A Baby for the Soldier (Boys of Rockford Series Book 2)

by Henley Maverick

  I needed a shower, I needed to get the scent of Bear off of me before I decided I liked it to much. I just needed to get the hell out of there.

  He just sat there, watching me dumbfounded as I scurried around his room, muttering to myself and trying to find my clothes. I finally gave up on my underwear, just putting my sundress back on, going commando. I didn’t even care if Bear had a souvenir if it meant I could get out of there faster.

  I kept waiting for him to say something, to try to stop me, but he just sat in the bed, propped up on his elbow, looking as tempting as sin itself, his mouth in a firm, thin line, his eyes hard.

  God, it was such a mess. But I was in no state to try to clean it up right then.

  I gave him one last look as I reached the bedroom door, my heart aching to say something, to tell him that this meant something to me, but I can’t fucking do that. He’s Bear, for Pete’s sake! For all I knew, he was relieved I was leaving without him having to kick me out. Without having to have some awkward conversation.

  Maybe I was saving him the trouble.

  But somehow, I didn’t feel like what I was doing was anything good. I felt like a horrible person. I felt like I’d somehow betrayed Wyatt and Bear with my selfishness.

  My hair was probably all kinds of wild, and I was sure that anyone milling about in town right now would know for sure I was doing the walk of shame to my car. I just hoped that no one saw. It was a small town, and being the librarian made me sort of a public figure, at least a face most people recognized from one place or another.

  I groaned at the thought of the rumor mill kicking in on top of everything else. This whole situation was bad enough when it was just between me and Bear… and I guess my mom, since she obviously knew where I was and who I was with last night. But nothing stayed private in a town like Rockford for long. Especially not in my circumstances. There were still constant whispers about how sad it was that I was such a young widow. I still got pitying looks when I went to the grocery story or the post office.

  Now what were people going to say and think? Moving in on my dead husband’s best friend only months after the funeral.

  There wasn’t a person in the world I despised more than myself at that moment. I sat in my car for a long moment, trying to gather my composure to go home. But my eyes flicked up to Bear’s bedroom window and I decided I couldn’t just stay in his driveway. If he saw me out there hesitating, he might come out and try to stop me. And Bear coming out naked — or even in his boxers, giving him the benefit of the doubt — to try to talk to me at this time in the morning after I did the walk of shame…

  Yeah, that would definitely launch rumors around town at warp speed. No thank you.

  So I pulled out of his driveway, my hands shaking, my head throbbing, a million thoughts running through my head, all of them too fast for me to focus on any one of them. There was just this ever-present feeling of dread and regret. I was certain I’d screwed up whatever good thing might have had a chance at happening.

  As I neared my place, I saw the school bus pulling away from the stop down the street, and a little bit of the tension I was holding onto releases. At least I wasn’t going to have to explain where I spent last night to Dallas. Hopefully Mom covered for me and we can avoid all that awkwardness.

  Still, I wasn’t quite ready to face her, so I circled the block a few more times, trying to build up my nerve — and stave off that splitting headache — before I faced the music.

  19

  Bear

  What in the hell just happened?

  I sat in bed, staring after the door, waiting for Lexi to come back in with a smile and a laugh, to say she was just kidding. But that didn’t happen. Instead, I heard her car door shut, the engine start, the tires rolling out of the driveway.

  And my heart fucking sank.

  Last night, I’d made the mistake of getting my hopes up. Last night, I’d thought that was the start of something.

  Clearly, I was wrong.

  You shouldn’t have given her so much wine, you idiot, a voice in my head said with a mean sneer.

  I couldn’t even argue with it. I shouldn’t have. She clearly regretted the choices she made.

  Just thinking that thought felt like there were razor-sharp claws digging into my chest, shredding my heart.

  She regretted being with me.

  I’d pushed her too hard. Maybe she only wanted intimacy. Maybe she just wanted comfort in the arms of someone that knew her and she could trust. And I’d gone and pushed it too far, betrayed that trust.

  I was the scum of the goddamned earth.

  Lexi was a perfect pure angel, and I’d soiled her. I’d ignored all sense and reason and only thought about what I wanted.

  So fucking selfish.

  And on top of it all, I felt like shit. Wine was not my drink of choice for a reason. I hated the wine hangovers. I always thought it was the grapes’ final revenge, to make you feel like a raisin left out in the sun too long, a dry and withered husk of a person.

  But it had been good while it lasted. We’d had some laughs. Maybe I should have stopped pouring before the bottle was gone, but I had been enjoying her company too much. Enjoying her bubbly laugh and wide, open smile.

  At least I’d always have those memories. Even though I fucked everything up, I still had the memory of that perfect night with Lexi when I thought we might be headed down a certain path together.

  I should have known that the light of day would make everything different.

  I wondered if I should try to talk to her. Text? Call? Visit the library?

  I didn’t know.

  She ran out of here so fast, I doubted she wanted to hear from me. It was probably for the best to just give her the distance she wanted. And if it came to it, if she by some miracle changed her mind, well then, she knew where to find me.

  I dragged myself out of bed eventually, my whole body aching from dehydration, the hangover, and the incredible sex.

  Don’t think about that, I chastised myself, even as my dick twitched at the memory of Lexi spread out under me, writhing with pleasure, her moans echoing off the bare walls of my barely-furnished house.

  So much for not thinking about it. Guess today was just going to be a day I tortured myself.

  I stomped downstairs in a pissy mood, only made worse when I spotted what was left of our dinner. I’d never gotten around to putting any of it away, so now there was a huge mess to clean up and no leftovers.

  Not saying it wasn’t worth it, but it did add to my annoyance about the whole thing.

  Before I started cleaning up, though, I grabbed a gallon jug of water from the fridge and drank it all, only stopping to catch my breath.

  It helped, but also filled my stomach, making me feel bloated and gross. But I could feel my body reacting like a dried-out sponge, soaking up the water, my joints loosening, my skin feeling less tight. Even my brain felt like it wasn’t covered in some dusty residue anymore. Water was a miracle, but I was pretty sure it was the only miracle I was going to have in my life.

  I didn’t care how much noise I made while I cleaned up and washed the dishes. I took my frustration out on the mess, cleaning everything until it gleamed in the morning sun.

  And when that was done, I headed upstairs for a long, hot shower.

  Of course, the moment I was in the shower, I was back to thinking about Lexi. Thinking about her in the shower with me, her dropping to her knees with that mischievous little smile I was only starting to learn the look of. I imagined her lips parting, her tongue dragging along my length, and I shuddered.

  You’ve gotta stop this, I told myself. But the fantasies weren’t going anywhere. I just had to do my best to ignore them. I had to push them out of my mind and move on, because I was the only one that wanted to see where things could keep going.

  My stomach turned at the reminder.

  I’d never really had trouble finding girls or getting them into bed, but other than a quick release when th
e adrenaline was surging, there wasn’t much action back in the desert. It never really bothered me all that much. It drove some guys crazy. Drove them to do things they’d never have done stateside. I’d walked in on some shady shit happening more than once and broke it up. Most of the time, the girls didn’t want to make a fuss because they’d be treated like shit by the whole Army for it, but sometimes I managed to convince them to.

  It didn’t matter how desperate you were, there wasn’t a fucking excuse for taking advantage of someone.

  And now I felt like that’s what I’d done to Lexi. I wanted to apologize. Send her flowers or something. But then I thought about how those girls would have reacted to something like that and it makes me feel like more of a creep.

  It wasn’t as bad as I’m thinking, was it? She’d been drinking, and I asked her to stay, but did I pressure her? Did I make her feel like she couldn’t say no?

  It was all that was going through my head while I was replaying that morning over and over, her panic and rush to get away from me, how she didn’t even say goodbye, just ‘I have to go.’

  You fucked up royally this time, Calhoun.

  I got out of the shower, not really feeling any better than before. At least I was less stinky. I didn’t know what to do with myself at that point. I thought about all the work still to be done at Lexi’s house, but that didn’t seem like a good idea right now. Pushing myself into her life any more than I already had seemed very risky. It also seemed a little too persistent.

  No part of me wanted to give up on Lexi. It had taken me a long fucking time to admit the truth, but I knew it now. I was falling for her. There was something special about that girl that I never let myself see when she belonged to my buddy. But he was stupid enough to give her up, and now I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I couldn’t ignore how absolutely perfect she was. From her fiery temper that matched the color of her hair to the way she talked about history and literature. She was sharp, quick, funny, and gorgeous. Not to mention a fantastic mom and the creator of the best damn lasagna I’d had in over a decade.

  So yeah, I didn’t think there was any hope of me totally giving up. I was going to keep hoping that she reached out to me. I was going to give her time. But if we were both invited to Clay’s again? Or Emma’s tee ball game? Or I saw her at the grocery store? I wasn’t going to avoid her. Not unless she told me to keep my distance.

  It’s possible that this was all just too fast for her. That she didn’t object to it happening, but she felt it was too soon.

  And I could live with that.

  We just needed to talk about it. To get it out in the open, whatever it was standing in our way.

  No obstacle was worth missing out on Lexi and Dallas.

  It surprised me that I wasn’t just thinking about her, but him too. As crazy as I was about Lexi, her son had won me over pretty handily, too. And I knew they were a package deal. I knew that there was no Lexi without Dallas. But that didn’t bother me. I loved that kid.

  And maybe I was getting way ahead of myself, thinking about the three of us being a little family, but the thought helped to calm my nerves. It helped to soothe the panic.

  I didn’t know what Lexi was thinking, but that was the key. I didn’t know. I could make all the assumptions I wanted about why she ran out on me that morning, but until I talked to her and heard the reason from her, I didn’t know for sure. And that was enough to keep the little spark of hope burning in my chest. Holding out for the slim chance that there might still be a way, as crazy as it seemed at the moment.

  There was a faint beeping sound that I couldn’t quite hear, and I strained my ear toward the bedroom where it seemed to be coming from.

  I realized too late it was my phone ringing. It was still in my pants, under a pile of clothes, the sound muffled so I didn’t recognize it. By the time I’d untangled my jeans and fished the phone out of my pocket, it stopped ringing.

  Restricted, I frowned, reading the missed call. I was hoping it was Lexi calling, my heart in my throat, but her number shouldn’t show up like that.

  Before I could think about it too much, the phone buzzed to life in my hand again and I immediately answered it, my thumb tapping the screen on reflex before I even made the conscious decision to.

  “Hello?” I answered.

  “This call will be recorded and monitored,” a robot answered.

  “What the fuck?”

  “I have a collect call from an inmate at Washington County jail—”

  “Knight Calhoun,” Knight’s voice cut into the recording and my blood pressure shot to the moon.

  “Will you accept the charges?”

  “Yes,” I growled out, my grip so tight on the phone I thought I might crack it in half. What the hell trouble had Knight gotten himself into this time?

  “Dude, thank you for picking up,” he said as soon as the line clicked over. I could hear the white noise in the call that told me they had the lines tapped, because of course they did.

  “What the fuck did you do?”

  “It’s a big misunderstanding, man. They got me for assault and battery but it’s a bunch of bogus charges, I swear.”

  I’d heard it all before. Knight had always been in and out of trouble, but it was normally the juvenile kind. Graffiti and other acts of vandalism, petty theft, not fucking assault.

  “What happened?”

  “I can tell you about it later, but can you come bail me out?”

  “Why the hell should I?”

  “I’m supposed to have KJ tonight, man. I can’t be in jail. His mom will lose her job if she has to take care of him. Please, you’ve gotta help me out.”

  I couldn’t believe I was actually listening to this shit. I had my own problems to deal with without Knight making a big mess of his life and wanting me to clean it up. I should have just hung up on him. I should have left him to deal with his own problems. But I couldn’t do that. Not after what happened with Wyatt. I had to be there for him. I couldn’t turn my back on him.

  I blew out a heavy breath. “How much is it?”

  “Five kay, but you only need ten percent for the bondsman.”

  I sighed, shaking my head. This was some next-level bullshit. “Fine. But I’m not in any hurry to get there. You’ll just have to wait for me.”

  “You’re a fucking saint,” he said, hanging up the call. I guess I should have been thankful for that since it was charging me by the minute.

  Damn it, Knight.

  I’d just have to deal with the Lexi problem later. For now, I needed to go rescue my knucklehead brother from his own stupidity.

  20

  Lexi

  After circling the block half a dozen times, I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer. I had to go home and get ready for work. I blew out a long breath, dreading it the whole time as I pulled into the driveway.

  Just like ripping off a Band-Aid, I told myself, climbing out of the car. I’d never quite figured out the trick to getting out of a car in a skirt, and the air on my bare pussy reminded me that I’d left my panties at Bear’s in my hurry to leave.

  Not only a walk of shame, but a walk of shame without my underwear. I bet my mom would be so proud.

  I fumbled with my keys for a minute before just trying the knob and finding the door unlocked. My nose followed the smell of coffee and in the kitchen, my mom sat at the table with her own mug, her hands clasped on the table, a knowing smirk curling the corners of her mouth.

  I didn’t even say anything. I poured myself a mug of coffee, drank it straight — heartburn be damned — and sent her a withering look. She just kept smirking at me.

  Nope, I wasn’t going to deal with this right now. Not until I had a shower and that caffeine kicked in. There was no way I’d be able to keep my cool with her any other way.

  Thankfully, Mom didn’t press the issue. She let me fume and stomp up the stairs without calling me out for my childish behavior. I turned the water on full blast, letting the water get hot,
waiting until the tiny room was filled with steam. Then I pulled the dress off and let it fall to the floor, snippets of the previous night flittered through my mind.

  Bear’s mouth on me, his hands on my body… His fingers, teasing me, making my toes curl… His teeth, raking over my skin, making me shiver in delight…

  I shook my head and stepped into the stream, trying to wash those memories away. Trying to wash away the warm pine scent of him. Trying to forget how he looked at me, how he kissed me, how he made me feel.

  No more of that, I scolded myself. It was an amazing night we’d shared, but it wasn’t supposed to happen. Bear and I weren’t… We didn’t…

  I didn’t even know what my thoughts were. I couldn’t focus. My head still hurt from the hangover, but it was more than that, it was just all of this being a jumble of thoughts I couldn’t seem to untangle. Bear had taken my nice, ordered strands of thought and made an impossible knot of them.

  Or, I guess I had done that, hadn’t I?

  I remembered throwing myself at him, hooking my leg over his hip, practically humping him against the door. God, what was I thinking?

  It was probably one of the longest showers of my life, and no matter how much I scrubbed, I couldn’t seem to get rid of the tingles he’d left on my body. I couldn’t forget his lips on my skin, dragging over my nipples.

  How did we even get there? I couldn’t remember. I remembered the grandfather clock chiming, trying to leave. I remembered not really wanting to leave after having such a nice night, but not knowing what to do or how to say it.

  And I remembered thinking I shouldn’t do anything with him, that I should just go home and forget all about what my body was telling me I wanted.

  But I didn’t do any of that.

  I was starting to prune up when I finally turned the tap off and stepped out of the shower, wrapping my hair up in a towel, wrapping my body in another. In the mirror, I looked the same as always, but inside? Inside there was a transformation happening. Something waking up in me that had been dormant for too long. The reminder that I was young and vibrant and had my whole life ahead of me. I didn’t need to be celibate. I shouldn’t be, but I didn’t think Bear was the wisest decision. It just seemed like I was asking for trouble.