A Baby for the Soldier (Boys of Rockford Series Book 2)

by Henley Maverick

  I don’t know what the hell came over me, and I had a feeling that I had just opened some can of worms I might not to be able to get the lid back onto, but when I remembered Lexi’s grin, it seemed as though it was probably worth it.

  She needed a win. She needed something good to happen to her after all the shit she’d been through. I never expected t that I would be the one to do something good, but hell, maybe that’s what I needed. To not feel so useless. To not feel like such a failure. To not feel like I’ve irrevocably ruined Lexi and Dallas’s lives.

  Maybe it was just me, in some small way, trying to make it up to her. Trying to make her life a little easier since it was so much harder thanks to me. It wasn’t much, but it was what I could offer. And maybe if I kept looking, I’d find other ways to make it up to her. It was better than sitting around, moping and feeling sorry for myself. It was better than sitting in that shitty motel room and drinking myself into a stupor every night until I passed out.

  I thought about how she looked in those yoga pants, how nice it was to just run with her in companionable silence, how my cheek was still prickling from the contact with her lips. All of those thoughts together were enough to make me realize I was probably heading straight for trouble, but there was no backing down now.

  8

  Lexi

  Adele was playing on the radio, and I hummed along, mixing up a pitcher of lemonade while Dallas was at the kitchen table working on his homework. It was almost like we were back to normal, almost our regular routine. But there was still a layer of sadness clinging, like low fog on a cool morning. It just wouldn’t go away, and the sun hadn’t quite come out yet to chase it off.

  I had hope though. I had to. I couldn’t just keep going on like everything was always going to be as bad as it was then. I couldn’t just assume it would always hurt as much as it did in that moment, because I knew that wasn’t how life worked. I knew that it was just my grief, trying to convince me that it was the way things were going to be. But I knew grief lied, and I knew time healed all wounds.

  I knew that at some point, Dallas and I would be able to rebuild our lives without Wyatt, we’d be able to be happy and carefree again like we once were.

  But not yet. It was still going to take some time.

  At least he wasn’t dreading school anymore. For a little while after everything happened, Dallas threw a fit every morning when it came time for school. Apparently, his classmates were curious about what happened and wouldn’t stop bringing it up. Dallas hated talking about it; I’m not even sure he really fully grasped the reality of it. Daddy didn’t come home often before, and now he never would. That was his reality.

  Every week when the time rolled around for our Skype call, it was like it hit us all over again. Like we forgot somehow, and it was only when the time came and went when there weren’t anymore calls from Wyatt, that it sunk in a little deeper.

  Three months, and it still didn’t feel completely real. But it was, and I’ve just had to accept it and move on. If for no other reason, then for Dallas’s sake. He needed his mom to be strong and tough. He needed her there to be his support system.

  I wasn’t going to let him down like my mom did me. He could feel his feelings as much as he wanted to, damn it, and he could take as long as he needed to grieve.

  There was a knock on the door, and I nearly jumped out of my skin at the surprise. I glanced over at the time and suddenly remembered that Bear was coming over.

  Scratch that, Bear was here.

  Dallas looked over at me with a questioning look. “Who is it?”

  “Uncle Bear.” Bear hadn’t seen Dallas since he was a toddler, but he wedged his way into enough of our Skype chats over the year that they’d gotten to know each other across the distance. Dallas loved to hear his stories — stories his dad wouldn’t tell him because they weren’t exactly appropriate for a kid his age — and he always used to ask about when Bear was going to visit.

  His eyes got as big as planets. “For real?”

  “Go find out for yourself,” I said, trying to hide the tremor of nerves in my voice. I had no idea what I was nervous about or why I suddenly felt so jittery knowing that Bear was outside my door, but it was probably better for Dallas to greet him while I got myself under control.

  Dallas flung down his pencil, shoved back from the table, and ran to the door, flinging it open with a bang.

  “Careful!” I called.

  “Uncle Bear!” Dallas squeals, the first time I’d heard him so genuinely happy in a long, long time.

  Bear bent down and scooped him up into a big hug, squeezing him tight.

  Dallas wheezed for effect. “You’re choking me,” he said, squeezing right back.

  Bear dropped one of his arms, still dangling Dallas above the ground, wrapped up in one of his powerful arms. “Is this better?” he asked, Dallas squirming and giggling.

  “No!” he gasped, and then Bear iflipped him around, holding him upside down by his knees.

  “This?”

  “Uncle Bear!” he squealed, wriggling until Bear finally dropped him. At that point, he wasn’t even an inch off the ground and he just tumbled to the carpet laughing his head off.

  That was plenty to get a little smile out of me before I turned my attention back to dinner prep.

  “Where’s your mom, kiddo?” I heard Bear ask.

  “In the kitchen, come on,” Dallas answered. I l looked back, and saw him dragging Bear in by the hand, and the instant Bear’s gaze reached me, he sobered, the fun, playful light gone from his eyes.

  I hated that. I hated the pitying look I kept getting from people when I didn’t need it. Out of all the people in my life, Bear should be the least likely to pity me. He was going through the same thing I was, but the look in his eyes was unmistakable and it made me bristle, though I tried to shove it down.

  He might not had even known he was doing it. I couldn’t be mad at someone for a reaction they had no control over. I just wished everyone would stop looking at me like I’m some fragile little China doll on the verge of breaking if the wind blows the wrong way. I’m not that delicate. I may not have handled it all as well as I could’ve, but I thought I was doing a pretty damn good job, all things considered.

  Maybe I was deluding myself.

  “Dallas, you’ve still got homework to do, bud,” I said, sealing up the container I was marinating chicken in.

  “But Mooooom,” he whined. “Can’t I just hang out with Uncle Bear instead?”

  “Maybe some other time,” I said “But Uncle Bear’s not here to hang out with you, he’s here to help fix some things around the house and I’ve gotta show him what those things are. So can I count on you to sit in here and finish your homework without me standing over you?”

  He considered it for a moment, then looked at Bear.

  “You should do what your mom says,” he told him with a solemn nod.

  Dallas sighed, pouting as he picked up his pencil. “Fine.”

  “You ready to see my laundry list?” I asked Bear.

  “Lead the way,” he said his voice was a little lighter than his expression.

  “Actually, there’s a few things in here,” I said, gesturing around the kitchen. “The disposal doesn’t work, which means the dishwasher drains into the sink, so I can’t use it either… Oh, and over here…” I pulled out one of the drawers and it caught on another, pulling all the drawers out at once so I couldn’t really access any of them unless I opened them in a very precise order.

  I led him into the next room, pointing out broken tiles, a light that never stopped flickering, a hole in the wall I didn’t even know how to fix. There were leaks and squeaks and things that were loose that should be tight and things that are tight that should be loose. I didn’t really realize just how much there was to do around here until I’m taking someone through the house pointing out every little thing.

  But it wasn’t just the needed repairs I saw Bear take in as I led him through the
house. I saw him eying Wyatt’s things that were still all over. Clothes in his side of the closet, his shoes still in the shoe rack, monogrammed towels still in the bathroom we shared. I didn’t really realize how much of this stuff was still laying around either, until I was looking at it through someone else’s eyes and suddenly it was so obvious.

  “I just… I haven’t been able to bring myself to donate his things or clean it up yet. I know it’s silly… I just…”

  “It’s not silly,” he said softly. “I get it. Getting rid of his stuff feels like you’re getting rid of him somehow.”

  I nodded, my lip quivered.

  Do. Not. Cry. Don’t you dare cry right now.

  “I’m sorry there’s so much to do. I didn’t really realize… If it’s too much, I totally understand. I was already planning on calling someone, so—”

  “Lexi, I wanna do this for you. It’s not a big deal, I promise.” There was a gentleness in his voice that surprised me. A raw, emotional quality that almost made him… vulnerable? I don’t know if that was the right word for it, but I did know that I was tempted to just hug him again.

  The idea wasn’t a bad one. I thought about his big, strong arms wrapped around me, comforting me, supporting me. Just leaning against someone sounded so nice right then, but I was afraid he’d pull back or stiffen up again and I didn’t want to hurt the tenuous bridge we were starting to build. I thought Bear and I both needed each other without Wyatt. We were each other’s connection to him, so the last thing I wanted to do was scare him away and leave us both without anyone.

  “Thank you,” I said, sucking in the tears I refused to let fall. “I mean it. You have no idea how much it means to me that you want to do this for us.”

  Bear shook his head. “Don’t mention it. You all right with me coming by tomorrow morning to get started?”

  “Yeah, of course,” I said. “I’ll be at work all day, and Dallas will be at school, but you know… help yourself to sandwiches or whatever.”

  He cracked the barest of smiles and it brightened me up from the inside.

  “Tomorrow then,” he said.

  I nodded, following him silently out to the kitchen again. He stopped by the table where Dallas was working and ruffled his hair.

  “You get your homework done and don’t give your mom a hard time, okay? I’m gonna be back tomorrow morning, so I’ll hear if you did.”

  Dallas got up and gave him another big hug. “You’re coming back?”

  “Tomorrow,” he said.

  “Promise?”

  Bear’s eyes flicked to mine and I was still having a hell of a time holding my tears in. It broke my damn heart to see my baby boy so torn up inside, so afraid that the people he loved wouldn’t ever come home.

  Bear held out his pinkie finger. “Pinkie promise,” he said, hooking his finger with Dallas’s.

  After that, I walked him to the door, mouthing another silent thank you as I watched him head down to his truck. I felt like a traitor, but I couldn’t help but think he looked damn good walking away from me.

  Guilt gnawed at me for it, but I couldn’t help it. It’d been years since I’d seen any action, and months of wallowing over my husband’s death. He was dead, not me. I still had blood pumping through those veins. I still had fire and passion and emotion, and I couldn’t just pretend I didn’t out of some twisted ideal of honoring his memory.

  If Wyatt wanted to have any say over the choices I made or what I did with my life, then he shouldn’t have left me. He should’ve be the one here, the one making lists of things to pick up at the hardware store to fix the house.

  But instead, it’s Bear. It’s Bear who was making Dallas laugh, Bear who went running with me, Bear who’s going to be my own personal handyman — and possibly tormentor if the warm buzz between my legs has anything to say about it.

  I never even really looked twice at Bear with Wyatt in my life, but suddenly, I saw him in a light I’d never had before.

  I was probably just thinking too much into it. I was probably getting ahead of myself and making a bigger deal out of him helping out around the house than I needed to. He was just trying to help out his best friend’s widow.

  “Mom, can I have a snack?” Dallas called from the kitchen. Finally, I closed the door, shaking my head, trying to rid myself of those entirely inappropriate thoughts about Bear.

  “Yeah, just a minute,” I answered, pushing all thoughts of Bear out of my head, since I couldn’t seem to get a hold of myself.

  The whole having-him-around thing might be trickier than I thought.

  9

  Bear

  Early the next morning, I headed out to the hardware store and loaded my truck up with the supplies I’d needed to tackle the projects at Lexi’s house. There was a lot that needed to be done. A lot that Wyatt left behind. But it was okay, because I was going to take care of it for him. For them.

  Lexi shouldn’t have to deal with a house that’s practically falling apart on top of everything else. She shouldn’t have to worry about leaks and mold. She had plenty to worry about enough as it was

  It felt weird, heading to her house, knowing she wasn’t going to be there. She thad old me the night before where she kept the spare key outside, and to just let myself in. She had no reason not to, but it was a little alarming how much she trusted me.

  I parked in the driveway, outside the garage, and looked at the house in the early morning light. The outside was looking pretty rough, too. There were weeds poking through cracks in the walkway, rain gutters that were overflowing with debris and hanging off the side of the house at an awkward angle, and the whole place could’ve use a coat of paint. It was a bit out of the scope of what I’d agreed to do so far, but like I had told Lexi, I didn’t really have anything better to do with myself.

  I didn’t pan on being discharged from the Army. I didn’t plan on coming back home for years still. And then I figured I’d know what kind of job I wanted after those years in the service. I thought I’d have time to think about it, to come up with a plan, to have something lined up. But that was all just kind of dropped in my lap.

  I had plenty of money saved up to keep me afloat for a while without a job. Probably a year or more if necessary. So it wasn’t like there was some big rush to find a job to pay the bills. I didn’t wanna end up somewhere where I’m miserable in a dead-end job I’d hate. Taking some time off without any plans or anything might just be what I needed to figure out what direction I wanted my life to be headed in.

  So maybe I’d get around to all the cosmetic stuff, too. Who knew?

  I found the spare key hidden in the bird feeder and I unlocked the door, stepping into the quiet house like I’m walking into hallowed ground or something. I inhaled, and though it’s gotta just be in my head, I swear I could smell Wyatt in there. I swore I could smell that shitty cologne he’d been using since high school. It hit me in the gut, knocking the wind out of me, and my knees bucdkle.

  Staggering to the couch, tears brimmed in my eyes, flowing freely. I’d been doing so good and now there I was just losing it again. There was something about being in his house, knowing he’d never be here again, it just slammed into me and made everything way too real.

  I felt like a fool, blubbering and sniffling on Lexi’s couch when I was supposed to be working around the house, but every time I tried to take a deep breath to stop the tears, they just come rushing back fresh all over again.

  There was a sound from behind me and I turned and saw Lexi walk through the front door in her running gear. I thought she’d be at work, but maybe she went in later today. It didn’t matter. What mattered was that she walked in on me like that and I was a weepy mess.

  Without saying anything, Lexi walked over to me, sat down on the couch next to me, and slid an arm around my back, resting her head on my shoulder, just above my chest. There weren’t any words, but Lexi just held me like that, and I slid an arm around her too, pulling her close.

  Her body sh
ook with quiet sobs the same as mine, and neither of us needed to say anything. We both knew we were crying over the same thing. The same hurt. The same loss.

  I’d have never thought that I’d be in this position. There on the couch, with Lexi in my arms, both of us letting all the pent up emotion out with the support of each other. I’d never have expected it, but I was glad for it. I was glad for Lexi. For the way we seemed to be able to come together like that to help each other without anyone really saying anything to make it happen.

  Even while I held her and I was overcome with sorrow, I couldn’t help but notice how nicely her curves fit against the chiseled lines of my muscles, how she smelled faintly of strawberries, even though I could smell sweat on her too from the run. It was a mixture that made me almost dizzy, it nearly made me forget what I was so upset about.

  And that just made me feel like a grade-A asshole.

  But a grade-A asshole with Lexi in his arms, so things could be worse.

  I knew I shouldn’t think of things like that. I shouldn’t be looking at Lexi in that new way, thinking about her body pressed against mine, or what she’s hiding under those yoga pants. I shouldn’t be thinking about swiping at her tears and then kissing away their tracts.

  Definitely not.

  It was probably fifteen or more minutes later when Lexi sniffled and finally pulled back a little, her arm was still around me, mine was still around her. I let my hand fall, so my arm was just draped over her instead of actually holding her. She wasn’t trapped.

  “I should probably get to work,” she said, wiping her tears away with both hands. She left me without her touch, without her warmth, and I missed it.

  “And I should probably start my chores,” I said, dragging the heels of my palms over my eyes. I can’t believe I just sat here and bawled my eyes out with Lexi. She’d probably lost all respect for me after that.

  She smiled, chuckling at my choice of words. “Chores implies that you think you’re getting paid,” she said, raising an eyebrow.