Love Rampage

by Alex Powell

  Table of Contents

  Love Rampage

  Book Details

  Dedication

  Part One

  Part Two

  About the Author

  Love Rampage

  Alex Powell

  Maira has always wanted a unicorn, but isn't quite prepared when one shows up on her doorstep and kidnaps her—and proclaims that Maira must confess her feelings to the girl she loves. Maira is definitely reluctant to follow through with that, but everything changes when Carol is kidnapped by a demon...

  Book Details

  Love Rampage

  By Alex Powell

  Published by Less Than Three Press LLC

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission of the publisher, except for the purpose of reviews.

  Edited by Tan-ni Fan

  Cover designed by London Burden

  This book is a work of fiction and all names, characters, places, and incidents are fictional or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people, places, or events is coincidental.

  First Edition January 2015

  Copyright © 2015 by Alex Powell

  Printed in the United States of America

  Digital ISBN 9781620044759

  To Laurence, without whom this wild ride would never have come into existence

  Part One

  Maíra stared at the creature in front of her in growing confusion and disbelief. There was no possible way that what she was seeing was real. It couldn't be what she thought it was. She was taking a different anti-anxiety med now, so maybe she was allergic to them. Or she'd hit her head. Whatever the cause, she was definitely seeing things.

  She took a hesitant step forward and reached out her hand.

  The unicorn waited patiently for her to make contact, not moving away or drawing closer. Large blue eyes surrounded by ridiculously long silver lashes blinked at her, watching Maíra's hand waver in front of her.

  Maíra couldn't bring herself to actually poke the unicorn, but it finally said, "I'm real."

  Maíra squeaked loudly and threw herself backwards onto the bed behind her. The bed bounced wildly, throwing small, decorative, lacy pillows in every direction. Maíra grabbed one and held it up in front of her like a shield, peeking out from behind it at the unicorn, which hadn't moved, but was giving her what appeared to be an amused look.

  "How did you get in my room?" Maíra asked, looking around. "My door is closed, my window is closed and the front door is closed and locked."

  "I'm magic," the unicorn said, as if it were obvious.

  Well, if it really was a unicorn, it obviously must be magic. Not that it should have occurred to Maíra, because unicorns weren't real.

  "Why are you here?" Maíra demanded, still hiding behind the pillow.

  "You called."

  "I didn't!" protested Maíra, looking over the pillow to glare.

  "Yes, you did. You've wanted a unicorn since forever," the unicorn argued. "I shouldn't even need to say this, since the room we currently occupy speaks for itself."

  It was true. The whole room was painted a whimsical lilac and periwinkle, and had a decidedly fantastical motif. Sure, there were also fairies and mermaids, but the decorations around them mainly reflected unicorns. There were unicorn posters, unicorn figurines and unicorn-embroidered pillows. The shelf behind Maíra held the entire Unicorns of Balinor series and several other books featuring unicorns.

  "So I like unicorns, but I haven't seriously thought that I could have one since I was five," Maíra replied. "What makes you think I need you now?"

  "Because you have finally fallen in love," the unicorn said magnificently, closing its cornflower eyes with a pleased look.

  Maíra threw her pillow at its face and the unicorn danced back and snorted. To Maíra's surprise and shock, the impact of the pillow threw up a glowing cloud of sparkles that drifted down to the ground and settled in a pile of rainbow glitter.

  The unicorn sneezed, and it sounded like a dozen chiming silver bells.

  "I'm not in love!" Maíra said, crossing her arms.

  "Of course you're in love," the unicorn said, matter-of-factly. "We would know. Unicorns are made of love. We are drawn to love in all its forms and expressions."

  "I'm not in love," Maíra insisted.

  "We'll just see about that!" the unicorn said. "What was her name? Karen?"

  "Carol," Maíra said automatically. "Shit."

  Before she could say anything, the unicorn turned around, the door to her room opened, and in a silvery flash of light, the unicorn was out the door, down the stairs and rushing out into the street. Maíra jumped up and looked out her window. The unicorn reared up when it saw her, then made its way down the quiet suburban street in the direction of the mall.

  "No, wait!" Maíra said, but the unicorn did not stop.

  Maíra shoved a pair of her gym sneakers on her feet, threw a hoodie on over her pyjamas and ran to follow. Could anyone see it? The unicorn was magic, so it was only logical that the unicorn could make itself visible to only those that it wanted. No one else was out on the street, as it had just finished raining, so hopefully it would remain unseen.

  The unicorn had stopped at the first stop sign where the crescent Maíra's place was on joined one of the bigger roads. It waited for her to catch up, and she jogged up to its side, puffing out breaths as her out-of-shape body made its displeasure known.

  "This would go a lot faster if you climbed on my back," the unicorn remarked.

  "I'm in my pyjamas!" Maíra protested. "Where are you going?"

  "To see Carol, of course," the unicorn explained. "Now that you know you love her, you have to go to her and proclaim your love!"

  "No," Maíra snapped. "Do you think people here see unicorns every day?"

  "Probably not," the unicorn said brightly. "What a lucky day for them!"

  "I'll go with you," Maíra blurted out desperately. "But on one condition. You take me back to the house so that I can get dressed properly."

  If she could just get the unicorn back inside without anyone noticing its presence, then everything would be fine. She'd think of a way to keep it there in a moment, but getting it there was the main priority. Her uptight neighbour was going to come by at any moment and see it, and probably manage to blame it on her, somehow.

  "Okay," the unicorn said, and lowered itself to the ground. Maíra stifled the urge to giggle, because the movement reminded her of a camel sitting down, and was not graceful at all. "I didn't realize that humans had clothes specifically for declaring their love in."

  "We don't really," Maíra said, climbing on its back awkwardly. "Well, unless you count a wedding dress, but you have to be engaged before you can get married. I just don't want to be outside in my pyjamas."

  "Do you have a wedding dress?" asked the unicorn, turning its head to look at her as it stood up again.

  "No, why would I?"

  "So, how are you going to declare your love without one?" the unicorn asked. "It is of utmost importance that you have whatever you need to declare your love perfectly. We must get one!"

  And with this declaration, the unicorn took off down the street in the exact opposite direction that Maíra had hoped.

  "No, wait!" Maíra cried. "Stop!"

  The unicorn didn't even break stride. With growing horror, Maíra threw her arms around the unicorn's long, white neck and held on. From the other direction, there was a car coming, and with a sinking feeling in her stomach, Maíra recognized her neighbour's Volvo.

  "Unicorn, get off the street!" Maíra yelled, because the unicorn didn't seem to think the car was a threat to its well-being.

  The unicorn kept galloping down the street, and picked up s
peed. Even from here, Mr. Wilson's expression changing from confused to terrified was visible through the windshield. His hands grasped at the steering wheel, and the vehicle swerved from side to side as its driver panicked.

  "You're going to get us killed," Maíra said.

  Maíra was certain that they were both doomed to be crushed by the oncoming car when the unicorn jumped, touching down on the roof of the car momentarily before launching itself off the top. Maíra screamed and shut her eyes; they were high enough in the air that she could see over the tops of houses.

  When she opened her eyes again, the unicorn was running in the direction of Lonsdale Quay, galloping fast enough that they were passing cars. Maíra stared in fascination as they rocketed by a minivan, and the children inside all pressed their faces against the window and pointed as they went by. Maíra waved and smiled weakly.

  "Where do we find a wedding dress?" the unicorn asked her suddenly.

  "Not here!" Maíra said. "Anyway, I don't need a wedding dress. Wedding dresses are for getting married in."

  "Do your people marry people they love?" asked the unicorn.

  "Sometimes, I guess, but it's not as if everyone does."

  "But it is an important ceremony of love, would you say that?" The unicorn turned its head to the side to look at her with one, large, shimmering eye.

  "Yes, but––"

  "Then it is settled. We must find you a wedding dress!"

  The unicorn put on a burst of speed as they rounded a corner and started down the long hill towards the harbour. The ocean came into view, dotted with sailing boats, large transport ships and one cruise ship departing from Canada Place on the other side of the harbour. Within a few moments, they descended the hill and the sea was lost from sight once more.

  "Okay," Maíra said, rearranging herself on the unicorn's back. "A nice dress wouldn't go amiss, sure, but a wedding only takes place after you've been dating for a while! Months, years even! I haven't even asked her out yet!"

  "Is the order of these events important?" the unicorn asked.

  "Yes," Maíra said, nodding frantically. "It definitely is."

  The unicorn rushed across a busy street, barely avoided being hit by a bus and vaulted over the heads of several confused pedestrians.

  "Sorry!" Maíra yelled at them as the unicorn dashed by.

  "I like the idea of a wedding dress," the unicorn said wistfully. "It speaks of love in visual form, and gives a special significance to your vows."

  "You don't even know what one looks like," Maíra argued. "If you'd just stop and let me explain..."

  The unicorn barrelled past all the little shops on the quay and headed down past the docks. Maíra clutched its curling, white mane in both hands as it approached the railing. Maíra closed her eyes and chanted in her head that it was magic: the unicorn was magic and wouldn't let them drown.

  Maíra didn't even like taking the seabus across the harbour, never mind jumping into the impenetrably dark depths of the water on what amounted to horseback. However, the unicorn hadn't halted its progress in spite of all her words, so telling it she was afraid of water probably wouldn't stop it either.

  They cleared the rail, and the unicorn kept running without breaking stride. Maíra opened her eyes to find that the unicorn was running on top of the water, sending up tiny sprays of salt water, as if the ocean were inches deep.

  "You're really magic," Maíra said in awe. "Either that, or I'm delusional."

  The unicorn tossed its head and said, "I am most certainly magic, but it is still quite possible that you are delusional. I do assure you that I am entirely real and in no way imaginary."

  The unicorn wove its way around little speed boats and large sailing crafts. The ocean breeze whipped Maíra's hair up around her head, and seagulls flew up in a flurry as the unicorn disturbed their flocks where they were sitting peacefully on the water. Maíra forgot to be afraid; forgot that if she fell off the unicorn's back, she would sink like a stone.

  As the unicorn approached the other side of the harbour, Maíra heard the sound of a propeller drawing close and the wind pick up. She looked up and screamed as a seaplane swooped in over their heads and landed in a whoosh and a spray of water.

  "Okay, unicorn, even if I wanted a wedding dress, I definitely can't afford one," Maíra said, wiping the salt-water spray from her arms. "Besides, I'm saving for something else."

  "What do you mean by that?" the unicorn asked, finally reaching dry land and entering the bustling downtown city center.

  "I mean that I don't have any money to spare! I'm not spending it on something like a wedding dress when I don't know if Carol will agree to even one date with me."

  "Why would she not agree?" the unicorn asked blithely. "You love her!"

  Maíra groaned and rolled her eyes. "You do understand that not everyone gets a fairytale ending to their search for love, right?"

  "Why would she not love you?" People were staring as the two of them went past, and somehow, the unicorn was able to miraculously get through the crowd without being jostled or accidentally stepping on anyone. "You're wonderful!"

  Maíra looked down at her hands, wondering how she could explain something as complex as societal gender dynamics to a creature that didn't understand that she didn't need a wedding dress to ask for a date.

  "I might be a bit... differently shaped than she's used to," Maíra said, trying to explain.

  "You're human. She is also human. I do not see the problem," the unicorn said. "I know a dragon that fell in love with a mermaid. Why should shape have any bearing on the matter?"

  "Humans are a bit more complicated than that," Maíra said, sighing and shaking her head.

  "That's just silly," the unicorn proclaimed, shaking out its mane. "Now, where would one find a place for wedding dresses? Ah! I'll ask them."

  Just across the intersection from them were two people on horseback.

  "You can't ask them, those are police officers," Maíra hissed.

  "They look like they might know the way to a place with wedding dresses," the unicorn said confidently and approached them.

  The closer that they got to the police officers, the more Maíra noticed just how large their horses were. She wasn't an expert on horses, obsession with unicorns notwithstanding, but even she could see that they were powerfully built. If she had to imagine the kind of horses that medieval knights rode into battle, these would be those horses.

  "We need to find a wedding dress," the unicorn said, addressing the officers with a swish of its mane.

  The officers stared, and one stood up in her stirrups and leaned over to look at Maíra where she was perched on the unicorn's back. Maíra shrank back away from their gaze. She'd never had anything happen to her personally to make her fear police officers, and in their eyes she probably looked like an ordinary young lady, but she couldn't help being afraid. It wasn't the type of fear that made someone run screaming in terror; it was the kind where one stayed as still as possible and hoped they remained unnoticed.

  "Did you just talk?" the officer asked. "Why are you wearing pyjamas?"

  Maíra had forgotten she was wearing pyjamas. She was also riding a talking creature that no one in their right mind believed exists. What if they thought she was mad?

  "Wedding dress!" she said, clutching her hoodie closer around her.

  The officers looked at one another briefly in confusion before turning to look at Maíra again. Maíra was trying desperately to think of a way to explain the situation, but everything circled back to the fact she'd been kidnapped by a magical creature.

  "Do you not know where a wedding dress may be found?" the unicorn continued. "We need one."

  "We really don't need one," Maíra said, dread curling in her stomach. She hoped the officers didn't think she was talking to herself.

  "Horses aren't allowed here," the female police officer said.

  "You have a horse," the unicorn pointed out.

  "We're police officers," the
other police officer pointed out. "It's hard to be 'mounted police' without mounts."

  "Well, I'm not a horse," the unicorn said smugly.

  "Are we not going to discuss that it's a talking horse?" Maíra asked pointedly, before shaking her head in disbelief. "I really am going mad. Am I the only one who thinks it's weird?"

  "Horse-shaped creature," the female police officer added. "I'm going to have to ask you to come with us."

  "We must find a wedding dress!" the unicorn argued.

  "Why do they not care they're talking to a unicorn?" asked Maíra, gesturing to them.

  "Please come with us," the officers said, both raising one hand towards her.

  "That's a bit creepy. We should go," Maíra tapped at the unicorn's sides with her ankles, even though she knew that the unicorn wouldn't know horse riding commands.

  "They haven't told us where to get a wedding dress," the unicorn protested.

  "They're going to arrest us!" Maíra said, digging her heels in harder. "Go!"

  The unicorn went. Unfortunately, it wasn't going very fast, trotting along the sidewalk, hooves chiming on the ground like bells. Maíra poked at its side again, but this time it ignored her.

  "Go faster, or they'll catch us," she said, tugging its mane to get its attention.

  "Why would they chase us?"

  She glanced over her shoulder, and the sight behind her was so alarming that she screamed. The unicorn looked back as well and leapt forward.

  The two mounted police were charging down the block at them, their horses' hides gleaming and rippling over their powerful muscles. Yes, Maíra could definitely see why she'd thought of knights on horseback, because these horses were war machines.

  "Yes, I see your point," the unicorn said, taking off in a flash of glitter and silver light.

  They quickly outpaced the enormous steeds and their riders, but Maíra's heart was still pounding and she couldn't help but keep looking back over her shoulder in case they caught up.

  "What was wrong with them?" Maíra asked, rubbing her arms. "Police aren't normally like that."

  "You mean extremely unhelpful when it comes to finding appropriate clothing for love declarations?" the unicorn asked with a snort.