by Brandon Hill
She returned her lips to mine. Our kiss started gentle, and then deepened, and the increasing warmth of her skin stoked renewal of our desire. I held her to me, and we made love again.
The week we had left was the very best of the time we spent together on Zynj. We remained almost constantly in each other’s arms, except for when Sar’vana left briefly for the ship. She returned an hour later with items to ensure our privacy, and other items that would later enhance our intimacy. She used her surprisingly wide set of technical skills to disable the doorbell, place a soundproof barrier around the door, and install something that she called a “randomizer” on the lock, which she said made its code virtually unhackable, in case Chester decided to invite himself in again. Once finished, she went gleefully back to bed with me, shuffling off her clothes with alacrity before hopping into my waiting arms, where I congratulated her on a job well done. Otherwise, we hardly ever left the bed except to eat. Though I was nothing short of abysmal at cooking, I was happy to find that Sar’vana was a fairly skilled chef. She managed to use what few non-instant foodstuffs I had to make very satisfying meals for us, after which we had each other for dessert.
As it had done innumerable times that week, the “incoming call” hologram appeared on my phone as it lay upon the dresser across from my bed. I’d thankfully turned off the volume and vibration after it had interrupted us twice before in the middle of our passions.
“Li-ah, why won’t you just turn that thing off?” Sar’vana murmured plaintively, her words coming in a background of soft, relaxed purring as I applied the detangling ointment to her fur and massaged it into her skin. It was a type of oil that Felyans used on themselves for personal grooming, but it was often customary for mates to apply it to each other. The process was very intimate, as I learned, like a full body massage when done correctly. And Sar’vana was a very good teacher. The scent, I learned, was the same familiar aroma that had constantly emanated from her and most other Felyans, something akin to baby powder.
“There might be an emergency,” I replied as I finished applying the ointment to her tail, and reached for her brush.
“Well, so far, it’s only been your friend,” Sar’vana said, and hissed at the phone.
“He’ll give up.” I tried to sound reassuring, but I knew how persistent Chester could be.
“He hasn’t yet.”
I sighed as the hologram faded away, replaced by a “missed call” icon. It was the fourth day, I learned from viewing the timestamp on a previous attempt of Chester’s that had occurred when we had last woken up. Time had otherwise blurred together in those endless hours, becoming meaningless as Sar’vana and I indulged ourselves in each other. “He’s too damn persistent,” I said with a deep, mildly annoyed sigh. “He knew that I’d be with you this week. He’s got too much personality and not enough patience.”
Sar’vana giggled at my remark, and then stiffened as my brush passed over the very sensitive base of her tail. She shuddered, and then growled softly and deeply as I passed its fine bristles over her luxurious fur, being especially soft and gentle upon this part. Her reaction never failed to both amuse and arouse me, and I passed the brush several times more upon the area, laughing just as softly as she growled.
“Oh, you’re doing that on purpose, now,” she said, trying to sound annoyed, but there was a betraying pleasured lilt in her voice that I could easily detect.
“Maybe,” I said coyly.
Her tail slapped me gently on my side as she hissed, and I saw a faint smile upon her muzzle as she cast an alluring sideways glance at me.
“So are you really pissed, or are you just being frisky?” I asked, the scent of the ointment and the sight of Sar’vana’s supine body building up the desire that my grooming had already thoroughly stoked.
“Well, now … that depends on whether or not you can finish the job without becoming ‘frisky’ yourself,” Sar’vana said, and rolled over onto her back.
Laughing, I accepted her challenge, and forced down my desire as I went back to work. Everything in due time, after all.
“By the way,” she asked after a time, “who is Keisha?”
That question was like a bucket of cold water poured atop my head out of nowhere, eliminating every vestige of my arousal, even as my hands neared her inviting breasts. Now, my mind, once intent on little else but her pleasure, and soon our own, raced with mixed fear and consternation. Why this question, of all questions? I wondered, and why now? Hadn’t I blocked Keisha’s code from accessing my phone?
“Keisha…?” Despite the fact that it was the only thing I could say, and I’d phrased it as a question, as if to call Sar’vana’s honesty into doubt, the name came out sounding incongruous, hollow, and utterly stupid in my ears.
“I saw the message your friend left you last night,” Sar’vana said. “You were still asleep. He said that Keisha was wondering where you were, and asking why you never returned her calls.”
I sighed with resignation. I’d expected this, of course; It wasn’t as if I planned to keep this a secret. I knew that I’d have to tell Sar’vana about this before long, but I had hoped that it would have been on my terms.
I sat up in the bed, leaning heavily against the headboard as I curled my knees up to my chest. Sar’vana, noticing the doubtless troubled look on my face, turned over on her side, facing me, her expression unreadable.
“I don’t know how you’ll take this,” I said. “You’ve probably already suspected that you’re not the first woman I’ve been with, right?”
Sar’vana nodded without word.
I had intended to keep quiet about some of the things I knew, to soften the sting of my confession, but my lips overrode my intentions, as if an angel were forcing me to purge my conscience of all its sordid contents. I told Sar’vana everything. I told her about Keisha, the burn, our nights together, my confusion, and my regret. I couldn’t bear to look directly at her as I spoke, yet I could feel Sar’vana’s beautiful, violet eyes fixed upon me as I talked on, like a balloon inflated with sin, steadily releasing its contents through a tiny hole.
“I’m not a virgin, Vani,” I said in conclusion, “but I had little interest in women until I met you. And then … well … you know the rest.” Drained and without excuse, my eyes tightened as I, guilty by my own word and without excuse, waited for the storm of reproach that I was certain would come.
“Whom do you love?” I heard her say.
Her question, spoken gently, and devoid of any judgment, caught me completely off-guard. I blinked the tears from my eyes as I once again settled my gaze upon Sar’vana. Like an angel, there was no look of anger in her gentle expression, no condemnation.
“Who … whom do I…?” I sputtered.
“Whom do you love?” Sar’vana asked again, without any betrayal of judgment.
“Well … you, of course,” I said, still amazed that this conversation had even taken such an unforeseen turn, or rather, had taken no turn at all. She was just as calm after my confession as she had been before, and her tone was just as even and calm as if I’d said nothing quite so damning to myself. “I’ve always loved you.”
“Are you certain of this?” Sar’vana asked.
“I’ve never been more certain in my life.”
“And are you my li-ah as I am yours?”
I crawled to her, and lay beside her. I pressed her to me, and took her hand in my own.
“Vani … If I had my pick of any woman on this planet, but was denied you, I’d choose celibacy,” I said with every vestige of earnestness that I could muster from the depths of my heart. “I’d be sterilized before choosing any other girl. Li-ah … I’ve loved you since we were kids. And my only regret is not having had the courage to act on my feelings sooner.”
“Then there is nothing to forgive,” she whispered.
And just like that, it was over. And as we kissed, all the shame and confusion of the times of the burn vanished at her gentle touch. We rolled in the soft she
ets, reveling in that joy that I felt at her forgiveness, and sought to bring that joy … and that love … once again, into its fullest expression.
Sar’vana and I never spoke of Keisha again during our time together, but I had neglected to settle the affair on the other end. Keisha, unfortunately, never forgot, but I soon discovered, that this was to be the least of my worries.
It was the day before Sar’vana was to leave. I awoke to the disappointment of an empty bed. A note addressed to me, however, staved off the burgeoning pall of depression I felt at this. I opened it, and read its contents, written in Sar’vana’s elegant cursive.
My Li-ah,
I’m sorry to have left you so abruptly. Meet me at six o’clock this evening at Blue Point, in the place where we first met. I have exciting news.
-Vani
I got dressed, already feeling lonely. I discovered that Sar’vana had taken all her belongings, including the privacy devices, and had reset the locks on my door to the way they had been before. The impending inevitable day of her departure was now closer to my mind than ever, and I had to fight off the melancholy that threatened to overshadow my thoughts. I would meet Sar’vana at the amphitheater tonight, and I comforted myself with the knowledge that we would have at least one more night. I kept repeating this promise to myself like a mantra as I made the bed for the first time in a week, and proceeded to clean the house. I had let things get too messy; the only place that was clean by any stretch of the imagination, in fact, was the area where I kept my artwork.
I tried, but could not keep my mind on my work. My thoughts had repeatedly returned to Sar’vana, and the five days of heaven that we shared together. I was in love with her in a way I never thought I could be, and wanted nothing more than for us to be together in a place where we would not ever need worry about separation. I’d lost her as a child; I couldn’t bear losing her again. I felt that I would shatter into dust inside on the day we would have to say goodbye.
I went back to the shelf with all my works arranged upon it like trophies that were ghosts of glory days. My eyes automatically found the necklace that I’d brought back to its original resting place. Its silver surface and tear-shaped amethyst sparkled in the room’s dim light, as if speaking the words that I ought to hear.
It was clear to me now. There were no doubts of what I needed to do.
I took the necklace and draped it over my neck, fastening it and tucking it safely away beneath my shirt. As I did this, a thrill of expectation replaced my previous depression. I had no idea what to expect when I met Sar’vana at Blue Point tonight, but she wouldn’t be the only one with a surprise.
My phone rang, and as expected, it was Chester. I touched the “TALK” icon in the hologram, and the volume of his shout nearly shattered my eardrum.
“Dammi, Jules! It’s about time you answered your phone! I’ve been trying to get through to you all week!”
“Hey, you knew full well that I was preoccupied,” I snapped back, knowing that I would not be able to lie to him about what had been going on. “I told you I’d be, remember?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d shut me completely out,” Chester said. “I mean, what the hell?”
“Look, if you just called to chew me out, then I’ll hang up.”
“Wait, wait,” Chester said, having shuffled off a great deal of his anger. He heaved a great sigh that made a noise like wind blowing over the receiver. “I was just venting. I didn’t call to give you any trouble. Can I come over?”
I sighed as well, reminding myself of how helpful Chester had been, despite his having conveniently forgotten my desire for privacy, and his incessant attempts to call during the last five days. “Yeah, sure,” I said, less than enthusiastically.
“I know that Keisha’s been having kittens,” I said as Chester stepped through the doorway. “I’m gonna have to find some way to make it up to her, I guess.”
“I wouldn’t bother,” Chester said casually. She says that she’s … How’d she put it? ‘Done with your schizophrenic ass.’”
“Really?” I said, genuinely surprised at the news.
“You completely avoided her for the last five days, Jules,” Chester said, spreading his arms outward. “Hell, you’ve been avoiding me as well. What did you think was going to happen?”
I forced myself to suppress the expression of relief before it could come to my face; nevertheless I felt the emotion flow through me like a rush of cooling water over a parched desert of worry that I’d forgotten was there. After confessing to Sar’vana, I had all but forgotten about Keisha. Chester’s news solved a potential problem that probably would have waited for me in the wings to take me by surprise. I feigned disappointment, sagging my shoulders and affecting a properly crestfallen look. “Oh,” I said in a suitably dismal tone.
“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Chester said. He slapped me on his back. “There’s a whole planet full of unfixed girls out there. Plenty of fish left in the pond, and all that. Besides, I know it wasn’t your fault. You were hung up on that Sar’vana friend of yours.”
I silently thanked God that Chester didn’t know the whole truth as I gave a sufficiently appropriate smile. I was not ashamed of anything that happened in the previous days, but I knew that my friend would never have understood.
“In fact, that is the very reason why I wanted to come by,” Chester said, and looped his arm around my neck. “I know the catdogs are going to be leaving soon, but I also know what spending so much time around a girl you’re close to in a … platonic way can do to you, Felyan or not. So I don’t want you moping around like a lost puppy when she leaves.” He led me back to the door. “Got stuff to do today?”
“Not until tonight,” I answered suspiciously. “Why?”
“Now that would be telling.” Chester spoke that phrase with roguish, but nonetheless ominous glee. He then threw me my wallet and code keys from their resting place atop the dining table. “Just trust your friend’s intuition.”
“Your intuition has led to more drinks getting thrown in my face than down my throat,” I reminded him as I stuffed the items into my pockets. I then followed Chester out the front door.
“Details, details,” I heard him say as I reluctantly followed him outside.
We boarded a train for Blue Point, which surprised me at first. Chester’s idea of partying tended to be much simpler than what Cereulean provided. Still, I took some comfort in our location. It was at least convenient for tonight, provided Chester’s little “surprise” didn’t take all day. I thought of telling him more about my previous engagement, but then thought otherwise; the less he knew, the better.
After we disembarked, Chester had not led me through the pavilions as I expected, but down a side path into a branching cavern that housed a bazaar that I had not seen before, even during my escapades with Sar’vana. The booths sold a cornucopia of odd and obscure items from every Colony world, some of dubious procurement, no doubt, and a few odds and ends that the vendors claimed, most likely fraudulently, to be from the dead world of Holsk and the mysterious planet of Lhirevlis, which no human had ever visited.
Chester and I passed quickly through this shopping district of the weird, and after about half a mile, stopped at a house whose front facade been carved out of the rock wall at the cavern’s end. The banner above its entrance door was written in a highly decorative form of Cyrillic, which I’d never learned to read. But I understood the stylized “Z” that was posted at the side of the door quite well.
“What is this place?” I said ominously.
“All your dreams come true,” Chester said as he led me up the staircase to the front door.
“Zade owns it,” I protested.
“Yeah, and …?”
“I really don’t like this.”
“Will you relax? It’ll be fun. I promise.”
His reassurances, as always, had the opposite effect, but I was here now, and figured that I might as well bite the bullet with whatever �
�fun” that Chester had dug up for me, though I was, by now, almost certain of what it was.
A tall, middle-aged woman with delicate features answered the door, clad in a filmy blue evening gown and wearing jewels that glittered upon her neck, ears, and her lightly graying hair. Her face lit up at the sight of Chester, and she spoke excitedly in a language that was as incomprehensible as the script of the banner above. Chester seemed to understand, and responded in like language, gesturing to me occasionally. During the conversation, the woman appeared to become momentarily concerned as Chester talked, and then sighed as Chester presented his bank card to her. She ran a scanning wand over it, and then motioned for us to come inside.
“What was that all about?” I asked as Chester and I followed the woman through a long corridor that was lined with wooden panels, intricate paintings, and filled with an invigorating, spicy aroma.
“Just standard business talk and all that,” Chester said dismissively. “This place is used to getting a … certain type of clientele. She wanted to make sure that you were okay.”
“Okay?” I echoed.
“Just follow the nice lady, all right?” Chester said as we stopped next to a pair of wooden double doors. The woman opened them, and said something to Chester once again. “This is my stop,” he said to me. “She’ll show you to your room.”
The giggling behind the door was unmistakable.
“You sent me to a brothel? I nearly shrieked. “A Zadian brothel? Chester, are you out of your…”
“Relax, friend,” Chester said, resting his hand heavily on my arm. “Relax, and enjoy yourself for once.”
A slender, white arm clad in silvery bangles grabbed Chester and dragged him inside. The door shut before I could say another word.
I turned quickly to the woman who had led us inside, and grinned nervously.
