I knew I was assuming Case felt the same way I did, but I didn’t care about that, either. I knew Case on a primal level and I knew how he felt about Zeke without him having to tell me.
“What do you want from me?” Zeke asked, his words softer than I’d ever heard them.
At some point between seeing Matt at the club and right this minute, Zeke’s armor had been stripped away. He wasn’t the Sadist and we weren’t his fuck toys.
“We want all of you, Zeke,” I told him. “Not just the man who forces us to wear chastity devices because he owns our dicks. Not just the man who comes up with creative ways to get us to come.”
I moved my hand up Zeke’s arm, surprised when he didn’t pull away.
“Believe it or not, we’re not submissives all the time, either. Right now, I’m just a man, Zeke. Just like you. And I…” I swallowed back the emotion. “I don’t like the idea of not having you in my life.”
“I didn’t agree to this,” he said, his eyes still searching my face as though he was seeking the truth.
“That’s fair. You didn’t. You warned us up front that you weren’t in it for a relationship or for commitment.” My hand moved higher and I gripped his bicep. “We agreed to your terms, Zeke. But somewhere along the way, it changed.”
“Not for me,” he countered.
Case appeared beside me. “Liar.”
Zeke’s eyes shot over to him. I couldn’t read his expression but I could tell he was trying to figure out what the point was. Why we were being persistent about this.
“We didn’t abide by your rules, Zeke,” I admitted. “We couldn’t. It’s not possible when we had the opportunity to get to know you.”
“You don’t know me,” he snapped.
I kept a firm grip on his arm and closed the space between us. We were so close he couldn’t keep his eyes on my face. His beard was brushing against my lips.
“Look at me,” I demanded.
He shifted his head down, and when he did, I kissed him.
At first, I thought he would shove me away, but he didn’t. Zeke merely stood there, his lips firm, his hands still hanging down to his sides.
“Tell me you didn’t feel anything,” I whispered when I pulled back.
I felt Case shift, his hand sliding over mine when he moved to stand behind Zeke.
“I didn’t,” Zeke said, but there wasn’t any truth in his words.
Case’s hands slid between my chest and Zeke’s. He was wrapping his arms around Zeke, holding him in place. Not because he thought he would bolt but because he wanted to be as close to Zeke as I was. I couldn’t blame him. This thing between us might’ve started out as a game, but it wasn’t a game anymore.
Now came the hard part.
Convincing Zeke to take a chance when I could still see in his eyes that he wasn’t going to give an inch.
THIRTY-TWO
ZEKE
DESPITE THAT INNER DESIRE TO want more than I knew they could give, giving in would only end up hurting the three of us in the long run.
I wasn’t an idiot. I knew the cowboy and the pretty boy wanted something more from me. Perhaps one night would slake the lust, give them the rush of having conquered the big, bad Sadist, but it wouldn’t last.
I placed my hand on the cowboy’s where he was clutching my arm. For a moment, I let the warmth of him seep in. I felt the pretty boy’s arms wrapping around me. I felt safe with them for the first time in a long time. However, I couldn’t bank on that for eternity.
Which meant I had to do the three of us the favor of ending it now.
I easily pried the cowboy’s hand from my bicep.
“This is nonnegotiable,” I told him, my eyes locked with his once more. “I’m not willing to give more than I agreed to. It’s best we end it now.”
With that, I worked my way out from between them and whistled for Tank to follow. They could sleep in my bed for all I cared. I had plenty of other beds in this house. And worst case, I could always sleep on the couch.
“If you follow me,” I warned, “I will make you leave tonight. So, for your own sakes, just leave me alone.”
To reiterate my point, I closed my bedroom door, effectively shutting them completely out.
That was the only way this could go.
I was sure they would see that by morning.
*
Friday, November 2
As I sat at my desk, I stared down at my cell phone.
It had been buzzing endlessly since six o’clock this morning. My sister was evidently pissed at me for not being home when she came by for breakfast. I couldn’t blame her. However, I also couldn’t stand the idea of listening to her interrogate me about all the shit going on in my life. No doubt she was aware of the issues I was having with the cowboy and the pretty boy. Based on her texts, they’d filled her in on the situation with Matt, too.
Jamie: I’m on my way to your office. You better be there when I get there, Zeke.
Son of a bitch. I didn’t think she’d actually come after me. She should be getting ready for her class right about now.
Zeke: I’m not in the office. I’ll check in with you later tonight.
Not even a minute later, my cell phone buzzed again.
Jamie: Too late for lies, big brother. I called Dale. He confirmed you’re in. Do not move.
Damn it. The kid was too smart for her own good.
A body appeared in my doorway and I looked up to see Greg standing there.
“What’s up?” I asked, going for nonchalant.
“That’s supposed to be my question.” Without waiting for an invitation, he stepped into the office. “Need to talk?”
“About?”
“For starters, what went down at the club on Wednesday.”
“Nothing went down,” I assured him. “I had some things to take care of.”
“Yeah?” He dropped into the chair across from me. “That’s why Trent informed me I’d made a serious mistake by approving a certain submissive’s membership.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Matt Steinberg. Name ring a bell?”
I didn’t move, didn’t so much as blink. “Actually, no.”
“Shit, Zeke,” he said in a rush as he leaned forward. “I had no idea who he was.”
I sighed because it was clear Edge wasn’t going to let this go. “It’s not your fault. Not like I’m big on sharing details of my past.”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, I’ve revoked his membership because of the incident on Wednesday.”
I couldn’t deny I felt better knowing that. The last thing I wanted was to have to stop going to Dichotomy because he was going to be there. I didn’t have a stake in the club, but it had become my safe haven, the one place I could go and not worry about anyone trying to get up in my business.
“Trent had a conversation with him before he left. From what I gathered, it wasn’t good.”
I nodded. “Matt showed up at my house that night.”
“Damn it.” Edge looked sincerely distraught. “I’m sorry, man.”
“No need to apologize. It’s been taken care of.”
“How about Brax and Case? They cool?”
I shrugged again. I honestly didn’t know how they were because I was avoiding them. The only thing I knew was that they were still sleeping beneath my bed although I refused to go back into the room. With the weekend coming, I knew keeping my distance would be more difficult to do, but I had no choice.
Edge leaned back in his chair. “Don’t tell me you booted them because of Matt.”
“Not because of Matt, no.”
Edge sighed and rolled his eyes. “Where are they now?”
They were at my house. I knew that because I’d heard them talking this morning. They had nothing on their agenda, so they were sticking close. I didn’t tell Edge that. “Who knows.”
“Have you talked to them?”
I sat up, feeling the stirring
s of irritation. I didn’t like all the questions. “Nothing to talk about. They’ve run their course. I’m ready to move on. I warned them already so it’s not a surprise.”
Edge laughed, a hard, unamused sound. “You honestly think I’m buying this bullshit?”
My eyebrows shot downward, anger replacing the irritation. “I don’t give a shit what you’re buying, Edge.”
Before he could blast me with whatever was about to come out of his mouth, a knock sounded and I turned to see Jamie standing in the doorway. Her eyes darted from me to Edge, then back.
“I don’t mean to interrupt,” she said softly, her eyes once again swinging over to Edge.
There was something on her face I’d never seen before. Something I wasn’t fond of seeing now.
Edge pushed to his feet. “He’s all yours, Jamie. Maybe you can talk some sense into him.”
I watched their interaction, the way Edge moved toward her, the simple touch he offered as his fingers brushed her arm. My eyes narrowed and I wanted to beat him to a bloody pulp for touching her so intimately.
“Come find me when you’re finished with him,” Edge said softly.
“Bullshit!” I shot to my feet. “She’s not gonna come find you, Edge.”
Electric-blue eyes shot to my face. “I wasn’t asking your permission, Zeke.”
“Stop. Please,” Jamie pleaded, placing her hand on Edge’s arm. “I’ll come find you when I’m done.”
That seemed to placate Edge because he shot me a quick glare before disappearing down the hall.
Jamie stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. When she turned back to me, she pointed toward my chair. “Sit down. We need to talk.”
For fuck’s sake. Why the hell did everyone insist on telling me what to do?
Hesitating briefly, I finally sat when she positioned herself in the chair Edge had vacated.
“I stopped by your house this morning,” she said. “The boys said you left early.”
“They should be gone by now,” I muttered, then glanced down at the desk.
“They’re not leaving,” she replied.
“When I give them no choice, they will,” I assured her, meeting her determined gaze.
She sighed, then settled into the chair. “I heard what happened with Matt. I’m sorry you had to run into him again, Zeke.”
“It’s no big deal.”
“The hell it’s not.” She pointed at me. “Look at yourself, Zeke. You’re a mess. Last Friday, you were actually happy. And now, you look like shit.”
“Tell me how you really feel,” I snapped.
“Fine. I will.” Jamie sat up straight. “I think you’ve found something that completes you, Zeke. Was I surprised when I found out you’d taken two submissives? Absolutely. But it made so much sense. You’re a difficult man to deal with, so I get how it would take two men to handle you. And those men … Brax and Case … they’re the real deal.”
“You don’t know a damn thing about them,” I countered.
“Oh, but I do. For one, I spent the morning with them. When you weren’t there to take me to breakfast, I took them. And we talked. They’re good guys and”—Jamie smiled—“they think you hung the moon.”
“The hell they do.”
“Okay, fine. Maybe they didn’t say as much, but I see it when they talk about you.”
“They shouldn’t be talking about me.”
Jamie sighed heavily. “Will you quit being hardheaded and just listen?”
“I don’t like what you have to say,” I said truthfully.
“That’s never stopped me before, Zeke.” Her eyes narrowed. “And yes, I’m sure you’ll tell me it’s not my place to interfere, but that’s exactly what I’m about to do, so you can shut up and listen to me.”
This bossy shit was starting to get on my nerves. First the cowboy, now my sister. They were both overstepping in a big way.
However, I didn’t say a word.
*
Case
(The pretty boy)
THIS THING WITH ZEKE WAS bothering Brax more than he was letting on. Or rather, more than he was saying, anyway. I’d known the man long enough I could read every one of his expressions, and the one he’d been sporting the past couple of days was filled with hurt.
After breakfast, I proceeded to clean Zeke’s kitchen, feeling slightly out of place. I knew the man wanted us to leave. For the past two nights, he had slept in one of the guest rooms, avoiding us at all costs. This morning, I had intended to corner him during his workout, but by the time I woke up, he was gone.
And no, Brax and I hadn’t slept in Zeke’s bed. That had been a challenge, and since Zeke hadn’t fallen for it, we had opted not to push our luck. However, we had slept in the cage beneath it. Perhaps that made us far more warped and twisted than I’d originally thought, but it was what it was. I wouldn’t apologize for it.
Only now, I knew we had to do something. And by something, I meant we needed to find a place to live. Intruding on Zeke’s personal space wasn’t right. He’d insisted that we leave and I knew it was best for all of us if we did.
“I’m gonna take a shower,” Brax announced after he’d placed the last of the dirty dishes on the counter.
I nodded, then worked double time to get everything cleaned up. I had every intention of joining Brax.
A few minutes later, after I’d stuffed everything into the dishwasher, I wiped my hands, tossed the towel, then jogged up the stairs. I heard the water running in the guest bathroom in the hall, so I went that direction.
I found Brax already in the shower, his head down between his shoulders as he stood beneath the spray. As quietly as I could, I stripped, then stepped inside with him. He didn’t so much as lift his head, although I knew he heard me.
Stepping up behind him, I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him into me.
“You okay?” I whispered.
“No. Not even a little bit.”
I released him, then turned him to face me. “Look at me, Brax.”
Emerald eyes lifted to my face. “Remember how you felt when we stepped into that apartment?”
Oh, I remembered all right. It wasn’t a feeling I would likely forget. “As though the walls were closing in,” I said.
“Exactly.” A wave of sadness clouded his eyes. “That’s how I feel right now.”
“Because of Zeke.”
He nodded. “I didn’t see this coming.”
I did, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. I had known from the very beginning that Zeke Lautner was temporary. And not only because he said as much. I knew it because that was how they all worked. Ever since I was seventeen and unwillingly sucked into a world I hadn’t known existed, it had all been the same for me. The very first man to hit me never should’ve been touching me in the first place. But that hadn’t stopped him. He’d taken what he needed and I had suffered only to come out the other side needing things I couldn’t explain. Despite the inappropriateness of it all, it hadn’t stopped me, either.
Since then, I’d searched for something to ease the constant pain that filled me. Unfortunately, the only thing that ever worked was more pain. It obliterated my mind, allowed me to forget a time in my life that had forever changed me.
The Doms I’d played with since found me to be a challenge. They were always gung-ho in the beginning, trying to find a way to break the man who couldn’t be broken. The sad part was, they never realized I already was broken. Apparently, I was good at hiding the fact that I was shattered in a way no one could fix. The only person who’d come close was Brax.
But the Doms I ended up with were always temporary. They stuck around until they didn’t. While none of them could give me quite what Zeke could, some of them had tried. A couple had even attempted to break me. But they were all the same. The glitter always wore off and they moved on to someone else.
So, I had expected as much from Zeke, because in the end, they were all the same.
Cu
pping Brax’s face, I leaned in closer. “We have to respect what Zeke wants. This is his house. He invited us here and now he’s asked us to leave.”
“I don’t want to leave him,” Brax whispered. “I don’t know that I can.”
I swallowed hard because the emotion I saw in his eyes tore me up from the inside out. I knew Brax had feelings for Zeke, but thinking it and hearing it were two very different things.
“I know, babe,” I told him.
“Do you? Are you ready to wash your hands of him?”
“No.” That much was true. “But it’s not up to me.”
“I fell for him, Case.” That admission threatened to choke me. “I wasn’t supposed to, but I did.”
Not knowing what to do, I released Brax and took a step back. “You love him?”
“I don’t know.” Brax looked sincerely torn.
I should’ve seen this coming. It was all my fault. I pushed us in this direction and now Brax wanted far more than I could ever give him. It was bad enough when it was merely about the kink. Now, I felt as though I was being pushed out of his heart. That was the one place I’d always felt as though I belonged.
I nodded. “I … uh … I need…” I couldn’t finish the statement, so I simply stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel.
The water didn’t turn off and Brax didn’t come after me. He didn’t so much as call my name.
My chest constricted, a tight band coiling inside, threatening to send me to my knees. Of all the ways I saw this playing out, this certainly wasn’t one of them. Sure, I’d feared something would come between Brax and me eventually, but I never thought it would be my own darkness that would steal him away.
And that was what happened. I’d found something in Zeke that I couldn’t find anywhere else and I had pushed Brax to explore it. I’d felt things for Zeke I hadn’t wanted to feel. And yes, I’d fallen for him, too, but I knew those feelings were better left alone. He was never going to be permanent in my life.
And now it appeared Brax wasn’t going to be, either.
THIRTY-THREE
ZEKE
“YOU CAN’T TURN YOUR BACK on them, Zeke,” Jamie pleaded.
Their Ruthless Sadist (Office Intrigue, 5) Page 33
