“Nothin’ happened.”
“Are you denying that we’ve been together before?” Why was she playing this game?
“Stop screwin’ around.”
Ang looked right into my eyes as she spoke. “When you’re done being ridiculous we can talk. Now get out of my face.”
“No!”
Before I could respond to her madness, I was pulled out of the establishment by my friend. “What’s your problem?”
“That’s enough, dude. Leave Angie alone.”
“Are you kiddin’ me? Did you see what that bitch did to me?” I pushed my friend away from me to stand my ground. “I don’t give a shit who Ang is to you. What she did was fucked up. Peyton’s never goin’ to believe me now, because of that lying whore.”
He pointed at me with serious eyes. “I’m goin’ to let that slide since you’re pissed. Go home Jamey. Peyton’s just a chick, man. She’ll be back. Bitches always come back. You know that.”
He was wrong though. Peyton wasn’t just another fuck buddy for me. She was special, which was something that none of my friends could understand. We’d both gotten around in our younger years, and with reputations like ours it was impossible for people to accept that we could change.
Since I knew I’d regret fighting with my friends, over something they had nothing to do with, I hopped in my vehicle and drove to the one place where I knew I would get support.
My brother’s house.
He and his girlfriend Lacey had begun moving into their new house, located much closer to their jobs. He’d offered me the apartment, and I’d planned on asking Peyton to move in with me when we went back to my mother’s house after riding four-wheelers. That was all messed up now, and I wasn’t exactly sure I even wanted to move out.
Joey was outside drinking a beer while barbequing on the back porch. He waved me to walk around the house as soon as I got out. “What’s up bro? You want a steak? I can have Lace thaw another one. We got them at the butcher last night. Look how thick these things are.” He held up the steak as I approached.
“I’m not real hungry, man.”
Joey put his arm on my shoulder. Lacey came outside carrying a marinade, and from the look on her face I could tell that she knew something was wrong. “You okay, Jamey?”
I sat down on a lawn chair and ran my hands through my hair. “No. I’m pretty fuckin’ screwed up. That’s why I came. I need some advice, because obviously I don’t give a shit about relationships.”
“Did you meet someone?” Lacey asked.
I think my brother knew the answer even before I said it. “Not exactly. It’s Peyton.”
“Her again? Boy, you don’t know when to quit. You two are like fuel to a fire.”
“Come on, bro, not you too. I need help here.”
My brother began to laugh hysterically. “You’re kiddin’, right? I mean, the last time we talked you were all about hittin’ whatever young ass came your way. What changed?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I realized that she’s different.”
“Jamey, are you in love with Peyton?” Lacey asked.
I looked down when I answered. “I don’t know. I think I might be.”
“Does she even know?” Her questions were hard for me to hear. The ‘L’ word was always off limits. I used to cringe when Peyton used it.
“I tried to tell her. Then things got all crazy. Now she’s not talkin’ to me at all. In fact, I’m pretty damn sure she’s never goin’ to speak to me again.”
“Why?” My brother asked. “What did you do?”
“She thinks I slept with this chick.”
“Well did you?” Joey’s smile made me feel like an asshole. Obviously they thought the worst of me.
“Am I really that bad of a guy?”
Joey started to answer, but Lacey threw up her finger making him hold off. “You just haven’t found your way yet, that’s all.”
“Bro, did you sleep with the other chick?”
“Yes, but not for a long time. She’s from out of town and it happened years ago. I swear.”
Joey shook his head, while Lacey continued to communicate with me. “Why would Peyton never want to talk to you again? Were you with her when it happened? I’m a little confused.” She sat down on the chair across from me while my brother continued flipping the meat. He was such a perfectionist when it came to cooking. Secretly I hoped to be as good as he was one day, albeit I’d never admit that to him.
“Last night I convinced Peyton to come over. One thing led to another and you know how it goes. We ended up in bed.”
“As if that wasn’t your plan all along,” my brother said sarcastically.
“That wasn’t the only reason that I wanted her to come over. I missed her. Anyway, we fought and then we talked, and then we fought some more. By morning we’d decided to give us another try; a clean slate. We promised no more lies. I admitted my feelin’s for her, and invited her to go ridin’ with me today. Things were good. It was like nothin’ we’d ever experienced before.”
“How did things get messed up then? It sounds like you worked everything out.” Lacey was confused, but no more than me. I was in uncharted waters and felt as if I was drowning in my own stupidity.
“That chick that I slept with was there today when we went ridin’. She told Peyton that we slept together a few days ago. I tried to convince her that the bitch was lyin’, but with my track record she wouldn’t believe me. She had some dude pick her up and told me that she never wanted to see or talk to me again. You should have seen her face when she said it. She hates me.”
I put my head down and heard the door opening. A few seconds later my brother came out and handed me a beer. “I think you need this.”
I opened the top and took a sip. “More than you know.”
“It sounds like that girl wants you all to herself,” Lacey suggested.
“It’s not goin’ to happen. Even if Peyton never talks to me again, I’d never give that bitch, Angie, the time of day. She’s made sure of that.”
“The first thing you need to do is give Peyton some time. You could send her a message, but don’t go crazy with it. Tell her you need to talk, but leave it open for her to contact you. If you bother her about it, she’ll only get more upset with you. Trust me when I say that sometimes being apart makes the heart grow fonder.”
“I doubt she will come around. You didn’t hear her. She’s done with me.”
Instead of asking them for advice about getting Peyton back I should have been asking them how to forget about her, because surely it would hurt a lot less if I could do that instead.
“Lacey’s right. Just be patient. If it’s meant to be all will work out.”
“I think I’d rather head to the beach, get fucked up, and bang some chick I don’t even know.”
“That’s the dumbest idea you’ve ever had, Jamey.”
I could tell that I’d disgusted Lacey. She was always so devoted to my brother. The idea that we’d both slept around in younger years made her skin crawl. It was sort of cute how much she had forgiven my brother for his past. When she looked at him it was intense. I wanted that with Peyton. “Yeah, I know. I was just thinkin’ it could make it not feel like I’ve been kicked in the balls, at least for a little while.”
“That’s not the answer to your problems. It will only make you feel worse about yourself. This chick sounds like a little whore who just wants attention. Just take my advice and give Peyton some time. The next time I see her I’ll make sure she knows that Joey and I believe you. I don’t think you’d come here and tell us a lie just to help your cause. You seem pretty broken up over it, besides, I never thought I’d hear you admit to loving someone.”
There was that word again. “Yeah, don’t get used to it. I’m thinking about retiring it forever. All it got me was a kick in the genitals.”
Joey started laughing and shaking his head. “Come on inside. Let’s eat. There’s plenty to go around, and y
ou obviously need the company. You can crash here tonight.”
I appreciated my brother’s hospitality. We may bump heads a lot, but he’d always been around when I needed him. Our mother had taught us that.
A couple hours later, after a six-pack of beers, I sent Peyton the text message that Lacey suggested. It was simple and to the point.
I really need to talk to you, but I can wait until you’re ready. I’m sorry about today. Love Jamey
I don’t know why but I stared at my phone for a long time, waiting for a reply to come through. Finally sleep came, and all I could hope for was to dream about being in that green pasture with Peyton, because that was the happiest I’d been in forever.
Chapter 13
Peyton
I woke up in a strange bed, all alone. After realizing that I was still in Wayne’s bedroom, I headed out to look for him. On the couch, he slept sound, like a real gentlemen should. I grabbed a blanket off the back and covered him up, kissing the top of his forehead out of appreciation. His eyes opened and I felt sort of stupid for doing it, like it implied something I wasn’t ready for.
“You okay?” He asked.
“Yeah, just woke up and wondered where you were.”
He rolled over pulling the blanket with him. “Just get some sleep. We can talk in the morning.”
“I can sleep on the couch. It’s not a big deal. You don’t have to sacrifice your bed for me.” This man had already done too much. I felt bad for depending on him.
“Peyton, we’re friends. It’s not a big deal. Let me be a gentlemen and offer you my bed. I owe you.”
He owed me? That was a first. Nobody ever owed me anything, because I’d always been so selfish, thinking of my own needs before anyone else’s. “If you insist.”
“I do, now go get some rest. I promised Abigail bacon in the morning. Hope you like it crispy.”
I smiled, realizing that he wasn’t going to let me sleep on that couch, no matter how many times I offered. I thought about seeing Abigail, and eating that crispy bacon, instead of dwelling on the negative in my life. Having this friendship meant so much to me. He didn’t owe me anything, because I would never be able to repay him for what he continued to do for me.
I found it hard to fall back asleep. After tossing and turning around in the bed, I located my phone and turned it back on. A text message from Jamey made my stomach knot up. I knew I should have erased it, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it without seeing what it said.
I read the message three times, and wondered why he was trying so hard to convince me otherwise. It was hard to turn off the phone and get back under the covers. I was surprised when I managed to do it without breaking down again. I suppose I was going through the motions. First there was the pain, and now all I felt was anger. I’d been betrayed by the one man I’d given my heart to. It was going to take a ton of time, but I would get over this, and possibly have a future with someone that understood me; someone like Wayne.
The sunlight let me know that morning had come. Wrapped in the blankets like a cocoon, I rolled over to see that it was past nine in the morning. The house was still quiet, and I certainly didn’t want to wake Wayne or Abigail by getting up, so I lay there looking around the room. On the bedside table was a picture of Wayne and his wife. It must have been before she got sick. Her auburn hair was long and full of curls. Her belly had a bump, letting me know that she was carrying Abigail. Wayne wasn’t looking at the camera when the picture was shot. Instead he was looking at his wife with a huge smile on his face. I picked up the photo and traced the figures in the picture, wondering if I’d ever be able to experience that kind of love. While in deep thought the door creaked up. I looked up to see Wayne standing there, looking down at the frame I now held in my hands. “Sorry, I was just-.”
He held up his hands. “It’s fine.”
I put the frame down and moved over on the bed. Wayne sat down next to me and picked up the picture. “She was so beautiful. Even when she woke up after a rough night’s sleep, all I saw was perfection. I used to watch her sleeping. She was so peaceful. After she was diagnosed it was the only time that she seemed at peace. This picture was taken right before Abigail graced us with her presence. God, we were so happy back then.”
I could hear it in his voice that he was getting choked up. “Wayne, you don’t have to talk about it.”
“No, it’s okay. It helps.” He let out an attempt at a laugh. “You know, she made me promise that I’d find someone to live my life with. She was adamant about it, making me do this stupid pinky promise, like little children do. Even when I did it, I knew I’d never find someone like her. I miss her so much, Peyton, but every single day that I wake up and see our little girl I know I have a piece of her with me.” He put his hand on my leg, catching me off guard. “Breakfast is ready in the kitchen. Abigail helped me make you teddy bear shaped pancakes. They look like blobs, so just pretend that they’re perfectly shaped, so she can be proud.”
He stood up, disregarding the fact that he’d just broke down in front of me. I guess it was how he coped. It broke my heart. Before getting up out of the bed I looked back at that picture. The love he had for her was indescribable. I longed for that kind of devotion, and knew I was never going to have it with Jamey.
It’s what really helped me be sure about not calling him again. If love like Wayne’s really did exist than I wanted to find it. I owed it to myself to be strong and move on.
After a delicious breakfast, I spent the afternoon in the backyard with Abigail, while Wayne went to the bookstore. We played princesses, and pretended that her plastic playhouse was her castle, and the backyard her kingdom. It was fun, and even better than playing with my brother when we were younger. He’d always insist on being the prince, which would in turn mean that he would be crowned king, while I remained a princess. Abigail wasn’t like my twin brother, though. She’d been taught to share, and wanted us to be equals. I loved how beautiful she was, and the innocence that she carried with her.
As we were cleaning up she asked me a question that caught me off guard again. It was something that I was obviously not prepared for.
“Peyton, are you going to be my mommy now?”
Not only did it make me sad, but it also scared me. I didn’t want Wayne to get mad at however I was going to answer. “Your daddy and I are just friends, Abigail. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. In fact, you’re pretty much my best friend.”
“Really?”
“Yes. You are the only girl that I love spendin’ time with. You’re a true princess.”
She flipped her hair in a cute kind of way. “Daddy says that one day a prince will come for me. Do you think he will like cupcakes?”
“Who doesn’t like cupcakes?” I answered her with enthusiasm. She giggled, letting me know that I’d amused her.
“What about daddy?”
“He likes cupcakes.”
“No silly,” she corrected. “What about daddy finding a queen?”
I sighed, knowing that all I had was a head full of wrong answers. “You’ll have to be patient with daddy. One day he’ll find his queen. Right now he’s too busy raising the perfect princess.” I tickled her to get her to change topics, before I said something that would upset her, or Wayne. They meant a lot to me and I didn’t want to ruin that.
By the time Wayne walked in the door from work, Abigail was asleep on the couch with a animated movie playing in the background. To make the time go by faster I decided to clean the house, starting with the bathrooms. I was on the kitchen floor when I saw him step in front of me. “Hey, no footprints on the clean floor.”
“Why in the world are you cleaning my house?”
“I got bored.”
He grabbed my hand and lifted me to stand. “Please stop doing it. You’re our guest, Peyton.”
“It keeps my mind off of things.”
“Why don’t I drive you to your house to change your clothes and we can all go see a movie.
You need to get out of the house, before you shine it to death.” His sarcasm lacked something, but I couldn’t ever put my finger exactly on it. For the most part he wasn’t that funny when it came to trying to cheer me up. I gave him an A for effort. His attempts kept me interested, and distracted.
“A movie sounds like a great idea.”
“It’s a date.” He froze in place and turned to face me. “Not that kind of date of course.”
I nodded, agreeing that a real date would be too awkward at the moment. He and I both knew I wasn’t ready for anything like that. His companionship was enough for me.
Thankfully, my brother, his wife, and the twins weren’t home when I stopped by to change. After ten minutes I was out the door with a fresh outfit, and my hair in a loose French braid. Abigail was wearing a matching one from when we’d played princesses. She giggled when I climbed into the car with mine. It was pleasing to hear her so happy.
We ended up seeing a new spin on a fairytale. Wayne and I sat on each side of Abigail. Her eyes were glued to the film, while mine wandered around the theater. It was full of families, all so seemingly happy that it was bittersweet. I was still young, had my whole life in front of me. Why was I so broken up over a little breakup with someone that I crushed over in my teens? It made me feel so immature.
When the movie was over we grabbed a bite to eat, and Wayne drove me to Jamey’s to pick up my car. I hated the idea of pulling up out in front of his house, but was relieved that he wasn’t there. By the time Wayne pulled away I was already crying again. Being alone was the trigger. I started my car and looked around at the empty driveway. Jamey’s whereabouts shouldn’t have been my concern, but curiosity got the best of me. I wondered if he’d run right to that bitch that had come between us. Maybe they’d been seeing each other the whole time he’d been seeing me. She obviously wasn’t from around. Maybe she’d moved closer to be with Jamey, and she’d finally gotten her wish.
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