She tried to smile, but he could see how tentative she felt. He hadn’t spoken to her since that spontaneous kiss . . . What the hell should he say now?
“Hey there, Savanna.” Nice and casual. He walked her way. “Looks like Aubrey had a busy day.”
The corners of Savanna’s mouth lifted but not enough to bring out her dimples. She’d pulled her hair up and curled it so little ringlets fell back down around her face.
He noticed she also wore a new shirt or at least one that he hadn’t seen yet. It was a soft orange color.
“I found a job,” she said. “Just a few miles from here.”
“That’s great.” He hoped she didn’t think she needed to give him money for the townhouse yet. “What do you do again? I’m sorry if I haven’t asked that yet.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. My job’s at that art store on 18th Avenue. I’m doing all kinds of things, but I get to teach a few classes too.” She lowered her face and looked at him through her lashes. Maybe she didn’t want him to notice as she ran her gaze up his legs, but he did notice. And he liked it.
“I see you got a car.”
“I figured it was time.” She paused, looking down. He wondered if this awkward conversation hurt her. “How’s your work going?”
“Going, I guess I’d say.”
His mind flashed back to their kiss again, and he knew he couldn’t talk to her while thinking about it. “I should let you go. Have a nice night.” Jason wanted to add her name and couldn’t even do that.
“Goodnight.” She knelt in front of Aubrey to pull her out of the stroller. He went inside his own place, thinking he should have invited her in or asked her to have dinner with him. He longed to explain but wasn’t sure how. He just wanted to see her doing well. She didn’t need to worry about paying rent. Heck, she probably didn’t know what to think since he offered to help her like this . . . and then kissed her like that.
He couldn’t take the guilt, but when he finally decided to do something about it, it was almost midnight. An idea came, and he jumped in his jeep and went to a nearby 24-hour Safeway. Picking out a card wasn’t as easy as he thought. Nothing said what he wanted, so he grabbed a blank one with a rainbow on the front. He wrote in it while he sat in his jeep, and then headed back home to leave the card where she’d see it.
He fell into bed and waited, longing for sleep. It didn’t come that easily. Instead, his mind replayed days with Mike, a few memories with Cassie, and pictures of Savanna. That kiss. Her eyes.
If he never touched her again, it would always haunt him how his hands fit so perfectly in the dip above her waist.
After a night of thrashing around in bed trying to sleep, he left the next morning without anywhere to go. He was off three days in a row with nothing to do. His fire chief thought he needed time to mourn, but no one seemed to get that free time didn’t help.
He missed Mike, missed Cassie, and wished he could drop by their house and find them together. Was he losing it? He kept forgetting Mike was dead.
Somehow he made it to a curvy road outside of town, a place he’d been several times before on an accident call. People took the curves too fast all the time. Never learned.
Jason didn’t see the road in front of him. Wasn’t sure what he saw, but the world faded away, and it was the best feeling he’d had in a while. He swung the jeep along the road in a thoughtless state while heat pumped through him.
He felt the right side of the jeep tilt up sharply but wasn’t sure why. Even when he heard metal rip metal, he didn’t react with fear. A shuddering jolt halted the jeep for a second before a whining creak sounded. The jeep wobbled, fell to the left, and then turned upside down.
Seven
“Savanna, why the long face today?” Her mom handed her a glass of iced tea. “Do you still like the job?”
“Yes, it’s going well,” she said with the half-smile she’d plastered on her face lately. This moment felt like a faded watercolor, and it could be ten years ago, right now, or sometime in the future. Lilies bloomed in pots in the corners, and their sweet scent was almost overwhelming, but in a good way. Peonies bloomed in big, pregnant flowers of white and burgundy along the porch.
“Savanna, did you really come over here to sit and look at my yard?”
Savanna shrugged at first but knew she couldn’t fool her mother. Margaret had always been graceful, both in form and personality. She could patiently listen and help anyone through a problem. And there were several problems to pick from. There’d been the card in her car this morning. Jason had written in long, slanted cursive, Dear Savanna, please don’t take my behavior personally. I wish I could talk to you. Sorry, Jason.
She had no idea what to make it of it, but that wasn’t her biggest problem right now anyway.
Margaret spoke first. “I want to see you happy, Savanna. My heart’s just broken that you went through such a hard time over in Texas.”
“Mom . . .” More and more she saw how foolish she’d been, but her mother hadn’t pointed that out to her. “Thanks for not getting mad that I didn’t say anything.”
Margaret tsked. “You should have, but what’s done is done.”
“Mom.” At her tone, Margaret waited. “Eric had me served with papers . . . for custody of Aubrey.”
They continued staring out into the yard. The only change was a dazed silence that lasted for several shocked minutes.
“That’s ridiculous,” Margaret said. “Anyone can file paperwork for something like that, but filing won’t get him anywhere. You know that, right?”
Did she? She looked at her mom, glad to hear the reassurance, but she wasn’t sure if she could believe it or not. So far she couldn’t wrap her mind around it. Why did he do this now? He could have seen Aubrey when they were in Texas.
“Okay, you’re worried, but you don’t need to be. He hasn’t once tried to see his little girl. There’s no way he can get custody. He could ask for visitation, but that’s all. So maybe it could be a good thing. Maybe he’ll want to be involved in her life.”
Savanna dropped her gaze and nodded.
“Did you bring the papers?” Margaret asked.
“Oh, no . . . I put them away.”
Her mom grabbed her. “Listen, sweetie, you can’t stuff them away somewhere and hope it goes away. We’ll face it together, okay? Now what did they say?”
“Uh, there were the official papers. And one about mediation.”
“Okay, that’s good. You get to meet with a mediator who listens to both sides. I’ve heard that people have to try mediation first before going to court.”
Would that help her? She shivered, thinking about sitting in the same room as Eric. Despite that, her mom had to be right that it was better than going straight to court.
She headed home later, in the cool evening, feeling both relieved about sharing but also more scared about the situation. Her mom assured her they could fight this, that Eric had no chance of taking Aubrey, but how could Savanna know that for sure? Wouldn’t people think a doctor would make a better parent than she would? She pulled the car up to the townhouse, breathing hard to hold in her emotions from the evening.
Aubrey wiggled in her car seat and called, “Out, Mama! Bobby Boo out now. Please.”
“Oh, good job on saying please. That sure is sweet of you.” Savanna turned off the engine and stood up, ready to get her daughter, but she suddenly felt very light-headed. Her vision narrowed with black pushing in from the edges, so she had to rest her head on the top of the car. “Just a minute . . . Aubrey . . .”
A hand touched her shoulder. Savanna jerked, stood up straight, and turned to find a man talking to her, looking pretty worried. A minute later she could hear his voice.
“Savanna, are you okay?” The man was huge. Big neck, big muscles, but he had a chubby face, like a little boy, under almost white-blond hair.
“I’m Trevor Holiday, Jason’s friend. Are you okay?”
“Aubrey!” Her baby’s cries
rushed into her ears. As she pulled Aubrey from her car seat, she looked over and saw a light blue Toyota pickup.
Jason sat inside it, and something didn’t look right about the whole thing. His eyes were closed. She heard Aubrey whisper his name, Gase.
Remembering the question, she said, “I’m fine, I’m just having one of those days.”
“I know how that goes . . . but Jason might need your help.”
In the pickup, Jason’s eyes came open, as if in protest. Even in the falling darkness, she could see he had a black eye. Something was wrong.
“Did Jason get in a fight?”
“No, a car accident.”
“Oh, my word!” She hurried to the pickup. “Jason, are you all right? Why didn’t you call me? I left my new phone number on your door; did you see it?”
“Slow down, sweetheart. I’m just busted up a little. The doctor sent me home to rest.”
Trevor unlocked Jason’s front door and went back to the pickup to get him.
“I can handle it.” Jason waved him away. When Trevor handed Jason a pair of crutches, Savanna gasped. He eased himself out of the pickup and steadied himself on the crutches. A cast covered the lower part of his left leg.
Instinct told her to run to Jason to help him, but experience told her he wouldn’t want it. Feeling helpless but needed, she pulled Aubrey onto her hip and followed them into Jason’s townhouse, dark because the curtains were drawn. She flipped on a large lamp by the door, and it revealed couches around a large, wooden coffee table.
This townhouse had an identical layout to hers, but it had a completely different feel and smelled faintly of beer. A TV was positioned in a back corner with a recliner close to it. Empty beer bottles sat in two rows beside the chair.
Jason slid down onto the long couch to their right, laid down his crutches, and inched his way back to a lying position. Trevor eyed Savanna before he asked Jason, “You need anything, buddy?”
“Just peace, quiet, and rest.”
“I’ll leave you be then. I’m sure Mindy will cook you up something. I’ll be by tomorrow to see you.” Trevor looked rattled. She couldn’t blame him. Once again, she’d blinked and her life went flying over a cliff.
He looked really rattled as he rushed out the door. Maybe this had scared him, like when Mike died.
She faced Jason, even though she didn’t have a clue about what to say. When he reached out to her, she let Aubrey down onto the floor and knelt beside him, taking his hand.
“I’m sorry, Savanna.”
The question “why?” didn’t make it out. When his eyes closed again, Savanna couldn’t tell if he’d fallen asleep or passed out from medication. She took Aubrey back to her own place and started dinner: breaded chicken breasts in the oven and potatoes on the stove. Something simple and easy that turned out good and left her free to wipe the tears that rolled down her face.
Jason woke up feeling like he’d slept upside down. Pulsing head, bloated face, even his teeth hurt. Maybe he had a fever. A cool hand touched his forehead, and without thinking, he reached for it.
“Jason?”
“Savanna?” Could she really be here? So he was dead.
“Morning,” she said. It wasn’t a “good morning,” was it?
He remembered her teary eyes yesterday when she saw him, full of concern. Love even. That meant he must have killed himself. No way had Savanna cried for him like that, with something like love in her eyes.
“Jason, do you feel okay?”
“Now that I know you’re here.” After a couple tries, he got his eyes open. She’d kept the room dim for him, bless her heart. He had no idea how long she’d been here with him, and that put him out of sorts, if it were possible to be any more confused. This turn of events didn’t add up. He’d about driven himself into an early grave, and now he’d awakened to find Savanna. With that thought, he looked back to her and found her watching him.
He lost his head every time he got within ten feet of her, and now he was lying here helpless. Flustered, he said, “I feel like a marshmallow over a campfire.”
Concern crossed her face. “Too hot?”
“Puffed up.”
She sagged back. “That can happen when you plow your face into something.” Her hand gently touched around his face and then went to touch his hair.
“I don’t think that’s broken,” he teased. Her hand yanked back. Jason laughed but cut it short because everything hurt. “I was so stupid.”
“Why’s that?”
“Wait, shouldn’t you be at work?”
“No, I’m covered for today, and then I have the weekend off,” she said.
It was Friday already? He’d lost a day or two. Then again, time hadn’t moved in its usual linear mode since Mike died.
“Savanna, you shouldn’t have done that for me. I did this to myself, you know.” Man, she looked good. If he could move, he’d pull her down and kiss her. Maybe he could show her how he felt since he hadn’t been able to tell her.
“I came to Eugene, and you gave me a place to stay. Before that, you saved my life. Now I get to help you, and you’d better not argue about it.” She held his gaze, appearing steadier than he’d seen her before.
“Okay.” Anything to keep her there. “Aubrey? Bobby Boo, isn’t that what she calls herself?”
“Yes, my funny and sweet little Bobby Boo,” she said and laughed. “She’s at my mom’s.”
Savanna’s mother couldn’t think much of him right now. Strange that he’d worry about that. It wasn’t like he’d met her mother. Or that this meant anything between them. Not wanting the moment to end, he stared up into her face for as long as he could. Then, “I’m going to wobble to the bathroom. Will you still be here when I come back?”
“Of course,” she said, jumping up and then helping him. He didn’t mind her help–it meant he got to touch her and feel her soft skin.
She’d taken time off work for him. She was here.
In the bathroom, he rubbed a cold washcloth over his bruised face, shoulders, and chest where he could reach with his sore arms. The wreck had bruised him up pretty badly and left his neck sore, but only his left leg was broken. His doctor said the break was clean and would heal faster that way.
When he felt somewhat revived, he made his way back to the couch. Savanna helped him lie down again.
“Are you hungry?”
“Can’t tell,” he said honestly. “Too much medication, I think.”
“Maybe you should eat.”
“No, Savanna. I have to talk.” When he gestured, she sat by his waist. Somehow he got his hand in her lap. Even that small intimacy felt good. “I can’t tell you how it felt, having my own team pull me out of my twisted jeep. They won’t want me back after this.”
She took his hand in both of hers. “I can’t believe that. Things like this can happen even to rescue workers, you know.”
“Not like this. I flew around those curves, knowing the danger. I’d been out there before, pulling other people out of smoking cars. I didn’t see the road. I shouldn’t have gotten behind the wheel.”
“Then why? Did you want to die?” A mix of fear and curiosity surfaced in her watery green eyes. Instead of judgment, he saw understanding.
He felt his eyes flutter shut, but he wouldn’t let his body sleep now. “I didn’t think about it like that when I left. I miss Mike. I miss Cassie. I wish I could make things better for her. I felt like I did something awful to you too.”
He had trouble getting out that last sentence but instantly saw how much it meant to her.
“Don’t talk like that.” Her fierce whisper kept him going.
“I have to, baby. I have to get this out. I don’t know what happened with you. I had to have you here, close to me. Then I ran once I got you here. I thought I messed things up. Don’t ask me why or how, but I need you.”
“I know what you mean,” she said hoarsely as new tears sprang up into her eyes. He tugged on her hand, and she wrapped he
rself around him, crying into his neck. Still, she took care not to hurt him. Out of his pain and the medication, a clear moment crystallized and startled him. Before he had been broken on the inside, but now he was broken on the outside where he could heal. It didn’t make sense in his head, but his heart saw a light ahead of him. Savanna, too, was broken. She’d been hiding it, but now, for some reason beyond his understanding, she was sharing it with him. He still hadn’t wept for his lost friend, or Cassie, or even Savanna like he needed to, but this moment brought it all out.
No one would doubt a man lived in this place. Savanna’s thoughts kept pace as she cleaned Jason’s kitchen that afternoon while he slept. At least he tried to cook for himself; she had to give him that. She’d teach him how to clean sometime, like under the stove burners and in the refrigerator.
She’d also ask if she could organize his cupboards for him. He’d shoved everything into the cupboards, all mixed up. How did he find a snack in the midst of all his baking supplies?
Cleaning gave her mind a break from mulling over the situation. Once she’d scrubbed his kitchen, she quietly walked through the living room to pick up newspapers. She took them to a shelf that occupied one wall. Now that she wasn’t so upset over his accident, she became curious about his living space. About him.
She glanced at him before turning back to the shelves where he’d filled the top one with books on firefighting and first aid. Pulling out a few books, Savanna was amazed at all the technology involved.
The next shelf held canoeing books, maps, and outdoor magazines, and he apparently liked action- adventure novels, some of them historical, and also comic books. Those looked older, like he’d kept them from his grade school and high school years, so she didn’t touch them. The next-to-bottom shelf held CDs, and she knelt down and saw he listened to country. Interesting. She’d gotten into country music while living in Texas, but she hadn’t told anyone yet.
A baseball glove sat on the bottom shelf, worn with use. She looked and didn’t see any family pictures anywhere, just his degree and some certificates. A B.A, in fire technology.
License to Love: Holiday Box Set (Contemporary Romance) Page 52
