The Way Home (Lights of Peril)

by Unknown

  “What? You just decided this? That you’re leaving tomorrow? Guess I should be thankful. This time I got a goodbye.” That was low, even for me.

  “It’s not like that. I just … things are complicated … being here with you, I just feel…”

  “Say it. Stop being so passive, Ace. Tell me what the hell is going on. Since you’ve been back here you’ve been acting bizarre. You’re secretive, paranoid, and when you don’t have your tongue in my mouth or hands on my chest, you’re telling me nothing about what is really going on. This is not just about how you feel about me, is it? Tell me.”

  “I can’t.”

  “You can. You just won’t. There’s a damn difference.”

  “No, Sade, I can’t.”

  “Then go. You can leave. I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t be what you want. I’m a mess. Ace, I’m a ghost of who I once was. I’m sorry I can’t be the person that you want me to be again. Keep in touch and…”

  His focus is no longer on me, but something behind me. I don’t get a good vibe from him, so I stop talking. He looks scared. Then I hear the screeching voice coming from behind me as it approaches.

  “So here she is, Sadey Lyons. Ace, this must be the infamous girl that got away. The girl who only loves Hem. Look at her. She’s so pretty, too.”

  What the fuck? I’m still looking at Ace, afraid to turn around. He is staring at who is standing over my shoulder and the small space is now engulfed in some perfume that would make Hai Karate seem expensive.

  He looks directly briefly into my eyes and whispers, “I’m sorry, Sade. Don’t hate me.” Then he takes a step back from me as I turn around and watch him walk to…her.

  She’s about my height, weight, and she has my same shade of hair color. Her face holds more freckles, although it’s hard to tell under all that dark make up. The woman seemingly hates me. I just have no idea why.

  “He talks about you all the time.”

  Shit, now she’s slinking towards me as I stand by Mace’s hospital door. I want to run, but I’m frozen scared in place.

  “Sadey bug, this … Sadey bug, that… Do you have any idea, at all, how it makes a woman feel when her husband talks about another girl, especially after he’s just left his cum inside her?”

  Oh my fucking God! Ace is married.

  Chapter Twelve

  “There isn’t any symbolism. The sea is the sea. The old man is an old man. The boy is a boy and the fish is a fish. The sharks are all sharks no better and no worse. All the symbolism that people say is shit. What goes beyond is what you see, beyond what you know.”

  --Ernest Hemingway

  “Husband? Did you just refer to Ace as your husband?” I want her to deny this, so I can act as though I didn’t just hear it. This is not happening. No way is this happening. This breaking discovery just so happens to make me the other woman. It makes me an adulteress. No wonder the woman has hate set in her eyes. I would hate me, too. I would cut a bitch if any other woman came near Hem in the same manner I was near Ace.

  I lean my body against the cold and sterile hospital wall, instantly cooling my heated skin and giving me the support I need to remain standing. It doesn’t matter to me at all that I wasn’t considering spending forever with Ace, even if that’s what he wanted from me. My stomach is twisting.

  I’m the other woman. He’s fucking married.

  “Yes, I did. We’ve been wed three months now and I just found out about you two weeks before he left me at home with his bratty sister, Sarah, and his old, decrepit grandmother, Netta, so he could come play house here. Quite the happy honeymooners, aren’t we?” Her gaze searches me and I feel like an errant child who is about to get detention for bad behavior. I would deserve no less than a strong slapping from her hand.

  I look to Ace who stands there staggered. He has nothing to say for himself. He’s shocked, I can see that, but he should be saying something.

  “You’re married, Ace?”

  She puts her hand to her chest in a play of surprise, but she’s seething. “Ace, you didn’t mention me? I’m hurt. Can we go home now? You seem to have a ‘situation’ in Cali, and since I’m supposed to be your wife, maybe you can explain all this on the way back.” She’s referring to me as an object, not a person. Again though, it’s no less than I deserve.

  “You misunderstand. Ace is my friend.” I am unsure who I’m trying to convince; me, her, or Ace. Sounded good though.

  “You fuck all your friends? Bet that makes you pretty popular with the boys, don’t it? Maybe since you are fucking so many of your other friends, you could stop…”Okay, I raise a brow. Did I deserve that?

  “Shut up, Sylvie! Shut the fuck up! This is not about you. I’m not fuckin’ anyone. Let’s go.”

  She looks to him and grimaces. Then she’s back at me. “I just granted a warning I suggest you use it, pretty girl. You’re just gettin’ the one. Next time I see you talking to Ace, or even looking at him, I’m going to scratch those pretty green doe eyes out of your fuckin’ head.”

  Wow, where do people learn to speak like that? Her mother must be so proud of her skill with public speech.

  Ace finally looks at me and holds my gaze. His face is laced with total regret. Observing her standing here, looking like me, acting like a demon-bitch just having crept out of the dredges of the social circles of Hell, I would say he has a lot to regret.

  “Hey, Sadey, looks like you could use another drink.”

  I beat Cherry here. I called her on the way to Peril to fill her in on what is happening with Ace. Like me, she hadn’t a clue that he was ever married. As close as those two are, she was my only hope for more information. Though at this point, if she would have told me she was his ex-wife, it wouldn’t have made a difference.

  This big damn secret he’s been hiding is finally out in the open for everyone to see and judge. My verdict is already in. No need to deliberate. He’s an asshole for making me a home-wrecker.

  “Yep. I do believe I could use another.”

  Margaritas are flowing and I’m about half into my fourth one. I don’t care about anything right now. I know I should, but I don’t. I am pissed off at the whole friggin’ world.

  “Married, huh? He’s actually married? I’m not saying I don’t believe you, Sadey, but married? That’s what his whole big secret was? That’s why Shame and the boys are livid with him? Are you sure they even know about it? I mean, why would they care? Hell, I would think Shame would be relieved that he isn’t having to watch that Ace doesn’t make his moves on you.”

  Oh, Cherry, marriage did not stop Ace from making moves on me, believe that. This woman drives me nuts. She’s nice, but so damn naïve when it comes to Ace. She wants to believe that he’s perfect. Cherry has a thing for him; I get that, so I don’t blame her. I need to be careful of her feelings for him when I take my foot and shove it up his ass.

  “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m bored with it. I don’t care, I don’t want to care. Nope, I am going to sit here and enjoy my drink.”

  She’s not giving up on his innocence. “I trust him, Sadey. I don’t trust anyone I really don’t. When all that happened last year, I told myself that I would never allow myself to care about another man, ever. Ace is more than just a man and you know it. I know you do. His heart is rich and he doesn’t deserve anyone’s ferocity. He’s alone and I’m sorry to say this, but until someone offers proof that somehow he’s the bad guy in all this, I’m with him.”

  “You love him, don’t you? You can tell me. He’s my friend. I won’t be upset. Cherry. You’re human and we can agree, Ace is hot.” She needs to admit her feelings for him. It will help her move past them, especially being that he’s married.

  “Fine. Yes, I love him.” She won’t look at me through her admission. She’s waiting for my response.

  “Damn, it feels good to be right about something once in a while.”

  Cherry looks so sweet when she’s worried. Wish I didn’t see h
er looking so sweet so damn often. “Ummm, honey, look.” Oh for the love of all that is good and calm, now what?

  Hood is pissed. He comes in, slamming his saddle bag onto the bar two stools from where Cherry and I are drowning our sorrows. I appreciate her help in this, too. I hate to drink alone.

  “Sadey. Cherry.” He only nods as he says our names, as if this is a proper hello. “Have you seen Ace or his bitch around?”

  Hood isn’t a member of this Club. Neither is Ace, but they may as well be; always causing drama in their wake.

  I just want to enjoy some quiet time without screaming babies, married men, or freaked-out jealous women. “No. Why? Are they coming here? ‘Cause I don’t want them in here.”

  “Relax, woman. He sure as fuck won’t be bothering you anymore. Of all the things in addition to the other shit he’s bringing around, the fucker is married. She’s a piece.”

  “Yep. Married.” I’m past tipsy. Not a good look on me, I’m sure.

  “Watch my drink. I’m going to use the bathroom. When I come back I need someone to tell me that this is all just a bad dream and I’m going to wake up from it soon.” Cherry smiles and nods, but hell, I’m serious.

  Walking down the hall after my attempts to pull my shit together in the bathroom, I hear the raised voices. Gunner is beyond pissed.

  Gunner is the big brother to almost every woman in the club. He doesn’t date. Says he doesn’t have time since his hands are full, dealing with all of us and our drama. To a point, I don’t disagree. He really does watch over all of us, including Mace. I don’t know who he’s talking to because he hasn’t given anyone a chance to speak through his fury.

  “No, nothing touches them! Hem would be fuckin’ livid if more shit touched any of these girls. I don’t believe what you’ve been saying and when Shame catches wind of this, he’s gonna to go ballistic. He wants to go and see it for himself, verify this bullshit first, before it comes here.” Gunner thinks he’s whispering, but he’s about five octaves higher than a whisper.

  “This isn’t ideal, man, I get it. What happened that night, fuck, it was our only choice? You weren’t there, remember? You all got there later, after the play was already made. More trouble was threatening everyone here, everyone Hem loves. You don’t know how that night started, or ended, so how about you just deal with Shame. If he goes to California, then you need to go with him. He will need help. He will need you to help him keep it together.”

  Now that I know Gunner is talking to Hood, I know that Hood is pleading with him. I am so damn sick of being left in the dark. Men seem to think women are stupid, but if we ran this shit, we wouldn’t be doing it with violence. We would just have a freeze-out and stop talking to each other. End of story.

  “I need to go, fuck, damn it. I gotta go talk to Shame.”

  Gunner has cut Hood off and won’t let him finish speaking. I’m not drunk enough to not know that something big is coming here or that it will find Shame in California.

  Since I’m done eavesdropping, I need to locate my drink serving pal, Cricket, so he can give me a ride home. Cherry is staying here tonight. Since April is pretty much living with Honor, she doesn’t want to be alone after learning that Ace is married and the woman he’s married to is a scary she-witch lurking in the shadows for her next target.

  Walking down the last hall to the bar, I see Ace is here and he’s talking to Cherry. He’s doing all the talking and by the looks of it, he is being gentle and sweet. She is leaning into him as his hand is wrapped around her neck, cradling her close to his chest. He’s saying his goodbyes, and now that I got her to admit her feelings for him, I know she’s not ready. She doesn’t want to let him go.

  He’s bending down and kissing the crown of her head. He hasn’t an inkling of how she feels about him, and with her recent history with men, I don’t suspect she plans on ever telling him. I wish he loved her the way he loves me. They would be good for each other, in all ways.

  “Sadey, can we talk now?”

  I must have lost a few minutes during my daydream of Ace and Cherry because I hadn’t noticed when he removed his hands from her and started walking towards me. I don’t know what to say to him or how to respond to his simple request. I just nod and let him close the distance.

  “I don’t want to talk out here. Can we go to Shame’s room, please?”

  Chicken shit. Rather than go to Hem’s old room, which he’s probably still scared of, he offers to go to Shames room. Shame is with us, in the living room, and will kick his ass if something rough comes my way. If I were Ace, I would be much more afraid of the pissed living dragon, rather than the dead ghost.

  “Okay.” The alcohol is running through me. Mace has told me that even as a kid I had a tendency to lose my shit under duress, so I take mental note to keep it cool.

  Walking to Shame’s room feels symbolic to walking the plank. Once we get there, I take a deep breath because I know I’m about to let all my anger out on Ace. He’s the target of all of this. I don’t want to keep cool.

  “Sadey, I’m sorry. I know I didn’t tell you the truth about me being married. There’s just so much going on. You should have been told. I wasn’t sure of what your reaction would be. I don’t love her. You can probably see why I don’t. She was something to fill the void...”

  “Shut up, Ace. Let’s just leave the fact that you didn’t trust me with that information and focus on the fact that you’re a chicken shit. You had your hands on me, you had your hands inside of me, and you are married. In doing all of this, you’ve made me no better a person than a club whore.”

  “She doesn’t mean anything to me, Sadey. You don’t understand what it was like for me as I was leaving you that night. You were going to marry him. You never saw me, Sade. You thought of me as someone to fill his spot until he figured his shit out. It worked for you, I thought it would work for me, too. Sylvie and I knew each other as kids. She wasn’t always like this. She used to be nice and fun and she was a good friend. Life happens; it changes people. You of all people can appreciate that.”

  “You cheated on her.”

  “We’re all cheaters and liars, Sade. Some of us are just better at it.”

  “Ace…”

  His face is soft. He isn’t listening to me past his own thoughts. “I never would have been enough for you, would I? You never would have loved me, no matter if Hem is around or not.”

  This again. Always this with him. I love him. I just don’t ever see myself being in love with him. “I’m his, Ace. Until I’m ready to be anyone’s but his, I have nothing to give you. I know that right now, in this moment, I can’t look at you anymore. I trusted you and you hurt me. I trusted you.”

  “Sadey, I did it all with you in heart and mind. Every decision I’ve made for the last six months, I’ve made for you. I want you to see that, one day soon. I swear to you that you will. I love you, Sadey, I love you so fuckin’ much, but it’s not enough. Do you know what it’s like to love someone so powerfully, with everything you have inside you, but they can’t love you back?”

  “Fuck, I don’t know, Ace, do I? I think I have some experience in that. I think I’ve cornered that damn market. I love Hem, remember? I will always love Hem, but he will never be here again to love me back.”

  With my last statement, Ace looks at me like I’ve just gut punched him. He turns and leaves me standing alone.

  After my heart to heart with Ace, admitting once again to the living that my heart belongs to those who walk with the dead, I have decided to start staying with Mace and Shame. I act like this was all my idea, but Shame told me I was staying here with them for a couple of weeks while he’s gone out on a ride with Gunner, Honor, Raider, and of course, Hood. Mace says he’s down south again, but after my eavesdropping session, I know he’s off to California. I don’t know what the hell is happening, but if it’s bad, I want them to leave it there. Do not bring more shit home.

  I didn’t get a chance to tell Sylvie goodbye after our
chat yesterday, but I’m sure I will get the chance to see her again soon. April told me that she came to the club yesterday looking for me, citing that she wanted to talk to me; to visit and catch up.

  Truly, I thought I was the crazy one, but I just hear voices. She’s plotting my death as she talks to my friends like we are BFF’s. No thanks, I’m good. I’ve got enough crazy around to last me a lifetime. I don’t need any more soliciting to check my inventory.

  Since the boys left in a rush, Ace insisted he stick around here to watch for anything that looks out of place. Shame agreed, only because he knows Ace won’t let anything happen to me during his absence. I still haven’t actually seen or talked to Ace since our talk last week in Shame’s old room, but knowing he is out there watching out for me does make me feel better.

  After putting Patrick down for sleep and checking to see if Ryder is alright in his nursery, I reach for my phone to give the new mommy peace of mind while she’s out ‘grocery shopping.’

  Shame has put Cricket on her in way of watch and I can see two more familiar faces from the club sitting outside her house watching me. She worries so much without the added stress of them around, even with me here babysitting. I understand that she hates leaving Ryder, but the woman needs a break and if she can get that at the store, so be it.

  Before I text her, I notice I have a missed message.

  -ACE-

  Hey bug, I know you’re fuckin’ pissed at me. Unsure what else I can say, or if there’s anything left to say. Can I come by and talk? If you don’t want to, I will understand and give you space.

  Dammit, I’m so tired of dealing with this shit. He’s married. I’m in mourning. I don’t want Ace. Where the hell could this relationship go from where it started? Nothing good comes from cheating, and even though I think he’s got himself a pit bull for a wife, he still chose to marry her. I don’t want our friendship to end on bad terms. I just want him to go back to California, live his life, and find his happiness. Maybe rather than sit here and debate this internally I should just explain all this to him, then tell him to go home, for good.