My Life From Hell

by Tellulah Darling

  They both looked at me suspiciously.

  I focused on my food. “Mmm. Peking duck,” I said, biting into a mini pancake filled with crispy skin and a liberal dose of Hoisin and green onion. Yum yum. See the goddess eat and not care at all about what conspiracies you’re hatching.

  They resumed their little chat. It wasn’t what I expected. The two of them were gossiping like old Italian widows, watching the village go by and giving their unique judgy comments on everyone who passed.

  It was harsh. Funny, but whoa. Who would have guessed that the one thing the two of them had in common was utter derision toward pretty much everyone in the Underworld?

  The more I listened, the more I realized this wasn’t just good old rumor-mongering. In systematically discussing (dissing?) each denizen of the Underworld, Kia and Hades were actually deciding who needed closer watch, or could be useful for something. I frowned.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I shifted in my seat to better face Kai. “I didn’t know you were so caught up in the daily dealings here.”

  Both he and Hades looked at me like I was simple. “He’s heir to this realm,” Hades said. “Of course he takes an interest in things.”

  Persephone must never have paid much attention to what exactly Kai did in the Underworld. And I’d assumed that he didn’t do anything, since Hades always held his ascension to power out of reach.

  Their relationship was a lot more complicated than I’d imagined. Because, if what I was hearing was any indication, Kai was totally up-to-date on Underworld business. Or at least had been, before Persephone’s murder seventeen years ago. But more than just having current intel, Kai actively discussed people and events. And on some level, Hades listened.

  Hades may have intended to keep Kyrillos dangling for eons. But before Persephone died, there was still some sort of relationship between them. In my current reality, where Kai had stolen Theo’s chain and personally gone after Hades seeking revenge, it was pretty clear there was nothing.

  All because of Persephone?

  Which left me especially astonished. She hadn’t troubled herself to learn what exactly her big love did in the Underworld. She’d existed in this narcissistic bubble. Which was fairly typical of all gods, but still. Given how long they’d been together, you’d have thought she’d take an interest. If only, because it was important to Kyrillos.

  But she hadn’t. I don’t think she once asked him if he enjoyed the politics of it. What he saw for the Underworld and his role in shaping that future.

  I set down my fork. I hadn’t asked either. I could blame that on the fact that we’d only been in a relationship, such as it was, for a couple of months. And that, during that time, there hadn’t been a lot of in-depth sharing going on. But, honestly, I wasn’t sure it would ever have occurred to me to ask Kai about ruling. Or what kind of ruler he’d be. Or, well, any of it.

  Maybe that’s why I’d been so surprised when he told Felicia he still wanted the Underworld. I’d never bothered to find out one way or the other. I shifted uncomfortably, faced with the very real awareness that I was possibly as narcissistic and self-absorbed as all the rest of the gods.

  “Don’t worry your pretty head.” Hades lifted his goblet and gulped back some wine.

  Now what? “Excuse me?”

  “About Kyrillos’ involvement. He still has plenty of time for you. Focus on what you do best. Being decorative.”

  That wasn’t even thinly veiled insulting. The insult was right there. My face flushed. I wanted to snap at him. To tell him that Persephone wasn’t actually stupid. Just frustratingly pigeonholed. But that would have been way out of character—and I couldn’t afford to get him suspicious.

  Kai gave me an odd look—like he was still trying to figure me out.

  Since there was no way he would come to the correct conclusion—that this was all a giant, magic muck up—and since anything else would fuel his suspicions, I smoothed out my expression, killed all further personal insights, and went back to the last bites of food on my plates.

  “Enjoying dinner?”

  I gave Hades a vapid smile. “Your chef is a keeper.”

  “He should be. He cooked for Emperor Wu himself.” Hades shrugged. “Before he tried to poison him. He’s a deft hand with poison.” He looked pointedly at me.

  I choked on my duck. Coughed.

  Kai pounded my back. My eyes teared up. “Water,” I croaked.

  Kai pushed a goblet toward me.

  I grabbed it and slugged down half the contents. “Nectar,” I sputtered.

  “Yeah.” His play at innocence didn’t fool me for a second.

  Nice try. He wasn’t going to get me liquored up and spilling secrets. Like Persephone’s upcoming betrayal. If I thought he’d believe me about Hekate and the spell, I would have shared that way earlier and saved myself a lot of trouble.

  I dabbed my eyes with my napkin. “Great. Thanks.” I took a moment to compose myself. During which I tuned out my dining company entirely. I could feel the nectar flowing through my body, warming my blood. I was a bit light-headed but that was probably because Kai had casually draped his hand on the back of my neck and begun to knead. His fingertips made teasing circles against my skin.

  Maybe the conversation wasn’t scintillating, but it was all good. My limbs were tingly and I felt warm and full and happy. And … tipsy, I realized.

  “More nectar?” Kai asked, nudging the booze toward me.

  Yeah, right. I’d drag you up the stairs and then roll over for you like a cat in heat.

  Kai choked on his laughter.

  I’d said that out loud. My face flamed. Time to die.

  At least Hades hadn’t heard.

  “So, you did inherit my charm?” he said to Kai, nodding approvingly.

  Spoke too soon. Now I could die. I glared down at the ground, willing it to open up and swallow me any old time.

  “She can’t resist me,” Kai answered.

  I glowered at him and saw that he was amused. Tipsy was headed downhill toward grumpy. The meal had been swell, but the company gave me indigestion.

  I tried to get up, but Kai’s grip kept me pinned. “Appearances,” he murmured.

  I gave up. And gave it ten minutes, max, before Hades blew their chumminess with an insult.

  Try ten seconds. Hades stood. In a loud, bored voice, he said, “Cigar.” Immediately, Hypnos—otherwise known as Sleep and twin to Thanatos—strode over, brandishing one. As a bearded naked guy, it was hard to see Hypnos’ resemblance to Death, but they did both have wings. Even if Hypnos’ sprouted from his head. One of the Pyrosim floated behind him, I guess it was his job to light the cigar.

  “Outside.” Hades didn’t bother with good-bye. He turned his back on us and walked away.

  Kai’s hand tensed on my neck for a second. Other than that, he didn’t show any reaction to Hades’ sudden loss of interest. “Speaking of appearances, my love,” he said, his voice wrapping around and through me.

  I shivered in delight.

  “You didn’t sleep in our room last night. Has Prometheus lost his worth already?”

  I balked at Kai’s sheer unmitigated gall. He still thought I was going to bunk with him? Maybe I was supposed to play really nice and win Prometheus’ freedom that way? What kind of giant skank did he take me for?

  I hit him with my brightest smile, dripping scorn. “It seems to me, my love, that you broke that deal when you outed our status to Hephaestus.”

  Ha. That got him.

  “You eavesdropped?” He went into thundercloud mode.

  I stroked a hand over his chest and purred, “Every last word, Koko.”

  I thought he’d freak. Instead, he leaned back the banquette in a lazy slouch and regarded me through slitted lids.

  I was not fooled. This was not a happy, relaxed Kai. Just him getting the lay of the land before he struck.

  Like a snake.

  But damn, if he didn’t look pretty doing it. And by pretty
I mean hot, tense, and smolderingly male. As a look, it worked.

  “You’re enjoying this.” He sounded puzzled.

  “Parts of it.” I batted my eyelashes. “Immensely.” The rest of it sucked, which was why it was time to lose Kai and find Oizys.

  He stroked my back. “Forget Hephaestus. He isn’t going to talk. So our deal about appearances still stands. Tonight you’re back where you belong, roomie.” That last word slid against my skin like a touch.

  I didn’t let him see how he affected me, meeting his eyes with bland indifference. “Think you need to look up the definition of that word,” I said. I’d had a roomie for most of my life. And Hannah and I were definitely not up to the antics that the gleam in his eyes promised.

  My brain chanted lalalalalala trying to ignore the feel of his fingers brushing over me. The fabric barrier did nada to prevent his touch from searing my skin. I willed my heart rate to stay slow and steady. “I don’t sleep with business partners.”

  His hand skimmed up my side. “Technically, we aren’t broken up until after the equinox.”

  I clasped a hand over his, stopping him cold. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  Kai dipped his head, peering at me through those damn thick lashes. “You’re … different.” He lingered on my lips. “Compelling.”

  My heart sped up again. Not because I found it particularly romantic or anything. His heat didn’t promise hearts-and-flowers romance. But my heart didn’t speed up out of lust either. Fact was, the “difference” that intrigued Kai was me. Sophie. Even if he didn’t know it.

  Me. Not Persephone. I wanted to groove a happy dance. But I was still annoyed with his presumptions around our sleeping arrangements. And everything that went along with them. “Sadly,” I said, “I don’t return the sentiment.”

  His grin kicked up.

  So did the flush on my skin. Except I’d been down this road with him before. Affection and animosity. Much as I wanted Kai to recognize me, no way was I getting into this destructive pattern again.

  Kai didn’t notice my distress. He was too busy being infuriatingly smug. “You lie,” he said. And kissed me.

  I blasted him with my light.

  I’m not sure who was more shocked: him, me, or the dozens of heads that swung our way when my power lit up the room. It had been a totally subconscious move. “Oops.” I scrambled away, out of the banquette and felt my Persephoneness hum in delight. This is not a bonding moment, I thought at her.

  The minions flew at me, fiery tentacle arms outstretched and ready to destroy on Kai’s command.

  He stopped them with a raised hand, and stood up. “I’m just that good,” he said, pure cockiness. He chucked me under the chin with one finger.

  The room broke out into laughter, and I blushed as if on cue. I shot daggers with my eyes.

  And the minions stood down.

  I took advantage of Kai’s gloating distractedness to bolt, but I didn’t even make it one whole step.

  Kai hauled me up against his body.

  Use him. Use them all.

  Down, psycho goddess. Was it asking too much to only have one voice in my head right now? Mine? Or to at least have the other one be friendly? “Let go,” I said. “I have to find a costume for the ball.” I looked across the room to the table where Oizys had been sitting. But she wasn’t there. I’d have to track her down.

  “I want you where I can see you. Make sure you don’t cause any trouble.” Kai laced his fingers through mine and started to tow me off.

  I tried to dig in and stop him but I ended up sliding along the floor in his wake. “Don’t force this.”

  “Or what?”

  “You’ll find out just how painful my light can be.”

  He gave me a crooked smile. “My kick-ass light-bringer,” he murmured. “All phospherocious.”

  I froze. “What did you say?”

  Kai shook his head slowly, almost as if he were dazed. “I don’t know.” He looked uncomfortable, speeding up as we hit the hallway. Compensating.

  Was he remembering? “Think,” I insisted, grabbing his arm.

  He broke free and scowled. “It was nothing.”

  I sagged. He wasn’t going to remember anything else. And trying only made him cranky. Damn, my eyes were getting hot and wet. I stomped up the stairs to our room, blinking furiously. Why couldn’t he see how much being close to him-yet so far away-was killing me? Why couldn’t he see me?

  Kai stopped on the second floor landing. He brushed the pad of his index finger under my eye. “You’re driving me crazy.” He spoke so softly, I thought I’d imagined it. He kept going then, his grip on my hand as firm as ever. Which left me speaking to his back as we walked.

  “I don’t mean to,” I said. I wanted us to have five minutes in a world where we were ourselves, no one wanted to kill us, and humanity wasn’t on the line. “I want us to be like we’re supposed to.”

  “I don’t know what that is anymore,” he said.

  I could have happily throttled Hekate for forcing me to go through this.

  Forcing us.

  Although I felt somewhat less bad for Kai, when he pushed me through our bedroom door.

  Alone. And warded in.

  Nineteen

  I flew to the door but it was locked tight. “Let me out of here.” I pounded on it. Shot at it. Nothing. I laid my fingertips against it in defeat. I swear I could feel Kai on the other side. Feel his fingers pressed to mine. “Please.”

  The silence was long enough that I supposed it was just wishful thinking. Then he spoke. “See you in the morning, kardia mou.”

  “Argh!” I kicked at the door. But he didn’t open it.

  I spun and focused on the window, but he’d planned ahead. When I touched it, a sharp electric shock ripped through me. My power did nothing, and the lamp I threw bounced harmlessly off the glass, before hitting the floor and shattering.

  Great.

  I sank onto the bed, my hands on my knees. Sometime before the equinox, in less than forty-eight hours, my mother was going to try and murder me.

  Again.

  Even if she didn’t succeed, my big prize was to stop Zeus and Hades and save humanity. And how did I get to psych myself up for all that? Watch my relationship fall apart, save one best friend from further torture, and wonder if the other remembered that I existed.

  I buried my head in my hands. Helplessness and hopelessness choked me. I wished I could stuff those feelings in my emotional lockbox, and deal with them after the battle. When I had the luxury of collapsing in a massive heap of PTSD.

  But the box was so stuffed with other emotional crap that, when I visualized adding one more thing, it exploded all over my imagination in millions of messy fragments.

  Even my denial/coping mechanisms had been pushed too far.

  I lay on the bed, knees to chest, arms wrapped tight around myself. A puddle of misery and doom.

  Which turned out to be the best course of action. Because in the next instant, Oizys tore a hole in my door and popped her head inside. “Quit wallowing,” she said. Her eyes were bright red and she was breathing faster.

  Okay, maybe this wasn’t spending time with my friends and loved ones in the face of impending death, but I felt a rush of fondness at seeing her, right then.

  She shimmied through the hole in the door, and seamlessly repaired the wood. Happily, her magic had screwed with Kai’s ward.

  I swung the door open and closed a few times, pleased at my new freedom. But I’d have to make sure to leave the bedroom before Kai came back to check on me. With a final look around to make sure no one had seen anything, I closed the door behind Oizys and waited for her to settle herself.

  It took her a moment to lose the demon eye and calm down.

  Mostly calm. She got miffed when I suggested that we raid Persephone’s closet for a costume. It was the best and most obvious choice, and she knew it. Although, I may have prolonged the selection process because it was so damn entertain
ing to see how uncomfortable she was in the parade of flowery gowns.

  “They all suck.”

  I pursed my lips in a “huh” kind of way. She was right.

  Knock. Knock.

  I hesitated before grasping the knob. It wasn’t Kai. He wouldn’t knock and I couldn’t imagine Persephone having friendly visitors here. I gestured for Oizys to hide behind the door. I cracked it open a smidge, one hand braced on the jamb with my light at the ready. “Yes?”

  Hypnos stood there in all his naked glory, a box tied with a jaunty red bow tucked under one arm.

  More disturbing than glorious. I forced myself to keep my eyes on the wings sprouting from his head.

  He offered me the box. “My Lord requests you wear this at the masquerade ball.” Hypnos’ voice had the same smoker gravellyness as Kiki’s. Maybe they smoked the same brand. Hellfires, I thought, amused. I could just imagine the tagline. I’d sell my soul for a Hellfire.

  Hypnos stood there waiting for me to take the gift.

  Oh, brother. I leaned my shoulder against the doorframe. “And if I refuse?”

  He arched an eyebrow at me. Amazing how one little eyebrow can promise so much pain.

  I took the box, trying not to think of it making contact with his bare armpit. “Understood,” I said and firmly shut the door.

  Oizys leaned in close as I put the box on my bed and opened it.

  It was a dress. And oh, what a dress it was. Oizys’ blanching look of pure revulsion was almost enough to put a little happiness in my heart.

  The floor-length gown was woven from flowers. Fresh flowers somehow perfectly alive and full of blossoming joy. There were yellow and orange daffodils, deep purple Hyacinths, and red tulips. Pink anemones formed a sweetheart neckline and, although it was neatly folded, I caught a glimpse of white crocuses along the hem. It was surprisingly gorgeous.

  I frowned down at it. “It’s too pretty. You think it’s poisoned?”

  Oizys brightened. Like that somehow made the dress more attractive.

  If that was the case … I looked between her and the dress. Considering.

  Her eyes narrowed. “You could kill me, peel my clothes from my cold dead body, leave me naked in middle of the throne room, and I’d still fight you if you tried to put that monstrosity on me.”