My Life From Hell

by Tellulah Darling

  We grabbed on to each other for support, riding the quake out like a wave. Once it had subsided, we edged closer to the center of the crater, one eye out for the hundred-handed giants.

  The next blast of lightning lit a rock formation. Prometheus’ chain bound him to the middle stone. But this time, the chain seemed to be made of fire, which was a new trick, and had to majorly suck for him.

  Oizys and I broke cover and dashed for the rocks.

  Prometheus’ stone was a wide, fat slab, like a sacrificial table that had been tilted upward at about a forty-five degree angle. His clothes hung off him in tatters, his flesh raw and blistered from the flaming restraints. Luckily, he was unconscious.

  I wanted to throw up.

  I tried using my power to free him from the chain, but neither Oizys nor I could do anything to break it. We couldn’t even put out the flames, burning hot and fierce against his skin.

  Suddenly, Oizys grabbed my shoulder and yanked me down behind the stone table. She pointed to the left. The giants Briareos, Kottos, and Gyes lumbered down one side of the crater with ground-quaking steps.

  I craned my neck up to see the tops of these enormous creatures. Simply put, they were massive. Like a condo developer would have killed to build on their heads, just for the view. And I do mean heads.

  Fifty of them.

  Each.

  Not to mention their hundred hands each. I lost count at forty-three on the first one.

  I had to yell directly into Oizys’ ear to be heard over the noise of the storm. “Now what? We can’t free Prometheus. There’s no way we can get him back up that tunnel, especially unconscious, and no way grabby and his brothers won’t see us if we move.”

  The monstrosities neared, the expressions on their faces ranging from hideous leers to sneering smirks. My God, they were ugly. How fortunate that they were so large that I could see every single boil, snotty nose, and grimy finger in lifelike clarity.

  I must have raised myself up a little too high over the back edge of the slab—all the better to gape at the uglies—because Oizys pulled me back down, glowering.

  “Get caught and I leave you for their dinner.” She sighed. “I didn’t expect the chain to be like that. We can’t take Prometheus until we find a way to unbind him without hurting him.”

  Or killing him. That’s what she really meant. I didn’t want to leave Prometheus. But she was right. His best hope was for us to get out of here and find something that could unbind him. Not just break the chain but do it without letting the fire consume him.

  I also didn’t want to stay here because every passing second was a head trip for my psychological well-being. I could feel Persephone’s gnawing anger bristling the hairs on my skin. “Much as this place sucks,” I said, “short of getting ourselves back up that tunnel, how do you propose we get out of here?”

  Oizys pointed up, toward the top of the crater where the giants had entered.

  It made sense that they had their own way in and out of Tartarus. But I couldn’t see how we could sneak up there, past all those watching heads. I leaned in to voice this concern, and my head snapped back as Oizys’ fist connected with my jaw. I hurtled through the air, hit my head on a rock and everything went black.

  I came to in her room, feeling like, well, I’d been bashed in the head with a rock.

  Oizys perched on the metal side rail of the daybed, peering down at me. “It was the only way.”

  I tried to struggle into sitting position, but the room swung with a vengeance so I gave up and stayed flat on my back. “Was that an apology? For punching me? For splitting my skull open? Because I could help you rephrase it so it sounds somewhat more … what’s the word? Apologetic.” I glowered at her, then decided that made me queasy, and closed my eyes.

  “Sorry,” she said.

  “It would be more convincing if you actually sounded like you meant it.”

  “It really was the only way out.” I felt a coolness against my temple as she pressed an ice-pack to my head. “I had to convince them that you were trying to free Prometheus and that I had been sent to detain you.”

  I opened my eyes and took over holding the ice pack. “You could have filled me in. I could have pretended to be unconscious.”

  She gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Wasn’t sure you were that good an actress.”

  She had no idea. I repositioned the ice pack. “You’re lucky I don’t have a concussion.”

  She stood over me, hands on her hips. “And you’re lucky I found a more convenient way back to Prometheus. Which I would not have needed to do had you not gotten him captured in the first place.”

  “Mee mee mee mee mee mee mee.”

  “Really?”

  “Screw you. My head hurts.” I rolled over onto my side, icepack firmly in place, and willed the constant pounding to go away. Also, the room could stop moving any time it liked. “Even if you did find a way out—and yeah yeah, yay you—how are we going to get Prometheus out without being seen? They have, like, three hundred eyes.”

  Oizys smiled faintly. “Simple. If their drunken singing was any indication, Hekatonkheires are huge lushes. We can use that. Kyrillos won’t let them leave for the ball, so I can take them some goodwill nectar, specially doctored up.”

  I thought it over. “The ball would make great cover. Kai will be keeping an eye on me so the more people and activity to distract him while we slip out, the better.” It would mean cutting things close: freeing Prometheus, having him come back with Aletheia, getting to the exit, and passing through the wards to Demeter’s temple. Not to mention making sure Festos was there to cleanse the site. All between the ball starting at midnight on Thursday and the equinox at roughly 7PM.

  I’d had worse deadlines.

  I looked up at Oizys. “Which just leaves the problem of how to unbind the chain.”

  “Yeah, well, if you can stand up, we may have a solution to that too.”

  “Bah.” I let the icepack slide onto the daybed and held out an arm for support.

  She took it and helped me to my feet.

  I braced my hand on the bed for a second, but my nausea was at deal-able levels. I leaned on Oizys, my head throbbing like crazy. I would have much preferred to be horizontal. Did they have Advil in this place?

  “Speak,” I said.

  Oizys shot me a smug look. “Who better to know how to break the chain safely than the one who forged it?”

  I did a double take. “You mean—”

  She nodded. “Hephaestus is here.”

  Fee! I stifled my squeal of delight and scrunched up my face. “He doesn’t like me much.” I’d faced Festos’ bitch factor before, but given how he felt about Persephone, I suspected I was about to experience an entirely new level of condescension.

  Oizys didn’t seem perturbed. If anything, she smiled. “Then I’d refrain from mentioning that you got the love of his life tied up while you weasel out a way to break the chain.”

  “Why can’t you do it?”

  “Olympian,” she replied.

  “So’s Prometheus.”

  “He’s different. Speaking to Olympians is … frowned upon.”

  I shook my head. Bad idea. My stomach lurched. “I’m an Olympian and we’re having all kinds of chats.”

  “Not willingly. Besides, we don’t want anyone questioning why we suddenly seem so friendly.”

  “’Friendly’ meaning ‘in the same ten foot radius’ as opposed to actually being friends.”

  “Exactly.” She tossed me a wadded up floral dress. “Change first. Appearances are everything around here.”

  No kidding.

  I hadn’t seen this ugfest in Persephone’s closet last time, but I had no doubt it was hers. Not only was it dotted with tiny sprigs of pink and blue flowers, it was mid-thigh baggy. Persephone was lucky. She was so beautiful that no one noticed her sucky fashion sense.

  When I was ready, Oizys looked me over with a critical eye, then strode to the door and opened it fo
r me. Like she couldn’t wait for me to leave.

  “I will be coming back, you know,” I said.

  To her credit, she didn’t argue the point. Merely shoved me out the door.

  I headed downstairs to the throne room. It was slow going because I still felt wonky from my encounter with the rock. I kept stopping to rest my face against the cool wall. Although the feeling wasn’t as bad as being hit by lightning.

  The fact that this was a step up—just a rock to the head—was a sad comment on my life.

  When I finally reached the throne room, I paused at the threshold and gaped. Then I laughed. Which did nothing for my head. And Prometheus was still in terrible, agonizing danger, so I felt a little guilty at finding humor. But Hades had transformed the space into a white and gold parody of Zeus’ statue room in Olympus. It was funny.

  Statues of my father, in varying sizes and poses, were everywhere. On each one, different features had been exaggerated into grotesque caricature. I sent up a small prayer of thanks that there were no naked ones. That might have sent me over the edge.

  Two daemonae, gray, lanky, and wrinkled, brushed by me. “… He’s encouraged all his guests to dress as Olympians,” one said and threw me a barely concealed sneer. “But he’s open to creative interpretation.” They were both baiting me now, waiting for me to crumble in humiliation.

  I shrugged.

  They snorted, gray gusts bursting from their leathery nostrils as they walked away.

  I skittered backward, not wanting any of that stank up my own nose. Seemed like Oizys could go as me after all. No idea who I was going to dress as, though. Something that wouldn’t call attention to me, so that I could easily slip out to get Prometheus when the time was right.

  I stepped further into the room and looked around, trying to spot Festos. I found him about halfway across the floor, directing some malevolent creature who stood on a ladder to measure the ceiling.

  I approached cautiously, using the ridiculous statues as cover, because I wanted a chance to take Festos in before he saw me and wrecked our reunion with insults.

  He looked good in god form. Although not all that different from usual, because Fee in any form was so arrogantly confident that his inherent sense of superiority never actually left him. Mostly, he was just taller. Requiring a longer cane. Even his clothing style was close to how he dressed these days. Maybe a shade more Rat Pack than hipster, but still with his fedora at a jaunty angle. Although his hair was actually a normal dark brown.

  As I got closer, I realized that Festos was under constant guard. Several Pyrosim floated nearby, their attention laser-focused on his every move.

  I slid behind a statue of my father reclining on a bed. He looked seriously constipated. I imagined Hades giggling as he ordered that one. But it hid me well.

  Festos stood about five feet away from the front corner of the statue. He seemed more annoyed than afraid of his flaming guards, but I could tell from way he eyed them that he wasn’t entirely comfortable being here. Hades must have really wanted whatever contraption Fee was getting ready to install. Hephaestus was so clearly in Zeus’ employ that his entrance into the Underworld wouldn’t have been granted otherwise.

  Fee gave a final command to his helper, who lumbered away. The Pyrosim remained as Festos regarded the ceiling a moment longer. “If Hades thinks I’m reporting back to Zeus on this little farce, he’s extremely mistaken.”

  I startled at Festos’ sneering sentiment. For a second I thought he’d seen me. For another second I thought he knew me.

  But neither was the case.

  Festos spoke to Kai, who had come to stand beside him, casually surveying the buzz of activity in the room.

  “Hades thinks you’re a lot of things, Fee,” Kai replied. “A rat is not one of them.”

  Fee?! My mouth fell open. That was my name for Festos. Wasn’t it? Had I heard Kai use it back when I was Persephone and that’s why I did, too?

  “Said as if you have a differing opinion, Koko.” Festos offered Kai a tight smile.

  I shoved my fist in my mouth to cover my laughter. Koko? I was so calling Kai that sometime. Sooner than later.

  Kai stiffened at the nickname, and I could see that he hated it. I could also see from Fee’s angelic smile that he was well aware. Kai didn’t comment though. All he said was, “I don’t think you’re a snitch.”

  Festos leaned onto his cane. “But dirty vermin?”

  Kai shrugged. “That’s something else entirely.”

  I was dying to know what exactly the deal was between them. Because they were sniping like a pair of exes and I knew Kai didn’t swing that way. Nor would he ever be Fee’s type.

  I strained against the edge of the statue, hoping neither would see me so I could continue to blatantly eavesdrop.

  “Well, we’re even now, honeybunch, aren’t we?”

  Kai fixed Fee with an infuriating superior-yet-innocent look that even I wanted to smack off him. “About what?” he asked.

  “Drop the act.” I could practically hear Festos’ teeth grinding in anger. “Was getting back at me your prime motive for imprisoning Prometheus, or just a happy benefit?”

  Whoa. Word traveled fast. Although Fee had always had up-to-the-moment intel where Theo was concerned, so I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised.

  Kai’s hands fisted at his sides and he took a step back. “You want to keep destroying yourself over that asshole? Go nuts. Not my problem.”

  “Nope. You made sure of that.” Festos’ fingertips shot red sparks.

  My breath caught. I looked around, but no one else seemed to be paying them any attention.

  Kai poked Festos in the chest hard enough to send him staggering back a few feet. “Contrary to your delusional belief-system, my entire reason for being is not to screw you over.”

  Festos gave a bitter laugh. “No, it’s to make a fool of yourself with that waste of a goddess.”

  Hey. No one got to call Persephone a waste but me. However, as this was neither the time nor the place, I smothered my indignation before it could get me caught.

  Kai shrugged. “Persephone and I are done.”

  So much for keeping up appearances.

  “While I’m thrilled you finally dumped the dead weight, it changes nothing.” Festos sounded venomous.

  My palms got sweaty. I was suddenly very concerned about how much of his animosity toward Persephone may have been silently festering around me, Sophie? These Greeks played long, deep end-games. Was I totally wrong about our big platonic love?

  “… Because you’re a stubborn ass.”

  Damn, I’d missed the first part of whatever Kai had fired back at Fee.

  Festos scowled. “Better an ass than a bad friend. O, judgmental one.”

  Kai snarled. “Screw you, Fee. You want him? Go get him. But whine to someone else when he fails to give a damn about you. Again.”

  With that, Kai spun and stormed out, fury pouring off him in waves.

  I exhaled, pressing my back against the cool statue, and processing everything I’d just heard.

  Pierce was right. Kai and Fee had been friends. And it seemed like differences in opinion over Prometheus and Persephone had torn that apart. Thing was, once we got back to normal, Fee and Kai would be with Theo and Sophie. And while Kai didn’t like Theo for lots of reasons, the big historical one—how he’d treated Festos—was gone. In Sophie-time, Fee and Theo were great together. So maybe there was hope for these two former besties yet, if they could get over their stupid pride.

  Pierce’s words floated back to me. “All I’m saying is that if you’re going to be the savior of humanity, maybe you could start by saving a single friendship.”

  He was right. I did have to save a single friendship. Well, a couple of them actually. Because, while I was going to do everything I could to mend the friendship between Kai and Festos, I needed to listen to myself and make up with Hannah, too.

  I stepped out from behind the statue, one hand res
ting against it. I scowled. Damnit! It was so much easier giving advice than taking it.

  “What’s your problem?”

  It took me a second to realize that Festos was talking to me.

  “You.” I shoved at him. “Waste of a goddess?”

  He blinked, startled, then glowered at me. “A rude waste of a goddess, eavesdropper.”

  “Fine. Since I’m rude I can tell you straight up you’re being an idiot. You and Kyrillos. If you let a friendship die because of your significant others.” I raked gaze over Festos, watching his shock. “Or continuing non-others. Unless you get your act in gear.”

  His nostrils flared. Good. I’d gotten him riled up.

  He shoved me out of the way and strode toward the Pyrosim, his cane thumping against the ground with each step. “The chandelier I brought,” he snapped at them. “Time to install it.”

  Guess he thought our chat was over.

  Guess again.

  I grabbed his sleeve.

  He shook me off.

  I grabbed him again and tugged him around to face me. I brought up my light vine with my free hand. Just enough so he could see the glow. “Take one more step and I’ll gift wrap your ass.”

  His fingertips sparked red and he smiled mercilessly. “Try it.”

  I tsked him. “Temper, Fee.”

  He bristled. “Don’t. Ever. Call. Me. That.”

  “You’d be amazed at what I call you. And you love it.”

  Festos blinked, obviously confused.

  I rolled my eyes. “Not like that, idiot.” I leaned in and lowered my voice. “I’m breaking Prometheus out tomorrow night. During the ball. And I need your help.”

  He pried my hand off of his arm. “On so many levels, why? Should I believe you? Should I trust you? Should I help you? Should I care?”

  “Because you love him.”

  Now Festos looked outright shocked. He turned to the Pyrosim and snapped, “Go find someone to bring in the chandelier or I’ll personally hand Hades the fire extinguisher to put you out.”

  The minions floated off.

  Festos grabbed my arm and dragged me off to stand beside a twenty-foot-tall statue of my father prissily soaking his feet. Complete with giant, bunions sculpted in loving detail.