Leave a Candle Burning

by Lori Wick

  “A bee, Mama! A bee! Help, Mama, help!”

  Corina was attempting to scale Dannan when he stood and took her from the room. She sobbed and called for her mother the entire time, cries that could be heard until Dannan strode away from all the open windows.

  No one older than 15 turned to watch Dannan. All had eyes for Douglas, who suddenly found himself without a voice. He stared at the door and then his wife, whose eyes had flooded. Douglas’ head dropped for a moment as he worked to compose himself. When he spoke again, his flock could barely hear him.

  “I feel brokenhearted for that little girl,” Douglas admitted. “Dannan too.”

  The congregation—those who could see through swimming eyes—still stared in frozen silence at their pastor, not having seen him like this very often.

  “I’m hoping that Dannan and Corina can join our family for dinner today so we can learn how he’s doing. And I tell you that so you won’t think me completely insensitive when I say that no matter how my heart feels right now, it knows nothing compared to the pain God feels when I choose my way over His.”

  Douglas swallowed and tried to clear his throat.

  “I’m going to be done with the sermon now. I want you to come to me if you think I could have handled this better, but I’m nearly finished with my points, so I’ll just wait and share those that remain with you next week. Right now, I want us to pray together for Dannan and Corina.”

  It was a relief for everyone to close their eyes. Douglas prayed, not a lengthy prayer, but his voice was still measured, as it had been since Corina began to cry for her mother. When Douglas was finished, he opened his eyes to find Dannan and Corina back inside.

  “Again,” he said, not dismissing them just yet, “I don’t wish to seem heartless, but I don’t want us to forget the good words we heard this morning from Scripture. We want to work hard this week or until we meet again. Know that I’ll be praying for all of you this week. God bless you.”

  No one moved very swiftly. Their minds had been working their way through verses on the war with sin, and that had been going well. No one banked on such an emotional ending to the service—certainly not Dannan. He felt completely drained, and if Alison hadn’t suddenly arrived at his side and asked him to dinner, he was quite certain he would have invited himself to the big house.

  It was a quiet couple that pulled into the Randall farmyard after leaving the meetinghouse. Jace had said little on the ride home; Maddie was just as quiet. They entered the house in the same way, Jace to see his wife and child inside, and Maddie to stand and stare thoughtfully around the kitchen.

  “We have to trust,” Jace emphasized as though they’d already been discussing it.

  Maddie looked at him, knowing he’d been struggling with the same thoughts. What if the two of them died and left Valerie? That question had been in their minds since hearing of the death of Dannan’s cousin, but now that they’d seen Corina and heard her cries, it put new meaning on the whole situation. It also placed new meaning on their faith in the character of God. Was He a God who could be trusted with the life of their daughter? Their Bibles said yes, but their hearts were taking a little time to follow.

  Jace suddenly put his arms around Maddie and spoke with his lips close to her ear.

  “Everyone else is asking themselves the same questions. We’re not alone in this. We’re going to keep trusting and talking to others who are working to trust just as we are.”

  Maddie nodded against his chest, almost relieved that Valerie began to fuss. She thanked Jace after he kissed her and turned to take care of her daughter. Jace exited to stable the team and keep praying that he and Maddie would believe what they’d read and heard.

  “Are you all right?” Reese asked Conner the moment they stepped inside their front door.

  “What made you ask that?” Conner responded.

  “You’re quieter than usual.”

  Conner didn’t immediately answer. He’d been very affected by Corina’s cries and was still thinking about her but also about Dannan. That man had lost a close friend and a cousin, and yet he had to carry on. And without a wife, no one was there to share his tears and remind him that in God’s care, all was going to be well.

  “Conner?” his wife tried again.

  “I am all right, but I can’t get Dannan and Corina off my mind.”

  “I’m glad he’ll be with Douglas and Alison today.”

  Conner agreed, but a part of his heart wished Dannan was with them. He wasn’t sure why, but the desire to take care of Dannan was amazingly strong.

  “Tomorrow,” Reese said, and Conner looked at her. “He’ll be here tomorrow for lunch. We’ll have him then.”

  Conner wasn’t sure how he felt about her reading his thoughts so clearly, but he still put his arms around her and held her until Troy showed up. He had walked home, his heart just as heavy over Dannan.

  “It was the most heartbreaking sound I’ve ever heard,” Scottie whispered to Eli, still working to control her emotions. “She was so frightened of that bee. And then to call for her mother—” Scottie stopped, not sure she could think about it anymore but wanting her husband to know.

  Eli took her hand. “You don’t have to tell me.”

  “But she’ll be here tomorrow, and I want you to know how precious she is, and what a good job Dannan is doing.”

  “But your telling me can wait until you feel better talking about it.”

  Scottie stared across the room for a moment. She didn’t cry, but she wanted to. She usually never lingered long after services, but today she’d left without speaking to anyone. She wanted only to get home and talk to Eli, and now she couldn’t find the words.

  “I guess there’s really nothing else to say,” Scottie sighed. “Douglas handled it well, but he was shaken too. And Dannan came back in during the closing prayer. Corina was calm by then.”

  Eli gave her hand a little squeeze. “Tomorrow starts a great opportunity for us.”

  Scottie looked at him.

  “Even though Corina is Iris’ responsibility, you and I can both show her kindness and caring, in turn, making this time easier for her small heart.”

  Scottie nodded in agreement, suddenly so weary that she felt she was drooping on the side of the bed.

  “Why don’t you rest for a while?”

  “Do you mind having dinner alone?”

  “Not at all. I’ll eat now and when you’re ready, have Finn bring your tray up here.”

  “Thank you,” Scottie said.

  Eli smiled at her and watched her leave the room. He heard her door shut down the hall a few seconds later and knew she’d be asleep as soon as her head found the pillow.

  “Cathy?” Doyle called for his wife when she wasn’t in the kitchen or parlor. He looked up the stairs but didn’t call again. Something told him she was up in their room, and he debated whether or not to disturb her. He vacillated for some minutes before climbing up to make sure.

  “Cathy?” Doyle called softly from the doorframe, finding her on the edge of the bed. “Are you all right?”

  “Her parents died so fast, Doyle,” she said with her back to him and the doorway. “No warning at all. Just like Maddie’s when she was a baby.”

  Doyle joined her on the side of the bed before saying, “And God gave Maddie to us, and Corina has Dannan.”

  Cathy looked at him, her face surprised. “It was all God’s doing, wasn’t it?”

  “It certainly was,” Doyle agreed. “I wouldn’t have seen it that way six months ago, but it’s clear to me now.”

  “But what about the bad part, Doyle?” Cathy’s mind searched to understand. “If we get to thank God for the good—having Maddie as our own—are we not allowed to blame Him for the loss of your brother and his wife?”

  “That’s an interesting question,” Doyle pondered. His face was thoughtful, and his brow furrowed. “I need you to do something with me,” Doyle said next.

  “What?” Cathy replied, he
r voice cautious.

  “I want you to go see Douglas with me.”

  Cathy looked as horrified as she felt, but Doyle’s face was determined. She frowned at him a moment but knew there was no fighting it.

  “All right,” she agreed quietly, and when he read how reluctant she was, he put a comforting arm around her. He did not, however, tell her they didn’t have to go.

  “How are you doing?” Douglas asked as soon as the children wandered off to play. Alison and Hillary were still in attendance, but Corina played at the far end of the kitchen with 6-year-old Martin Muldoon and 15-month-old Jeffrey.

  “I can’t always tell,” Dannan admitted. “I don’t think the reality of all this has actually hit me.”

  “You’re so busy right now,” Douglas said. “I don’t know if your mind has had time to take it in.”

  Dannan looked thoughtful.

  “What will you do with Corina while you’re working?” Alison asked.

  “She’ll be with Iris Stafford.”

  “Iris does a great job with children,” Hillary put in. “My friend, Mercy, stayed with her after her mother died. They’re still close.”

  Dannan nodded. “My uncle said the same thing. He was so confident that he didn’t even have a second suggestion for me if she said no.”

  A small no was heard from the kitchen, and Dannan excused himself. Douglas followed him.

  “Is there a problem, Corina?”

  “My doll,” she fussed.

  “But you can share it,” Dannan said reasonably. “Even if Marty or Jeff touch it, it’s still yours.”

  The little girl looked as though she didn’t understand.

  “Can you share?” Dannan pressed her.

  “Come here a minute, boys,” Douglas called to his sons. He spoke when they were near the worktable. “At least for today, let’s let Corina keep her doll, okay? Jeff, Marty will remind you if you forget, and you listen to him. Just play with something else.”

  Martin nodded, and when Jeffrey saw it, he nodded too. Douglas smiled tenderly into their faces and thanked them. By that time, Dannan had spoken to Corina. The men met together in the doorway of the parlor, and Douglas was shaking his head a little.

  “I think I need to apologize. I’ve just told my boys to let her have her doll today, and you just told her to share.”

  “It’s all right,” Dannan said with a laugh. “I’m not sure she was taking it in. I think we might need to head home pretty soon and give her a nap.”

  “Or she could lie down here,” Douglas suggested.

  Liking the idea, Dannan’s brows rose and not many minutes later, Hillary had offered to take Corina to the corner of the kitchen, coaxing her into her lap with a storybook. The older girl read and rocked the three-year-old to sleep. Dannan was able to talk with Douglas and Alison for two more hours, and Alison sent food home for their tea. Dannan walked home slowly, carrying a groggy little girl in his arms and asking God to sustain them each day as He had today.

  Cathy was asleep in record time that night, but not so Doyle. He lay praying, talking to God about the day and wondering at the marvel of forgiveness. He let the truth of the cross roll over him. He thought about the blood that was shed—not just any blood, but the blood of God, and his heart sobered in an instant.

  He then thanked God for Jace Randall. Jace had been studying the cross and Christ’s sacrifice in detail and had been sharing all he’d learned with Doyle. Doyle had not given thought to much of this prior to now, but this knowledge had sustained him lately. He was tempted to discouragement that Cathy was still so undecided. Remembering the blood sacrifice caused him to think better about who God was, as well as His perfect plan.

  Cathy chose that moment to shift in the bed, and Doyle began to pray for her.

  Lord, she is so reticent to admit she sins. Please help her to see how forgiving You are. Help her know that You would not reject her humble plea. Help her to know the peace that can only come with repentance and confession to You alone.

  Doyle was suddenly drained. His mind still full of his wife and his saving God, he drifted off into dreamless sleep.

  “I’m headed into the garden,” Scottie informed Iris just after breakfast Monday morning.

  Iris turned away from the fireplace to look at her. “Now why would you be doing that?”

  Scottie was ready for this. “I don’t think there’s any need to overwhelm this little girl with a houseful of adults. I’ll just occupy myself outside until she’s had a few hours to adjust.”

  “What if they don’t come for a few hours?”

  Scottie shrugged but was not put off.

  “All right,” Iris agreed, not sure what she was expecting or why she felt a little disappointed. These thoughts flew out of her head some 30 minutes later when Dannan, a very small girl at his side, knocked at the front door. Iris hid her feelings, but she had not been expecting someone so small or adorable.

  “Come in,” she greeted warmly, her voice softening a bit even as she wondered if she had forgotten how little a three-year-old could be.

  “This is Iris,” Dannan said to his little girl. “Can you tell her your name?”

  “Porina Joy,”

  “And what a pretty name it is,” Iris was swift to compliment. “Is this your doll?”

  The little head bobbed.

  “I share,” Corina informed her, remembering the conversation she and Dannan had just had over breakfast.

  Dannan smiled down at her, wondering how he was going to leave her. He also wanted to talk to Eli but felt he should exit as soon as possible. He said as much to Iris, who understood completely. Forcing himself before he would lose all resolve, he kissed Corina goodbye and left.

  For a moment he stood on the front porch and took some huge breaths. He then made a beeline for the bank. He had to speak with Conner.

  Eight

  The fence around the kitchen garden was a high one, but there was a large gap between two boards that allowed Scottie to look up and see Dannan on the front step. He was alone, so she knew he was leaving. She might have called a greeting, but the way he stopped on the front porch, his eyes closed for a moment, kept her silent. Scottie watched him walk away, knowing she hadn’t been fully honest with Iris.

  It was true that she didn’t want Corina to be overwhelmed, but it was also true that her own heart was still aching over what had happened the morning before at the meetinghouse. She knew it would all come back as soon as she saw Corina. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for that.

  Scottie stood for a long time and stared at the inside of the fence, not really seeing it. It took some time, but with a new resolve, she eventually went back to work. Taking extra time, she was determined to have a basket of fresh goods for Dannan when he arrived back to take Corina home.

  “This is the kitchen,” Iris said as she showed Corina the next room. “I work in here most of the day, and right here,” she directed, “is a little table and chair where you can sit and play.”

  Corina looked at the small collection of toys and tiny table and chair and back up at Iris. Iris smiled at her and Corina smiled shyly back. Iris’ smile grew when Corina went toward the table and carefully picked up a small cup from the miniature tea set displayed there. She watched her for a moment, giving an approving nod when Corina looked at her.

  A moment later, Corina set her doll down and picked up the teapot, removing the tiny top and peeking inside. Iris then felt confident to turn back to her work. They were going to get along just fine.

  “Can I speak with you?”

  Dannan found Conner behind the counter and asked the moment he was close enough to keep his voice low.

  “Of course. I’ll let Troy know and be right with you.”

  Dannan waited outside, and as soon as Conner joined him, they began to walk. They didn’t remain on the green but cut across yards until they were in an open field a few blocks away.

  “Are you all right?” Conner asked, his eyes intent o
n the other man.

  “It was hard to leave her,” Dannan admitted. “I can’t have her with me, but it was hard to walk away.”

  “Did you have second thoughts about Iris?”

  “No, that wasn’t it. I’m torn inside. The changes that have happened in my life in the last weeks have been overwhelming. Part of me needs a break and wants to have some time without Corina. At the same time, I know that I’m the one who understands her and knows what certain looks mean. It feels like I’ve abandoned her.”

  “But you haven’t. You’ve provided for her. It would be ideal, Dannan, if she could be with you when she needs you, and at the same time, give you time on your own. But you’d need a perfect world for that, and we don’t have one. These first few days will be hard on both of you, but you are still the best person to raise that little girl. Don’t ever forget that.”

  Dannan nodded, working to take comfort in the words. He knew he had a job to do. It was more important than ever to make a living and support Corina, but even as he thanked Conner for his time and headed out on his rounds, he wondered whether keeping his mind on his work was even possible when his heart was so torn.

  Scottie did not leave the garden until midmorning. She slipped quietly inside the kitchen door and smiled when she found Corina at the table. Iris grinned at her mistress and kept working on dinner. Scottie watched Corina a moment more, but when the little girl did not look up, Scottie slipped up the stairs—grubby hands and all—to see her husband.

  “Have you met her?” Scottie asked the moment she entered the bedroom.

  “No, but Finn keeps bringing me reports.”

  “Have you met her, Finn?” Scottie asked.

  “Not formally. She’s awfully content at that little table, and I think Iris is just letting her be.”

  “She’s adorable,” Scottie said. “And she fits in the chair as though it had been made for her.”