My Life From Hell

by Tellulah Darling

  “Uh, no,” said Festos. “We agreed I was going to cleanse the area. Which means I take the other ward down as well.”

  “You have your job, I have mine,” Theo said.

  I whipped around to face Festos. He looked like he might explode.

  Shockingly, Kai pushed away from the dresser at this. With his right side held stiffly, he crossed to Fee in three steps. He waited until Festos met his eyes. “Prometheus started this. It’s his to take down.”

  “His to be in danger. You would say that.” Festos sounded, well, not angry exactly. More bitter.

  I expected the fight to resume, but Kai let a fleeting moment of sadness pass across his face before his expression went scarily neutral. He gave a one shouldered shrug, almost indifferent.

  What the hell was going on here? Kai never called Theo by his full name. Nor had he ever given a damn that Theo had been the one to save Persephone seventeen years ago and put all this into motion. Never mind whatever was brewing between Kai and Festos.

  All of which I was about to say when Festos spat, “I’m leaving,” and stomped out of the room.

  Uselessly, I stretched out a hand to stop him. But he was gone.

  Kai shifted his focus to me. “Ready to go see Felicia?” he asked.

  “I’ll get my shoes,” Theo said, crossing into the hallway with only the barest of flinches as he heard the front door slam behind Festos.

  “What was …” I made a flapping motion, “that?”

  Kai shook his head, his mouth tight. “Nothing you need to worry about.” His expression softened. “Festos doesn’t want to see Theo hurt.”

  I could certainly understand that. “If Theo has to do this, then we’ll keep him safe.”

  Kai’s response was a small smile. He took a few steps toward the door.

  “Kai?”

  He paused and half turned toward me.

  “What happened to playing nice? Downstairs? With the fight.”

  This time I got a genuine smile. “See, now, I never agreed to that.”

  He went out, leaving me alone and still very confused and deeply concerned about what had just happened.

  I could puzzle it out later. For now, I had to go face Felicia and hope she’d help us through the ward that Zeus and Hades had put up, in exchange for handing Earth and its welfare over to her.

  In other words, time for me to suck up to my pissed off mother and pray it didn’t all go horribly wrong.

  ***

  Theo, Kai, and I made a pretty impressive thwack as we rebounded off the glass and steel high-rise that was technically still my family home.

  The fact that we were twenty-three stories up was not so great. Luckily, Theo had my hand, and I had Kai’s, so he was able to blink us safely to the ground.

  Snag the first.

  My head started to throb. I went to the sidewalk and peered across the street, past the leafless branches on the row of trees ringing the park, and out to the frothy waters of English Bay, my favorite beach in the world. In summer, the water would be a brilliant blue, but today, in the gray weather, it was washed out and lifeless. The waves broke hesitantly on the rocky shore. Being here, seeing this usually filled me with such joy.

  Now I was just cold. But that could have been the weather. I’d been expecting to end up inside Felicia’s apartment and hadn’t worn a jacket over my superhero T-shirt. I rubbed my arms to lose the goosebumps.

  “You okay?” Kai’s voice startled me out of my thoughts.

  “I’ll live.”

  He took my hand and threaded my fingers through his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “If you want me to take her out, just tap your nose.”

  That got a smile from me. “Dispose of the body and everything?”

  “Child’s play.”

  “Appreciate it, but we’ll hope it doesn’t come to that.” Because if it did, I was going to have the pleasure myself.

  We walked back to Theo who waited by the glass front door. “Warded up. So no grand entrance. Got your keys?”

  I dug into the pocket of Kai’s jeans, pulled out my key and jangled it. I held the fob up to the security sensor and pressed the button, but the light stayed red. Which meant the door was still locked.

  I tried again.

  By the fourth time, I realized that the security system had been updated but my fob had not.

  Kai nudged me out of the way. He held his index finger in front of the sensor and sent out a quick pulse of black light. The panel crackled and flashed, but nothing useful happened. Same with trying to blast the glass.

  Since that was getting us nowhere, Kai tugged on my arm and I followed him.

  “You have a plan?” Theo asked as we headed around the side of the building.

  “One of us has to.” Kai positioned himself at the edge of the driveway into the underground parking garage. “Look aimless.”

  Theo and I were more awkward than aimless.

  Kai shook his head in despair. “You two are the worst layabout teens ever.”

  “Well there weren’t a lot of 7-11s to loiter in front of at boarding school,” I said.

  Kai tilted his head at the sound of a car approaching. “New plan,” he told Theo. “Play third wheel.” Then, with his back to Theo, Kai kissed me.

  Not that I was complaining but, “This is going to get us inside?”

  He grinned as he heard Theo growl disgustedly and stomp toward the security gate. “Step one: Annoyed friend. Step two.” He reached for me again.

  “I still don’t see how—” I mumbled against his lips.

  “Would it kill you to play along?”

  “Fine.” I went up on tiptoe, grabbed his shirtfront, and fell into him.

  Kai’s arm came around me and he stumbled into the driveway, his kiss growing more intense.

  A car horn blared. Kai startled away from me in a very un-Kai like motion. He ducked his head sheepishly and waved at the driver, as he tugged me out of the car’s path. “Sorry, dude.”

  Huh? Computing … computing … Ah. Kai wanted us to get into the garage with the car.

  The security gate across the driveway was rising. I stepped forward as if to duck under it. The driver glared at us. Kai gave another affable wave of apology and led me away down the street. “Keep moving,” he said, as I tossed a confused look over my shoulder.

  Once we heard the gate shut again, Kai stopped. He waited a moment then began walking back. “Step two,” he continued, as I scrambled after him, “distract the driver so that the annoyed friend of step one fame—”

  Theo’s head popped out, as a door beside the security gate opened.

  Kai nodded, “Is smart enough to slip inside while the driver isn’t looking.” Kai seemed pretty pleased with himself.

  I grinned at him. “And all you needed was the cooperation of a willing and highly kissable female.”

  He scrunched up his face. “Really? Where?”

  I elbowed him.

  “Don’t mind me,” Theo said as we slipped past him into the underground parking lot. “I love being exposed to you two.”

  “You’re just grumpy.” I winced as I remembered that Festos had recently stormed off. “In general,” I amended lamely. “Grumpy in general. Oh, look. Elevators!”

  “Nice save,” Kai murmured to me.

  Theo jabbed at the button. “You think she’ll be home?” he asked as we rode upward.

  I checked my watch. “If she’s in town, then yes. She’s home. She likes to freshen up with a drink about now.” If Felicia wasn’t in, well, we’d be stopping by her place in Whistler next.

  The elevator opened and we padded down the hall to apartment 2311.

  Of all the emotions I figured I might feel at this moment, standing before my front door, absolutely zip was not something I’d considered. It was just a door. One that I was familiar with, but that was about it.

  Funny. That’s what made me feel sad.

  Here we go, I thought, and slid my key into the lock.
r />   Nine

  I was shocked that my key still worked. I pushed the door open quietly and we stepped into the small marble foyer. I could hear voices and laughter coming from the living room at the far end of the apartment.

  Theo raised his eyebrows at me and cocked his head toward the living room. I took a step forward, listening intently until I recognized the voices. “It’s Felicia,” I whispered, as we gathered in a tight huddle. “And her best friend, Kiki.”

  Theo suppressed a laugh. “You mean I finally get to put a face to the elusive Russian cougar I’ve heard so much about?”

  “She’s not that bad.” I actually liked Kiki and her totally-inappropriate-for-kids jokes. Brash, overbearing, and loud she may have been, but she’d always been kind to me, cheering me up on more than one occasion after a fight with Felicia. My mother hadn’t loved our bond but she hadn’t bothered about it either.

  “Does she usually stay long?” Kai asked.

  Theo brightened. “She’s a cougar. You could be prey.”

  Kai elbowed him.

  I glared at both of them and motioned for them to follow me.

  We crept down the hallway to the bright, all-white living room. “Lovely to see you as always, Felicia,” I said as we stepped up to the threshold.

  The shock on Felicia’s face was priceless. As was her choking on her drink.

  I took in my mother’s appearance. She was as immaculately groomed as always in a rust-colored cashmere sweater and brown tailored trousers. Her honey hair fell to her shoulders in exact, blunt edges, probably fearful of being a fraction out of line.

  “It would mean more, darling, if you didn’t wear rags.” Damn. She’d found her voice.

  I turned my attention to Kiki, seated across from Felicia on the sofa. She dragged on her cigarette, one hand patting her pouffed up, red-hennaed hair. Her leopard print shirt, worn over a pair of black slacks, was unbuttoned to best show off her goods. She tucked her bare feet and red painted toes along her side.

  Kiki exhaled. Her eyes narrowed as she took the three of us in, brazenly scoping out Theo and Kai. “You visit with such delicious friends, Sophinchka.” Her voice was so gravely that I’d mistaken her for a guy more than once on the phone. But the sound of her familiar Russian accent was comforting.

  Kai and Theo exchanged looks. Theo may have shuddered.

  “Down, Kiki,” I said. “Theo is gay and both are taken.”

  “I appreciate beauty.” Said with the kind of leer that undermined any potential poetry in the statement. Kiki angled her cheek up and tapped her index finger against it. “Sugar me.”

  Obediently, I went over and kissed it.

  Ignoring Felicia.

  Who ignored me.

  Kiki tugged me down beside her on the sofa. “What brings you home? Spring break already?”

  Felicia shook her head in fond exasperation at her friend. I was very familiar with the gesture, since she’d directed it at me numerous times.

  Except without the fond part.

  Felicia swirled her drink. “You always encourage her. The only reason Sophie is here is because she wants something.”

  Yeah, but I wasn’t about to go blurting out details in front of Kiki. “Could I speak to you privately?” I asked.

  Kiki stubbed out her cigarette in a heavy crystal ashtray on top of the wide leather ottoman that served as a coffee table.

  Kai and Theo flinched.

  Kiki smiled at the boys. “Nichivo,” she said in Russian. “No matter. You can speak freely.”

  I frowned, confused.

  Kai edged toward me. “Sophie,” he said in an oddly neutral voice, “A little warning that Kiki is Hekate would have been nice.”

  Ripping open a new pack of cigarettes, she paused to wink at me.

  I open-mouth gaped at Kiki.

  Hekate was the Goddess of Night, Magic, Witchcraft, the Moon, and—I racked my brain—Ghosts. Among other things. Hekate had also alerted Demeter when Kai took Persephone to the Underworld, and then been Persephone’s companion. Talk about a long friendship.

  “But you’re Russian,” I said, trying to process.

  “Da. For now. I needed a new look, and, well, Moskva always provided such amusements.” She slid a cigarette into her mouth with a practiced ease. “Light.”

  I picked up the lighter from beside the ashtray and flicked it. Something I’d done many times before. “Who do you like more?” I asked. “Me or Persephone?”

  Kiki barked out a laugh. “You. Especially now that you have everyone’s nuts in a twist.” She glanced at Felicia, eyes glinting mischievously. “Present company included.”

  Felicia frowned.

  I looked over at Kai and Theo, neither of whom looked happy at this turn of events. I couldn’t understand the problem. Okay, there was yet another member of the Greek pantheon to deal with, but this one liked me. What was the big deal? “How’d you know?” I asked instead. They hadn’t recognized her, so something else had given her away.

  “The tattoo,” Theo said in a flat voice. “When she stubbed out the cigarette.” He mimed her sleeve riding up.

  I glanced at Kiki’s wrist. I’d seen that tattoo so many times that I’d forgotten it was there. The design featured a small circle inside a larger one. Between the two, there was a ring of three semi-circles, almost as if they were trying to keep the small and large circles apart. In the very center of the design, there was a stylized star. I touched the tattoo gently.

  “You always did love tracing it,” Kiki said.

  I smiled, feeling a brief nostalgia for my younger self. “Hekate’s wheel. Except I didn’t know that then.”

  She exhaled again, turning her head so the smoke wouldn’t catch me full-on in the face. “It’s true. You do remember everything.”

  I nodded.

  “Ochen horosho.”

  I was too distracted trying to figure out the dynamic between Theo, Kai, and Kiki to respond to her praise. Kiki patted my hand. “Don’t worry. Kyrillos never liked me having the run of the Underworld.”

  “Or my father’s ear,” Kai said.

  “I can’t help my charms,” she replied, with a sly smile.

  Okay. That made sense for Kai. But Theo was scowling at Kiki with a hatred I’d never seen from him before. The only thing I could think of was …

  “Holy crap,” I gasped. Suddenly it all made sense. “You’re the witch that took Theo’s power.”

  Kiki tilted her head in agreement.

  I grasped her hand, almost desperately. “Give it back. Please.” The difference his power could make, to our battle and to the safety of my friend’s future was enormous.

  Kiki’s look was almost sympathetic. “I can’t, Sophinchka. That was the payment. The balance. I gave a human baby goddess power. I had to take a god’s power and render him human.”

  “Titan, not god,” said Theo.

  “Regardless.” Kiki took another drag. “I can’t just give it back.” She looked shrewdly toward Theo. “But I think you know that already, don’t you Prometheus?”

  Felicia had used our little catch-up chat to toss back her drink and get another one. She returned to her chair already making headway on the liquor. “Cut to the chase. What do you want?”

  “We’re here to make a deal,” said Theo.

  Felicia gave him a totally fake smile. “Delightful. I want to hear my darling daughter offer it.”

  Like mother, like daughter. I pasted on a beaming, fraudulent smile of my own. “I’d like nothing better.” Our smiles were plenty broad but our gazes were combative.

  “I grow old,” Kiki said. “Speak already.”

  I kept eye contact with Felicia. “You wanted power?” I spread my hands wide. “It’s yours. Original deal on the table. Kai and I take out Zeus and Hades, and let you rule.” My throat caught as I choked that out, but choke it out I did.

  From the way Felicia’s eyes gleamed, she knew what it cost me to say it.

  “Not quite,” Kai pi
ped up.

  We all turned to him with varying degrees of surprise and—from me and Theo—a bit of suspicion.

  “I want the Underworld.” Kai’s face twisted. “Hades is going down and I want him to know that I have everything he cared about. You can have Olympus and Earth. The Underworld is mine.”

  I exchanged an uneasy glance with Theo. This wasn’t part of the plan. For a brief second, I worried that it would be a deal-breaker and that I’d come to Felicia for nothing.

  But she lit up, thrilled. “Such bitterness. I can practically feel it eating away at you.” She rested the rim of her glass against her bottom lip as she stared at Kai, thoughtfully. Then she set the glass down. “Don’t worry, darling, it’s an emotion I can appreciate. Agreed. The Underworld is yours. However, I’m simply burning with curiosity to know what’s in this for you?” She swung her piercing gaze back to me.

  I leaned forward. “Zeus and Hades warded up the ritual location in Eleusis. We need you to get us inside.”

  “Ah, my old stomping grounds.” I swear to God, if she’d had a mustachio to twirl in evil glee at that moment, Felicia would have done it. “It seems that you need me far more than I need you.”

  Kiki tsked her, but a sharp look from Felicia kept her quiet.

  I sat up straight. Beyond fed up. “Alright, Felicia. What’s it going to take? You want me to beg? I’ll beg. But despite how you feel about me, I know that you’ve always given a damn about the human race. So let’s cut the BS and name your price, so we can stop this war on Earth and stop the human casualties.”

  Felicia crossed one leg over the other, as if we were enjoying a cozy chat. Her tone was anything but cozy. “Did you really think you could just waltz in here with old promises that you’d tossed away once before, and win me over so easily? Every action has a consequence. Something I’ve been rather lax in teaching you.”

  I ground my teeth so hard that I could hear the enamel destruction.

  Felicia picked a piece of invisible lint off her sweater. “My price is this. When this is over, you never see Kyrillos again.”

  My breath hitched and, for a second, my heart stopped beating.