Out of Control

by Mary Connealy

  “Fish?”

  She nodded her head. “We’ve got to go back. I need to study it more carefully.”

  “Go back where?”

  “To the cavern.” She leaned closer, which Rafe found mighty pleasant. “There was someone down there. I got scared.”

  Everything pleasant fled. “Someone else was down there?”

  Julia’s face fell into a frown. “I guess that means it wasn’t you, right?”

  “I never go in that place.” Not anymore. “I wouldn’t have gone today if I didn’t need to save you.”

  “Well, someone was down there.” She gingerly touched her temple, coated with dried blood. “I was startled. Well, honestly, I was terrified. I doused my lantern and ran to hide from him. I must have bumped my head. I can’t go down there alone again.” Then she perked up and smiled at him. “I know. You could go with me. We’ll use your chain ladder.”

  Then she jerked upright as if he’d stuck her with a pin. “You’ve got to take me home.”

  “I did. We’re home.” Rafe pulled his horse to a halt in the yard of Kincaid Ranch. “Steele!”

  Rafe didn’t need to yell. Steele was already ambling out of the barn. Rafe tossed his reins to Steele and swung down with Julia still in his arms.

  Steele arched his bushy gray brows at the sight of a woman in Rafe’s arms, but he didn’t say a word. That was one of the things Rafe liked best about his foreman.

  “We have to go back to that cavern.” Julia continued to boss him around while he held her in his arms. “I need to take measurements, make drawings. I’m not good at drawing, but I’ll just have to make do.” Julia looked at him. “Can you draw?”

  “Nope.”

  “Pity.” She shrugged. “I need to look deeper in the cave. I need to check and see if—”

  “We aren’t going back to that cavern.” That broke off her jabbering.

  Steele led the horse off. Julia might be taking charge of her life in some ways, but she was still pretty upset or she’d have noticed he was carrying her around.

  “We have to,” she insisted.

  “We can’t.” The little woman really should stand on her own two feet if she was going to be so bossy. And yet Rafe had no interest in setting her down.

  “Well, fine then. I’ll have to go alone.” She shuddered and gave him a frightened look.

  “You can’t go alone. It’s not safe.”

  “Then come with me. I have to go back. I will go back.” She looked stubborn and bossy and young and beautiful, and Rafe considered doing just about anything she asked of him as he walked along.

  Ethan was coming home. Ethan, who hated everything about that cavern. More than hate, he feared it. Swearing off the cavern was the only way to keeping him here. Rafe wanted both his brothers back. Missing them weighed down everything he did.

  “Maybe if we made it quick. Just once.” Rafe could go down and back up and it’d be over before Ethan returned. He could grab whatever it was she wanted. A fish or a stag or . . . He couldn’t figure out what she was after exactly. Rafe hadn’t spent time down there in a long while.

  It had taken weeks after the accident to know Seth would live. The healing stretched out over long, grueling months. His scars were so ugly, a constant reminder of how Rafe had failed. And the nightmares. Seth’s nightmares tortured the family until they all dreaded going to sleep at night. And during the day the wildness in Seth’s eyes crossed over from recklessness to madness.

  Seth shared his wild blue eyes and his nature with Pa. Once he was physically well, Seth had gone back to the cavern as if the meaning of life were hidden in there. Rafe couldn’t move fast enough to keep him out, but he’d followed after him even though he hated it down there.

  No one seemed to care about Seth but Rafe.

  After Seth’s accident, Pa’s trapping and mining kept him away from home for weeks and eventually even months at a time.

  Ma took to her rocking chair and cried herself to death.

  Ethan refused to have any part of that cavern.

  Rafe was left alone to protect his reckless little brother. Rafe was haunted by the knowledge that Seth’s accident had destroyed his family. If Rafe had just taken better care of Seth, the Kincaid family would not have fallen apart.

  And now that Ethan was returning, Rafe was never going to even admit that cavern existed.

  But maybe he could go down with Julia one more time. Just to get her fish.

  Julia patted him on the chest and smiled. “It has to be more than once. I need to explore.”

  “It’s a dangerous cave. In fact, I’m considering getting some explosives and closing that entrance forever so no one else can get hurt down there.”

  Julia inhaled so quickly it sounded like a backward scream. “You will not!”

  “I should have done it years ago. Then you wouldn’t have been in danger.” He looked down at the woman he held in his arms. He was sure enough enjoying holding Julia Gilliland. He’d never thought much about women. It was a man’s world out here and never seeing one of the critters helped keep his mind off them.

  Julia chewed on her bottom lip in silence. She really shouldn’t do that. It had to be hard on her. Rafe watched her gnaw away and considered scolding her.

  “You might be destroying something that could help us learn more about the Bible,” she said.

  “What?” Rafe stopped so short he almost dropped her. “How can a big old cave in Colorado teach us about the Bible?”

  “Well, I told you there are fish fossils.”

  “So what? Maybe Indians lived in that cave. They eat fish.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “You don’t think Indians eat fish? Because I know some Indians. They eat fish.”

  “No, that’s not what I meant. I think those fish might’ve been left there by God.”

  “Your head is bleeding. I wonder how hard you hit it, because—”

  “I have to go back, and whoever was down there with me, well, you need to catch him and make him go away. Oh, and I didn’t see my rope anywhere. I searched and searched, but I lost it. So we’ll have to use your ladder.”

  “Your rope didn’t get lost. It got pulled up.”

  “You said that before. Of course it got lost.”

  “No, it didn’t.” Rafe thought of that neatly coiled rope. “Someone deliberately left you in there.”

  “What?” Her chewed-on lips started to quiver, and her eyes filled with tears. Julia’s voice dropped to a whimper. “I might have died down there.”

  Rafe hated it, but he suspected that’s exactly what they wanted.

  “But why would anyone do that?”

  Rafe thought of the crushing weight of that cavern in the dark, and he tightened his grip. “I don’t know. I was hoping you would.”

  “It was so dark. I felt like I was being swallowed, eaten alive by a monster.” Tears welled again. Salt and water aplenty in this woman.

  “I know exactly how you felt.” He lifted her until he could look her straight in the eyes.

  “But if you come along, it will be safe. Maybe some of your men can stand guard at the entrance so no one can tamper with our ladder. I’ve got to go back down there.”

  “That’s crazy!” Rafe said. “The darkness hides terrible danger. You could get lost and not find your way back to the entrance. You could fall. You could be killed.”

  His eyes went to her lips, shining from being gnawed. She needed him to protect her, but what was boiling inside of him was nothing like his protective instincts for his little brothers. And that boiling seemed to be melting the cold.

  So weak it was barely a whisper, she said, “I have to go back. My cabin, it’s so crowded and the walls start to close in around me sometimes. I have to get out. But just walking around, it’s a waste of my life. I feel useless. If I could write about that cavern, find something that would really be special . . .” Her forehead sank until it rested on his chest.

  When he read Eth
an’s letter today, Rafe had taken an oath—to himself and to Ethan, though Ethan hadn’t been around to hear it—that he’d leave that cavern alone for good. He couldn’t say he’d made his peace with the cave, but he’d learned to live beside it, as if he and it were two warring countries that didn’t fire a shot but sat with guns on the border.

  And now he held a woman in his arms, who wanted him to give up on common sense so she could look closer at a fish.

  Only a coward would refuse to help her and he wasn’t one . . . So he’d do it, and do it fast, before Ethan got home.

  Squaring his jaw with determination, he picked up speed as he carried Julia around the corner to the ranch house steps.

  Ethan stepped out onto the front porch.

  CHAPTER

  3

  Ethan saw Rafe ride in carrying a woman in his arms and smiled for the first time since he’d given in to the goading voice telling him to come home.

  Rafe rode around the corner to the barn but was soon back on foot with the woman in his arms. Ethan went outside just as his big brother clomped up the front porch steps.

  “For me?” Ethan reached out his arms.

  Rafe growled.

  Which meant the woman was for Rafe.

  Well, Ethan hadn’t expected much of a welcome-home gift, so he wasn’t surprised.

  “So, hello.” Ethan had been gone awhile. For all he knew, Rafe might carry this woman around in his arms day and night.

  The woman raised her head, and Ethan saw she’d been crying. Ethan immediately liked her a lot less.

  “Her name is Julia. Let me get her inside. Been a tough day for her.” Rafe brushed past Ethan and it pinched. But Ethan had expected Rafe to hate him.

  The more he hurt, the bigger he smiled, so Ethan smiled big and followed Rafe inside. Rafe set the woman on a chair in the kitchen. She had long red hair, messy, knotted up, wild. Ethan looked a lot closer at her.

  “Let me get you something to drink.” Rafe kept one hand on the woman’s shoulder, as if afraid she’d topple off the chair. “How long has it been since you’ve eaten?”

  She shrugged and blinked her large eyes, a pretty shade of green, at Rafe. She looked battered. Her nails were dirty and bloody. She had a streak of dried blood on the left side of her face running down her neck, pooled into a big stain on her dress.

  A real beautiful woman if a man could ignore the filth. And since she was clearly Rafe’s woman, Ethan found the ignoring easy. After all, it wasn’t his job to clean her up.

  Ethan had been gone a long time, but not so long that he wasn’t amazed at his brother’s attention to a woman. After dealing with Ma and her madness, Rafe hadn’t shown any interest in hunting up female companionship—not hard to avoid since there hadn’t been a woman for a hundred miles in any direction.

  Rafe slowly released the woman’s shoulder, as if testing to make sure she wouldn’t fall over. When she stayed sitting upright, he turned to Ethan. Ethan braced himself for a punch in the face.

  “I’ve missed you.” Rafe grabbed him and hugged him so tight Ethan couldn’t breathe. Or maybe he just didn’t remember how for a second. His arms went around Rafe, and for one horrifying second, Ethan thought he might cry.

  “Welcome home.” Rafe held him close for longer than anyone had held Ethan in years. Ever. The Kincaids weren’t huggers.

  With a few solid slaps on the back, Rafe stepped back. Not a smile anywhere. But intensity. Ethan remembered that. They’d been best friends.

  Rafe—the leader, organized and intense, making things safe.

  Ethan—keeping things loose, making them fun.

  Seth—the daredevil, keeping the excitement level high.

  The three of them made a good team.

  Until the accident.

  Ethan veered his thoughts from that ugliness. Never thinking of that place and never ever going back was the only way he kept his sanity.

  “We’ve got to go back.” Julia sounded as if she hated the idea.

  Ethan wondered just what he’d walked in on.

  “We need to talk about that.” Rafe looked between Julia and Ethan.

  “Go back where?” Ethan could only think of one place.

  “That cavern.” Julia trembled and gripped the seat of the wooden chair as if she had to physically hold tight to keep from taking off running.

  Ethan could sympathize. “No!” He locked his jaw. He wasn’t going to say it again. One thing he could say. “I should’ve never come home.”

  “Ethan.” Rafe’s hands fisted. He spoke each word with complete control. That was Rafe. “Someone trapped her in the cavern.”

  “Seth’s Cavern?” Ethan always thought of it as Seth’s Cavern—when he couldn’t stop himself from thinking of it.

  Rafe nodded.

  “There’s nothing down there worth the risk.”

  “But we’ve got to find out who did it and why. Anyone who’d trap a woman is pure polecat, and he’s on Kincaid land.” Rafe went to the sink and poured water into a tin cup, then started slicing a loaf of bread.

  “We’ve got to go back,” Julia repeated. “I have to show you what I found.”

  “We?” Ethan looked at the woman. She was so clearly unhappy about going back, Ethan had to respect it when she said it was necessary. Didn’t mean he was going to agree to go along, but he could respect it.

  “And then I have to get home. No, home first, then go down.” Julia looked a little more steady. Her shoulders squared, her chin lifted. Maybe once she got ahold of her nerves, her mind would start working again. Ethan could only hope.

  Then he realized what she’d said about going home. “No one lives out here.”

  “You do,” Julia pointed out the obvious.

  “Well, the Kincaids are idiots. Never figured anyone else would be stupid enough to try and own a ranch in the middle of a forest.”

  “I guess there’s one family stupid enough.” Julia raised her hand sadly. “And we don’t own a ranch; it’s just a cabin. Pa owns the general store in Rawhide.”

  “A saloon, Julia. He owns a saloon—and a poor excuse for even that.” Rafe set a plate with a thick slice of bread in front of her.

  Julia reached for the bread and noticed her hands. “They’re filthy.” She jerked them into her lap, even though she eyed the bread with longing.

  “We’ll wash them.” Rafe went to the dry sink and poured water into a basin. He moved the basin to the table. Julia reached for the water hesitantly.

  “Let me help.” Rafe pulled a chair around the corner of the wooden plank table. It wasn’t the one they’d had before, Ethan noticed. This was a beautiful piece of furniture.

  He looked away from the crazy woman and saw a lot of new, well-made things in the kitchen. Pa had been dead for three years. Ethan had found that out when he’d talked to Rafe’s foreman. Though Pa had been gone a long time, to Ethan it was a fresh grief. There was no chance to settle the trouble with his wild, always-traipsing-off father now. Didn’t matter much. Pa would’ve never shown any concern for Ethan—for any of them.

  Most likely Rafe had done all this carpentering since Pa had died. Pa had no patience for foolishness like fine woodwork.

  Rafe touched Julia’s hands, moving slowly, as if he was afraid of startling her. He guided them into the basin and, with a bar of lye soap in one hand, bathed her fingers gently and thoroughly. He got a rag from the dry sink, dipped it in the water, and touched her temple. When Rafe pulled the rag away, Ethan saw blood.

  “You’ve got a mean bump on your head. And your hands aren’t just dirty, you’ve hurt them.” Rafe finished with her head, then wrung out the rag and set it aside. He lifted her hand, dripping, from the water and Ethan could see the scrapes, the torn fingernails. Two nails were bleeding, and there was still dirt under all of them. Like she’d just clawed her way out of a nightmare.

  Ethan looked down at his own hands. Scarred from years of hard work. He remembered that his hands had looked much the same as Ju
lia’s by the time they’d gotten out of the cavern on the day Seth had nearly died. Both his brothers were left scarred by it, while Ethan had walked away without a scratch.

  Ethan had never gone back.

  Rafe had never been able to stay away.

  Seth had run wild in every direction, including down in that cavern, until worrying about him, trying to control him, made Rafe cold as ice. And Ethan—well, he quit caring about what he’d done to his little brother. He’d quit caring about how it had driven Pa into the mountains and Ma into her rocking chair and Seth out of his mind.

  Ethan hadn’t cared because he wouldn’t have been able to handle it otherwise.

  Julia was demanding to return. Which meant Ethan was more of a coward than this distraught woman.

  He wished he’d never come home.

  Audra Gilliland wished she’d never come west.

  Where is she, Lord?

  She wished she’d never agreed to live way out here, miles from that wretched, dangerous town.

  God, please protect Julia.

  She wished she’d never married the stubborn old goat, Wendell Gilliland.

  Bring her back home safely. Please, God, please. . . .

  More honestly, she wished she’d ever been given a choice in anything. In her whole miserable life.

  Maggie stirred in Audra’s arms. It wasn’t all bad. Marrying Wendell had gotten her Maggie, and she adored her daughter. It had gotten her Julia, too.

  Just thinking Julia’s name threatened to send Audra into a panic.

  Praying, Audra shifted so Maggie’s weight wasn’t so heavy on Audra’s stomach. Her children might well not survive in the harsh land her husband had stranded them in, and that was something she regretted bitterly. She laid her hand on her round belly and prayed for her children’s lives. And that included at this moment, more than anyone, Julia.