by Amy Muscat
“Yeah, she is,” I said back to him, before following Ivy into the kitchen and started making lunch.
****
Around 7pm, Keller pulled me aside and asked me if he could stay again.
I wasn’t too sure if he should after that kiss we’d shared. I didn’t want to give him any false hope that something was gonna happen. I wasn’t ready for that, and we weren’t even together, we hadn’t even discussed if we were gonna give it a try or not. I still had feelings for him, I always would, my head was telling me it would be too soon, but my heart... My heart was telling me to go for it. But I just didn’t want to get hurt again, whether it was done inadvertently or not, I was still hurt the first time.
“Erm... Keller, I-I,” I was babbling and couldn’t get any words out. It felt like my tongue was swelling up. “I’m not having sex with you!” I blurted. Oh god! What the fuck was wrong with me? Talk about verbal diarrhea.
He laughed. Fucking laughed at me.
“It’s not funny Keller!” I said slapping his chest before I crossed my arms over mine.
“I know. Sorry, didn’t mean to laugh at ya, it was just your face looked horrified. Is, having sex with me that bad to think of? Anyway, who’s to say I want to sleep with you, hmmm?” He tilted his head when he said that.
“I-I didn’t...” I stop talking and blow out a frustrated breath.
“I’m joking with you Pey.”
I felt my cheeks burning up. I couldn’t believe I’d said that.
“Look, if you don’t want me to stay, that’s fine, I won’t like it, but I’ll sleep in my car or something. I don’t feel comfortable letting you girls stay here without any protection. But if I stay here I can sleep on the couch if you want me to, I don’t mind.” He looked so sincere when he said that that I could only believe him.
“No don’t sleep in your car Keller, that’s just stupid, you’ll just end up hurting yourself. You can stay here that’s fine, sorry I just panicked a little before. After that kiss... I didn’t want you to assume things...” I shut up, ‘cause I was gonna end up babbling again, or worse I’d tell him to sleep with me again.
He nodded and said thanks before walking back into the living room.
After a couple of seconds, I joined them.
We were sitting eating our dinner which consisted of pizza, fries and wings, when Keller’s cell started ringing.
Digging into his jeans pocket, he pulled his ringing phone out, looked at the screen and excused himself.
I looked over to Lottie to see her eyes narrowed in the direction Keller had gone.
“What?” I asked her. She had this look on her face that I couldn’t work out.
“Nothing, nothing.”
“Yeah, it’s something Lotts, you have that look going on. What are you thinking?”
Sighing she said, “I don’t know. I’m just thinking why would he walk out to take a call that he couldn’t take in here?” She sounded suspicious.
“Maybe its work and he didn’t want or couldn’t discuss it in front of us.”
“Yeah, maybe,” she said skeptically.
Before any of us could say anything more, Keller walked back into the room and sat next to Ivy throwing an arm around her and tucking her into his side.
“Who was that daddy?” Ivy asked sleepily, yawning and rubbing her tired looking eyes.
I loved that she was so nosey.
“That was someone that I work with, Princess. He was just telling me something,” Keller said, grabbing the Afghan that was over the back of the couch and pulled it over Ivy’s small form.
“Oh otay. I tired daddy,” she said yawning again.
“You wanna go to bed?”
“Yeah, can you take me and read me my story?” She was looking up at him with hopeful eyes.
“‘Course Princess, as long as that is alright with your momma?” He looked over to me when he said that.
“That’s fine, Keller.”
“Okay let’s get you to bed then. Go give your momma and Lottie a kiss goodnight,” he said picking her up and placing her on the floor before standing.
Ivy walked over to Lottie and gave her a kiss saying night before shifting over to me and giving me a big squeeze and a kiss too.
“Night baby, I love you,” I said hugging her back and kissing all over her little face.
“Momma!” She was giggling when she squirmed out of my arms and went over to Keller, grabbed his hand and said over her shoulder, “Night momma, love you too,” and blew me a kiss, before pulling Keller out of the room.
“So I’ve been dying to ask, what happened earlier? When Ivy and I went to my room, I know something did, so don’t even lie.” Lottie said as soon as we heard Ivy’s bedroom door shut.
“Ah Lotts,” I put my head in my hands and shook it back and forth.
“What happened love?” She said sounding worried now.
“We kissed Lotts, like really kissed. One of them I’m-gonna-combust-any-second-now kisses. And god Lott, it was heart pounding, hot, consuming, sensual and a hundred more adjectives.” I said thinking about the way my body had reacted to the kiss.
“But?”
“But, I don’t wanna give him any ideas Lotts. I don’t think I’m ready to just jump back on the bandwagon so soon, ya know? I’ve always loved him, and I can feel myself starting to like him again, but I’m worried Lottie. What if he doesn’t want me? I’m gonna be left on my own again, and I don’t think I can go through that again Lotts. It killed me the first time and I think if it happened again, I don’t think I’ll come back from it.” I was upsetting myself speaking about this, but I needed to get it off my chest.
“Aww Pey don’t get upset. I know where you’re coming from girly, but- and you know I ain’t his biggest fan at the moment- I’ve seen the way he looks at you. And I get that you don’t wanna jump back into it so soon, so why not take it slow. Maybe go on some dates and see where that takes you. He’s great with Ivy, he looks at her like the sun shines out of her bum. And when she came over to say goodnight he was just looking at the two of you together like you both were his world. It’s up to you babe, I ain’t gonna tell you what to do and what not to do, but if it were me, I’d say fuck it and fuck what everyone else thinks,” she so eloquently put it.
“Yeah, fuck them.” We started laughing. I could always count on Lottie to cheer me up. “I think I’ll say something to him tonight, he’s staying again, he said that if I didn’t want him to stay here, then he would just sleep in his car outside- ‘cause he didn’t want to leave us here alone- but I told him he could. Is that okay with you?” I should’ve asked her first, it was her apartment too.
“Yeah, that’s fine, babe. That’s nice of him to think of our safety though,” she said with a small smile pulling at her lips.
“Yeah, it was.”
“So do you think you’ll-” She stopped talking abruptly when we heard Ivy’s bedroom door creak.
Keller walked into the room with a big smile on his face.
“What’s got you smiling?” I asked, curious.
“Ivy,” that was all he said, but I knew what he meant- my baby could make even the angriest person smile. “Right so I’m just gonna head back home and grab my clothes and I’ll be back in about half an hour, okay?”
“Okay, see you in a bit.”
He nodded at Lottie, and grabbed his cell from the couch and waved bye before walking out the front door.
FOURTEEN
We were sitting on the sofa laughing at the pictures and video I’d recorded of Keller when a knock sounded on the door about forty minutes later.
I got up and walked to the door and looked through the peephole. My heart stuttered and my breath got stuck in my throat when I saw the face of a man, who was slowly creeping back into my heart.
When I was able to breathe again, I took a deep breath and blew it out before opening the door for him.
He graced me with a big smile saying, “hey Pey,” in his deep husk
y voice. A tone that did nothing for my control.
When I stepped back, I saw a big black duffle bag that he had in his right hand stuffed to the max by the looks of it.
“Planning on staying long?” I asked.
“Yeah, ‘cause I don’t plan on leaving my girls anytime soon.” He said this with such determination in his voice, that it startled me.
“You mean girl? Ivy’s your girl, Keller, not me.” It came out harsher than I meant for it too.
I saw the hurt wash over his face before he covered it.
“No Peyton, you and Ivy,” he said quietly.
“I’m sorry that came out the wrong way,” I said giving him a look that I tried to show how sorry I was. That was nasty of me to say that and I felt like a big bitch now.
“It’s okay. I told you if you don’t want me here, I’ll stay in my car.” He tightened his hold on his bag.
“No! I’m sorry, please come in. You’re more than welcome to stay, Keller. I shouldn’t have said that.” The guilt was weighing heavy on my heart from the look he was sending me.
“If you’re sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I said moving out the way so he could walk through.
Nodding he stepped in and shut the door behind him, locking the door after.
“You wanna put your bag in my room?” I realized how that sounded when he raised an eyebrow at me and I quickly said, “Just so it’s not in the way and no one falls over it,” I was talking crap. He could always put it next to the couch-where he was sleeping- but... I... well I didn’t have an excuse. Even to myself.
Maybe I just wanted him to sleep with me again. Last night was one of the best night’s sleep I’d had for years, and I was scared to admit that out loud.
“Sure,” his top lip pulled up and into a devilish smirk letting me know that he didn’t believe my pathetic excuse.
When we walked into the living room I saw Lottie sitting in the same place I’d left her, only she had a book in her hand and she looked really into the book.
“You want a coffee or tea?” I asked them both.
“Yeah tea please, one sugar, thanks,” Lottie said, not looking up.
“I’ll have a coffee.” Keller said to me.
“Okay, go sit down and I’ll bring it out,” I told him, waving my hand for him to sit on the couch.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, it’s fine Keller, it’s only a couple of hot drinks,” I told him amused that he thought I couldn’t handle making three drinks.
After making two teas and coffee for Keller, I walked back and saw Keller watching the TV, and Lottie was still reading with a smile on her face.
I gave them their drinks and sat down in the middle of them and tucked my feet under me, watching the TV along with him.
The movie ‘Four Brothers,’ was on.
“I love this movie, Mark Wahlberg is so hot,” I mumbled to myself.
A chuckle came from my right and I looked over to see Keller’s amused expression.
“I remember you always had a crush on him,” he said still laughing.
I felt my face heat and I was sure my cheeks were more red than pink.
“Shut up. If I remember correctly you had a crush on Julia Roberts, who I might add is about twenty years your senior,” I smirked at him.
He shrugged, not looking embarrassed at all, saying, “What can I say? I like redheads.”
I felt a thrill go through me at him saying that. He’d always said that I was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. I wonder if that had changed...
I wonder if he had a girlfriend.
Had he been with anyone since me?
Had he been with several someone’s?
Oh god! I don’t know how I felt about that.
I hadn’t been with anyone since him. I didn’t have the time to even contemplate looking for someone else. Even for a one-night stand.
Firstly: I was far too busy being a new mom.
Secondly: I didn’t have time to wipe my own ass, let alone do anything else.
Thirdly: I’m not that sort of person.
And lastly, my heart was never in it. My heart was with a boy halfway around the world...
“Peyton...Peyton... PIE!” Keller shouted snapping me out of my thoughts.
“What!” I snapped back.
With their thoughts oscillating through my brain, I was pissed and I had no right to be.
So what if he had a girlfriend?
We hadn’t been together for five years now. Five lonely, miserable, and heartbroken years.
And now he was back in our lives that didn’t mean I had any right to say anything or even have a claim to him.
Good luck to him if he did have one…
But then why did my heart feel like it was breaking all-over again?
“What’s the matter with you?” Keller said with his brows furrowed and his lips pressed in a tight line.
“Nothing,” I said with attitude.
“Pi-Pey, I’ve clearly done something wrong if you look and sound like that,” he said slowly like I was a two year old.
“Don’t be so conceited. I was thinking of something else,” I said using the same tone he used with me.
He was right of course, but I wasn’t gonna tell him that.
“Oh really? What were you thinking of then?”
“None of your fucking business Keller!”
I could see that my response hurt him.
Fuck!
I shouldn’t be taking this out on him. It wasn’t his fault if he DID have someone else.
“I’m sorry. A lot of shit is going through my head and I’m taking it out on you and I shouldn’t be. Sorry.” My voice had gone all quiet and sorrowful.
I’d never liked fighting with him, and I hated putting that hurt, confused expression on his face.
Keller had been nothing but perfect the past day and a half, and I was taking my shit out on him just because he could have a potential girlfriend.
He reached over and grabbed my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze before saying, “I understand Pey. You’re going through a lot of crap at the moment, what with that dick and what he did. And the fact that we found each other again and finding out that someone fucked with us and our futures. It’s a lot for anyone to take in and I know you’ve put a brave face on all day for Ivy, but baby you don’t have to do that around me. I’ve known you my whole life. I know you Peyton. You don’t have to put a brave face on in front of me, okay?” His voice was all soft and buttery. And his eyes were like a chocolate whirlpool, I could drown in them.
“Okay,” I said choking up slightly.
I heard a sniffle come from the space next to me and whipped my head over to see Lottie subtly wipe her eyes.
“Lotts, are you crying?” I asked her bewildered. Lottie never cried freely. Only when something bad had happened, like last night or when her gran got ill last year and she had to go back to London (she was fine now). But she didn’t get upset over trivial stuff.
Looking horrified that she’d been caught, she said,” no I bloody wasn’t. I just had something in my eyes and I poked my eye by accident that’s all.”
“Okay then,” I said sarcastically. I didn’t believe her for shit.
“Oh, fuck off, I’m going to my room now, so bollocks to the both of you,” she said snapping her book closed and walked out. A second later I heard her door slam.
I heard a chuckle come from Keller and turned to see the mirth shining through his eyes.
“What?”
“Nothing, I just like her that’s all. She’s funny. How did you meet her anyway?”
“I met her in a coffee shop I work in. She was in there ranting on her phone, like really swearing and going mad. She was a regular came in all the time on her lunch break. And though we’d exchanged pleasantries, I never talked to her or anything, but that day after she hung up the phone, she looked really stressed and I took another coffee over to her, ‘cause coffee helps everyon
e, you know?”
At his nod, I carried on. “So I cleared my throat and put down the drink and said something along the lines of ‘here this will help’ and when she looked up she just looked so grateful and after saying thanks, she told me her name and asked if I wanted a chat. The place was dead, so I thought ‘what the hell.' I was curious, I’d never met a British person before, and I was basically starved for conversation so I just sat there talking to her for about an hour. She told me how she had to come here ‘cause her dad’s business, a publishing firm, had been moved from London. The business was booming and it was too hard for him to manage it from all the way across the Atlantic, so they moved. I think I knew that I would get along with her when she said in her very British accent, “And no offence, but these fucking American people I work with are so fucking rude and arrogant. I think that they think, that because I’m from England that I’m a bloody idiot. I don’t think so love, I got twelve GCSE’s thank you very much. Pricks.” I just pissed myself laughing at her. I loved her expressiveness and her total honesty. Then she asked me about my story, and I told her everything. And broke down to her, and after it all, we exchanged numbers and that night she texted me asking how I was and how Ivy was. She came in the coffee shop the next day and we chatted and from then on we became best friends and she is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.” Christ! That was a long assed speech.
“She seems great, and I can see how much she loves both you and Ivy, and I can see that she’s fiercely loyal too. Fuck I thought she was gonna rip me a new one earlier. She really laid into me about not hurting you both again. And I won’t Peyton. I promise, I will never hurt you again.” He both sounded and looked sincere.
My heart tightened and I felt my breath get stuck in my throat. I felt the emotions that I’d tried to keep locked away rushing through me. And I didn’t know how I felt about it. I could feel myself falling for him again and I’d only been reacquainted with him for two nights. All the feelings I had for him, all those years ago, were coming right back to the surface. The conflicting emotions were making my head dizzy.
“Keller... I really don’t... I mean I know you wouldn’t hurt us again, well not intentionally, bu-” I was cut off by his hand over my mouth.
