by B. J. Harvey
“Sorry,” I say, as I open the door before putting my hand at the small of Zoe’s back and walking inside.
“Can I get you something? Water, Coffee, Gin?” That earns me a half-hearted smile.
“I’m okay. Look, I think we need to talk . . .” She says as we reach her living room.
Then all of my emotions collide and it hits me. If I stay here with her right now, I’m going to do something or say something I might regret when everything calms down.
“Hey, if you’re okay I need to go.” I kiss her cheek and look her in the eyes. “I’ll call you later, alright?” I feel like an asshole for not explaining further but I just need to get out of there.
Her wide eyes almost stop me in my tracks, but the need to get out of there and have time to think things through makes me power through it.
“Okay. Later.” Her voice is defeated, as if she was expecting this from me. Or expecting more from me. Fuck knows what she’s expecting right now, because I don’t even know how I should be acting, how I should react. I feel as if I’m off-kilter and I need space to get back on track.
I nod and walk out the front door, ringing Zander as soon as I’m outside the complex.
“Hey. Is Zoe okay?” he says when he answers.
“Hey. Yeah, she seems to be. She’s at home now but I needed to get out of there. Can you or Kate go be with her now? I want someone with her just in case it hits her, or she gets flashbacks or anything.”
“And why aren’t you staying with her?” he asks.
“I need space to think. She hid this from me for months. I even asked her about the asshole and she said he was harmless.” I’m fucking kicking myself now for not pushing her on the issue.
“Yeah, well I reamed Jeremy out for not telling me sooner too. He was just honoring her wishes though.”
“I’m heading over to Mac and Daniel’s place to get my head on straight. I had as much clue as you did, and it’s screwing with my mind.”
“All good. Mac’s at home with Kate now so I’ll ring her and get them to head straight over.”
“Thanks, man. I care about her too much to stay there and fuck things up by saying shit I don’t really mean.”
“I hear you, man. Kate and Mac will be there soon,” he replies.
“Just tell her I’ll call her later, or tomorrow, and get Mac to text me to let me know she’s okay.” I hope like hell she’ll still want to talk to me later.
“All good. Talk soon.” Ending the call, I get in my car and drive.
Twenty minutes later, I’m pulling into Mac and Daniel’s driveway, having texted Daniel on the way over to make sure he was home.
Walking in the door, I’m hit with the smell of garlic and I soon find Daniel in the kitchen, stirring a pot.
“Honey, I’m home,” I call out dramatically from the doorway.
“Everyone thinks they’re a comedian. Don’t they Jared?” he says to his son, who is wearing a “I’m a mini-superhero” T-shirt that is over the top, but still pretty cool.
“Where are the girls?”
“Mac got the call from Kate ten minutes ago to say Zander’s held up at work, and they needed to go be with Zoe. Riley is at my sister’s having a tea party, I’ve been told.”
I just nod at him, not sure what to say or how to say it. All I know is that I need to talk.
“Beer?” he asks, holding an open bottle of Millers in front of me.
“Thanks.” I take a seat on a silver stool on the other side of the kitchen counter, watching Daniel cook and Jared pretend to help him.
“So what did you do?” Daniel asks over his shoulder.
“Not me this time.”
He picks up Jared and sits him on his hip before walking around the counter with his beer in hand and sitting beside me. “What happened?” he asks, not giving me any shit, which I appreciate more than he could ever know right now.
“Did anyone tell you about Zoe’s ex?”
“I heard through the chick-vine that he was a bit clingy after she ended it.”
I take a drink from my beer and put it back on the counter, leaning my body into the steel surface. “Well she came here to get away from him and we all thought it was a thing of the past. She’d still get the occasional text but it wasn’t anything that would set off alarm bells. Or so we thought . . .”
“It got worse?” he asks, Jared obviously bored with our D&M and hopping down from Daniel’s lap to go find some toys to bust no doubt.
“Seems she’s been hiding a lot from everybody, me included. He cornered her at the hospital today and I found her pinned to the wall being yelled at by him. She’s got fucking bruises from the asshole.” I pick my beer up, needing something in my hand to stop me from punching a wall.
“Holy fuck, Taylor. You sorted him out?”
“I shoved him out the way, then when he took a swing at me, I drove my fist into his gut. While he was incapacitated, Zoe got to the security call button.”
“So why are you here then? You should be with her . . .”
I unintentionally slam my bottle down on the counter top. “I didn’t know any of this shit, Dan. I asked her about him. I asked her about the text messages she got at Zander’s wedding. She had plenty of chances to tell me exactly what she was putting up with, exactly what he was doing to her. He was texting her up to twenty times a day, calling at least that much, and then sending her gifts. She even told the cops she thought he’d been fucking following her.” I drop my head into my hands, the fear of what might have happened to her taking over.
I look up at him. “What if I hadn’t gone looking for her? What if he’d taken her, or hurt her, like really hurt her? What would I do if that happened?”
His eyes grow wide at my confession. This is the guy I’ve known for more than half my life. If I can’t lay it all out there for him, then who can I do it with?
I’d thought Zoe, but then today happened.
“Shit,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “That’s more than I thought you were gonna say.”
“You’re telling me.”
“So you just left her at home by herself?”
“I had to get out of there. I needed space. I needed to get my head on straight before I got angry, or irrational. Or both.”
“Good thinking.”
“I called Zander though, told him that someone needed to get over there to stay with her. She told me she was alright when I left, but I’m not sure she’ll stay like that as it starts to hit her.”
“And now you’ve had time to think about it.”
“I want to know why she hid it from me, from her family. She knew we’d want to help her, but when it came down to it, she decided to hide it and suffer alone.” I breathe out a long slow breath, my shoulders slumping as I glance up at my best friend. “I was so fucking scared. There are so many ways this scenario could’ve gone wrong.”
“But it didn’t,” he adds.
“You’re right, it didn’t. But I can’t lose her. I’ve just found her.”
“Maybe you should tell her that.”
“You think?”
“I’ll let you in to a little secret women don’t want us to know. They want to know what we’re thinking and how we’re feeling, even if they don’t necessarily want to hear it. They need to know that we’re pissed off at them—warranted or unwarranted—or happy, or how much we really liked waking up with our cocks in their mouths this morning—”
“T.M.I.”
“You know it,” he retorts with a shit-eating grin.
“For the record, I've had a similar wake-up call recently too.”
He holds his fist out to me and I bump mine against it.
“In all seriousness, I know you’re new to this being-in-a-relationship-and-in-love shit, but just tell her how you feel, what you thought when you saw her being hurt—”
“I wanted to rip his head off.”
“Then tell her that. She’s probably wondering whether she’s lost yo
u over this, and you’re here just drinking beer while cooling off.”
“Fuck!” I run my hand through my hair.
“I should go.”
“Nope. You should sit your ass down, finish your beer and have some spaghetti with the boys. Mac and Kate have got it sorted. I sent Mac a text to say that you were coming over so Zoe will know where you are.”
“Thanks, man.”
“No worries. But next time I want to take my wife out, you owe me babysitting.”
I turn my head to look over at Jared, who is ramming his bright red truck repeatedly into a tower of blocks. Slam, crash, rebuild, repeat.
“Hey Jared, can I play?” I ask him. He looks at me, tilts his head to the side as if to consider my request, then nods and pats the carpet beside him.
Well there’s one surefire way to take my mind off things.
∞∞∞
Zoe
I watch the door after Noah leaves for what seems like hours. I get why he left, but it still stings like a bitch.
When all I wanted him to do was wrap me up in his arms and hold me, he needed space. His jaw was tight the whole ride home, his body rigid, full of what I can only assume was anger at the scene he broke up. It got worse when he sat by my side as I recounted my statement to Jeremy, outlining everything that has been happening during the past four months since I moved to Chicago.
Then on the walk up to my apartment, it was as if he was somewhere else. He was operating on autopilot—both of us were I think—and after making sure I was okay, he left telling me he’d call me later. Not that he’d come back soon, or that he was going to get some fresh air to clear his head—which I know is why he left—all he said was that he’d call.
My phone buzzes from the arm of the couch beside me.
Kate: Mac and I are five minutes away with wine and food. Get ready to open the door.
I sigh, somehow knowing that one out of the two most loved men in my life called in the cavalry.
They knock at the door and I look through the peephole—old habits and all that—and open the door to a sympathetic Kate and Mac, arms laden with Chinese takeout and a couple of bottles of wine.
“You’ve got some explaining to do, missy!” Kate says as she moves straight to the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets for my wine glasses. “Yowza!” she says triumphantly when she hits pay dirt.
“I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about it yet,” I reply honestly.
Mac grabs some forks out of the drawer and hooks her arm in mine, all but dragging me into the living room and plonking me down on the couch, before placing the food on the coffee table in front of us. Kate walks in and hands me a glass of white wine. “Time to start sharing. Zander gave me a brief rundown when he called and told us to come over.”
I slump down in the cushions in defeat. I love that my brother did that, but I was kind of hoping Noah had played some part in this female intervention.
“I figured he’d be straight over here ripping me a new asshole.”
Mac spits out her wine and looks at me with bulging eyes. “I think I love you. That would have to be one of the best sayings I’ve ever heard.”
“You can have it, as long as it means I don’t need to suffer through experiencing it.”
She looks over at Kate. “I can think of a few people I’d like to do that to, can’t you?”
Kate smirks and nods, but just when I think I’ve escaped this round of confessions, she spears me with a look and waits.
I huff in frustration, but lift up my legs until they’re bent beside me on the couch, Kate on the other end and Mac sitting on the floor on the opposite side of the table. Since my brother and Noah know everything now, I decide there is no reason for me to hold back anymore.
“My ex Justin has been harassing me for a while but I kind of kept quiet about just how much he’s been harassing me.”
“Why would you do that?” Kate asks, her voice quietly curious.
“Because I knew Zander would go off the deep end and do something stupid, probably putting his job at risk and with Noah . . .” My voice turns soft, “ . . . with Noah, we’d just started things and I didn’t want him having to deal with my unwanted baggage.”
“Hon, Noah didn’t like Nikki’s baggage which was being in love with his best friend. Your baggage comes in the form of a huge annoying suitcase full of toxic venom. You should’ve told us – and him - what was going on,” Kate says.
“I know that. And I knew that while it was happening. Then after a while, I’d been dealing with it for so long, and I was so sure that Justin would just move on and forget about me, I found myself stuck in a vortex of not telling anyone about it. Now Noah’s gone off God knows where, and I don’t even know if he’s coming back tonight, or tomorrow, or at all.”
“Now this is where I can help out. Daniel has known Noah forever, like since they were kids, and I’ve known him for like six years at least, and I can tell you two things. Firstly, he’s at my place with Daniel and Jared, and secondly, that man is so in love with you he doesn’t know how he should feel about this.”
“He was so mad when he came at Justin, but then he was so sweet to me afterwards. Then he just left.” My throat is tight and the words are hard to get out.
“Well let’s put it this way. Your brother is very protective of his girls—me included—and he’s already had to step in to help me when I was being held up before, and it took him a few weeks to not feel guilty about it,” Kate explains.
I sigh. “But it wasn’t his fault, was it?”
“No, but in his mind, he’s a cop—he should’ve been able to stop it happening, or some stupid shit like that.”
Mac nods in agreement, and looks as if she needs to say something.
“What?” I ask, my eyes glued to her.
“Noah feels guilty too. He’s probably wondering what would’ve happened if he didn’t get there in time. But then, he’s a pretty protective guy too, so I’m guessing he’s thinking he didn’t know what he was up against.”
“I’m such an idiot.”
“Why did you hide it?”
“’Cause I didn’t want to be a burden,” I moan. “And I didn’t want to give Noah a reason to lose interest.” Now the truth comes out.
“Oh hon, that’s kind of unfair on Noah. You need to give yourself and him a chance.” Kate moves along the couch and wraps her arm around me.
“There’s one last thing . . .” Mac says, her eyes full of sympathy as she watches me. “Noah hates lying, and although you didn’t do it maliciously, all Satan did was lie to him and mislead him, and maybe part of his needing space and time tonight was about that.”
“Shit.”
“He’ll come back. I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you, Zoe. He’s changed, maybe even matured—”
“He’s older than me!” I state.
“He’s older than all of us,” Mac says with a laugh. “That doesn’t mean he always acted like a grown up.”
“Your wedding . . .” Kate suggests.
“There’s that.” Mac’s lips curl up. “But you’re the one who has done that to him. You’ve shown him something that he’s obviously willing to fight for, and he will, albeit once he’s gotten over the hurt he’s feeling right now.”
We all go quiet, my mind racing a million miles an hour before I verbalize my worst fear. “He’ll come back though, right?”
Kate turns and looks at me with a slow growing smirk. “If Mac can run away twice and still end up with Superman, there’s no way in hell Noah Taylor will not come back to you. You’ve just got to be ready for him when he does.”
That was something I could do.
The girls left after the wine was all gone and we’d finished watching Bridesmaids on DVD. Then, as if timed perfectly, just as they were walking out Zander walked in.
Kate shook her head, maybe silently telling him to take it easy on me, before kissing him—thoroughly—goodbye, and shutting the door
behind her.
I braced myself, fully expecting him to lay into me, but he didn’t say anything. He went to the fridge, grabbed a beer—taking great pleasure when I told him it was one of Noah’s—and made his way past me into the living room, making himself at home on the couch. He lifted his legs up onto the coffee table then looked at me and tilted his head sideways, telling me to sit down with him, as if there was nothing wrong at all.
“From the message I got from Taylor earlier, I’m guessing he’ll say more than I ever could, and it’ll probably be more effective coming from him. So sit your ass down and relax, Zo. I’m sleeping on your couch until either the sun comes up or Noah sorts his shit out and comes back. Either way, you’re stuck with me for now.”
This is why I love my brother. He totally gets me. Always has and probably always will. “So how was the honeymoon then?” I ask in an effort to break the silence.
He turns his head and looks at me with a knowing smile. “You really wanna know?”
“Not now,” I mutter and return my attention to the TV again.
An hour later, when I feel myself falling asleep with my head resting on Zander’s shoulder, I get up and go to bed, wondering whether to send Noah a text but remember what the girls said about how he’s probably feeling. My last thought before I fall asleep is that at least I knew where he was.
Chapter 26
“The One”
Noah
At a little after eleven p.m., I let myself into Zoe’s complex using the pin code she gave me and make my way up to her apartment. To say that I’ve had a lot to think about is an understatement, but Daniel has succeeded in putting everything into perspective, and Mac? Well she walked in the door, whacked me around the ear and told me to get my ass back to Zoe’s to make it up to her.
I plan on doing that—and more—but first I need to follow Daniel’s advice and be honest about why I reacted the way I did, and how I feel about her hiding shit from me, especially when I haven’t held back anything since I met her.
When I reach her door, I knock a few times but realize that if she’s sleeping like she normally sleeps—like the fucking dead—then she probably won’t hear me. So I double my chances and send her a text.
