Quicksand

by Dyllan J. Erikson

  I’m taking this new Elli day-by-day, baby steps and all. But it feels so fabulous to actually be getting back to me, and doing what I love.

  I even told the VA that I’ll work for minimum wage, Garrett’s pension keeps me comfortable anyway and I like helping soldiers and their families, it’s more than enough of a reward for me.

  -Elli

  God, she’s so cute.

  I can practically feel how excited she is just by how she’s wording her email, wishing I could hear her sweet sexy voice telling me about her day instead of reading it.

  I open the last one only sent five minutes ago, my pulse ratcheting up as I see the subject line. Skype?

  To: usmcraider1@gmail.com

  From: norwegianbeauty@gmail.com

  Subject: Skype?

  Raid,

  I actually have no clue what you look like… Maybe you could Skype me sometime?

  -E

  It takes me seconds to spring into action, hoping she hasn’t gone offline already.

  The thought of actually seeing her live and being able to talk to her while seeing her face absolutely thrills me.

  I hastily login, my hands flying across the keyboard like they’re on fire.

  It makes a noise when I add her by name, thanking God we told each other our full names.

  I click to connect to her, seeing she’s online, hopefully waiting for me, with a touch of nervousness sliding into my throat.

  The seconds seemingly span into an eternity and then…then there she is.

  Elli.

  My sweet beautiful girl.

  A huge grin splits my face and a feeling similar to soaring takes root in my heart.

  She smiles at me, giving a little wave and gracing me with her voice.

  “Hi Raiden.”

  I’m mesmerized by her, her hair in a messy bun on the top of her head, purple reading glasses on, not a hint of makeup, flawless.

  She’s wearing a big T-shirt and shorts, her tan legs folded into a pretzel in front of her, sitting on her bed. She’s comfortable and sexy all in one tight little blonde package.

  She takes her lip in between her teeth as she assesses me back, reminding me for the first time that until now she didn’t know what I looked like.

  I straighten up so she can see as much of me as possible in the web cam, even trying to impress her a little by bringing my arms up to rest on the back of my neck, flexing my biceps. My voice is husky and deep when I finally speak, knowing that above all else what I say is the truth.

  “Elli, you’re so fucking beautiful.”

  ~Elli~

  “Elli, you’re so fucking beautiful.”

  If someone asked me ten minutes ago what my favorite sound was, I would’ve said something stupid like the ocean.

  But now, I know without one shred of doubt my favorite sound is my name coming from Raiden Michaels’ lips.

  The way he says it with a hint of disbelief makes me feel unbelievable.

  I’m blushing and I’m speechless, my thoughts racing a million miles an hour.

  Raiden Edward Michaels is a fucking god.

  I thought I was going to faint when I clicked accept on the Skype call just from sheer anticipation, nervousness, and curiosity.

  Then I was sure I was going to pass out when he filled up my computer screen.

  His eyes are so like mine, but deeper, more masculine, like the Atlantic Ocean, so blue and so endless.

  His dark eyelashes are on the longer side, adding to the melt factor.

  His hair is closely cut and dark, but long enough to where I could run my fingers through it if I wanted to, and God, I so want to.

  His jaw is strong and dusted in a light stubble, which completely hikes up the melt factor, leaving me in a big pile of female hormones.

  Just as I’m admiring how handsome he is, he does something so simple, that cranks up his perfection tenfold.

  He brings his hands up to rest behind his neck, his big biceps flexing and effectively making my mouth water. It’s then that I get to study some of the many tattoos he has running up and down his skin.

  I make a mental note to ask him about them later.

  I can’t make them out perfectly, but they’re intricate and there is nothing more I would like to do than trace each and every one with my tongue. At this, I blush hard, surprised at my train of thought.

  I have to speak. I have to do more than just stare at him like a horny teenager, as much as I could just stare at him for eternity.

  Sigh.

  Of course, I go for the most awkward question I could think of.

  “Raid… why are you so sweet to me?”

  I cringe, knowing how weird that sounded but hey! I am genuinely interested in this.

  He smirks and brings his arms down, much to my dismay, moving to lean in closer to the web cam so I have an up close and personal view of his handsome face, making me feel hot all over.

  “Because I can’t help myself.”

  He looks down at his hands for a beat then looks back up, searing me with his gaze.

  Ugh, the smolder.

  “You make it easier being over here.”

  A whoosh of air leaves my lungs and just like that, I’m speechless again.

  It’s right then that I have another epiphany.

  I can be myself with him, I can flirt, I can show him I care, this is allowed, I am a single woman for crying out loud!

  “Well, you know what? You make it really hard being over here.”

  I adjust my purple reading glasses on my face and smirk, trying and failing, unable to keep a stern look.

  He starts laughing, something that is already becoming one of my favorite sounds.

  “So Elli, now that you know what I look like, what do you think?”

  He winks, and if my panties weren’t already on fire, that would have done it.

  Spontaneous combustion much?

  “Well…” I look down, trying to be playful, “I guess you’re like okay or something…”

  I hide my mouth behind my hands so he doesn’t see the uncontrollable smile threatening to give me away.

  He narrows his eyes at me and cocks an eyebrow.

  “Okay or something?”

  I can’t help it, I bust up laughing, falling over onto my side on my bed.

  Meanwhile, Raiden just stares at me, a look of utter amusement crossing his face.

  “Raid, come on, you’re to fucking die for.”

  My eyes get big at my confession, way surprised with how frank I was with him, which then causes me to blush even harder, pretty embarrassed.

  With my face hidden in my hands, I hear chuckling and when I look up, I see him doubled over laughing.

  “Well, pretty girl, I am so glad you think so.”

  Cue another panty melting smile.

  “Now, how about you tell me about your day.”

  He asks me all the right questions over the next twenty minutes and in that time I learned he actually tolerates tofu, likes to grill with his shirt off (no complaints if that ever happens when I’m around), and his favorite car is a ‘69 Chevy Camaro. Which makes me laugh because even though my Mustang is the newest model, we are both clearly into muscle cars.

  I got to stare at him while he spoke, so full of life, using hand gestures and smiling, his deep voice bounding from the screen.

  I told him about how much I love being a paramedic, but how different it is after not working very often over the last two years. Garrett’s pension from the military kept me afloat when I was too unstable to work and it almost allowed me to wallow longer, knowing I wouldn’t lose my house.

  But working at the VA proved to me how much I missed working and how helping people was my passion.

  He even holds still long enough for me to get a picture of him.

  But, the time comes when he has to go.

  “I have to get going, need to get at least a little sleep,” he says it on a sigh, and I feel bad for keeping him up, but also touch
ed that he took time to Skype me.

  “Go get some sleep, handsome.”

  At that comment, his lips tip up in a sleepy smile, all for me.

  So I do something for once without completely overthinking it.

  I bring my fingertips to my lips, kiss them and then blow them at the computer screen. He catches it in his fist and brings it over his chest where he flattens his hand, pressing my kiss right into his heart.

  Cue all the melts.

  “Be seeing you, sweet girl.”

  He smiles at me one last time, absolutely wrecking me, and then signs off.

  God what just happened.

  I have never felt like that just by seeing someone.

  I mean Garrett was handsome, but even compared to my husband, Raiden is so…so much more.

  I feel a twinge of sadness for thinking these thoughts, but quickly push them down. I’m allowed to feel like this, I’m allowed to think Raid is gorgeous.

  This is the new me and the new me is awesome, this is going to take some time but this feels like the direction I am supposed to be heading.

  I flop back on my bed, looking once again at the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling. I let out a deep happy breath. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much, just talking to Raiden can change my whole day.

  I still can’t believe I blew him a kiss… and him pressing it to his heart, ugh, I just about died.

  I pull out my phone and look at the picture I took of him, setting it as my background, glad that I’ll have a piece of him to carry around with me.

  Lost in my daydreams, I feel a cold nose against my temple, about startling me half to death. “Okay baby girl, let’s get you outside for a walk, huh?”

  Dahlia leaps off the bed and sprints down the stairs. I trail behind her, still unable to think of anything but a drop dead gorgeous Marine that makes my entire heart soar.

  ~Raiden~

  I’m dreaming of her, and it’s the sweetest dream.

  She’s walking toward me, her mile-long legs carrying her easily my way.

  Her California tan making her Scandinavian skin glow like radiant moonlight.

  Her long blonde hair in waves down her back, some making its way into her eyes, she pushes it back, looking up at me with her glacial blue eyes, so beautiful.

  She reaches me and wraps her arms around my waist, chin on my chest looking up at me like I’m the only man in the world. Until this moment, I never knew I wanted to feel like this, but having her look at me like that makes me want to hold onto this feeling forever.

  I hold her close for a few minutes, relishing the feeling of having her against me. Then I bring my hands up lightly trailing up her back, over her bare shoulders that are all but begging me to have a taste.

  I lean down, unable to resist and start peppering her sun kissed skin with kisses, my lips finding their way closer to her neck, up it, as she leans to give me better access, her breaths coming out in rapid puffs.

  I finally get to her jaw and leave a trail of searing kisses there as well.

  Just as I’m getting to her pouty perfect lips, amazed at how badly I want this beautiful woman, I hear something, off in the distance.

  “Fffffffffuck, NO, NO BACK OFF!”

  I look down at Elli, my sweet girl, who is just as confused as I am at this commotion somewhere in the background.

  “AHHHHH NO, NO, GET AWAY.”

  I whip around, losing the grip I had on my girl, trying to find whatever is making the noise.

  I turn around to look for her and she’s saying something but I can’t hear it, I can barely make out her lips mouthing, “Weston, help Weston.”

  It’s then that I wake up, bolt upright and lock eyes on Weston’s thrashing body.

  I leap off of my cot and skid over to him, a hand going to his shoulder.

  “Motherfucker, get off me! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you before you kill me!”

  His screams are wracking his whole body, his breathing hard and heavy, he’s practically hyperventilating.

  “WESTON, WAKE UP!”

  I yell, shaking his shoulder and pinning him to his cot.

  His eyes snap open and he looks around disoriented.

  “What happened, Raiden?”

  He goes to grip my wrist, probably trying to move me off him but just holds on, and I can feel him shaking.

  “You were having a nightmare, man.”

  His ragged bloodshot eyes look up at me, still gripping my wrist, and I can all but feel the fear, the anguish coming off him in waves. Like a sonic blast, I’m hit with all the emotion swirling in from his nightmare.

  “You good, man? I’m worried about you,” I say, tightening my hold on his shoulder a little, letting him know I’m here, I’m real and I am really worried about him.

  “Yeah man, I’m good, I just get these memories coming at me in my dreams every now and then and it kinda wrecks me.”

  He releases me and relaxes back on his pillow.

  I look at him pointedly. “You need help sortin’ that shit out, you come to me, West. I might not be able to help get rid of ‘em but I can at least listen to what’s going on.”

  I back up toward my own cot.

  “Thanks, brother. Don’t know what I would do without you.”

  He rolls over ending the conversation and on that, I sit down, the adrenaline fading I find myself suddenly mourning the loss of dream-Elli in my arms, and sure as hell worried about my best friend, my brother. Leaning back, I check my watch seeing we only have about an hour until we have to be up and facing another day in this sandy hell.

  I don’t know what’s going on with Weston but I know he won’t see anyone about it, he’s just too stubborn. I can only hope that he can talk to me about it and maybe getting it out will help it stop weighing on his subconscious. He would do the same for me and it’s honestly the least I can do for him. I don’t want to push him and I don’t truly know how to deal with this.

  I bring my hands behind my head and close my eyes trying to coax the woman of my dreams back to me.

  Ahhhh, there she is.

  I see her, everything else fading to a dull haze, my focus solely on her.

  She’s walking toward me again, coming to rest in my arms.

  She places a hand on my chest, smiling up at me, a smile so bright it’s lighting up my whole world.

  I bring my hand up to cover hers, my eyes locked on hers, my oceans staring into her glaciers. I run my callused fingers across the backs of her feminine soft ones and come to rest on a ring.

  I look down to see what hand is on my chest and realize that it’s her left hand, and the ring I was just feeling is an engagement ring.

  Not just any engagement ring, but my mother’s.

  She also has a slim platinum band nestled next to it.

  She tilts her head and takes the hand I’m using to explore hers with and intertwines them together.

  It’s just then that I realize on my left hand is a simple platinum band as well.

  I open my eyes, the sunrise filtering through the mouth of our tent casting the ceiling in shadows. I rub my eyes, not fully understanding what’s going on in my head at this current moment.

  Marriage.

  Mama’s ring.

  Elli.

  I’ve never really wanted to settle down or gave it any thought, but that just felt incredible. I mean, I can’t even begin to describe the feeling of content happiness that I had, looking down and seeing Elli, my wife’s hand in mine with both of our wedding rings.

  I shake my head, pushing the sense of longing I have for that feeling back so I can go out and face the day.

  ~Elli~

  “Hey thanks, Elli! We’ll see ya next week!”

  Annette the lovely front desk clerk hollers at me as I head through the front doors of the VA. I wave back at her, excited and anxious to get home.

  It’s been a hell of a long week and I just want to settle down with my puppy, my Kindle and a bottle of wine.

  I p
ull Eleanor - my gunmetal grey Mustang- into the driveway and shut her down. Pausing to release a long gust of air I didn’t realize I was holding in. I feel like I probably held it in all week, I’m just so drained.

  Going back to work has truly brought me purpose again, something I didn’t know I so desperately needed.

  When you feel broken, I guess it’s easy to push everyone out and let yourself wallow in your grief. Slowly but surely I’m realizing living like a zombie isn’t something that was working anymore.

  It only took one step, one email, and it set me down a path to bring myself back.

  I grab my backpack and purse, lock my car and walk into my house. “Dahlia baby, Mama’s home!” I barely get my greeting out before my furry roommate barrels into my legs.

  I bend down, dropping my bags and give her some kisses and pets. I never get tired of seeing how happy she is when I come home. It makes me feel needed and I crave that feeling. In addition to feeling needed and depended on, I find myself yearning to be desired, and yearning with desire myself.

  Skyping Raiden was, to put it mildly, incredible.

  I loved being able to see his handsome face. It was like coming home after a long trip, like my heart suddenly flushed with feeling once again.

  Queuing up my phone, I look at him as my background, a smile playing at the corners of my lips. I caught him in a sexy little half smirk that if I’m being totally honest here, made me so wet I almost couldn’t stand it. I’m not sure if he saw, but I had to press my thighs together so tight to stop me from coming undone right there on the spot.

  I set Raiden aside and go to take a shower, relaxation the only thing on my mind. The water is hot and welcome, soothing the muscles I didn’t realize were aching.

  With the water rushing over my head, my thoughts turn back to Raiden.

  How can someone so far away make me feel like this.

  I’ve never met him and yet I feel like I know him, and in turn want to know everything there is about him. Learning little pieces of his life is like watching your favorite primetime show each week. I tune in happy to learn and excited to uncover more.