I couldn’t face my family and friends until I was in control of my life again. Hell or high water, I was going to free myself of his hold on me. If he came running back begging me to be with him, I’d reconsider. If he didn’t I’d have to find a way to fall out of love with him.
Chapter 4
Jamey
Normally I would hate that some chick tagged along with us, but Ang was different. She could hang out with all of us guys and not be annoying. Plus she looked so good covered in mud; those perfect tits were dripping with dirt running between them. I couldn’t help but look at her and not think about her being bent over in the lifeguard stand at the beach. Her hair was different from the last time I’d seen her. The brown was darker¸ almost a black, and it was pulled back in a ponytail. She wore these big zirconia earrings that attracted me to her lobes that I’d once nibbled on.
“See something you like?” She’d caught me looking.
“I see somewhere I’ve already been before. Don’t get the two confused.” I had to be cocky or else I’d have her bent over a muddy machine while my two friends were out there somewhere chasing each other around still.
“Why’d you follow me back here?”
“I left my two waters in the truck. You had nothin’ to do with it.” I grabbed one of the bottles and opened it up, dumping a few drips over my face and washing off the mud before it dried. “Though I see you’re still thinkin’ about me.”
“Maybe.” She held out her hand for the bottle that had just left my lips. “Do you mind?”
I handed her the bottle and felt our hands touching as it was exchanged. “My cousin tells me that you’ve got yourself a girlfriend. I’ve got to be honest.” She dumped some water on her chest and started rubbing the mud around. I couldn’t stop looking. “I never thought you’d settle down.”
“Me? Settle down?” I let out an air-filled sigh. “That shit ain’t happenin’. I don’t know where you heard that from, but I ain’t tied down to anyone.” My mind went directly to Peyton, and I immediately felt guilt. I hated that she got to me like that, and was determined to make it go away. If there was a chance that I could hit Ang again, I wanted to at least have the option.
“So you’re not living with someone?”
“I’ve got a friend that stays at my house, yes, but we’re just that. We fuck each other, but she knows how I am.”
Ang took a sip of water before handing me the bottle back. She peered into my eyes and licked over her lips. “I know how you are too.”
“That was a long time ago. I’m surprised you remember it at all.” I had to walk away, because I didn’t feel like dealing with the bullshit that would happen if I let my dick lead the way. “We should get back out there.”
She grabbed my arm as I began to walk by her. “Wait. I’m not finished catching up.” She pulled me her way and I smacked into her chest. I looked down and saw intent on her eyes. “If you’re not with someone than why can’t we catch up?” Her finger ran over my bottom lip. I grabbed her arm and took a step back. My laugh wasn’t because I was happy. It was because I knew I had a choice. Sure, I could nail her and Peyton would possibly never find out. I kept saying that I owed her nothing, but at the end of the day, when put into these kind of situations, I always chose her, because she was the best. “Maybe I do have someone at home.”
“Maybe I don’t care,” she said as she inched closer again.
I took both hands and shoved her away. “That’s the problem with women like you. You don’t care. I’m over that. Besides, I’ve already been knee deep inside that pussy of yours. There’s nothin’ new there for me to be interested in.” Sometimes being a cocky asshole came in handy. Not only did it drive a wedge between me and Peyton, but it also drove away hoochies that spread their legs for every dude around.
Her face changed, and I could tell I hit a nerve. “Fuck you, Jamey. I should have known you’d be a douche.”
“I am who I am. Nothin’ changes, baby.”
“That chick can have you. It wasn’t that good anyway.”
Sure, it was a kick to my pride, but girls like her were everywhere. I didn’t need to stick my dick in New Jersey for a good time. “You jealous?”
She climbed on the four-wheeler and started it before she answered. “I’m too good for you anyway.”
“Whatever!” She wasn’t worth the chase.
It was dark before we all headed home, and Ang never spoke to me again. I climbed out of the truck, noticing that Peyton was already home from the cookout. Since Ang had gotten me worked up, I couldn’t wait to climb into that bed and feel Pey’s naked body against mine. Something about her drove me crazy. If she’d just stop complaining about everything we’d be good. I said my goodbyes to my friends and ignored Ang as I headed inside of my house.
All of the lights were off, and my hopes of getting a piece of ass were increasing as I made my way to my bedroom. I’d already pulled off my shirt and kicked off my boots before leaning in to kiss her. “Hey. I’m back.”
She leaned over and turned on the light. “You’re filthy.”
“I expected a kiss before you complained about somethin’.”
“I just got a shower, Jamey. Maybe I don’t feel like sleepin’ in a dirty bed.”
I lifted her chin up to my lips. “Maybe I like makin’ the bed dirty with you.”
She pushed me away, which wasn’t out of character, especially after I’d been out with my friends instead of being with her. “Just go get a shower.”
“Make me,” I teased, hoping she’d want to join me, even though she’d already gotten one. I could smell how sweet she smelled and it made my dick ache even more than it already was.
“Please. I don’t feel like arguin’ with you.” Her attitude was nasty.
“What’s your fuckin’ problem?”
“You are.” Peyton got up off the bed and looked at me. “How you treat me. That’s my problem. I’m not a toy. I have feelin’s that you don’t seem to care about.”
I put my hands up in the air. “Whoa! What’s this about? What did I do to you now? Is this shit because of your brother?”
“No. It has nothin’ to do with Shayne or anyone else. It has to do with you and me. How long do you expect me to be in this arrangement without admitting that we’re somethin’ more than fuck buddies?”
“Pey, it ain’t just about that and you know it.”
“Oh yeah? When have you ever introduced me as your girlfriend?” she asked as she started to cry. “For more than a year I’ve tried to be what you wanted, but it gets me nowhere.”
I was getting annoyed. “Every time you’re with them you come home actin’ like this.”
“This isn’t about them I told you!” she was adamant.
“Then what? What brought this on?”
“Everything!” Peyton wasn’t making sense. When I’d left the house we’d just screwed. Nothing had changed in my mind.
“You’re bein’ ridiculous. I’m gettin’ a damn shower. Maybe when I get out you’ll have calmed down.”
I left her there crying in my room. It wasn’t like I didn’t care, I did. Peyton was special to me. She should have known that. I’d never let another girl stay with me like she did. I took her places, and people knew we were more than friends. So what if I didn’t label it as something more. It wasn’t necessary. It was better this way. If I decided that I wanted out, I had nothing holding me back.
I took my time in the shower, too tired to put up with another argument. When I climbed out, I wrapped a towel around my waist and walked into my bedroom. Peyton was still crying, and she was packing her stuff in a book bag. “What now, Pey? What did I do now?”
“I can’t do this anymore, Jamey. I can’t sit here waitin’ for you to come around. I want more and you’re never goin’ to give it to me. Why should I bother tryin’ anymore?”
Her tears were real, and I’d never paid such close attention to her as I was at that very moment, while standing in only
a towel. “You’ll change your mind.” I made the statement but second guessed it as soon as she didn’t respond. “I don’t get why you’re bein’ like this. I didn’t do shit to you. In fact, I could have fucked this chick today, but I didn’t.”
That got her attention. “You said you were four-wheelin’?”
“I was. She was there with us.”
I could see the look of disappointment rush over her face. “I can’t do this with you. It hurts too much. Screw whoever you want Jamey. We’re done. I’m through with tryin’.”
“This is all because I won’t commit? I don’t believe that.” I followed her downstairs toward the kitchen exit. “We were fine this mornin’.”
She turned around and pointed right at my face. “You were fine. You were fine with stickin’ your thing in me to shut me up. You think I don’t know how you work? Nothin’ was fine this mornin’, not even when we were in bed. It hasn’t been fine in as long as I can remember. We fight all of the time, and it never gets us any closer to bein’ happy.”
“Pey, wait.” I grabbed her by the arm and forced her to come to a halt. “We fight to make up. You know how it is between us. I thought you liked it.”
“I don’t like anything about it. Don’t you get it, you idiot, I want more. I want a man that will take me places and hold my hand. I want a man that will talk about me when I’m not around. I want a man that makes plans for the future knowin’ that I’ll be in it.”
I threw my arms in the air. “I’m not that guy. I never will be. You knew that from the beginnin’.”
She shook her head and tightened up her face, as if it was hurting her physically to look at me. “Well I thought you’d change.”
“Come on. You know me. Are we really havin’ this conversation when you know damn well you’re goin’ to call me later and beg me to let you come back?”
She pushed me clear across the kitchen floor and turned to walk outside. I caught my footing and went after her, holding the towel so that it didn’t fall off. We lived in the country and I didn’t give a shit if someone rode by and saw me standing outside in a towel.
“I won’t call you, Jamey. I’ll never call you again.” She got in her car and pulled out of the driveway.
I stood there watching her leave, wondering how long it was going to take her to contact me.
It was a good thing I didn’t sit there staring at my phone. Peyton didn’t call me, or text. By midnight I shot her a message to check on her. She’d never been so distraught over our situation before, and I wondered what had brought it on.
Are you okay? – J
It took her a good thirty minutes before she responded.
I will be. – P
What was that supposed to mean?
For the first time in my life a woman had walked away from me before I’d asked her to, and I wasn’t okay with it. It not only rubbed me the wrong way, but it left a bad taste in my mouth. Maybe I’d been too quick to judge my feelings for Peyton. There was a good chance that she was going to make me work to get her back in my good graces, which was something I’d also never done before.
Like it or not, I’d get her back in my bed. Just because I couldn’t commit didn’t mean she wasn’t mine.
Chapter 5
Peyton
It took all of the energy that I had to conjure up the courage to walk away from Jamey, and every bit of strength I had to not contact him. The truth was that a part of me knew we weren’t going anywhere, but I was settled into the monotony of what we did have. Maybe the girls were right. Jamey was never going to change and I needed to walk away from him completely to see it.
When I arrived back at Shayne’s house he didn’t have to ask what was wrong. Either Ashley told him, or after I’d left everyone felt it necessary to talk about me. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone; that I was all alone to suffer without the support of even my family.
It only took me a good thirty minutes to decide that I needed to get away from everyone. I was back in my car and driving to the one person that would never give me a hard time; the one person that knew me completely, who had enough shit on his plate to know better than to judge me.
Parker’s dorm was locked, causing me to have to call him and pray that he answered. It was nearly midnight when I reached his college campus, and I knew he’d probably already be in bed. A voice answered that I didn’t recognize.
“Hello?”
“Is Parker there?”
“He’s in bed. Hang on.” I heard him waking up my brother.
“Yeah. This better be important.”
“It’s me. I’m outside. Come let me in.”
“Peyton, it’s midnight. What the hell? You can’t just come in here after hours.”
“I’ll be quiet. Bring me a hat or something to hide my hair. I’m wearing a jacket and I’ll sneak in.”
“You’ve got to be kiddin’ me. Is this one of your pranks?”
“No, you dumb ass. I’m outside and I need to come in.”
I heard him shuffling and a door opening. Finally I saw his feet coming down the stairs that led to the front of the building. He opened them and looked around before letting me in. “Hurry up before someone sees you.”
“You act like girls don’t sneak in here all the time.”
He waited until we reached his room to talk to me. I suppose he didn’t want anyone hearing us. His roommate was back asleep, but had stuck headphones in his ears and didn’t even notice that I was there.
Parker sat me down on his bed and crossed his arms. “What’s up?”
“I broke up with Jamey. I mean, I ended whatever it was he was callin’ it.” I began to cry and Parker sat down beside me. He put his hand on my leg and let me lean my head on him, like we did when we were younger. “I didn’t know where to go. I just had to get away. I need to be where he can’t call me and invite me over easily.”
“If you broke up with him why are you worried about goin’ back? I’m a little confused, sis.”
“He won’t get serious. It’s all just a game to him. I want more. Is that so hard to understand?”
“No. I get it. It’s just that with your track record and Jamey’s, it was kind of expected. I mean, nobody thought you’d work out anyway.”
“Thanks, a lot.”
He laughed and kissed the top of my head. “I’m sorry. I’m tired so ignore me. I didn’t mean to be a dick to you. Come on.” He pulled down his covers. “We’re goin’ to have to share, because there’s no way I’m lettin’ you crawl in bed with Chris over there. He farts in his sleep, by the way.”
Parker was trying to make me smile. It worked for a second. We climbed into his tiny twin bed and I nestled my back into his chest. “This is like when we were little and I had a bad dream.”
“Yeah, except you’re much taller.”
I smiled again. “I know everyone is mad at you, but being here was the one place where I knew I’d feel better.”
“We share the same DNA. As far as everyone else goes there’s nothin’ I can say or do that will make them see I’m sorry. Shayne and Dad are probably goin’ to pissed at me forever. As long as I have you, I know I’ll be okay.”
My phone vibrating caught me off guard. Parker sat up with me and watched as I checked my messages. “It’s Jamey. He wants to know if I’m okay.”
“Here.” He held out his hand. I gave him my phone and watched him type in a reply. When he handed me back the phone he had a big grin on his face.
“What did you write?”
“I told him that you will be. It’s true. He’s just a guy, Pey. He’s just another notch that you’ll soon forget about. Come on, how many guys have you thought you were in love with?”
I shoved my brother. “Three, and I was.”
“No you weren’t.” He shook his head before laying back down on the bed. “You just thought you were. The truth is that when you find that one person you’ll know it without a doubt.”
“What if I already feel
that way?”
I laid back down next to him and started to tear up again.
“I don’t know, sis. I suppose time will make it easier. You just need to focus on now much of an idiot he is to let you go.”
“That’s what I’m hopin’ for, actually.”
“What?” He sat up again and looked over at me. “Don’t tell me this is all some ploy to get him to commit.”
I shrugged. “Kind of.”
Parker rubbed his face, seemingly disappointed in my choices. “What is with you women and your head games?”
“This isn’t a game. It’s my heart, Parker. I want him to love me, and the girls said that if I wanted to know for sure how he felt I needed to force it out of him. Jamey’s taken advantage of me for a long time. Whether he loves me or not is yet to be determined, but either way I took myself out of the equation to let him decide on his own.”
“You’re fully prepared for him to not come runnin’?”
My lips trembled as I answered. “Not really, but I’ll have to be.”
“Pey, maybe it’s because I’m tired, but your plan sounds like an epic fail. You set the guy free. He’s never been one to settle down anyway. You and Jamey, well it was always more than he admitted. Just because you didn’t put a stupid label on it didn’t make it real.”
I felt my stomach knotting up. “So you think I screwed up?”
“I don’t know. Jamey’s a douche. He always has been. There’s no tellin’ what he does. At least he messaged to check on you. That there proves that he cares.”
“I don’t want him to just care about me. I already know he does. He might not show it, but he does.”
“That’s just it. You want him to be all in. Maybe he’s not capable of it.”
“Just go back to bed, Parker. You’re making me want to puke.”
“There’s a bottle of whiskey in my top drawer. I’ve got class in the mornin’ so I’m goin’ to take your advice. You can crash here as long as you need to, just don’t tell them your last name in case you get caught.”
Reject Me Page 3
