The Virgin Dating Game

by Sky Corgan

  As soon as I say them, a wave of emotion crashes down on me. Tears fly to my eyes at lighting speed. I can't do this anymore. I can't be around him like this. And I definitely don't want him to see me cry again.

  I wrap my arms around myself, hugging my purse to my chest as I make a break for the door. Even though my ankle still hurts a little, it doesn't stop me from running. Before I even reach the door though, Lucian's strong arms are around me, pulling me back.

  He holds me against him, and I desperately try not to sob as I tell him to let me go. He doesn't. His arms are like iron around me, unyielding. I attempt to pry them off of me, but he doesn't budge.

  “Calm down,” he whispers into my ear.

  “Please, just let me go,” I whimper.

  He kisses the back of my head, which only makes me break down that much more. Soon, I'm sobbing uncontrollably, and I'm hating myself for it. Somehow, Lucian manages to turn me around in his arms, and I surrender completely, burying my face against his chest to cry. The entire time, he softly rakes his fingers through my hair and tries to comfort me. It's absolutely infuriating, especially since he's the problem.

  “Are you feeling a little better now?” he asks once I've calmed a bit. He leans back, looking at my face and brushing my tears away with his fingertips. It's so tender that I feel the slightest spark of hope that he cares. This is all an act though. He has done this before. I need to squash that spark before he turns the tables and makes this into something sexual again.

  “I'm fine.” I step out of his grasp and am surprised that he allows it.

  “Talk to me, okay.” His expression is earnest.

  I drop my gaze to the floor, though I don't know why. There's no shame in being truthful. “I can't have sex with you anymore, Lucian.”

  “Why not?” He walks away from me and rests his weight against the bed.

  “I'm not sure what kind of girl you think I am, but I'm not that girl.” I shake my head. “I don't just give myself to anybody.”

  “I'm not just anybody,” his tone is laced with offense.

  I fight the urge to roll my eyes as I feel arrogance radiating off of him. “No. You're not just anybody. You're the worst kind. You're the kind of guy who goes through women like underwear and doesn't give a crap what it does to them. And I'm the kind of girl who can't separate emotions from sex. We're like oil and water. We don't go together. And that's why I can't sleep with you anymore.”

  “Is that what you think of me?”

  “I wouldn't have said it if it wasn't,” my words are biting.

  “And what gave you that impression?” He makes a swirling motion in the air with his hand. I can tell that he's on the brink of being pissed off. He definitely doesn't like my assessment of him.

  “You don't take no for an answer. The first time we were together, I tried to tell you no, and you wouldn't listen.”

  He jerks his head back and raises an eyebrow. “The first time we were together was at Flesh.”

  I let out an audible groan. “See, that's a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Flesh. You sleep with a different woman every week. You're a hoebag.”

  “A hoebag?” His eyes widen in shock at the name calling. “You made that appointment to come see me. If I'm a hoebag, then what does that make you?”

  I grit my teeth, avoiding his gaze. “It makes me curious. That was the first and last time I'll ever do anything like that.”

  We're both silent for several moments. The tension in the room is palpable, and all I can think about is how I want to leave. This has turned into a complete nightmare.

  “Look,” I say finally. “I can understand if you don't want to continue working with me now. Things have been blown way out of proportion. They've gone the way they never should have.” I shake my head. “I know we can't work together anymore, but my company is good at what it does. If you'd let Derrick take over from here, or if you'd allow me to transfer your files to another designer, we can continue the process, and there won't even be a blip in the schedule.”

  “Cute. You think I'd do you a favor.” He crosses one leg over the other and his arms over his chest.

  All hope leaves me, and I begin to feel upset again. Why, I'm not sure. This was the expected outcome. He's going to cancel the contract and have one of our competitors finish the job.

  “This isn't a favor. I'm telling you the truth.”

  “Do you seriously think I chose your company because I thought that Environ Design was any better than the others?”

  “You didn't?” My breath catches as my mind instantly goes into overdrive trying to process what he's saying. It could have so many meanings. More than likely though, they're all basal desire.

  “You know,” he relaxes his stance a bit, “you wouldn't have slept with me again if you didn't want to. You keep coming back for a reason, and I don't think it has much to do with your job. What is it you want from me, Amy?”

  My mouth falls agape at his assumption. I'm suddenly speechless. No logical answer will come to me. None that doesn't sound absolutely ridiculous, at least. I'm too embarrassed to speak.

  “I know you're not just some random slut,” Lucian continues. “And you're right, I'm definitely not a saint. But I do like you.

  “You said it yourself. We're like oil and water. Just from being around you for this short time, I can tell that you're not used to the things that I...need. You like what I do to you though. I can see it in your eyes. When I don't have you blindfolded, that is.” He cocks his head to the side briefly and his lips quirk into a smirk.

  I can feel my face heating up from the mention of the things we've done together. It feels so taboo and forbidden. Even though I don't want to admit it, he's right. I've enjoyed having sex with him, despite the fact that it's emotionally torn me apart. When I'm beneath him, I feel alive, when he does things to me that no man has ever dared to. I wouldn't let anyone else do those things to me—tie me up and blindfold me and play with me like a toy. Just him. And if I walk away from him, I know I'll never experience those things again. Perhaps that would be for the best though.

  “You've caught a glimpse of my world. What I do at Flesh. Let me take you a little deeper, and if you don't like what you see, you can go.”

  The proposition sounds so simple, but I know it's not. Nothing is simple with Lucian Reddick.

  “Take me deeper?” I ask, afraid of the answer.

  Lucian uncrosses his legs. “This Saturday is Fleshfest. It's basically a fetish party that Flesh holds every year. You should come with me.”

  “Come with you.” I feel like an idiot, parroting what he says. My brain is still trying to process the switch from argument to invitation. Is he asking me out on a date? And ugh, I don't want to be involved with this BDSM thing anymore...But I do want to be involved with him. It's sickening for me to think it, but I do still want him. If this is the only way... “What's Fleshfest like?”

  “It's fun.”

  “Well, I get that.” I give him a sarcastic look. “I mean, what happens there? You said it's a fetish party.”

  “Oh.” He nods. “Well, a lot happens there. There are vendors and entertainment. A lot of stuff you wouldn't see anywhere else?”

  “Like?”

  “Like...” He looks up to the ceiling, thinking. “Well, there's a suspension show, and aerial silks, and of course there's a dungeon.”

  The word sends a shiver rolling down my spine. I know all about dungeons. I've read up on them and watched enough porno with Janice to practically be an expert on the subject.

  “And would you want to take me to the dungeon?” I quirk an eyebrow.

  His smile broadens. “If you'd like. I'm not taking you to pressure you into anything. I just want to give you a better glimpse inside of my world, into the things I like to do. I know you're not very experienced, and I've been trying to take things slow with you.” He pauses, suddenly looking distant. “Eventually though, I'd like to do other things with you.”

>   “Other things. Like what?”

  His eyes meet mine as if he has just snapped out of a dream. “There's no point in spoiling the surprise. Come with me. You'll like it.”

  My shoulders slump as I feel my resolve slipping away. This is my chance to save my job. Not only that, but I'll get to spend more time with Lucian. Isn't that what I originally wanted, to be more involved with him? This is kind of like an introduction to us dating—the opportunity to have a real relationship with him.

  “What if I don't like it?” I ask, feeling my insecurities getting the better of me.

  “If you don't like it, then you don't like it.” He shrugs as if he's unable to come up with a better answer.

  “Fleshfest.” I bite my bottom lip, thinking.

  “How about I pick you up at eight? Things don't really get exciting there until around ten. That way, you can be there early to ease into things. It will be less overwhelming.”

  “No,” I reply quickly. The thought of being alone in a vehicle with him makes my anxiety skyrocket, probably because it gives him control over how long I'm forced to stay. “I'll take my own car.”

  “So you'll go?” He pushes himself off of the bed, giving me that charming, panty-melting smile that makes me want to see him happy all the time.

  “A look into your world.” It feels like nothing coherent is coming out of my mouth. I'm so overwhelmed and confused and excited, all at the same time. “Yes, I'll go.”

  “Excellent.” He approaches me, and for a moment, I think he's going to kiss me. Instead, he wraps an arm around me, turning me towards the door and placing his hand on the small of my back to lead me out. “I have a full schedule tomorrow, so I won't be able to meet with you. I look forward to seeing you at Fleshfest on Saturday. You can get the address from their website. Text me when you arrive, or just ask for me at the door. Everyone there knows who I am.”

  “Alright.” I nod, allowing him to usher me out.

  I'm thankful that he has the decency not to hit on me after such an intense and emotional conversation. Maybe he's not such a bad guy after all. Perhaps he does actually care. That thought gives me hope, though I'm not sure what for. It feels like we're far too different; not really compatible. He made it seem like he wants to try to be with me though. And I do like him a lot—want to be with him, too. This should be a dream come true, but somehow, it just doesn't feel right.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  While I know that I'm supposed to show up at Fleshfest alone, I can't resist telling Janice about it. This is definitely her thing, and of course, as soon as I mention the event, she immediately calls off from work so that she can go with me. Part of me is glad. I feel so weak when I'm alone with Lucian. She can be my cock-blocking shield if he tries to push me into anything that makes me uncomfortable.

  “We've got to get sexy costumes,” Janice says as we sit in front of the computer together and read about the festival on Flesh's website.

  I wrinkle my nose at the idea. Originally, I had planned to arrive in something comfortable, jeans and a T-shirt. The less easy access I am, the less Lucian will be tempted to want to do stuff with me at the festival. I really don't want to end up in the dungeon with him.

  “How about let's not.” I tilt my head to the side, giving her a serious look.

  “Oh, come on, Amy. You want to fit in, don't you? Everyone is going to be dressed up.”

  Including Lucian. I wonder what he's going to be wearing. The thought of him in leather pants and a harness makes my sex clench with desire. Fetish wear probably suits him, as does everything else. Will I really be able to resist him if he goes dressed like that?

  “Let's go shopping.” Janice stands and tugs at my arm.

  I groan. “Why can't we just go dressed normally?”

  “Come on. I'll hear no more about it.” She heads to the living room to grab her car keys.

  ***

  “How about this?” I pull a catsuit off of the rack of lingerie at the sex shop we're at. The outfit isn't revealing, and it isn't latex. The only easy access part to it is the bust, which zips open.

  Janice scowls at it. She's already picked out her costume, a sexy little halter dress that can barely even be called that. The thing is more straps than dress, with only enough material to cover her boobs, her butt, and her crotch. She's going to totally rock it with her perfect hourglass figure.

  To be honest, the idea of Lucian seeing her in it makes me nervous. What if he finds her more attractive than me? Who wouldn't, really? I definitely don't want to lose him to my best friend though. He's everything she wants, and she's everything he probably wants as well. Perhaps inviting her was a bad idea.

  “Maybe you should pick something less revealing.” I reach out to take the outfit from her and place it back on the rack, but she quickly jerks it away from me, clutching it to her chest.

  “Mine. It's not my fault you're self-conscious.”

  “I just don't want Lucian to think you look sexier than me.” I sulk.

  “Then pick something sexier than this.” She pulls an outfit off of the rack and holds it up for me. “How about this?”

  I take one quick look at the black vinyl dress with a double keyhole front and roll my eyes. “Does it look like I have enough boobs to fill that out?”

  “How about this, then?” She picks out a dress that's held together with straps that go down the sides.

  “My rolls will show.” I can feel my frustration building. All of these outfits are designed for perfect girls with skinny bodies and big tits. I have way too much body and not enough boobs. “I think I'm just going to take this.” I put the catsuit under my arm and start fumbling through my purse for my wallet.

  “You most certainly will not.” Janice snatches the outfit away from me and puts it back on the rack.

  “Janice, come on,” I whine. “I feel like we've been here forever. I'm not going to find anything else I like.”

  She sighs. “Here. You don't want to be too revealing, then get this.” Janice shuffles through the outfits a moment longer before pulling out a blouse and skirt combo that looks like something I'd wear to work—the latex version. The only thing sexy about it is that it's skin tight, the skirt is short, and the blouse zips all the way up in the front. It's still way too easy access, but at least it covers all the right places. I'll feel less self-conscious in it than I would in the other outfits, though Janice is still going to outshine me for sure.

  “I don't think I want to go anymore.” I look down at the ground, letting my negative thoughts get the better of me.

  “Take it. We're going.” Janice nudges me towards the register.

  I trudge along at a snail's pace, hating the outfit, hating my body, and feeling like agreeing to go to Fleshfest was one big mistake.

  ***

  It's Saturday night, and Janice couldn't be more full of energy if she tried. She's hopping around the apartment in her new outfit, looking every bit as fabulous as I imagined she would. I'm stuck in the bathroom, fussing over my hair and makeup. Nothing is going right. I have my hair pulled up in a bun that's so tight it's stretching out my features. My eyeliner and mascara look far too dark, and I couldn't possibly feel less sexy than I do right now. Even though the outfit covers all the right places, it hugs all the wrong places, and in the bathroom lighting, my curves seem to be accentuated and not in a good way.

  “I don't want to go. I look horrible.” I lean on the bathroom counter and rest my face in my hands, not even caring if I'm messing up my makeup.

  Janice leaps into the bathroom, moving with the flexibility and grace of a cat. Damn her for looking so perfect. Now I definitely don't want to go. If Lucian sees her standing next to me, I'll be forgotten in no time.

  “Why don't you just go without me.” My expression is earnest and almost pleading.

  “No.” She shakes her head. “This was your idea. We're both going. Weren't you supposed to meet whats his nuts there anyway?”

  “Lucian. Yeah.”
My shoulders slump. This is my one chance to prove that I want to be with him. I do want to be with him, but I don't think it's worth looking like an idiot over. If this is what I have to go through to be a part of his world, then maybe I don't want to be in his world after all.

  Janice stands behind me with her hands on my shoulders. “He's going to love you in this.”

  I quirk my head to the side so she can see the sarcasm etched in my features. “I look more like a Domme than a submissive.”

  “You knew that's what the outfit was for when you bought it.” There's no sympathy in her voice.

  She's right though. Anyone with eyes can see that this isn't an outfit for a submissive.

  “You'll be Mistress Underwood tonight,” Janice teases me.

  “That's Domme to you.” I flick the fingers on her right hand to get her to take it off of my shoulder.

  She drops both of her hands to her sides and stands next to me, looking herself over in the mirror. “Seriously though, take your time and try not to stress. It's going to be dark in there, I'd bet. He's not going to be able to see whatever imperfections you're trying to hide anyway.”

  I sigh, “You're probably right. I don't know why I'm still fussing in here. We should just leave and get this over with.”

  “We're not leaving yet.” Janice looks at me like I'm stupid.

  “What do you mean we're not leaving yet?” I glance down at my watch. “It's almost eight. We need to get going.”

  “You want to hook this guy, right?” She moves some of my makeup aside and lifts herself up onto the bathroom counter.

  “Yeah...”

  “Being on time isn't the way to do it. You need to make him wait on you.”

  “But I'm always on time.” I shake my head. “I think that's one thing Lucian likes about me.”

  “Trust me on this one.” She holds her hand out to silence me. “I know guys. You have to make them seem unimportant. You don't want him to think your world revolves around him. Then, he'll lose interest.”