Reject Me

by Jennifer Foor

  “You don’t.” I let her hand fall and grabbed her by the waist pulling her against me. “If you hated me then it wouldn’t hurt so much.”

  She refused to look at me. “Just leave me alone. I can’t forgive you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you slept with them. Don’t you get it? You’ve destroyed me time and time again. I feel like an idiot. You were out fuckin’ girls while I sat in your bed waitin’ for you. How many times did you come home and fuck me right after them? How many?”

  “None.” There was a couple times where I could have, but I wouldn’t have done that to Peyton, even though she was better than all of them put together. “I may have screwed around with them, but they’d never be you. None of them have ever been in my bed.”

  “Oh that’s just great. Should I feel special now?” Her sarcasm was better than getting hit upside the head again.

  “Look at me.”

  She refused.

  “God damn it, Peyton, look at me.” She turned slowly, finally gracing me with those tear-filled eyes. Then she saw what she’d be refusing to notice. She saw my pain, my regret, and my loss. “I’m in love with you, Peyton. Can’t you see that? Look at me and tell me that I’m lyin’. Jesus, how much more do I have to sacrifice to prove it to you?”

  She just stood there, crying while looking at me. Her lack of words let me know what I feared. All of my efforts had been for nothing. “We’re over for good aren’t we?”

  She nodded, but didn’t answer.

  I couldn’t take it anymore. There wasn’t any way I could stand there watching her break my heart again. I’d done everything she’d asked me. I’d come clean. I’d changed. I’d worked so hard to make her see. Nothing worked.

  I had to walk away.

  I never looked back as I walked away from her. The waves came in soaking my ankles, but I kept moving until the dark of night filled the sky. When I knew I was all alone I sat down underneath a lifeguard stand and finally let my emotions go. I didn’t care if someone heard me, because my reason for living hated my guts.

  Chapter 19

  Peyton

  It was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. Unlike the times before it, this one stung unbelievably. My heart felt like it was shattering inside of me. I felt as if a dagger was being stabbed in my back.

  When I arrived at the beach house I was met with two sets of concerned eyes. Ashley didn’t question me as I fell into her arms. I clung to her, letting the tears pour down my face.

  “I told you this was a bad idea, Peyton. What were you thinkin’?”

  “Don’t, babe. Give it a rest until she can tell us what happened.” Ashley was determined to shut my brother up, and I loved her for it.

  Once I finally calmed down enough to take a drink of water, Ashley sat down next to my brother and waited patiently for me to respond to their concerns. “I had to leave. I couldn’t hear it anymore. It hurt too much.” My words came out with so much emotion that I wasn’t sure they could understand me.

  “What are you sayin’? Did he hurt you, because if he did I’ll -.”

  “No. He never laid a hand on me. Jamey wouldn’t do that.”

  “Then what. Pey? What happened?” Ashley was so kind with her questions. It was the mother in her.

  “You don’t understand,” I kept rambling. “I love him. It’s hurts too much. We can’t be together.”

  “You’re not makin’ any sense, sis.”

  I collapsed, falling to the floor before I could explain. I understand how irrational I must have seemed, but my body wouldn’t let me respond in any other way. I was giving up, and letting myself succumb to the depths of loneliness.

  My very concerned brother picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. Ashley followed close behind making sure I was comfortable, and that I didn’t need anything. I rolled over so that they couldn’t see my face. The agony of what I was going through had been brought on from devastation. I knew better than to ask about things I never wanted to know. Now I had to live with the truth, knowing that it would forever taint the love that I had for Jamey.

  After trying to pry what happened out of me with no result, my brother finally gave up, leaving me alone. Once they’d all gone to bed I lay there restless. I knew that Jamey cheating was nothing new. I’d suspected it for a long time. I think hearing him admit to it opened up a lot of old wounds that I’d buried deep inside.

  The sound of something on the window startled me. I sat up in the bed and pulled the covers over my body. A mini-blind prevented me from seeing outside, but the image of a person stood on the other side. Without looking I knew who it was. Last year I’d told him what window was mine so that I could sneak him inside without my brother seeing us. Ever since our dad had given him back his key he’d acted like he was in charge of who was allowed to come inside.

  This time I wasn’t excited to see him. In fact looking at him was only going to make matters worse. On the other hand the pain of what had occurred earlier had made me irrational. The mere thought of Jamey being able to take the pain away gave me some kind of false hope. I knew it wasn’t real, but I was desperate to feel it.

  It’s what made me rush to that window and unlock it. Jamey stood there, in the dim lit yard. His eyes were glossed over and puffy. I couldn’t look at them without feeling more hurt. “Why are you here?”

  “Because I care about you.”

  “You should have thought about that before you cheated on me.” The mere mention made me jealous.

  He scratched his head, but climbed through the window after a second’s thought. “You’re right.”

  “I didn’t say you could come inside.”

  “I’m not a fuckin’ vampire, Pey. I don’t have to be invited into your room, and I certainly don’t have to have permission to do this.” He reached over and pulled me against his chest. I wanted to hit him, to scream out so that my brother would come in and kick his ass, but my bones wouldn’t let me. I stood there motionless while his arms wrapped tightly around my back. “Please don’t push me away, Pey. I’m so sorry, baby. I know you’ll never be with me, but I can’t stand to watch you hurtin’. Just let me hold you. Please, just let me.”

  I nodded and sobbed against his chest, feeling him kissing the top of my head. “This changes nothin’, Jamey. I can’t forgive you.”

  “I know. Trust me, I know.”

  My arms clenched the back of his shirt as if I was holding on for dear life. Having him there, comforting me, it wasn’t like anything I’d ever experienced with him. While I was crying, I could feel his own shaking. Never in my life could I imagine Jamey breaking down the way he was. Knowing that I was the reason made me sympathize with him. I may have hated what he did to us, but I still loved him.

  I’m not really sure how it happened, but we ended up back in my bed, dressed of course, and not in a romantic way at all. Jamey was behind me, with both of his arms wrapped firmly around my torso. I don’t think he would have let go even I tried to get away.

  I couldn’t admit it to him, but I didn’t remember the last time that I felt so safe. Being in his arms, having him hold me so desperately, it gave me this sense of security that I’d obviously been lacking in my life. This was the man I loved, no matter what he’d done I couldn’t stop. I know I said that I hated him, but it wasn’t true. I was just so angry, so damn hurt that the lies kept piling up. I knew they were a long time ago, but it felt the same as being only days before. Betrayal was evil. It was a deadly sin that no person wanted to deal with.

  After being silent for a little while, Jamey adjusted to face me. He ran the back of his hand over my jawline. “Are you mad at me for comin’ over?”

  “No.”

  “Do you want me to leave?” I could see the torture in his eyes as he waited for my reply.

  “You probably should.” I paused, knowing that if I asked him to leave I’d be alone again, left to cry in misery. “But I don’t want you to.”

  He smiled, whil
e still looking deep into my eyes. “Why?”

  It was a difficult question to answer. I didn’t want to give him false hope, but I certainly didn’t want to lie. “I don’t want to be alone.”

  “Your family is here with you.”

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  He kissed the side of my head. “I know what you meant, because I haven’t been able to sleep in weeks. Nothin’ feels right. I’m just goin’ through the motions, tryin’ to figure out how to make things right. I know you told me to leave you alone, but I can’t do it. I can’t get you out of my head. It’s makin’ me crazy.” Jamey picked my hand up and kissed it. I hated how connected I felt to him. Where I should have been disgusted, all I wanted was to be right where we were, in a full-on embrace.

  “Just hold me,” I felt myself getting choked up again as I spoke. “Don’t talk.”

  Jamey did I as requested and held me in silence. The room felt like it was spinning around as every different emotion possible came to mind. I’d confronted my demons and left myself vulnerable, and weak. I wasn’t able to sustain from wanting him close to me.

  As impossible as my situation was, I knew that I wasn’t going to let him leave my bed.

  A little while later Jamey had fallen asleep. I continued to lie there staring at him resting so peacefully. Then I did something that I knew was a bad idea, yet I still went through with it. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his, just wanting to feel what it was like again. I was gutted, yet still needed his touch.

  His eyes opened with surprise. For a moment I thought he was going to pull away. Surely he hadn’t come for this. Jamey began reciprocating immediately, reaching for my waistline and pulling off my top.

  I didn’t want this.

  It was all I wanted.

  I removed his clothes as if we had no time to spare. Seeing and touching his naked body gave me chills. I had to feel every inch of him, no matter what the repercussions would be afterwards. I needed to be completely overwhelmed by pleasure, if only temporary.

  Once we both were naked, sitting up facing each other, Jamey stopped kissing me and brought his attention back to my eyes. “Are you sure this is what you want? We can stop. I just don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have.”

  I reached between his legs and took ahold of him, stroking him as I spoke. “I’m sure.”

  He lifted me then sat me back down slowly, maneuvering himself inside. It had been so long that it was almost painful at first. I began to bob my body up and down over him, feeling him touching my breasts. His thumbs played with my nipples, flicking over them until they hardened to extremes. The sensations made me lose track of my senses momentarily. Then I came to the realization of what we were doing, unprotected. “Whoa. Stop,” I wailed.

  “What?”

  “You’re not wearin’ a condom.”

  “We’ve done it a million times without protection, Pey. I hate to break it to you, but I didn’t bring anything. You told me you hated me earlier, so I just assumed I didn’t need it.”

  “I do hate you. That hasn’t changed.” He snickered and scratched his head like he did when he was in deep thought. “So what do you want to do?”

  “I can’t do this. It’s different now.”

  “Look whether you believe me or not, I’ve never had sex without protection with anyone but you. I swear on my mother’s life. I never fucked up with that.”

  I sat quiet for a second, taking in the fact that he’d sworn on his mother’s life. Besides himself Jamey only cared about few people. She was at the top of the list.

  “What do you want me to say? This is a mistake.”

  Before I could pull away from him anymore, Jamey grabbed me and held me still. “No. Please don’t do this. Don’t make me leave.”

  “I won’t.” That much I was sure of. “I suppose if you were carryin’ some disease I would have already contracted it, right?”

  He gave me a disgusted look. “Come on, Pey. I was safe, and if you’re worried I just told you that it’s been a long ass time since I was with anyone. It’s just been you. I swear.”

  Regardless of what was at stake I sat up straight on top of him and grabbed a chuck of his hair with both hands and tugged. With a fistful of what was once his prized possession I stared into those brown eyes as if I were peering into his soul. “Close your eyes.”

  “What?”

  “I’m serious. Close your eyes.” I waited and watched as Jamey reluctantly did as he was asked. Then I looked at his face, seemingly innocent, but harboring demons. I needed to be free of him, of it all, except the idea of that made me feel like I wanted to give up completely. I have to find reprieve, even if it were in the arms of my deceiver.

  My lips pressed over his passionately, painfully, with so much regret. I closed my eyes, not willing to see those eyes that knew me so well. He was my love, my illness, and my greatest mistake, but without him my heart was empty.

  All I wanted was to feel alive again. I needed to know what it felt like to give myself to him once more, no matter what the consequences were. He was my weakness, and I his. Together we had passion, apart we were nothing.

  The second time he entered me I was fully aware of what was going on. I’d had time to reconsider. He’d given me a way out, and perhaps I should have taken it. Still, feeling him inside of me gave me power, but I wanted more. Our lips clashed together. His tongue found mine, and as they mingled together I found myself wanting to cry out in passionate bliss. Our pace increased, while Jamey clung tightly to the underneath of my cheeks. He guided me over his cock with a sporadic rhythm. Each time he thrusted deep it would tease my clit. I leaned back and held onto my tits, watching him watch me. As I climaxed for the first time something happened to me. I felt compelled to give Jamey something that he would never forget. I lifted myself off of him, leaving him wondering what was going on for only a second. The moment I scooted down and took his full-on erection between my lips his reaction changed. I felt him grabbing my hair as I bobbed up and down, massaging his balls with my fingernails. I started rocking his dick with both my hand and my lips. The harder I sucked the faster I moved my hand. Saliva ran down his shaft, lubricating it after I’d licked off all of my own juices. This was my cock, and he needed to know what he was about to lose out on. Jamey’s tug on my hair let me know he was about to blow his load. I pulled away and licked the tip, feeling as if I was in control of what was happening between us. He pulled me back onto his lap, noticing how much wetter I’d become from sucking him off. He licked my bottom lip before sucking it hard into his mouth. I could feel the blood rushing to it suddenly as he let it go. Our tongues met outside of our mouths leading to a powerful kiss. I began rocking back and forth again, feeling fulfilled both inside and out. I reached around and dug my nails into Jamey’s back as I started to climax again. Our mouths stayed together as I cried out in passion. Sweaty, and out of breath, we sat there holding each other, like we knew that it was the end.

  I was going to regret it in the morning that I was sure of, but in that very moment all I could think about was never letting him go.

  Chapter 20

  Jamey

  I was at a loss for words. After battling my own conscience over what I should do, I’d managed to end up standing outside of Peyton’s families beach house. I should have known better than to walk up to that window she used to sneak me in, and knock on it. My hands were shaking as I watched the image of her approaching that window. When she let me inside I was prepared for anything, but not willing to walk away until I told her something that had been burning a hole in my heart for too long.

  Just a little while later we were tangled together, naked, and exhausted. Peyton had let me be with her, and it meant more than she’d ever know. What sucked was that it made it harder for me to be able to accept that we were over. Trust was the biggest issue for us, and without that I had no idea how we’d ever work out, but I had to at least try. I couldn’t give up on something th
at made me feel so right. I had to find a way to prove to her that I’d never take her for granted again.

  Sometime in the middle of the night we both found ourselves awake. Before any words were spoken we’d already become engulfed in each other again. Just before we came together for the second time I sat her up and brought her lips to mine, holding them there while I spoke. She needed to know once and for all that I was ready to be the man she wanted me to be. Maybe it was too late, but I was willing to try anything.

  “Baby, wait. There’s somethin’ that I need to say.”

  She moved back enough to be able to look at me. “What is it? Is there somethin’ else you didn’t tell me.”

  “Yes.”

  “Don’t do this to me.” She shoved me away and moved to other side of the bed.

  “It’s nothin’ bad. Come back over here. I need you to look at me when I tell you. Please, it’s important.”

  Slowly she made her way to the middle of the bed where I sat. I grabbed her hand and pulled it up to my lips, tenderly kissing her skin. “I’m listening,” she whispered.

  It was hard for me to find the courage to talk about something so serious. I’d never had to do it before, but knowing what I was about to lose was making me desperate and able to do things that I never thought possible, to feel things that I never knew I would. “Peyton, I’ve been a fuckin’ fool. I never should have takin’ you for granted, but it happened, and I’m so sorry that I hurt you. You’ve got to believe me when I say that. I came here tonight because I couldn’t breathe knowin’ that you were so upset, and I was the reason. God, I’m so fuckin’ pathetic. I let my damn ego get in the way of everything. I let my friends dictate my actions, and put myself before you, more times then I care to admit. Again, I apologize. You’re probably never goin’ to forgive me for all that I’ve put you through, but I couldn’t let you go without tellin’ you that. When I’m done this you can tell me to leave, and I promise to respect that decision. I deserve to be kicked to the curb, and called more names that you’ve already chose for me. I’m everything you never wanted. Why I am even this close to you right now is beyond me.”