by Mila Summers
I did not know how to react to this confession. What can you say to people who have been betrayed so badly by the love of their life?
I looked at him for a long time before I decided what to do and then I came closer. Gently, I stroked his back with my hand, let it glide over his arm, and allowed my hand to remain for a moment. Just as I decided to go back to give him some space, it just happened.
Unexpectedly, Mitch reached for my hand, pulled me nearer and kissed me on the lips without warning. I hadn't planned on that. I stiffened, shocked by the arousal of my body, which apparently couldn't imagine anything nicer than returning Mitch's kiss.
I didn't refuse him, I let him do it, and reciprocated his tender, yearning kiss. As if driven, he kissed me ever more intensely, buried his hands in my hair, and pressed himself firmly to me.
It didn't matter what would happen after this kiss, I knew one thing at this moment. I was on the point of losing my heart to this man. No, if I were to be honest, I already had.
"Stacy? Mitch? Where are you two? We wanted to look at the wedding location together again. Where are you two hiding?"
Startled, we pulled apart. Mitch stuffed his shirt into his pants, while I attempted to fix my hair, which was in disarray. Emily came dangerously near and before I could get my heart rate under control, she trudged purposefully towards us.
"What are you doing here? Didn't you hear me calling you? We have to go now. Are you coming along? Sue and Bob will join us at the beach with Mom and Dad. Is everything ok with you? You both look so unsettled and your cheeks are burning. Oh, God. Did I just interrupt something? Damn it, I'm sorry. I'll just wait in the house for you."
At this, she turned on her heels and disappeared just as quickly as she had arrived.
"Stacy?" Mitch began.
However, I wasn't listening. I did not want to hear what he had to say. It would be too painful for me if he apologized now for that incredible kiss. I wouldn't have been able to bear it. Before my heart could be broken, I darted away and ran back to the house.
Chapter 7
As we reached the small section of beach on Lake Michigan, I could not wait to finally climb out of the car. Mitch had offered to drive. So Emily, Mitch, and I sat in his car for a solid half hour and nobody dared to say a word. Dead silence. The radio wasn't even on.
Emily still seemed to be embarrassed by the incident. Mitch was probably wondering how he could make it clear to me that the thing in the garden had no importance.
I bravely reached for the door handle so I could quickly launch myself out of the car. Without looking back, I slammed the door shut, pulled my sneakers off, and ran barefoot in the sand. I had to get away.
The location for the ceremony tomorrow, which would be Saturday, was incredibly beautiful. I observed the swimmers frolicking in the water, sunning themselves on bath towels, and devoting themselves to reading books. What wouldn't I give to be in their place?
I kept running. As the water began to lap gently at my feet, I relaxed and took a deep breath.
It's hard to believe that Lake Michigan is just a lake. You really get the feeling that you're on the sea. I dug my toes into the sand and watched two girls building a sand castle beside me.
"Lucy, we need another drawbridge over the little moat that goes around the castle," I heard the older girl say.
"Why?" the other girl asked.
"Well, otherwise the prince can't get into the castle and he can't save Sleeping Beauty."
"Oh, Kathie, you're right. Let's fix that right now."
Children. What did they know about real life? They built sand castles and bridges, hoping the prince will come to wake Sleeping Beauty.
I wished I had my childlike innocence back in the worst way. I would have liked to sit next to them in the sand and help.
But other things were in store for me this afternoon. Sue and Bob's wedding would be taking place here tomorrow in the open air. There were still a few preparations to be made.
When I turned my back to Chicago's skyline, I discovered Mitch's parents, as well as Sue and Bob, were purposefully hurrying towards me.
Mitch and Emily were also on the way over. I felt surrounded and would have preferred to jump in the water and swim away. Now was the time to keep my nerves and not let them notice that anything was amiss.
"Very nice. Here you all are," Abigail joyfully greeted us.
"Let's check out where the best place to put the chairs is," Sue requested. "The rental company will be here in a few minutes.
By the way, I reserved a table for us at Grace later. I hope you weren't otherwise engaged for the evening," Sue looked expectantly at the group.
Well, fantastic. Now I'd have to sit next to Mitch in the restaurant for endless hours. I longed for the solitude of the past. I badly needed some distance, but I merely confirmed Sue's evening plans for the family with a smile.
Grace was a rather fancy joint. One of those places where you went home hungry after five courses and warmed up some macaroni and cheese in the microwave.
Unfortunately, the wine flowed abundantly. I only drank occasionally and so the second glass already had an effect. My head began to spin and I drifted ever more into a "oh, who cares" kind of mood.
The discussion at the table focused exclusively on the wedding tomorrow. I didn't feel much like participating and I acted fairly restrained.
Mitch seemed to feel the same way. Occasionally he risked a glance in my direction, looked quickly away again, and then concentrated on the measly portion on the plate before him.
I felt worse every minute I had to sit next to him. I retired to the restroom, washed my face with ice-cold water, and allowed myself a short respite.
I was critically examining my face in the mirror when Sue and Emily crowded into the small room.
"Are you alright?" they asked as if they were one person.
"Yes, everything's fine," I answered quickly in the hope of sparing myself from burdensome questions.
"Mitch is worried about you and asked us to see how you are," Sue revealed.
Mitch was worried about me? He was probably afraid that I would clear out and then he would have to explain his duplicity. Or was he really thinking about me? Perhaps there was still hope.
"Actually, I feel somewhat unwell. It's definitely the wine. I'm not used to drinking alcohol."
"Oh dear, and with the small portions here, your stomach certainly doesn't have much in it," Emily got to the point.
"Well, let's get out of here. Maybe some fresh air will do you good. Mitch would surely walk around the block with you," Sue seized the initiative.
"No. I can do it alone. You all look so nice sitting next to each other. I wouldn't want to bother him," I squirmed like a fish.
"Poppycock. No way are we going to let you walk around alone in your condition. Mitch is going with you and that's that."
Opposing her would be misguided. I was sure of that. So I submitted to my fate and took a walk around the block with Mitch.
As we started off, neither of us spoke and I was thankful for that. Sue was right. Fresh air really did help. I inhaled deeply and felt the oxygen flooding through my lungs.
Mitch walked beside me. His gaze fixed ahead, he leisurely walked at my side. He made no move to take my hand in his. We seemed to have tacitly agreed that it was better this way.
Somehow, I could understand him. After the business with his ex-girlfriend, he preferred to pull back into his protective cocoon. In this kind of situation, you wanted to turn your back on the world and not jump right into the next adventure.
"Stacy, I think we have to talk," he broke the silence.
"I know what you want to say and it's ok by me. Don't worry on my account. I accept your decision," the words bubbled out of me.
"Really?" Mitch asked skeptically, while he stopped and looked deep into my eyes.
"Sure I do. I understand all too well. Believe me, the business from this afternoon is already forgotten. You
spoke from your heart about your grief and I was there. It just happened," I lied, careful to keep my composure.
"It just happened?" Mitch repeated.
"Exactly. So let's get on with the agenda and get through the wedding tomorrow. After that, there are only three days where we have to keep out of each other's way. We should be able to manage that, right?" I projected an air of confidence.
"Stacy, I can't give you what you're looking for at this time. Please forgive me, but I'm just not able to," he tried to explain himself.
Tears came to my eyes. I suppressed them, first managed to stop them from overflowing, and then gave in.
"Of course. Shall we go back? I'm starting to get cold," I managed to say before I turned away and started back. Tears quietly rolled down my cheeks and I let them fall.
Chapter 8
You can do it. I repeated the encouraging words like a mantra. If anybody had seen me pacing next to the canopy bed, they would have thought it was me who was about to go before the altar today. And yet, I was only Mitch's decorative accessory, meant to protect him from the unwelcome questions of his friends and relatives.
Among the invited 150 guests was also a multitude of close family friends. For me, the implication was that I would be put through my paces again today.
Where exactly had we met? When did we become a couple?
I just couldn't get all the details straight. Mitch had invented key features of our relationship without giving me adequate means of remembering them all.
It was crazy making. The more often I tried to remember that first evening with the Havishams, the harder it got to keep a focus on what Mitch had said.
I would have preferred to call up his face with its cupid lips to my memory. Those lips which had kissed me so intimately in the garden, the thought of which gave me weak knees to this day.
What in the world had led me to follow him out there? Why hadn't I gone to my room and left him to his misery?
Agitated, I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans. If I didn't want to arrive too late, I'd have to get spruced up.
Mitch had given me his credit card a few days ago and asked Emily to go shopping with me. To be sure, it wasn't Rodeo Drive where we went on a search for a suitable dress, but Chicago also had a variety of shops run by renowned designers.
As I stood reverently before the clothing racks, not trusting myself to touch the delicate fabrics, Emily bravely started in and after a few minutes had already prepared a fine selection for me.
The short, lavender Armani cocktail dress cost a small fortune. Emily compelled me to take it anyway. I could only hope that when Mitch got his credit card bill, I would have already disappeared out of his life.
As one of Sue's bridesmaids, I put on the turquoise dress first and left the designer dress hanging in the cubicle. Emily had pointed out that after the official part and the pictures were over, we would slip into our own clothing.
I made note of it, shaking my head. The bridesmaid's dress, which I had first tried on yesterday and which had been altered to fit, was apparently not enough to keep up appearances.
The knock at the door to my room abruptly ended my thoughts.
"Stacy? Are you there?" I heard Mitch ask from the other side.
"No," I answered in the hope that he would get the message and leave me alone.
"Come on, Stacy. Let me come in for a minute," he pleaded. His voice had a quality that was gentle and unfamiliar to me.
"What exactly are you not understanding by "no"?" I remained resolute.
"It really won't take long. Please."
Sighing, I went to the door and swung it open. Mitch stumbled into my room without any warning. But before I could lose my balance and fall due to his buoyant entrance, Mitch reached towards me and protectively clasped my shoulders.
As he touched my skin, I shuddered lightly. I was not prepared for the warmth coming from his hands. A surge of joy flooded my entire body and weakened my knees.
Before my brain could switch on and strongly advise me to flee the premises, Mitch pulled me a little closer, looked deep into my eyes, and impetuously pressed his lips on mine.
It was too late. No chance of escape. I gave in, wrapped my arms around his neck, and returned his kiss.
We pressed against each other ever closer and I held him even tighter in my arms. Mitch's hand slid under my shirt and stroked me tenderly on my back. A light shudder overcame me and I reacted with a groan of arousal.
It happened just the way it had to and we finally landed on the canopy bed, which was practically begging us to test it out.
I was ready. I threw my doubts aside without stopping to think and gave in to the moment. Whatever would happen later didn't matter now. Nothing was important other than the here and now.
But before we could get down to it, Mitch released me from the kiss, stroked my cheek softly with the back of his hand, and took a breath.
"Not like this. Not now. The first time with you should be special."
I wanted to say something but he laid his finger gently on my lips and signaled me to be silent. I complied though I wished for nothing more than to lie in his arms.
As he rose, he revealed his motivations. "Stacy, I actually came here to tell you that I can't get you out of my head. I've tried to resist you for days and to keep my distance but I just can't do it. This intense desire to always be near you keeps me from sleeping. I fought this tooth and nail because the business with Samantha is still hanging over me. For now, I need some time for myself so I can process everything. It wouldn't be fair to you if my mind wasn't one hundred percent ready. Do you understand what I mean?"
I nodded, my heart in my mouth. Was this a straight-out declaration of love? Was he saying that he had fallen in love with me? Was it really possible that this story would have a happy end after all?
I didn't dare hope for that. There had been too many situations in my life when I should have kept a cool head. Of course, I understood his dilemma, yet I was disappointed that he was pulling away again. It was only for a limited amount of time, but who could say how things would evolve.
"And how are we supposed to go forward? What are you imagining?" I wanted to know. After all, he was linking his declaration of love to the condition that he needed enough space to recover from his last disastrous relationship.
"I can't tell you that," he admitted with a shrug. "But I will do everything in my power to ensure that we will be happy together," he asserted with conviction.
I was flattered by his sincerity. Why shouldn't we try? I also felt attracted to him. Even more. Preferably, I would have liked to roll around in the bed sheets with him here and now and leave the cumbersome talk behind.
Of course, I didn't say that out loud. Even though it was hard not to. Although he was supposed to make an effort and not think that I was easy pickings. I didn't want to make it too simple for him.
"Mitch, I'm not going to wait forever."
"But you're not excluding the idea flat out from the start. That's enough for me. I can live with that. You won't regret it."
He stepped closer to me, kissed me - although not as passionately as before - and touched my cheeks gently.
"We should get ready for the wedding," he suddenly changed the topic.
"Give me ten minutes, then I'll be done."
"Couldn't I just wait here for you? I'm already ready and a little foretaste of what lies ahead couldn't hurt." He seemed to be scrutinizing my body and giving his imagination free rein.
"Not a chance. You are going to behave yourself and wait for me down in the entrance hall."
I pointed the way to the door. Sulking, he finally left the room.
A refreshing breeze blew up from Lake Michigan, despite the temperature being about 85 degrees. The bridesmaids got into position and waited next to Bob and the remainder of the guests, who were eagerly awaiting Sue's dad to take her to the altar.
Behind me lay the breathtaking Chicago skyline. An unbelievably b
eautiful panorama for a wedding, I thought.
Mitch sat in the first row and seemed to only have eyes for me. I bashfully smiled at him. Occasionally it was embarrassing, since on the one hand, his lustful glances were rattling me, and on the other hand, the bridesmaids around me were fidgeting in amusement.
Apparently it had not escaped them that I had an admirer. But officially we were a couple and so nobody could resent us publicly undressing each other with our eyes.
Bob was adjusting his tuxedo, getting ever more nervous. He dabbed the beads of sweat off his forehead with his white linen pocket square. His hand trembled so much I ardently hoped that Sue would take pity and come down the narrow path in the sand towards him.
Finally, the wedding music began, announcing that the bride would appear any moment. The string quarter created the perfect wedding atmosphere and brought tears to my eyes for the first time that day.
It didn't help to gloss over it. There was no mistaking that I was a romantic. Sue and Bob would soon tie the knot and then hopefully live happily ever after.
Maybe I should give Mitch a chance and wait and see what the consequences would be. Love didn't always have to be painful. Sometimes it was simply balm for a battered soul and the fulfillment of your dreams.
After the enchanting ceremony, there were a multitude of photo sessions in which the bridesmaids also had to appear. I resigned myself to my fate and trotted loyally behind the train.
Mitch seemed to always be in my proximity. At least, I imagined I felt his gaze constantly following me.
Before the meal in a classy restaurant, which was similar to Grace, Emily caught up with me and told me that it was time to change our dresses.
My dream in lavender was already in the car. We had Mitch give us the keys and went on our way.
"Tell me, what is up with Mitch today?" Emily asked me unexpectedly.
"Why? What do you mean?" I was innocent.
"Well, today he only has eyes for you. Don't get mad, but he's giving the impression that he just fell in love. As if you two had just gotten together. His behavior towards you was downright distant in those first days. So his 180 degree turn surprised me somewhat. Can you explain it to me?"
