He wanted to go back to that kiss and live there, let it go on and on. As wrong as it was, he wanted to take it further and kiss her until she melted in his arms.
“Jason.” His buddy, Trevor Holiday, stopped him. “Why don’t you come over tonight? We’ll grill something.”
It took a minute to change directions with his thoughts.
“All right. See you in a bit.” Jason waved. “Thanks.” So what could he do till then? He liked to read, especially adventure stories or new information on firefighting. Lately, though, he couldn’t concentrate long enough.
Weightlifting always took his mind off things. Too bad he’d already pushed himself to the limit and had the sore muscles to prove it. He didn’t want life to continue the way it had before, but he couldn’t take this fog of pain surrounding him forever.
Mike wouldn’t want that.
Jason stepped outside and got hit with dry, midday heat and hazy air filled with the sweet smell of field-burning. That was one bad thing about having a city in the middle of farmland.
He got in his jeep and swung by Cassie’s house on his way home. Her car sat outside in the driveway, so he parked along the curb.
He pushed himself out of the driver’s seat, trying to build momentum. The task felt impossible. Walking up her steps reminded him of the night he had lumbered up here to deliver the bad news.
Jason’s knocks went unanswered, just like on that night. He didn’t sit and wait this time, but kept knocking. “Cassie, please talk to me.”
For a minute, he froze and listened, and then he knocked again. Maybe she’d call the police on him, but he’d try. At least he could say he tried. Then he heard shuffling inside. “Cassie? Please open the door so we can talk.”
“Go away, Jason, and leave me alone.”
Go away? When tragedies like death happen, friends aren’t supposed to pull apart and hurt each other.
“Cassie, I want to be here for you. You act like I killed him when I just tried to be a good friend. I can’t stand knowing you hate me.”
“You could have stood behind him when he wanted to retire from firefighting.” She sounded muffed through the door, but her hurt and angry weren’t buffered at all. “My husband is still dead.”
“I’m sorry, Cassie. But there’s nothing I can do about it.” Defeated, he slowly walked back to his jeep but looked back several times to see if she would change her mind and open her door.
On his third look back, the door opened. He spun around and came up the steps again.
She stepped out. “First, you talked Mike into getting himself killed, and then you took her away, too.”
Her? “What are you talking about?” Then his gut tightened. Yeah, he knew whom she meant. “Savanna couldn’t stay here. She needed a place.”
“Why yours?”
“I had to help her. Haven’t you noticed she’s trying to help you? Then you avoid her little girl. She wasn’t sure what to do.”
The door snapped shut.
Well, it had needed said. He felt about eighty percent sure on that one. Maybe it wasn’t the right time yet, and maybe he wasn’t the right person, but Cassie needed to know that Savanna was struggling too.
And, yet again, he had hurt her.
Life couldn’t stay like this, but he couldn’t change anything here. Jason drove home with a frail hope that he’d catch Savanna. He needed to face her sometime. Man, he’d been a jerk. You can’t kiss a girl like that and then run off, avoiding her all week. He’d noticed she was gone during the day, and she’d bought a car. Maybe she had a job by now.
The truth was, he’d wanted to see her every day. He thought about her, dreamed about kissing her, dreamed about pulling her from that fire over and over . . . Savanna had enchanted him. And now, because he gave her a place to live, Cassie had another reason to stay angry with him.
Jason soon discovered that Savanna wasn’t home. Maybe he’d scared her off, which might be for the better. She didn’t come home in the next few hours, either, so he headed to Trevor’s house, located closer to downtown Eugene.
They had an older house, painted white, with a long porch along the front that had Southern style white columns. It sat nestled into an established neighborhood with narrow streets and maples growing in a line.
Trevor’s wife, Mindy, sent him out back when he arrived. Jason rounded the corner and found Trevor starting up the grill. Trevor, with one of those baby faces on his otherwise linebacker body, looked like an oversized boy as he watched the flames take off.
“Hey, Jas, just the guy I’m waiting for. Want a beer?”
Jason pushed a somewhat real smile on his face. “What, you’re waiting for me to get here before you crack one open.”
“Yeah, but who drinks alone?”
I do. He figured he had okay reasons to drink by himself, though, like losing his best friend, dealing with Cassie’s anger, and trying to figure out what he felt for Savanna.
Trevor watched him with a curious gaze while they chugged their beers.
“Are you feeling okay about being at work?” Trevor asked what could be a casual question, but Jason didn’t think men talked about work that way.
Jason nodded, unable to find the words to tell Trevor how he felt. He thought he might explode from holding everything in. “I go in every day, but it’s not keeping me as busy as I thought.”
He wasn’t going out on calls because their supervisor didn’t feel he was ready. They moved on to safer topics: the new overpass that had just opened on the freeway, the terror alerts in the news, and the latest city politics.
“I didn’t know about the baby, man,” Trevor said while he laid meat on the grill. “Mindy just told me today.”
Jason was watching the meat sizzle, and the words didn’t register right away.
“Aubrey?” he asked. Trevor’s apologetic tone didn’t make sense. No one knew about his thing for Savanna.
Trevor looked a little confused and a little sad. “She named it? I mean, named her?” He laid aside the plate and gave his full attention to Jason.
“What? Who are we talking about here?”
“Rachael. Mindy just told me about the baby she lost.” Trevor’s speech slowed as confusion set in. “Oh, wow, I’m sorry man. I assumed you knew.”
Jason gulped the last of his drink. At least he knew who they were talking about: his ex-girlfriend, Rachael. They’d broken up six months before, but the relationship hadn’t gotten serious.
It didn’t bother him to think about her or the short relationship. It bothered him that he automatically thought of Savanna and her daughter. “What baby?”
“Mindy said Rachael lost a pregnancy a couple months ago. Right after the first trimester.” Trevor glanced through the sliding glass door. “I hope it wasn’t a secret. She didn’t tell me not to say anything.”
Jason sat down in one of the patio chairs and put his bottle on the concrete. When he didn’t speak, Trevor sat in the chair opposite of him.
“I shouldn’t have opened my mouth.”
“No, Trevor, don’t feel bad.”
“After everything else, I can see why she didn’t tell you.”
“Thing is, we never got that far. It couldn’t have been mine.”
Trevor leaned forward on his elbows. “What do you mean?”
What did he think that meant? “She must have cheated on me because we never got that serious. Rachael got weird after a few months of dating. She asked me to pick her over my job.”
“I remember that.”
“I didn’t know what she was thinking. You don’t go and ask someone to quit their career, not after you’ve dated just a few months. I said no, end of story. It was so weird because Cassie was pushing Jason to retire from firefighting. I started thinking the world was conspiring against us.”
Why did she force him to choose while she was pregnant with another man’s baby? Unless she knew he’d choose his job. She got off the hook that way and didn’t have to end their
relationship herself. At least he finally had some kind of reasonable explanation.
Life. It got so messy, and then it rounded back and made the strangest connections sometimes. Now he remembered mentioning to Rachael that Cassie wanted Mike to quit firefighting so they could start a family. That might have sparked the idea for her little manipulation.
There was also the connection with Savanna, how they had met through an apartment fire. Then, the same fire that killed Mike brought her back here in a way.
“I wonder why she told Mindy it was your baby,” Trevor commented.
That had almost slipped by because he was thinking about Savanna.
“I have no clue on that one.” It bothered him for sure.
Trevor shook his head at the situation. “Maybe you should talk to Rachael, but don’t tell her where you heard it.”
“Ahh, I don’t know if I want to spend my time asking her about it.” Losing the baby probably had her down already. A three-month relationship six months ago didn’t seem like something to worry about, not with his current list of problems. With all the drama in his life, he needed to focus on working out the bigger problems.
Brandon, Trevor’s toddler, came out the back door with his blanket in hand. Trevor pulled his son up into his lap and said, “Hey little dude, you finally woke up.”
They left behind any serious discussion and played with the little boy before eating. Even though he enjoyed the time with his friend, Jason left Trevor’s house later that evening with a heavy feeling in his chest. He wanted to knock on Savanna’s door, but instead he stood outside his own, looking over. Always on the outside, looking in. Great, his life was a cliché.
When he was with Savanna, though, he didn’t feel on the outside anymore.
Savanna paced in her bedroom late that night. She was worked up, trying to make a budget on her new income. She’d gotten lucky and found a job at an art store, teaching kids to paint . . . along with stocking shelves and whatever odd and end jobs needed done. She wouldn’t have to pinch and worry like she did in Texas, but that was because her job here paid better, and Jason didn’t charge her full rent.
That’s what she was really worried about, not the budget. What did he expect from her? It didn’t seem like he wanted anything: not friendship, not romance, not money. Couldn’t that be fine? Why did she want more?
She thought Cassie and Jason would never be friends again, and that saddened her. Cassie hurt enough; why did she have to push Jason away? Neither one of them would let her help. That feeling was back. She had too many emotions in her and felt ready to crack open.
Here she was with a new job, a place for her and Aubrey, and her mom living close by, but she was feeling restless, like something was missing.
Her colored pencils and drawing paper sat in a box in her closet. Savanna hadn’t drawn in three months and decided she needed to do something, so she took the box down to her kitchen table. Pictures flowed out at a quick pace. Colors contrasted and complemented each other in both soft and bold lines. Savanna worked for several hours and drew a dozen pictures. She thoroughly enjoyed the time when art filled her mind, not leaving room for worry about her life. Her problems vanished into another world when she could lose herself like this.
After the last picture, she went back through and made a few marks here and there. Then she flipped through once more, imagining the story as she went. She loved the rich colors in her imaginary world and how it looked brighter there.
By the time she felt satisfied, it’d grown late, and she fell into bed and went right to sleep.
The alarm went off seconds later. At least it felt like seconds. She rolled out of bed and nearly rolled right onto the floor. Half awake, she hit the alarm and went for the shower. Forty minutes later, she headed out in a pink shirt with a V-neck and black slacks to drop off Aubrey at her mom’s. Savanna felt the stirrings of fall in the air outside, though it was still warm and clear.
Two hours into her morning, Savanna knew she’d stayed up too late. You have to live while you’re alive, right? But, boy, did she pay for it today. She drank two cups of coffee before sitting down with three kids to paint. She really enjoyed showing them how she used the brushes to create different effects. They’d watch her and then paint all kinds of pictures, even using her techniques sometimes.
She smiled and waved at them when they were done, and then she noticed a police officer standing by the door. He gave the kids a warm smile, but it disappeared when he looked at her.
She had an eerie feeling he’d been there several minutes.
“Savanna Thompson?”
“Yes?”
He handed her a large, thick envelope. “You’ve been served. Have a nice day.”
When she arrived at her mom’s house, still shell-shocked, Savanna found Aubrey in tears, so she hugged her mom and left quickly with Aubrey. It seemed like a great reason to get out of there without talking. Her mom saw her face and knew something was horribly wrong, but Savanna couldn’t talk about it. She couldn’t think about it and still function.
Aubrey cried all the way home, even when Savanna pulled her out of her seat and held her. Jason’s jeep pulled up to his house as she walked to her front door.
He paused as he got out, watching her. When she glanced toward him, he looked a bit like a magazine ad, standing there in a Columbia sweater, his hair a little windblown and wild. It was his dark gaze that stopped her. She saw pain in his eyes and felt pulled to him. Maybe even more so in this moment, when she felt her own world might crash down like his already had.
She waved but lost her nerve to call out or walk his way, plus Aubrey’s wails pushed her toward the door. Glancing back as she shut it, she saw him standing between his jeep and front door. Though he didn’t say a word or lift a hand, she felt emotion sizzle off him. He looked caught in his own quiet trance.
But now she was in her own world, her own problems, with a tired little girl to keep her busy.
Jason’s mind didn’t function while he walked into his own townhouse. She’d looked hot with that V-neck shirt dipping low. Her slacks had molded over her hips. As always, though, it was her eyes that would keep him up tonight. He couldn’t figure out if they were offering or asking. Maybe both.
He dropped his keys on the counter and went to the wall that separated his home from Savanna’s garage. There he laid a hand on the wall. He didn’t park in his garage since he’d filled it with junk, including that broken-down couch he needed to take to the dump. She didn’t park her new car inside her garage, either, maybe due to the nice weather.
He liked to think she parked outside so she might see him. What a dumb idea. She’d seen him just now, hadn’t she? And then she’d gone on in.
“Jackass.” She’d had a crying baby. “Get a grip.”
Disgusted with himself, he went to his freezer to see what he had. After Hot Pockets and what was left in his bottle of Jack Daniels, he got out his Xbox and plugged it in.
He played football and then basketball until after four in the morning, when he finally let his head fall back on the recliner and went to sleep.
A call came. They suited up and jumped on the truck to race to an apartment building. An electrical fire had broken out in one of the central units.
It burned outward from both sides and upward to the second floor. Assignments were called out, and he went in close to the fire’s starting point, where the flames blocked the doors.
Water shot against the building, but flames licked up the inside walls. The door was too hot to touch, so he used an ax on it. He let the water shoot through, and then he hit the floor and made his way inside.
“Is anyone here?” he shouted.
Fire filled the apartment. Jason kept going because he heard a hysterical voice counting. One, two, three, go! No, one, two three, go!
He spotted a blanket on the floor and grabbed it, peering through a wall of flame at a woman. He pushed through. His protective gear should withstand the heat.
Water had subdued the flames enough that he could get her out safely. Through the gear, and through his adrenaline, he felt the woman shaking, clinging to him. He didn’t look into her face until he got outside on the stairwell.
What he saw when he looked down stopped him cold in the middle of the emergency.
The greenest eyes he’d ever seen stared up at him. His mind took a picture of her face, even though he usually tried not to remember victims. They didn’t always make it.
The beautiful face laughed. Suddenly, Savanna didn’t have soot on her or smell of smoke anymore, and his gear was gone.
Why did she laugh? Mike and Cassie laughed too. Mike stood up while they sat around the kitchen table for dinner. Another one of his stories. Man, Mike could tell a story.
Jason laughed, too, even though he didn’t know why. It just felt so good to laugh with them. The four of them laughed until they cried, and no one seemed to know why.
“Ahh!” He wasn’t laughing. Jason sat in the dark, in his recliner, and the others were gone.
After that night, and that dream, Jason couldn’t do anything but sit around half asleep all day. He went to the window when he heard Aubrey sing outside. They didn’t see him. Savanna left in her Toyota, probably to her mother’s house since it was Saturday. Jason went back to bed.
Two days later, he pulled up to his house in the evening just as Savanna walked into the driveway with Aubrey sleeping in a stroller.
The little girl’s cheeks were flushed red, and he guessed she’d been running around somewhere until she wore herself out. Savanna had her in pink overalls with a matching bow that clipped back some of her curls.
If she had wings, she’d look exactly like those cartoon drawings of baby angels, complete with a soft, round face. He stepped out of his jeep and looked at Savanna, who had stalled by her door.
License to Love: Holiday Box Set (Contemporary Romance) Page 51
