinking about going on a trip or something,” she said. “I don’t know. To clear my head a little. Nothing too crazy. Couple of nights at the beach or something should help me.”

  “I’m not a trip planner,” I said with a grin. “If you need a tattoo, I’m your guy. But if you’re looking for the best hotel deal, you’re in the wrong place.”

  “Axel, be quiet,” Stacy said. “I’m telling you this because I’m worried about Shelby.”

  And there it was… the real reason that Stacy was here. Not that it completely surprised me to have my ex-wife’s name brought up.

  I sucked in a deep breath.

  “Worried, why?”

  “It’s hard to explain,” she said. “She just doesn’t seem like herself lately.”

  “Well, she’s had a rough go, Stac.” I lowered my eyes and made it clear what I was talking about with Stacy.

  “Yeah, true,” she said. “I’m a pain in the ass.”

  “You are. So is Shelby.”

  “And you too,” Stacy said.

  “Me? What did I do wrong?”

  Stacy laughed. “Oh, I don’t think we have enough time for that conversation right now.”

  “True,” I said. “So you came all the way here to tell me that you’re going to clear your mind and that your sister isn’t acting herself lately. And what’s that supposed to mean to me?”

  “You know her.”

  “I knew her,” I said. “We haven’t been together in a long time. In case you missed the news, Stac, we got divorced. That’s not just a break up. That’s a big fucking deal.”

  “I know that,” Stacy said. “You know, she wasn’t the only one who lost you.”

  I looked down and nodded. “I know. Me keeping my distance was to help her. And I’m sorry if that hurt you.”

  “Help her? Everything that happened with you two…”

  “Okay, that’s where this conversation stops,” I said. “Sorry, Stac, but you know nothing of what you’re trying to say. It’s not that simple.”

  “You know what? Fuck you, Axel.” She stepped toward me. “Fuck you. I would give anything for one more conversation with Den.”

  “That’s you, not me,” I said. “Did you really come here for this?”

  “For what?”

  “To compare my divorce to your boyfriend’s death? That won’t justify what happened. To any of us.”

  “You’re an asshole,” she spat at me.

  I nodded. “Yeah, I am. I never once denied that.”

  “Whatever. I shouldn’t have come here. This was a mistake. Pretend I wasn’t here.”

  I blinked my eyes. “Done.”

  “Really?”

  “Stacy, please don’t do this.”

  “I’m not doing anything.”

  “You should take care of yourself,” I said. “Yourself. Nobody else. You did something amazing for Den. I hope you know that. Everything you did may never come back to you, and that hurts me. But now you get to move forward. Fully move forward.”

  “Thanks for saying that,” Stacy said.

  I backed up and reached for the door. I opened it and smiled.

  Stacy got close and I threw my free arm around her for a quick hug.

  “Please take care of yourself,” I whispered.

  “I will,” she said. She looked up at me. “I just don’t want Shelby to get lost again.”

  “Again?” I asked.

  “Nothing. I guess I’ll be in touch at some point in life.”

  “Hey, you can call me or text me anytime you need. Stop in, even. I don’t mind.”

  “What if Shelby did?”

  “Stac…”

  “Right, sorry.”

  She made it a handful of steps before I gave a quick whistle.

  Stacy stopped and looked over her shoulder.

  “Is she okay? Honestly.”

  “Maybe you should ask her yourself.”

  She smiled and walked away.

  I made a fist and shook my head.

  This wasn’t happening. I was living the best part of divorce, which was not dealing with any of the bullshit that came when you promised someone the rest of your life. And with a few signatures and big payments to lawyers, that promise was legally allowed to be broken.

  “Well, that was fast,” Prick said as he turned the corner, nodding at Stacy as she left the shop.

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Oh, I don’t need to know,” he said. “I can see. That’s a fine piece of ass that just walked out of here.”

  I stepped forward. “Say something again and I’m going to punch you.”

  “What? Don’t tell me you blew it with her. Or did she blow…”

  I may have broken my promise with Shelby, but I was going to keep mine with Prick.

  I punched him.

  3.

  I had to appreciate how quickly everyone came to Prick’s rescue. As though I was going to actually attack him and keep going until he was really hurt. Or worse. In a matter of a few seconds, Tate, Sawyer, and Maddox were there grabbing at me, pulling me back. Then came Cass and Zayne, standing next to Prick as he climbed back to his feet after I knocked his ass down.

  “I warned you,” I called out.

  “What the hell is this?” Tate asked.

  “Management,” I said.

  “Management?” Tate growled. “You punched him.”

  “He deserved it.”

  “I don’t doubt that,” Cass said. “But still…”

  “Christ, man,” Prick said. “I was just admiring
your girl out there.”

  “Your girl?” Sawyer asked.

  “I’m going to kill him for real,” I said to Tate.

  “Easy, Axel,” Tate said. He patted my chest. “Killing Prick does nothing.”

  “Who’s your girl?” Sawyer asked.

  I backed away. “It was fucking Stacy. She stopped by to say hello. She’s going through some rough shit and needed my help.”

  “Stacy,” Tate said. “As in…”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Shelby’s sister.” I looked at Prick. “My ex-wife’s sister.”

  “Ah, shit,” Prick said. “That’s my bad.” He waved a hand. “Yeah, I deserved that punch.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “With that said though, is she single?”

  “Who?” I asked.

  “Either one,” Prick said with a grin.

  Cass jumped forward in front of Prick as I made my move toward him.

  Tate and Sawyer hooked their arms into mine, but I was still able to move them like they were nothing.

  “We have a shop full of people,” Tate said. “He’s breaking your balls, man. Don’t let him win.”

  I gritted my teeth.

  Prick laughed. “You need to relax a little, Axel.”

  “You two morons had better let me go,” I said.

  “Don’t do anything stupid,” Sawyer said.

  I stretched my neck and rubbed my jaw.

  “Axel, come for a ride with me,” Tate said. “I want to go and check out the new shop. See what progress has been made.”

  “No,” I said. “I don’t need that shit. I don’t need any fucking pity or anything right now.”

  “Pity?” Tate asked. “Bro, I want you to see the shop. Give me some thoughts.”

  “Not today,” I said.

  “I’m going to grab some lunch,” Prick said.

  “You do that,” I said. “Keep your fucking mouth shut too.”

  “That’s enough,” Cass said. “Christ, Prick, can’t you help yourself?”

  “I have a name to fit,” Prick said.

  I shook my head as they walked away, leaving me alone with Tate and Sawyer.

  “What’s going on?” Tate asked. “I know this side of you.”

  “Nothing,” I said.

  “Hey, brother, if you’re going to go running again, just give us a heads up. I know the thing with Kate…”

  “Shut it,” I growled at Sawyer.

  Tate grabbed Sawyer’s shoulder. “Walk away, Saint.”

  “Yeah,” Sawyer said. “No problem.”

  There I was, pouring fresh gasoline on bridges that were already burned to ashes.

  Now I faced off with Tate.

  He just stood there, eyes locked to mine. He knew better than to push at me.

  Instead, he made a fist and put it to my chest and pushed. He gave a nod and walked away.

  Ashes were smoldering all around me, and I looked toward the front door of St. Skin with one thought racing through my mind.

  Was Shelby actually okay, or not?

  4.

  I looked at the same damn beer for almost two hours as the background noise of the bar got louder and more annoying by the second. Little Mikey’s was packed for a random weeknight and Pecker ran his ass off up and down the bar.

  My eyes kept going to Dirt as he played pool with some woman who’d had one too many drinks. She was dressed to kill, obviously knowing what she wanted out of the night, but that didn’t bother me. What did, was the way she goaded Dirt into teaching her how to play pool. As though she never held a pool stick in her life. Now, anyone in Hundred Falls Valley knew that Dirt and his crew didn’t get along with the St. Skin crew. But this wasn’t a vibe based on that. This was pure jealousy. Almost goddamn embarrassing to admit to myself as I sat there and eyed Dirt as he stood behind the woman, sliding his hands along her bare arms, bending her over, going with her, laughing as he showed her how to take a shot.

  I groaned under my breath because I saw myself standing there doing the same damn thing. Not with some strange woman. And not with Dirt either.

  But with Shelby.

  Christ, it was such a cheap move to make on a woman, but it was one worth doing to Shelby, because that was her way of opening the door for more with me when she’d had a few extra drinks and was feeling really good about herself. And to think that every guy in the goddamn bar was looking at her, flirting with her in their minds, wishing they were me. And I was the one who could slip my hand into hers and walk her right out of the bar and take her home to remind her why she was with me.

  I turned and faced my beer again.

  The glass was sweating like crazy.

  Normally, I’d be on my fourth or fifth and letting all this shit in my mind die out.

  But in that moment, I gave a damn about my phone more than my beer.

  Now that was the crime of the century.

  Finally, I stood up and put a ten dollar bill under the check. I didn’t even bother to say goodbye to Pecker as I walked through the back of the bar. The smell of wings cooking. The smell of the dishwasher.

  Outside, I took a deep breath in of the calmness of the night.

  I reached into my pocket and growled under my breath as I looked at the screen.

  What I never got to say to you.

  That no matter what, I’ll always have your back. You can call me in a year, ten years, whatever you need, and I’ll be there to catch you if you fall. I promise I’ll do my best to never love you again, because that road isn’t good for either of us. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care, and that doesn’t mean you should be left alone in life. I can’t keep the biggest promises in life, but I can give you my words right now…

  I shut my eyes and saw myself sitting at that damn kitchen table, writing the letter by hand. A mostly empty bottle of whiskey next to me as I penned it.

  When I finished writing it, I did the right thing.

  I ripped it up and threw it out.

  I couldn’t fuck with her heart… then.

  But now?

  Shit, if our hearts were still messed up from what happened, what did it matter?

  Seven

  *PRESENT DAY*

  SHELBY

  1.

  I considered life to be nothing more than the chance at survival. Those who planned all their steps and followed them, well, they were different to me. I never understood that concept of having it all put down on paper, like you were taking a road trip. Especially in life, because we all knew the destination. We know the ending, but we don’t know when.

  But at the same time, as I curled up on my couch with a blanket, thinking about my day, I started to dream of that kind of life. Where things were planned out. Where the bills were assumed to be taken care of. Where I saved for a vacation or a new car or something for myself. Or maybe a life where I just did anything I wanted without worry.

  Well, that was sort of my life, just with the feeling of being knocked down to the ground because of everything that happened.

  There was an artist’s heart inside me that began beating when I was a little kid. Unlike most little girls, I didn’t have the chance to have tea parties because I didn’t have enough stuffed animals, nor did I have a tea set or a table… or even my own bedroom for that matter. So what I used to do was draw tea parties. I’d work really hard on my drawings, hide them under a pillow, and then at night, I would sneak a flashlight into bed and pull the covers over my head and look at the drawing. I’d get lost in it all. I’d pretend to be in the tea party and waste away time in a world that I so wanted to be real.

  That life led me into more art stuff. Drawing. Writing. Even learning how to do sculpting. The allure of becoming a true artist. Only I fell in love with a tattoo artist, married him, lost him, and now I worked for a fancy gift shop thirty hours a week, where I got to package together beautiful looking gift sets that were probably rarely used, opened quickly, and given as a gesture of sorry I haven’t seen you in years or sorry I forgot your birthda
y.

  It wasn’t the greatest job, but it was my job. I had gotten close to Karie over the years. She took a chance and gave me the job when I needed it the most. She went through a similar situation as I did, and I think that helped us become closer than just an employee and employer. We ran the business together and did our best to make it fun.

  The way it all came down on my shoulders was strange as I sat there on the couch. I had no reason to be thinking about my job, my life, or anything of that nature. I figured it was because this was the first real quiet night I’d had since Den died. Stacy wanted to be left alone, and I wasn’t going to argue with that. She could use the time alone to grieve and think.

  But for me… sitting there alone…

  It was like someone had pressed a button right on cue, because the screen of my phone lit up on the coffee table. It gave a quick vibration and wiggled toward the edge. It was a text message, and one I never thought I’d see again in my life.

  You around?

  It was from Axel.

  Just the sight of his name was like an explosion through my entire body. It wasn’t all bad, but it was far from all good. I shut my eyes and shook my head. There was this sense of forgotten that I had inside me. Forgotten, meaning the way we were just ripped apart. Like a piece of paper, one quick rip and it was now two pieces. For some people, there was this gradual breakdown, like heaving waves eroding a beach. Not for us. It was like a tornado coming from nowhere and leveling everything we knew.

  Now it felt like it was years later and the wind was blowing, rain was falling, and my eyes were scanning the sky for the next storm.

  The easy thing would have been to ignore the mess. That was the beauty of text messages. You could ignore them. And if need be, you could always lie and say you never got the message.

  My mind wanted to do that, but my heart thought about Stacy.

  If something was wrong and she’d gone to Axel…

  I slid my phone off the table and messaged him back.

  I’m at my place. Everything okay?

  I waited for Axel to respond. I never thought I would be texting him. Me sitting on my couch. Him… somewhere else… and we were texting each other.