by Lynn Red
She let out a grunt. “I dunno, just don’t really feel it tonight. Why aren’t you in jail?”
That’s how she always referred to me being at work. “Nobody decided to get arrested tonight, so Cooper let me go. Said there wasn’t any point to me being there.”
“Oh,” she said, sounding hopeful. “Great! So that means you can swing by here and then we can go do something? I desperately need some ‘us’ time. And I don’t mean for an hour after dinner on Sunday. Cool?”
“Yeah,” I said without thinking. “Oh, wait, no, I have to... uh... I have to get back to town first. I’ll be there in thirty or so?”
I could almost hear the sound of her eyebrow quirking. “Where are you? And I just figured out that you’re whispering. What the hell are you up to, Lyle?”
“Thirty minutes?” I asked again. “Sound good?”
Dezzy let out a long sigh and had a quick scratch. “Fine,” she said. “But promise me you’ll tell me what the big secret is?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I just have to get over myself, first.”
“Whatever that means. See you soon.”
The phone beeped, then fell silent.
Yeah, I thought. As soon I figure it out for myself.
Right then, I knew what I needed. If I was going to ever get over this, ever get my head straight, I had to find out about this guy. But I couldn’t do it like this. Lurking around in the shadows and snooping? That’s what the old Lilah did. If I was going to learn to trust, learn to be with someone in a real way – a way that included the world’s cutest cub – I had to do it the right way.
Well, sort of. There was one sneaky thing left that I had to do, but only because I didn’t know any way to get ahold of Rex that wasn’t a little creepy.
The long night of backgammon with Dezzy and talking about the wild world of hot guys and movies and whatever else came to mind was good. Somehow I managed to avoid any more prying about my creeping around at Rex’s house.
But that didn’t mean it, or he, ever left my mind for a second.
-7-
Lilah
“Damn, little girl, what are you doing back here so late? And on a Monday night? You must have something you don’t want to do badly enough that you came here instead. Nobody’s here ‘cept Leon sleeping off a wild one,” Cooper said when I pushed the jail door open and stepped in from the moon-soaked night.
“You know I can’t stay away, Cooper,” I said with a smile. I wasn’t going to admit that five seconds before I walked in the door I was shaking like a damn leaf. So, instead of being honest, I’d make some snarky joke and all would be right with the universe. “The smell of a musty, dank, moist jail cell, it just gets my heart racing.”
Cooper laughed a little. “Right, so why’s it that you’re actually here. You’re getting a paid night off, you should be home painting or some such. You got that big show in a couple months at the museum, huh? Or, I guess you could be out chasing that big bear of yours, or—”
“What?” I cut him off. “Oh my God yeah I should be,” is what I wanted to say.
“What are you talking about, with the bear thing?” I asked, give him a side-eye. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Cooper chuckled. He and my dad were close when dad worked the street. So, Cooper was always like the uncle you went to when you had a problem that was too embarrassing to bring to your cop dad and judgmental mom. Don’t get me wrong – I love my parents, and I’m grateful for them taking me in – it’s just... well, some problems are parent problems and some problems are uncle problems. Take for example, when I quit school to paint full time.
It made me just about sick to my stomach imagining what my parents were going to say. They spent so much energy making sure I actually finished high school that I thought it was going to break their heart. I was really worked up, I mean, just a damn mess. But then when I told Cooper what I was doing, the first thing out of his mouth was telling me how proud my dad would be that I was making my own way, no matter what sort of way it was.
And guess what? He was exactly right. He never let me live that one down.
“Oh, you don’t?” he asked, interrupting my reminiscence. “You coulda fooled old Cooper, with the way you two was making googly eyes at each other.”
“I... uh... he was?” I asked.
“You never was a good judge of what people thought, Lilah,” Cooper said with one of his knowing smiles.
“Googly eyes is one thing,” I said, “but I don’t even know how to get ahold of him. I tried that number you gave me, but it wasn’t any good, and I can’t exactly just show up at some guy’s door and insert myself into his life.”
Yeah, right, I can’t just do that.
Cooper let out a long, slow exhale. “You know I’m not s’posed to do this.” He shot a glance up at me from where he was sitting, and then eyed the box of jelly donuts behind me. “I’m really not supposed to...”
I grabbed a napkin, a raspberry, and set it on the desktop, sliding the sugary, jelly-dripping pastry under the security glass.
“How’d that get here?” Cooper asked. “Guess I’ll just have to handle it.”
He took a big bite and grinned like he’d just won the Publisher’s Clearinghouse prize. I could just imagine him on one of those commercials, using that exact face to show how happy he was to get one of those giant novelty checks. It took roughly three bites for him to cram the whole thing in his mouth.
“How do you eat those things all the time?” I asked. “I’d be a blimp.”
Cooper shrugged. “I don’t eat them all the time,” he said. “Only when you’re trying to get something out of me and I con you into feeding me.”
I just shook my head. “So, what can you do for me?”
Officer Cooper went to tapping away on his keyboard. He pushed his glasses up on his forehead and hunt-and-pecked, with his index fingers, but somehow managed to do it faster than I touch-typed.
“Huh,” he grunted. “That can’t be right.”
I leaned, on my elbows, over the desk to try and see what he was looking at. As far as I could tell, it was just a long list of addresses and phone numbers, but there were no names to go with them.
He looked up at me, and I quirked an eyebrow, quizzically.
“Oh, it’s just that there are all these houses strewn around that part of town where the Lee bears all live. He’s in one of them, but I can’t figure which.”
“It’s that one, eight twenty,” I said, pointing at the screen. “You told me it was,” I added quickly, to try and cover my stupid tracks.
“That’s what’s strange. This is different from what I had a couple of days ago, I... wait a minute, how did you know the real address?”
I shrugged, trying to look as innocent as possible.
“I’ll just let that dog lie,” he said. “Anyway, here’s what I got now. Hopefully it helps.”
Cooper scribbled some numbers on a slip of paper and pushed it to me. “And Lilah?” he asked as I turned excited to the door. “Don’t let this one get away. You might’a met him in jail, but I think he’s a keeper.”
“Thanks, Cooper,” I said, grinning so wide it hurt my lips a little. “I don’t know why, but that’s the impression I get, too.”
*
When Rex picked up the phone, irritation was evident in his voice.
Oh God don’t let him be mad at me. I’m not sure my constitution could—
“Leena!” he said in a half-yelling, very stern voice. “Leena! You can’t steal things from your teacher! You can’t... Uh, hello?” he said into the phone, obviously distracted. “Hello?”
“I’m sorry,” I blurted. “I can call back, I can—”
“Who is... wait, is that Lilah?” He was breathing hard, and just hearing his deep, heavy breaths made me a little warm in ways I didn’t really want to admit. “Hello?” he asked again, when I momentarily froze and didn’t respond.
“Y – yes,” I stammered. “Sorry, I mean,
I can call back if you want, if this is a bad time. I just thought maybe we could get coffee or something?”
He let out a booming, sardonic laugh. “Coffee, yeah, that’d be good. That or a half bottle of Jack. Listen, Leena got in some trouble today at school so maybe not today, but yeah, I’d love—”
“What happened?” I heard myself ask. “With Leena, I mean. Was anyone hurt?”
“Hurt? Uh, well no, no one was hurt. It was no big deal really.”
“I’m sorry,” I said for what felt like the eighteenth time since I called him. My cheeks were burning hot, I felt so stupid. “I shouldn’t stick my nose in like that. It’s just that I spent a lot of time in trouble as a kid, so I know how it can be, you know?”
“Yeah,” he said. His voice got grim very quickly. “Trouble used to be a place I knew well. But now, I can hardly remember what it was like being a kid, forget what it was like to get sent to the principal’s office for stealing a,” he paused and I heard riffling papers. “A three-hole binder. Who the hell steals a binder from a teacher?”
Call it a flash of genius, call it insight, call it whatever you want, but something hit me right that second. “Do you mind if I talk to her?”
“Er, no, I guess not,” he said. “But don’t expect her to say much. She’s pretty—”
“Great! I’ll be there in a second.” I blurted out. “That’s what I meant, not the phone. So, uh, that’s okay, right?”
That got him laughing. “I... yeah, sure, what the hell. Saves me having to hunt you down and claim you for my own.”
My heart skipped a damn beat. Like, really, it actually stopped beating and then started again. I swear it did. “You what?” I asked, just begging inside my own head for him to way it again. I knew what he said, but good lord did I want to hear it again.
He didn’t respond for long enough that I panicked. Of all the things I’d love to change about myself, it’s my penchant for panicking at the worst possible times. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t... I don’t ever do things like this, and I’m pretty much just mortified at the way I’m acting. I’m sure you think I’m just about nuts by now.”
“We can talk about nuts when you’re around me for a few years,” he said with a chuckle. “Stop apologizing. That’s the third time you’ve said you’re sorry for something you have no reason to apologize for. I’ve wanted to see you since the first time I did. Don’t make me wait any longer. When bears get hungry, we... well, the first time, the burgers were enough. This time? Not so sure I won’t attack you the second I lay eyes on you.”
The husky, almost breathy tone of his voice sent squiggles down my stomach, all the way to my knees. “I... you can do whatever you want,” I whispered, and then laughed nervously. “Oh my God you can do anything in the world you want to do, and I won’t say a thing.”
“Good,” he said.
Click.
The best part? I didn’t realize until after he hung up that I never asked his address and he never offered. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. Had I really been that obvious when I was there before? Of course, if he didn’t mind, then I’m not sure it mattered for much more than raccoon pride. After all, we’re supposed to be the burglars, right? With our little masks and all that?
Shaking my head, I pushed my black, horn-rimmed glasses up the bridge of my nose. This, I already knew, was going to be the longest drive of my entire life.
*
Fifteen minutes – that felt like four hours – passed by the time I pulled up into Rex’s front lawn. I shut my car off with a slight whine while another sort of engine entirely started revving to life.
I sighed, and patted my cheeks, trying to shock some sense into myself. I had to keep myself together at least long enough to not make an idiot of myself in front of Leena, and then I had to not fall on my hands and knees and beg for Rex to slam me up against a wall and pull my hair until I screamed.
Of course, that’s exactly what I wanted to do, so self-denial wasn’t going to be easy.
“Okay, Lilah,” I said into the driver’s side mirror, “you gotta keep it together. Not forever, just for tonight. As soon as you’re alone you can go as nuts as you want.”
My cheeks were flushed. I knew what that meant. I also knew what the little twinge of pleasure between my legs was, though I needed to avoid thinking about that as much as possible, because if anything was going to make me act like an idiot, it would be the fact that I was a twenty-six year old raccoon on a two year dry-spell.
God, just having him touch my hand was enough to put a little bit of a wobble in my step. I couldn’t imagine what it’d be like to have him any other way.
I steeled myself way more than was probably necessary. She’s just a little girl, I told myself. You used to be one of those, except you were a little more like an alien.
And then, I saw two pigtails bouncing up and down behind the door. Looking through the little bit of glass in the old door, I watched Leena’s hair bop up and down for a second as I finished convincing myself that everything was going to be okay, and in fact, the six year-old wasn’t actually going to eat me.
I wondered what he told her. I wondered how she was going to react.
And then I remembered what it was like to be in exactly her place. Scared, little, and maybe feeling abandoned in a way she didn’t understand? Yeah, totally been there before. I swallowed hard and climbed out, intent on doing something good.
At least that’s what I told myself when I got out of the car and my foot first crunched the leaf and gravel leading up to Rex’s little house. I turn back and looked to oak I’d climbed up in and snooped. Turns out, when the light in the kitchen was on, that damn tree was in full view.
I couldn’t believe how much this guy had me dropping my guard, screwing up things I’d never screw up otherwise.
I took a few more steps, unconsciously walking as quietly as possible. Step after step, crunch after crunch. My stomach was chewed gum, my brain addled with something approaching panic.
Inside the house I heard a very small voice say something I couldn’t understand, and then a much deeper one responded. The pigtails bouncing in the window stopped. She was, I realized, waiting for me, and trying to be very polite.
I could have cried. Almost did, actually.
The door swung open. Light flooded from inside the house outward, in an expanding pool that spread from the door to my feet. Nervously, I pushed my toes together and my heels apart, the way I always did as a little girl when I got scared.
Scared, just like she must be. Stop it, calm down, you’re fine.
As soon as it was open and I worked up the courage to lift my eyes, I saw the most remarkable thing. Standing so tall his head almost touched the top of the doorframe was Rex, his brown eyes burning into me. His dimpled chin and sculpted cheekbones hit me hard, but then my eyes fell on the scars ringing his neck. I looked lower and lower, at his stubble-covered chin, then then open part of his shirt collar where his chest was dusted with hair.
“Miss Lilah!” the little voice called. “My daddy said you were coming!”
The little voice was attached to the pigtails, and those were attached to... a waist-high version of Rex. She had his dimpled chin, his disarming smile. The only difference was that one of them was smaller, and Leena’s eyes were an entrancing blue.
“Hello!” she squealed again and ran toward me.
Her head hit me right in the gut, making me grunt and then laugh when she wrapped those tiny arms around my waist as far as they’d go. She nuzzled my stomach and made an exceptionally happy little sound that put my heart into my throat.
“Well hey there,” I said, kneeling down and smiling at her as Rex shrugged easily, and smiled at me. “I didn’t expect such a welcome!”
“She’s good at making people feel like part of the family.” Rex’s calm, smooth voice caressed my ears and instantly I wanted him – needed him – to hold me, to kiss me, to pull my hair. “She’s a sweetie
.”
The tenderness in his voice was somehow more intense and thrilling to me than his physical presence, no matter how good that was. “And... thank you. For your help. Sometimes it’s hard.”
I felt warmth snaking through me like feather-covered fingers. Leena was squeezing me, Rex had his hand on my shoulder, and I put my hand on the back of the little girl cub’s head.
Moments before, I’d been sitting in my car, freaking out like an idiot about to start her first job, and now my instincts were taking over. I’d always mothered my sister some, but this was different. This was a feeling I don’t know if I’d ever felt before, but that was always somewhere inside me, waiting to come out.
Mini-Rex looked up at me and for a moment, I could’ve just keeled over dead. “Miss Lilah?” she asked in her tiny voice.
“Yes, honey?” I asked, rubbing her back as she took a step back.
“My daddy, he said you were going to come give me a speech about why I shouldn’t steal.”
I looked up at Rex, who was biting his lip to keep from laughing. I could tell it bothered him though. “I don’t know about a speech,” I said with a grin. “But yeah, I said I’d talk to you a little. I was a little girl too, you know.”
“Well duh, you had to be.”
Rex let his guard down for long enough to laugh for about a second and a half.
“Yes,” I said, grinning. “What I mean though, is that for a long time, I got in a lot of trouble when I was a little girl. There wasn’t anyone around most of the time and so I didn’t have anyone to help me get through hard things. But you have your daddy, and I’d like to be your friend too, if you’d like that.”
She looked up at me with eyes full of tears and nodded. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t really mean to steal Mrs. Pritchet’s binder. Someone dared me to do it an’ I just did it, I dunno why.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “We all make mistakes. It’s what you do afterwards that shows what kind of person you are.”
Rex looked at me, his face growing serious all of a sudden. I saw him swallow, hard.
