She sighed. “I will. I’m making it. I just have to think one day at a time, one hour, whatever will take me to the next thing.”
Savanna bit her tongue before she said it’d get better. She didn’t know that; she’d just heard it so many times. Time heals all wounds. Cassie had the right to slap anyone who told her that right now.
Life goes on, even when it shouldn’t. That had been bothering her until the last few days. The next step, the next day, and time keeps moving. Otherwise people would stay in their pain and never get free.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d go through with this, staying here,” Cassie said after the pause. “So things between you and Eric are that far gone? I’m sorry that I’m happy you’re here again, but I am.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Savanna touched her arm. “I made this mess, and now I’m fixing it.” Maybe she should have kept her mouth shut, because now Cassie looked curious. She wanted answers. Savanna had told her mom, and even Jason, more than she’d told Cassie. Maybe pride got in her way. “I . . .”
“Are you ever going to tell me?” Cassie leaned over the table to look at her closer. “I want to know if he’s going to come looking for you. The truth.”
“Oh.” She almost laughed, but it sounded like she choked. “Cassie, he won’t come. He left me. Eric was off with other women. Or one woman, I don’t know.” None of it even mattered anymore. Only Aubrey mattered.
“I’m disgusted.” Cassie shook her head. “I would have told you to leave him.”
“You know what it did to me not having a father, and I kept thinking I couldn’t do that to Aubrey.” She tapped her fingers on the table, stalling. Finally, she added, “He kept saying he didn’t want kids, but then I got pregnant. I thought he’d change his mind, but instead he grew more and more distant. When Aubrey came, he wanted a divorce.”
The look of concern she saw in Cassie’s eyes felt so familiar and right. “Bastard. I’m glad it’s over then.”
“I thought he’d come around. I told myself that while I was pregnant, but he didn’t.”
“So it was over since Aubrey was born, but you stuck around over there?”
“In case . . . in case he came back to us.” Savanna bit her tongue too late. She’d said it.
Cassie reached over and took Savanna’s hand. “I wish you would have told us, come home sooner.”
Savanna’s control cracked and a sob shook her. A second later she felt Cassie’s arms come around her. “But you’re home now. And we’re supposed to keep going. That’s what they say, anyway.”
Five
“I shouldn’t let you do this.” Savanna gave a grateful smile to Jason and his two friends standing with her outside the townhouse door.
“Nonsense! We’re glad to help,” said Mark Vaccariello, Jason’s friend from the fire department. Jason had brought two men from work, and they were bound and determined to help her move in.
Jason hooked his thumbs in his pockets. “Besides, how many times have you moved your stuff by yourself now?” he asked. Mark and the third man, Larry, planted their feet and both crossed their arms.
Quite a few. “All right, I could use some help.” She gave Jason the combination to her self-storage unit and watched as the three of them drove off in Larry’s truck. They had even turned down her offer to go help load things.
She stood in the open doorway of the townhouse to feel the cool breeze. Birds from the surrounding trees sang in the quiet morning. She loved how the trees provided a constant pine and cedar smell. Jason had smelled good, too, like Stetson. His cologne choice intrigued her—a city firefighter wearing it, but she didn’t care. It smelled good on him. He wore a T-shirt, one that fit him nicely, and she had no idea how she’d keep from drooling over him all day. She loved those biceps.
Admiring his biceps, however, wasn’t part of her plan. She hoped moving here wouldn’t ruin her chances of helping Cassie, but she felt that getting Aubrey out of Cassie’s house was good for both of them. Cassie had put on a fake, forced cheerfulness when Savanna had rounded up her things the night before.
It was a bittersweet decision to move here. While she wanted to help Cassie and be supportive, she needed to provide some stability for Aubrey. Cassie’s house was decorated brightly, yet the atmosphere was anything but right now. That was one side of this issue. Savanna didn’t like admitting the other side, but thinking about living so close to Jason excited her in a new way.
In the calmness after the men left, Savanna told Aubrey, “This is your new home.”
Home. They’d had a home in Texas, but it’d been quiet. At least, there hadn’t been any friends or family talking and laughing with them, and Savanna desperately wanted those connections.
So far, her only possessions in the townhouse were in the suitcase by the door. Holding her daughter, she walked around another time, telling her, “Think of all the fun we’ll have here, playing with your toys and cooking together.”
The walls were the normal apartment-tan, but she could spice it up with paintings and pictures. What would rent normally cost? They’d agreed to four hundred a month, when she could pay, which couldn’t be anywhere near what he regularly charged. She figured he could get at least six hundred a month, eight tops.
She could only hope this wouldn’t be a financial strain on him. No, she chided herself, he probably wouldn’t miss a few hundred less a month. It sure helped her out, though. Savanna remembered the look in his eyes when she had agreed to move in.
The heat she saw in his eyes took hold of her, giving her a driving need to be near him. She noticed she was touching her lips, thinking about him. He’d been happy to hear that she wanted to move in this weekend. Now she had a real opportunity to keep an eye on him and make sure he was all right.
She squeezed Aubrey and kissed her cheek. Aubrey grinned with her little-girl smile, looking carefree and happy at the moment. As much as Savanna worried, Aubrey seemed to accept all this as normal. Of course, that also bothered her, but things were looking up more and more, at least where Aubrey was concerned.
The truck rumbled outside sooner than Savanna had expected. The men returned with the larger items that had been closest to the storage unit’s door. She opened the door for them when she heard the truck back up.
“Coming through!” Jason stepped in first as they brought in the couch. She still held the door, with Aubrey on her hip. Even then, she stole a look at his strong arms. Maybe a look to his face would cover the fact that she’d just checked him out.
Did she imagine the heated look in his eyes? She felt out of practice on this whole flirting thing, especially since she couldn’t even tell if they’d actually flirted. Maybe she was on overdrive with her hormones, considering she’d been single for over a year now.
The men brought the furniture in and arranged it, while Savanna stood back and watched them work. Well, she mainly watched Jason work.
“We’ll just be a few minutes.” He touched her arm as they headed out the door and back for the rest of her things, leaving a tingling spot where he’d touched her. Even with that touch, his eyes were solemn. She’d watched him struggle under such heavy sadness since she’d returned to Oregon. That could be the reason he didn’t join in with his friends when they joked. Mark and Larry were both keeping up a constant and cheerful conversation while they tried to keep Jason busy.
It was time for Aubrey’s snack and then her nap, so Savanna tried to keep her mind on her daughter for a few minutes. That meant finding the diaper bag and snacks, and then setting up the playpen. Soon she tucked her into the playpen and let Aubrey go to sleep.
She wanted to do something to cheer up Jason. While the men were gone, she ordered two large pizzas with the works, plus a couple of two liters. She didn’t have much of the green stuff in the bank, but she wouldn’t be paying full rent, either. The pizzas and the men arrived at the same time, so they made record time to finish. They raced in and out, taking boxes to the appropriate rooms.
&nb
sp; “All those efficiency drills paid off.” Mark had just dropped off his last box and now eagerly came to the kitchen.
“Bet I can beat you.” Larry told Mark as they both grabbed a piece. Larry looked to be in his thirties, which made his dare even funnier. Mark had to be in his forties. Savanna laughed and saw Jason roll his eyes.
“Come on, Jas! One, two, three, go!”
Jason restrained himself, throwing a warm look her way that made her catch her breath. His eyes could be so wild and fiery, yet warm and caring at the same time.
Larry gulped his last bite of pizza, slapped his hands on the table, and shot them up in the air, “Done!”
Savanna just about spit pizza everywhere. Jason held a half-eaten piece in his hand and actually smiled. As impossible as it seemed, she had never really seen his wide, easy smile before. Talk about a heartbreaker.
He handed her a cup of Coke as she started to choke. For a second, they both had their hands on the cup, their gazes on each other. Having his attention, like this, felt so wonderful and selfish at the same time.
Soon everyone was done eating, and Jason’s friends looked ready to get going. They left together in the truck, and she hoped Jason would stay, even though she wasn’t sure how to invite him.
He’d taken a few steps toward the door and opened it again.
“Well, I’ll let you unpack. I haven’t cleaned my own place in weeks.”
She tried for a smile that didn’t look disappointed and waved. “Thank you so much for helping me.”
Though he let his gaze linger on her, he turned and left. It almost seemed like he’d left in a hurry. She replayed it in her mind several times but couldn’t tell if she were imagining it, or, for that matter, imagining that he felt something for her. Seemed like he wanted out of there, like he didn’t want to be alone with her. Maybe any attraction was entirely on her side.
Enough thinking about it! Aubrey slept upstairs in the playpen, so Savanna was left in a quiet house. She opened windows to let a breeze blow through. Then, after she got a bandana from her suitcase, she tied her hair back and went to work putting together the crib.
She had three sides screwed together when the phone rang in her pocket.
“Hey Mom.”
“Eric’s mother called here again. It’s starting to get weird.”
“Oh.” She’d forgotten all about it. Really, she had put it out of her mind, thinking Georgia would leave them alone soon enough. “Okay, I’ll call and get her to leave you alone.”
They hung up, and Savanna stared at her phone for a minute to gather her courage. Her fingers shook while dialing, but why should she worry about this? Georgia was far away in Texas anyway.
Georgia heard her voice and demanded, “Why haven’t you kept in contact? Where are you?”
It was harsh and cold, but what had she expected?
“I told Eric before I left.” Strangely, however, she’d forgotten to call him since arriving. Had she finally given up on him, on them?
“He has no idea where you are!”
Something just wasn’t right between Eric and Georgia. “Well, I’m here in Eugene, and he has my contact information. I told him to call me if he wants to see Aubrey. So please stop calling my mother. Goodbye.”
She shut her cell and shoved it in her pocket, glad to have the chore done. Georgia hadn’t asked about her granddaughter, or even how Savanna was doing. Why on earth should Eric’s mother care so much that Savanna hadn’t called him? Eric didn’t seem to care, and that was the end of it.
Aubrey slept for several hours, so Savanna got the dishes put away in the kitchen, their clothes put into their closets and dressers, and her few keepsakes and decorative items placed around the house.
By the time Aubrey woke up, Savanna was breaking down the boxes. The place didn’t look bad. Savanna stood in the living room in the late afternoon light, facing the stairs leading up to the two bedrooms. A decent-sized kitchen and small dining area opened on her right. Her tiny table sat there now. Her couch sat in front of her small TV set in the living room on her left. True, she didn’t have a lot of furniture, but maybe that’d change over time.
This could be a real home if she stayed here a while. In Texas, she’d been afraid to invest money in decorations or furniture because it’d been temporary. Even so, she’d spent over a year in that tiny apartment, trying to figure out her life.
At first, her pride wouldn’t let her pack up and head home with a newborn baby. She couldn’t tell everyone what Eric had done, so she got a place and lied. Then she couldn’t admit to lying like that, so she stayed there, trapped by her own stupidity.
All that, however, was in the past. This was her life now.
She stood with a faint smile on her face. In time, this could be the cozy home she’d dreamed of for Aubrey. Maybe Cassie would relent and come over sometime. She’d have good decorating ideas.
Someone knocked. She tried not to smile too big when she saw Jason standing outside the door, wearing khaki shorts and a plaid shirt that wasn’t buttoned. He looked like he threw it on to come over.
“Wow, you work fast,” he stepped inside and looked around.
“I like getting things done.” She watched as he surveyed the place.
“You must like toads.” He saw her little porcelain toad on top of the TV. She had a big one for the bathroom counter, another small one for the kitchen windowsill, plus several comical toad pieces throughout the house.
“I just think they’re cute.” Some people had a thing for horses or maybe dogs, cats, or snakes. She liked toads. She propped herself against the back of the couch.
“Looking for a prince?” Jason joked and she smiled. Somehow, she kept herself from staring at his flat stomach and the dark hair marking his chest. Darn it, she was staring, wasn’t she?
Deciding she’d better answer, she said, “I forgot to kiss them and see.” Saying the word kiss to Jason took effort. Well, trying to act normally while saying kiss took effort. And then it ran around in her mind, kiss, kiss, kiss.
Seeing the crumpled newspapers surrounding her boxes, he picked some up and threw them in a pile. He looked better, more composed than he had been since the funeral, with a clean shave and a haircut, though his dark hair wasn’t cut too short. She planned to say “thank you” again, but he looked at her with desire in those rich brown eyes.
Oh, baby. Her body pounded like gallons of extra blood had just poured into her. She should slap herself. What if he could see what she was thinking about him, after he’d lost his best friend, after he’d helped her so much?
That thought didn’t stop her reaction or keep her eyes from looking at his mouth. Her mind asked what the heck are you doing? But they were too far out on the plank to come back now. Savanna wanted to jump.
He didn’t pull his gaze off her face either. “I’m glad you’re here.” He stepped closer.
She thought he was testing the waters. He confirmed that when he lifted his hand and grazed his knuckles gently down her face. Eric had never touched her that way. The gentle touch and tender look were all new, all so needed. He ran his finger along her chin, just under her lip. “It’s funny needing a stranger, isn’t it?”
He did know the unexplainable emotions she’d been feeling. She couldn’t find words, so she just reached up and took his hand. Don’t pull it away.
There was something more that they understood about each other, something other than the different kinds of pain they were both going through. She felt herself leaning toward him. His mouth hovered, barely touching hers as he looked at her with curious and excited eyes. She hoped he didn’t see the hungriness she felt for him. Or maybe she did. Closing her eyes, she tilted her mouth up to him, wanting him to respond and let her know he felt the same.
Her arms reached for him, pulled him closer. The contact of body to body sent quivers of awareness through her. Then he really kissed her. His hands slid into her hair while his scent surrounded her. Her senses kicked into o
verdrive. It felt like skydiving.
She parted her lips to welcome him in. If only she had the nerve to flatten her hands on his stomach.
His tongue touched hers, a question at first. She answered by leaning closer, meeting him. He moaned, his hands sliding around to her back and pressing her closer to him. He kissed smoothly and with control, but she wanted to break his control. She felt so alive all over, it hurt.
The kiss started to heat up when he jerked free, stepped back, and sucked in a breath like she’d sucker punched him.
“Jason?” Cool air assaulted her body where he had been pressed.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” He turned and rushed out the door. It banged shut behind him.
At first, she didn’t know what ran him off like that. Then it all hit her.
“You idiot.” She sank into the lonely recliner sitting near the corner. How could she forget? She was a single mom with a truckload of problems. So why would an attractive, single firefighter want a relationship with her?
She felt tears tickle down her cheeks as the hope inside her plummeted like a rock thrown into water.
Six
“Take a day off, Lancaster!” Alex Ackley, the fire chief, ordered in a good-natured voice. “You need to do something besides hang around here.”
Yeah, yeah. Jason knew the extra time he’d been spending at the station wasn’t helping anyone. “Fine, I’m going.”
The older man was built like a bulldog. Granted, his hair was gray, he was strong and stern. “It’s Friday night. Go do something fun.”
While Jason wouldn’t disrespect his fire chief, how could anyone ask him to go have fun? Doing weekend stuff felt too young and carefree.
Jason sighed and headed for his locker to get his stuff, but he didn’t know where to go once he left. He’d been leaving for work before sunrise and going home late so he wouldn’t run into her.
Savanna Thompson. He wanted her but couldn’t face her. He needed her understanding but wanted to hide from it at the same time.
License to Love: Holiday Box Set (Contemporary Romance) Page 50
