Quicksand

by Dyllan J. Erikson

On that, he walks out and I just sit there with my hands in my lap.

  Elli.

  I can meet her.

  I can change my path.

  I can find new dreams.

  It’s all becoming so real. My sweet fantasy suddenly becoming reality.

  I shake my head bringing me out of my delirious thoughts and crack the biggest fucking smile the world has ever seen.

  I bring up my email, and then shut it back down, needing to see her beautiful face when I tell her the news.

  I click to open Skype, praying she’s online. Which, as if she can sense that I need to talk to her right now, she is.

  Before I can even click to connect to her, an accept call comes through from her.

  Duh, accept.

  My sweet beautiful girl fills up the computer screen, looking absolutely delectable. Her hair cascading around her shoulders, no makeup, glasses on, a big T-shirt and yoga pants on. Sexiest creature alive.

  She throws me a blinding smile while I just stare at her, caught up in how perfect she is. “Elli, babe, I’m coming home.”

  I let it slip out, a smirk tipping up my lips.

  She pauses looking dumbfounded for a second, only a second, and then her squeal fills the entire comm tent.

  “ARE YOU SERIOUS?!”

  Her hands fly up to her mouth to stifle her screeching and if I’m not mistaken I can see her eyes start to well up with tears. I lean in closer to the web cam.

  “Yeah, end of next week, I’m coming home.” My voice is really husky at her reaction.

  I see a tear break free and roll down her cheek, then stopping at her hand, still covering her mouth, my eyes watching its descent.

  “Sweet girl, why are you crying?”

  A note of concern peaks through my voice.

  “Raid,” she breathes, “I am so happy.”

  More tears fall and then it hits me that she’s crying because she’s happy I’m coming home.

  She cares that much.

  My heart bursts like a dozen fireworks in my chest, seeing my girl crying with joy for me. I’ve never had anyone care about me like this. I can see it in her eyes, she feels like I do. This beautiful, fragile yet strong woman feels like I do…

  Breaking me free of my thoughts she asks ever so timidly, “Can I come meet you when you get in…. like at the base?”

  She wants to meet me the second my boots hit American soil… Fuck me.

  “Yes baby, please meet me, I need to see you.”

  She blushes a deep scarlet when I call her baby, and God If I don’t cherish that blush. This girl...

  “Email me the details and I’ll be there, handsome.”

  She gives me a shy smile once more and I know it then, I’m a goner.

  She’s gonna have me wrapped around her little finger the second I see her, hell, I already am and we aren’t anywhere near each other.

  We talk for an hour, basking in the intoxicating bliss of being able to connect even if it’s just through the internet.

  When I finally have to peel myself away this time, I blow her a kiss and tell her I’ll be seeing her soon.

  My heart so full to the brim, I almost can’t walk. This next week better fly by because I need to feel Elli in my arms, knowing how it felt in my dreams I just know the real thing is going to take my breath away.

  ~Elli~

  “I think you should wear this.”

  Jen holds up a slinky yellow sundress, I just eyeball it, and sigh.

  “It’s no use girl, I have no idea what to wear.”

  I flop back on my bed, Dahlia rolling over to snuggle into my side. I stare up at the ceiling, desperate. My best friend lies down beside me and stares into the space with me. “Girlfriend, you’ve got it bad.”

  I turn to her and narrow my eyes.

  “Oh I do not. I just don’t know what to wear!” I huff out. “He hasn’t met me in person and the only time he’s seen me is in my comfy clothes.” I scowl, and she busts up laughing. “I can’t even believe my ears! You haven’t given one single thought to your wardrobe in I don’t know how long, especially not for some guy.” She looks at me, thoroughly amused at my dismay over an outfit.

  “Jennifer, you just don’t get it!” I growl. “I have to look like a goddess when he sees me, it’s just…it’s important to me okay?”

  She gives me one last look, one that has me questioning what she’s thinking when she startles both my dog and me when she jumps off the bed. She goes to my closet and comes out a few minutes later with my black Flying Monkey skinnies, a lavender flowing tank from Free People and my Frye wedges.

  I smirk, seeing she has found exactly what would indeed make me look like a goddess. “Jen, you are a miracle worker.” She takes a bow and giggles, happy she could dress me, one of her favorite things to do.

  “Now, put this on so we can get you on the road. The sooner you get there, the sooner I can get all the juicy details.” She winks and walks out of the room, Dahlia hot on her heels hoping for treats, no doubt.

  I get dressed, shaking out my loose curls and assess the total package.

  The jeans definitely accentuate my booty and my calves, two of my favorite assets. The tank is perfect because it shows off cleavage but not enough to be deemed inappropriate.

  I take one last look at myself, pleased with the effect and walk out into the kitchen. Jen is leaning up against the counter smirking.

  “What?” I eye her suspiciously.

  “You look hot, mama.”

  I laugh, “Thanks, babe.”

  I grab my keys, purse and phone, and we both head out the door, leaving my grumpy puppy behind.

  “Okay, text me when you get there and then text me whenever you can, I am itching to know how it goes.” She pauses, then looks at me, hope shining in her eyes. “I’m so glad I have my best friend back, please let me meet him sometime so I can thank him…” She leans in for a tight hug then spins me toward Eleanor and smacks my ass.

  I blow her a kiss and hop in, nervousness settling in the pit of my stomach.

  I’m finally going to meet him.

  Finally really only being after three and a half months, but it truly feels like forever.

  I adjust my rearview mirror, catching my reflection. I take in this girl, so different from the person she was only a short time ago. My eyes brighter. My heart lighter. My spirit more free than it has been in so long.

  I take a beat to close my eyes and remind myself that I can do this.

  I’m moving forward, bit-by-bit.

  Raiden isn’t the sole reason for me changing, but he truly was the catalyst. From the very first email, he listened to me. He didn’t try to fix me or give me advice beyond telling me not to poke at my broken pieces. He understood what I needed without even knowing me. The more I talked to him the more I realized how lonely I had been, and even then I had no idea he would mean this much to me…

  And today I get to meet him.

  I start my car and back out of the driveway.

  I’m so ready to drive into my future it isn’t even funny.

  ~Raiden~

  “You nervous?” Weston speaks somewhere to the left of me.

  I’ve been rubbing my hands together for the last ten minutes as the plane started making its descent from the sky.

  “Ah, I don’t know. Kind of?”

  I look over at him, feeling honestly like a little bitch.

  His deep laughter fills my ears. “Dude, you got this.”

  I look back down at my lap, my throat slightly parched.

  “Yeah, I just can’t wait to see her.”

  He leans into me. “Happy for you, brother.” He claps me on the back.

  I take a minute to get ahold of myself. We’ll be landing in a few and I need to pull it together.

  Elli, sweet girl.

  This whole past week had been some sort of fresh hell.

  The need to come home only adding to my anxiety level. I don’t know how I would have made it another mon
th and a half over there being away from her.

  The plane’s wheels touch down, my body rocking at the slight impact, my head whips up and to the side to see Weston smirking at me, knowing I might possibly be meeting my future in a few minutes.

  The whole platoon stands up in unison, brothers in arms, ready to see their families. I swallow my nervousness and move forward, Weston right behind me.

  The air hits me and I feel home. The sweet smell of eucalyptus trees teasing my already tightly strung senses. The slight breeze blowing through my now longer than regulation hair. We file out of the plane and onto the tarmac. The sun kisses my skin, a completely different feeling than feeling the sun in Iraq.

  I’m home.

  There is no place on earth like California.

  We stay in formation to be saluted by the higher ups and then we break apart, little kids running to their parents, their significant others in tears at their arrival, safe. Deployments are hard on them, no doubt about that and it warms my heart knowing that my brothers can be home and with their person.

  Which really only serves to ramp up my excitement to see my person.

  I walk toward the gate where I asked Elli to meet me, my heart starting to race.

  As I near our spot my heart completely stops, my mouth going bone dry.

  She’s standing there in black skinny jeans, a purple top, her hair curly and flowing around her shoulders like soft silk. She has her hands in front of her, and it looks like she’s rubbing them together nervously, identical to me only moments ago.

  She looks up.

  She sees me standing there barely a yard away, staring at her beauty.

  Her hands drop away and she takes a cautious step toward me.

  So I take one too.

  Then, as if throwing whatever caution there was to the wind, she runs toward me, slamming into me with enough force to knock me back, her toned arms going around my neck.

  I drop my duffel, picking her up and crushing her to me, burying my face in her neck, breathing her in.

  She smells of lilies, just like the ones in my mama’s garden.

  A feeling of being absolutely complete takes me over and I whisper, “Elli,” my voice rasping with emotion.

  I feel her start to shake, and I lean back slightly so I can see her beautiful face.

  She has tears dripping from her eyelashes falling onto her sun-kissed cheeks.

  I set her down and use the pads of my thumbs to wipe them away, ever so gently, feeling like a giant brute with my hands on this tiny pixie of a woman.

  “Don’t cry, beautiful.”

  She looks up at me, tearing my soul in shreds seeing those tears in her eyes.

  She breathes out a soft “Raid” and buries her face in my chest, overcome with emotion.

  My arms go to wrap around her, already feeling that this is where she belongs, in my arms, with me.

  I kiss the top of her head and hold her there, happy to do so forever if she would let me. I don’t think I have ever in my life felt the way like I do with Elli in my arms.

  Like I would do anything and everything to protect her, to make her happy, keep her smiling.

  I let my lips linger on her hair.

  How have I gone this long not feeling a fraction of the emotion I feel for this woman?

  Weston coughs once behind me, breaking the spell we’re wrapped in.

  Eli leans back and we both turn, she wipes her eyes and I tuck her into my side, a protective arm around her.

  “So this is her, huh?” he inquires, smiling. “I’m Weston, your boy here’s best friend.”

  Elli clears her throat and steps toward him, surprising both of us when she goes up on her tiptoes to give him a tight hug.

  “Thank you for your service, Weston.”

  He clears his own throat, looking at me from over her shoulder, surprised as hell, and pats her back gently.

  “Of course.”

  She steps back and stands between us, my girl and my best friend.

  “Well,” stepping back, “you two probably want some time alone, I’m gonna head home to my bachelor pad.” I laugh, knowing just how much of a bachelor he really is.

  At that, Weston turns, giving me a nod and walking away.

  Elli turns toward, me, seemingly shy but radiating energy.

  “I’m so glad you’re here, Raiden.”

  I exhale, my heart so full, my soul feeling so free.

  “I’m glad too sweet girl.”

  She steps closer once more to give me another hug, her arms going around my waist. “What do you want to do now that you’re back stateside?” she asks, her ear over my heart.

  I laugh. “I could really go for some In-N-Out, a burger sounds like heaven.” She lets out a loud laugh, the sound tinkling in my ears, sending me soaring.

  “Come on then. Let’s get out of here.”

  She smiles up at me and I grab her hand, lacing our fingers together.

  I’m home.

  ~Elli~

  I feel so safe.

  I feel so protected.

  So surrounded.

  So…happy.

  I didn’t know I could experience a feeling like this again, but here I am…in Raid’s arms and in this moment I know there is no better place to be.

  I was so very nervous when I saw his plane land. I thought I was going to break my hands, I was wringing them so hard.

  Then it intensified to a full on body sweat, goose bumps and everything when his platoon came down the tarmac.

  It brought back a rush of memories of waiting for Garrett to come home.

  But to be honest, I know this is different, it doesn’t feel familiar past the fact I’ve done this same song and dance before.

  This time I’m not waiting for my husband to come home.

  This time I’m waiting for someone I’ve never met. I’m waiting for… him.

  I was so busy overthinking everything that I didn’t see him walking toward me until he was just…right there.

  I looked up and there he was.

  Like a dark angel materializing right in front of me.

  I caught his eyes and saw nothing but blue fire behind them, a heat that drew me toward him like a magnetic field.

  A moth drawn to the flame.

  When he took a step toward me, I couldn’t take being patient. Like I had done it every day before, I ran straight to him, no inhibition, and no fear.

  Just him.

  I slammed into his body knocking him back slightly, but he recovered just as fast and then was crushing me against his hard body.

  A bliss so intense engulfed me and I thought I might drown in happiness until he whispered “Elli” ever so softly in his deep bourbon voice. I thought I was drowning in bliss before…this was a full on tsunami of emotion.

  So I did what every rational sane woman would do in the arms of a man she has only just met…start crying.

  Thank the Lord I put on the waterproof this morning because at the point I couldn’t stop. He loosened his grip and looked down at me, concern shining deep from behind those blue eyes.

  Concern for me.

  He cupped my face in his big hands and wiped away my tears, being so very delicate with me.

  “Don’t cry, beautiful.”

  His smile, his eyes, so beautiful…swoon.

  I can’t do anything but whisper his name and bury my face back in his chest.

  My new favorite place.

  I feel his lips on my hair and all I can think is how very much I want to feel those lips. It’s almost overwhelming how badly I want to know what he tastes like.

  I hear a cough behind us and step back, but I don’t get very far because already, Raiden is pulling me into his side.

  A man I’m guessing has to be Weston is standing there close to us.

  He’s built like Raid, covered in thick muscles and tanned tattooed skin, so similar to the man holding me close that you could mistake them for brothers.

  The greatest difference be
tween them is where Raiden is all dark hair and blue eyes, Weston is all dark hair and grey eyes, and you can barely tell he’s older but a few grey hairs by his ears give him away.

  “So this is her, huh?”

  Oh, Raiden talks about me?

  “I’m your boy here’s best friend, Weston.”

  Knew it.

  I know I surprise both of them when I step over to Weston and embrace him in a hug, thanking him for his service. What I wanted to say was thank you for keeping my guy safe, but beyond that I wanted him to know just how appreciated his sacrifices are to a civilian.

  He pats my back awkwardly and I step back, closer to the arms I’m already missing. Weston says he’s going to go home to his bachelor pad, which makes me laugh along with my guy, leaving me along with Raiden once more.

  I still can’t wrap my head or my heart around the fact Raiden is actually here, standing in front of me.

  I don’t feel awkward, I feel like this is someone I know, someone I’ve spent time with, know intimate things about, and someone I’ve loved.

  It’s relaxing and overwhelming both at once.

  All I want to do is stand here in his arms, but I know we should get out of here.

  I ask him what he wants to do now that he’s home, and he replies, “I could really go for some In-N-Out, a burger sounds like heaven.”

  Who am I to deny this soldier a burger?

  He’s staring at me.

  Because I feel so comfortable around him, I didn’t really stop to rein in my devouring of this burger. I must look like some sort of uncivilized cave person.

  I set the double-double down in the basket and wipe my face with my napkin.

  “What are you staring at?” I ask, my voice quiet.

  He laughs. A sound that reverberates straight into my chest, so deep and strong.

  “I’m staring at you, babe.”

  I narrow my eyes, feeling slightly embarrassed yet still playful.

  “But why?”

  He smirks.

  Ugh.

  Why does he have to do that? It’s completely unfair how sexy it is.

  “Two reasons.” He’s still smirking, holding up two fingers.

  “One, it’s sexy how much you’re enjoying that burger. Don’t ask me why, it just is. Two, you’re gorgeous.”