He clearly loved his job, but what about his personal life? Why didn’t he have pictures?
Standing in the middle of the living room, in his house, she watched him sleep for a minute. Her heart went out to him. At least, he would let her help him now.
But had she failed up until now? So far, she hadn’t done much for either Cassie or Jason. She’d been busy thinking about her own problems with finding a job and then learning Eric wanted custody. That still seemed so weird–he wasn’t even here, trying to see his daughter. Savanna sucked in a big breath and realized her lungs were tight with worry. If Eric wasn’t here asking to see his daughter, then how could he be serious about having Aubrey for part, or all, of the time?
When things got hard when she was growing up, her mom would say, “When it rains, it pours.” It did seem like life would throw all kinds of problems at her all at once. Then other times, several good things would happen together.
Right now, she couldn’t tell if she was in the all-bad or partly-bad times. Even with a broken leg, somehow she felt Jason had made progress.
Since he was sleeping, Savanna went back to her place and called Cassie.
“Hey, stranger.” Cassie greeted when she heard Savanna’s voice.
“Hey…” Maybe she should have thought this through before calling. Maybe she should have driven over to tell her in person, but it was too late for planning. “Cassie, something happened. Jason was in a car accident.” Her statement brought a long silence. “Still there?”
“Yeah.”
“Cass . . . you okay?”
“I . . . I’m sorry. How bad is he hurt?”
Savanna opened her mouth but wondered if this was like finding out about Mike. Now she wondered what kind of reaction she’d expected, that Cassie would feel horrible and rush over to talk to Jason?
“Savanna?” Cassie’s voice was urgent.
“He’s fine now, but he broke a leg, and he needs rest.” Maybe this would turn things around for Cassie too. Maybe she’d see past her anger. Savanna’s heart started pounding furiously, the way it did when she needed to push herself into action. “I need to tell you something.” Savanna paused to steady her shaky voice. “Jason saved my life when I was in that fire. It was him, Cass.” Now that she’d mentioned it, she desperately wanted to tell Cassie everything.
“Why didn’t you tell me it?” Cassie asked in a hesitant voice.
“I didn’t even know his name until I came back from Texas and met him again. He told me how upset you were, and how mad you were at him. I didn’t know how to bring the whole thing up to you.”
Cassie was quiet for a minute. They had been friends for so long that it wasn’t weird to let the quiet stretch out, even on the phone.
“You’re falling for him, aren’t you?” Cassie didn’t sound mad about it.
But it still wasn’t something she wanted Cassie to know. “I want to help him since he was so willing to help me. Don’t you see? I can’t let him go through this alone. And he’s hurting, that’s why he got in the wreck.”
He’s hurting, and I have to help him. This wasn’t a choice.
“Cass, still there?” She’d forgotten that Cassie lived in a black-and-white world, with clear-cut loyalties, while Savanna survived in the gray.
“I’m here,” Cassie said, but she didn’t sound happy about it. “Well, I’m glad he has someone there to help him.”
Cassie still cared. Savanna could comment on it, but she instinctively knew that could hinder the process of repairing things between Cassie and Jason. She kept quiet about it, but when they hung up, she felt a tiny spark of hope.
Eight
Why hadn’t she tried more? Savanna should have seen that Jason was hurting that much. His behavior had been so weird. Someone should have noticed!
Early morning light came through the window, but the day outside wasn’t warm yet. Since she was cleaning, Savanna wore jeans and a blue shirt, with her hair pulled back. While sweeping Jason’s kitchen, Savanna paused at hearing a noise. Maybe he was snoring. As she walked into the darkened living room, she got the sense that she had entered a lion’s den. Her lion sprawled out, reaching both ends of his couch, with a thin blanket draped over him that covered the cast. It didn’t cover his dark chest hair. Or his nice shoulders. This whole thing would be easier if he wasn’t so good looking, or so fit, or if he didn’t make her feel so reckless.
He had a mouth that made her think about kissing him all day and hair that she wanted to sink her fingers into and pull him closer. The tables had been turned a bit, now that she got to help him, and even that turned her on a bit.
“Jason?” she asked from a few feet away. “Are you feeling okay?”
Though groggy, he looked at her. His dark, sad eyes looked hazy but relieved to see her. Even that warmed her inside. He tried for a faint smile, so she sat on the coffee table and reached over to touch his hand, finding it hot to the touch. His fingers tightened briefly around hers.
It didn’t matter how brief or how light the touch, her heart jumped.
He stretched, in slow motion, and pushed an extra pillow behind him. “Want to crack the curtain? Or turn on a lamp?” he asked.
She pulled the curtains open, so the room wasn’t dark anymore. They sat together for several minutes in the late afternoon light before he wanted to get up. She started to help him.
“I think I can handle it,” he said. Savanna didn’t want him to handle anything on his own, but she didn’t tell him so. A few minutes later, she met him outside the bathroom door and could tell he wanted to lie down again.
“So . . . are you going to scold me like you do Aubrey?” he asked, maybe teasing, as they made their way to the couch.
She gave him a big roll of her eyes to keep the mood light. “And how is that?”
“Aubrey Lynn!” He gave an imitation before settling into the cushions.
“I don’t know your middle name. Sorry.”
“Edward.”
“Jason Edward!” She spoke softly, not scolding at all, but enjoying the touch of their hands together. He felt more real somehow. His vulnerability and openness with her brought him into focus as a real person and not as a fantasy anymore. And his dark eyes definitely brought her into the moment with him, alone in this room.
“Are you upset with me?” he asked, a strained look on his face.
“No. I’m sure you’re sorry enough without other people getting on your case.” She wished she had tried harder to talk to him before.
“I’m still sorry. I feel bad you’re over here helping me.”
“Don’t worry about it. Helping you makes me feel like I’m worth something.”
Jason latched onto her wrist and gently brought her hand down next to his heart. “Baby, I don’t like seeing that defeated look on your face. You’re worth a lot, to Cassie and to me. And don’t forget about your mom and Aubrey.”
At his words and his fiery look, her world tilted. Defeated? No, she’d won, right? She had Aubrey and she got to come home. She had to listen to her mom and believe her that Eric wouldn’t wake up one morning and want his daughter back. Aubrey wasn’t his daughter anymore. He’d walked away from her at birth.
“You believe me, right?”
With that look on his face, she’d believe anything he said. Of course it wasn’t so easy to accept that about herself. She nodded to his question, not sure how to answer. Jason’s intent look made her think that he wanted to know why she was hesitant to agree with his praise, but Savanna didn’t want him to ever know. She didn’t want to talk about those custody papers, either.
“I guess life’s thrown me some curves,” she said at last. Bad word choice, considering his accident, but Jason didn’t flinch. Her gaze wandered over to where the beer bottles had been, and his followed.
“You cleaned my place,” he said, surprised. “And it smells like vanilla in here.”
She hoped he didn’t mind that part.
“It needed it.” Sh
e fidgeted with his shirt without looking at him. “It’s not my place to say anything, but you know not to mix alcohol and your medication, right?”
She didn’t like asking, especially since she’d just told him she wouldn’t get on his case.
“You’re adorable when you’re embarrassed.” He tried for a laugh. “I’m not getting off this couch to get a beer, and I don’t think you’re planning to bring me one, either.” Without warning, the smile slipped right off his face.
“Jason?”
“I’ve wrecked my life. I have no idea what I’ll do after this.”
Savanna hurt for him. He’d been caring from the start, even through his pain. Confusing, yes, but not because he didn’t care.
“The fire department knows you’re going through a tough time. They won’t fire you for messing up. You just lost your best friend.” Why’d she add that last one? She always said more than she wanted.
His gaze moved in a slow arc to meet hers. She enjoyed sitting with him and looking into his eyes. Too bad the contributing circumstances were so painful.
“It’s not as simple as a decision. They might want me back, and I might try. Or I might admit I’m not cut out for it anymore.”
“You don’t know that yet.” She saw his eyebrows lift at her words, so maybe she’d made a good point. “Can you stop thinking about work and let yourself heal?”
“Not think about work?”
This seemed like the best time to ask, so she did. “Jason, do you have family around here? No one’s come.”
“Why?” He frowned, and she thought she lost him, but he explained. “Dad’s in North Dakota. Mom’s in Nevada. And my sister didn’t want to keep in contact. I’m not sure where she’s at.”
“You didn’t get along with your sister?”
“Kathy was an angry kid. She kept to herself and her books, a bookworm against any kind of norm. She called me a groupie because I liked sports and going out with friends. It sounds silly when I try to explain it, but she resented me.”
She imagined him growing up, trying to fill in the blanks, and found she didn’t know enough yet to draw his picture. “I always wanted a sibling, a bigger family, but I was happy anyway. Mom got involved in the school in a good way. I never minded that she was a teacher.”
He thought on that a minute, maybe putting her story together too. Of course he noticed the hole right away. “What about your dad?”
“He left. Just like Eric left Aubrey.” She looked down at her hands, wondering if they were ready for this kind of sharing. She liked learning about him, but her own secrets felt so humiliating.
“I’m sorry, Savanna,” he said tenderly.
“Well, life’s not fair. Mom always said to take advantage of what you do get.” This, here, is what they got for the present moment. Mike and Cassie must have been the closest thing Jason had to family, and Savanna felt a pang because she knew about longing for one.
In the pause, someone knocked on the door.
“I’ll be right back,” she said before standing and answering it. A tan brunette waited, wearing a black tank top, tan shorts, and hiking boots but still managing to look feminine with dark, shiny hair that reached almost to her waist.
She frowned at Savanna. “Did Jason move?”
“No, he’s resting.”
“Resting?” She looked like she didn’t believe Savanna.
“Did you hear about his accident?”
“No, but I’m Rachael . . . a friend. I’d like to see him.”
“Could you come back when he’s awake? Maybe you could call first.”
A cold expression took over Rachael’s face before she turned and marched back to her car. Savanna shut the door, irritated. She glanced at Jason but broke eye contact, debating if she would ask him about Rachael.
“Thanks,” he said when she came back to sit with him. “I really don’t feel like dealing with Rachael right now.”
She nodded, feeling tense and hating it. After everything between them now, they should be able to be honest with each other. She took a breath to speak, but he started first.
“We dated about six months ago. Then, out of the blue, she asked me to quit my job.”
She gave him a quizzical look.
“She wanted me to pick either my job or her. I told her she was crazy. We weren’t serious at all.”
“And that’s it?” Either the story didn’t add up, or Rachel didn’t.
“Sort of. We parted ways, but Trevor just told me about a week ago that he heard she had a miscarriage.”
She leaned back, letting it sink in. So Rachael was much more than a friend . . . it was selfish, but she didn’t like to think about Jason with someone else. Somehow, she had to be a bigger person than that, however, because this had to be hard for him. She tried to imagine if she’d lost Aubrey while pregnant. Things like that gave her nightmares.
Looking straight into her eyes, he said, “Thing is, she and I weren’t intimate.”
Her breath rushed out, and she hoped the heat she felt in her face wasn’t showing up red. She tried to cover her relief but still couldn’t say anything. His brown eyes were so convincing, and it wasn’t like he had any reason to hide things from her.
“She cheated on me,” he went on. “I wondered why she gave me such a crazy ultimatum. In effect, she forced me to end the relationship, and she got off the hook.”
Rachael didn’t sound like a stable person to her. “Hmm.”
“Does that sound too wacky to be true?” He lifted one brow, and it made him look uncertain, like he needed her to believe him.
“I suppose not.” She’d heard stranger things . . . like her own life with Eric. And like Eric, Rachael was a problem in the past. “Thanks for explaining it to me.”
He looked at her a long minute before saying, “Did Eric cheat on you?”
“He . . . Uh . . . We . . . I’m not being fair, Jason. I shouldn’t be butting in about Rachael.” This was too much, too soon. She needed air.
“You didn’t, I told.” He reached for her hand. “Don’t get scared of me, or this. Don’t bail on me now.”
His hand felt so warm around hers, so reassuring. She stared at his eyes and ached all the way through to touch him more. It was too much to think about his strong hands on her. Even bruised and ashamed of himself, he looked, well, was sexy the right word? She wanted him, had to have him, in a strange and new way.
“You look like you want to kiss me.”
She couldn’t help the tiny smile that tugged briefly on her mouth at getting caught. She whispered, “May I?”
“You don’t have to ask. Offer’s always open.” Laughter lit up his warm brown eyes.
Another loud knock interrupted them.
He groaned.
Darn her body for wanting him so badly right now. She stood slowly. “I guess I wasted too much time.” Outside she found the two men who helped Jason move her furniture in, Larry Vine and Mark Vaccariello.
“Savanna, how are you?” Larry greeted. He stood a good foot over his friend and a foot and a half over her.
“I’m doing . . .” She trailed off when she realized she was about to say well. Was she? Larry looked like he understood. “Come on in, he’s over here.” She stepped inside and waved them in.
“Jason,” Larry greeted. “Chief would have given you a day off for a date, you know.”
Everyone tried to laugh at his joke. Savanna offered them drinks and then retreated to her own apartment. They didn’t seem to mind that she left. She felt they had business to discuss, and she was actually glad that she’d sidestepped telling Jason about Eric. She’d tell him about the new developments, too, sometime, but not now.
Jason watched her go and couldn’t blame her. He wasn’t sure if he would want her to hear what his friends were going to say anyway. Mark burst out with curses when the door shut before he calmed down to say, “Jason, what were you thinking?”
Nope, Savanna didn’t need to hear this.
>
“I wasn’t.” Jason raised his hands in defeat.
“Cut him some slack, Mark,” Larry said in his always booming voice as he crossed his arms. With his height added in, people tended to listen to him. “We’re not here to bust your butt, Jason. I just want to know if you’ve gotten your head on straight yet.”
Jason wanted to get up so Larry wouldn’t be towering over him, but he didn’t want them watching him struggle up off his couch, either. He glanced between his friends, searching for an answer. He could lie and say what they wanted, but that wasn’t going to help.
“We just lost Mike; we can’t lose you,” Mark said with his gaze down.
The words cut into Jason. He knew they needed him, and now he felt selfish on top of stupid.
What could he say after what he’d done? “I’m sorry, you guys. I didn’t drive out there planning to wreck my jeep, but I wasn’t thinking. Everything went to hell and I lost it.”
They fell silent after his admission. Life around the department had been bleak after Mike’s death, and this just darkened it even further. How he wished he could take the wreck back. Undo it somehow. He’d felt so much regret over Mike . . . now he didn’t know how to deal with all this. He would, though, somehow. He wouldn’t make everything even worse for the people he cared about.
“I can’t promise I have it together right now, but I’ll promise to be smarter. I won’t mess up like that again.”
Mark and Larry both nodded. They tried to share a look without him noticing, but he didn’t mind. The tension in the room let up, letting him breathe again.
“How long will you be out?” Mark sat down across the room and Larry followed suit.
“At least six weeks, because of the leg. Then the department will decide. I don’t think I’ll get to walk back in whenever I want.” If he wanted to go back. He wasn’t sure he had what it took anymore.
“We need you,” Mark said. “You gotta take care of yourself, man.”
“We want you back,” Larry added. “You’re a good firefighter. And a good part of our team.”
License to Love: Holiday Box Set (Contemporary Romance) Page 53
