Out of Control

by Mary Connealy

  “Someone saw the circuit rider in the next town over from Rawhide. No idea how long he’ll stay there, but his next stop is Rawhide, so he oughta be out here soon.”

  “That’s nice.” Julia looked up from her writing. “We haven’t had a visit from a parson in years.”

  “He can say a prayer over Wendell’s grave.” Audra started her chair rocking. “And baptize Maggie.”

  “Yep, after he marries us.” Rafe hung his hat on a nail and turned to see three heads come up. Red, blond, and brown. Their eyes locked on him.

  “What?” He couldn’t imagine what was going through their minds.

  “Marries . . . ?” Audra’s voice was a barely audible squeak.

  “Yeah.” Rafe pulled his gloves off and tossed them on the floor beside his hat. It had gotten chilly tonight on the ride home.

  “Marries who?” Ethan asked, sounding on edge.

  Rafe smiled at Julia, who was riveted on him. Her pen frozen in midair. The firelight glinted on her red hair, and Rafe longed to touch those fiery curls. He intended to have the right to do just that very soon.

  “Marries Julia and me, of course.” He smiled at Julia’s nonsense. “I told you that.”

  “No, you didn’t.” They all three spoke at once.

  Audra gave a tiny shudder and said, “I was afraid he meant me.”

  Which wasn’t very nice.

  “You never learn, brother.” Ethan grinned, his eyes sliding between Rafe and Julia like he was afraid he’d miss something.

  Julia very slowly rose, set her book with the paper and ink on her chair with almost painful precision. She capped the ink and turned to Rafe.

  “Clear this up, Julia. Tell ’em.”

  Julia’s eyes got a squinty look that was better suited to a hired gunslinger. “Are you telling me”—she spoke so slowly, no one could miss a word—“you asked a parson”—she breathed in and out far too slowly—“to come out here”—she clasped her hands together in front of her in a way that sort of looked like she was strangling someone—“to perform a wedding ceremony . . .”

  Rafe heaved a sigh of relief. The woman was getting the message.

  “ . . . for the two of us?”

  “Well, sure. And while I was in town, I bought that mountain valley for us to live in.”

  He turned to Ethan. “They have it listed as wasteland, nothing but rugged mountain. They have no idea all that lush grass is in there. And I’ve never staked a claim, what with the ranch bein’ Pa’s, so I got a lot of it free. Then I bought the rest for next to nothing. You can help me build a cabin over there, and then have the Kincaid ranch house for yourself. Now, I’m not happy about seeing that man in the tunnel, Eth. You and I need to search—”

  “Rafe!” Julia’s voice cut him off.

  He turned back to her. “What?”

  Her head tilted slowly, a fraction of an inch at a time to the left, as if her brain were out of balance and she was trying to bring her world to a level place.

  “You thought . . . You really mean . . . What makes you . . . ?” Her eyes fell shut and her head straightened. Her clasped-together knuckles turned white. Her chin came up, reminding him she was a stubborn little thing.

  “You said yes.” Really, it was like she couldn’t keep two thoughts in her head at the same time. She was probably thinking about fossils now and couldn’t summon anything else.

  “No.”

  “Sure, we talked about it.”

  “We did not.”

  “Why would I ride to town and get the parson for a wedding if we weren’t getting married?”

  “That’s a fascinating question.” Her green eyes flashed such fire, Rafe thought he might have singe marks on his shirt front. “Why would you ride to town and get the parson for a wedding without even discussing such a thing with me?”

  “We talked at the vent of that caldron.”

  “Caldron?” Ethan looked at the pathetic assortment of pots and pans in the house.

  “Stay out of this,” Rafe said, glaring at his smirking brother. Then he looked at Audra. “And what do you mean you were afraid I meant you? You need a husband, too. I’ll figure that out as soon as Julia and me get hitched and settled.”

  Audra’s jaw dropped.

  “Rafe, where in the world did you get the idea we were getting married?” Julia jammed her fists on her slender hips, and Rafe thought of getting all that fire in his life. He might risk warming up all the way through once he had her permanently in his home and in his arms and his bed.

  “I got the idea when you let me kiss you.” Rafe scowled.

  Julia blushed.

  Ethan grinned.

  Audra gasped and looked at her stepdaughter. “Julia, really?”

  “And when we came out of that caldron—”

  “Caldera, not caldron.” Julia took two steps toward Rafe, which brought her really close, considering the puny size of the room. She hissed, “And you’ll not speak of such a thing”—she sneaked a look at Ethan, who was listening to every word, and her voice dropped—“in front of others.”

  Rafe snaked one arm around her waist and said, “Okay, let’s go sort this out in private.”

  He swept her out the door, slamming it hard enough that for a second he was afraid it might shake off its hinges. Which wouldn’t matter a whole lot because he wasn’t planning to stay much longer. But still, no sense having the front door lying on the ground in the week or two it’d take him to build a better house. He must have surprised her, because she let him take her quite a ways before she started struggling.

  “Let me go. I’m not marrying you, you big, dumb umphh—”

  Rafe kissed her. It was the only thing he could think of to keep her quiet. She froze, and Rafe was suddenly afraid, as afraid as he’d been when he’d knelt beside that hole and felt that rope trembling and believed something terrible was coming straight for him from deep in the belly of the earth. Afraid she really meant it when she said she wasn’t marrying him. Afraid he’d be alone and cold forever.

  Then she thawed.

  Her arms went around his neck and he had her tight in his arms. He lifted her until her toes dangled, and when at last he pulled away, he spoke, his lips still touching hers. “How could you not know—” he broke off talking for a minute to kiss her—“we were getting married? How could you kiss me like this a single time and not believe we had to join our lives?”

  He pulled away far enough to meet her eyes in the moonlight. They looked slightly unfocused.

  “Say you’ll marry me, Julia. We need to get married. We can’t go around kissing like this if we don’t, and I like it too much to give it up.”

  Relaxing her iron grip on his neck, Julia laid her hands flat on his shoulders and pushed gently but firmly to get away. Her gaze seemed to clear. He lowered her to the ground, sure now she would be reasonable.

  “Let me go, please.”

  When he did, all the cold rushed back into him. Only when it returned did he realize just how much he was feeling while he held her.

  They stood, face-to-face in the dark. Starlight cascading down on them. Her red hair and green eyes lost their color in the night and cast her in a shade of dark blue that made her seem too beautiful to be true. Rafe searched in his head for what he could tell her that would make her his. He needed to take control fast before she got her say in.

  “Rafe, you never asked me to marry you.”

  Flinching, Rafe knew he’d waited too long to start. “Julia, are you telling me you’ve been kissing me like a house afire with no notion that I might have . . . have . . . serious, honorable intentions toward you? Do you think that little of me? Do you kiss men like this all the time?” That caused a flash of heat that crawled up his neck and got hot under his collar.

  “Of course not.”

  “What then? Why wouldn’t you expect to marry me?”

  She got that squinty look in her eyes again. Rafe did his best to keep his face straight, but he was disgusted t
hat the woman didn’t make sense. He was going to insist she be logical once they were married.

  But for now, he decided to play along with her strange notions. “Okay, so you’re not one bit serious about me? You just like kissing any man who’s to hand—is that it?”

  Her arms crossed and she began tapping her toe. “No, that’s not it. Don’t act like this is my fault.”

  “But it is your fault. What’s more, it’s just common sense that we’d get married.”

  “Common sense that I marry a man I’ve known for only a couple days who invites a preacher out, buys land”—her voice started to rise—“and plans to build a house and move me in . . .”

  Rafe thought he could count this as shouting now.

  “ . . . and does this all without mentioning it to me?”

  Definitely shouting.

  Rafe found he had no taste for being hollered at. “You need someone to take care of you.”

  “I take care of myself. I always have.”

  “You always had your father.”

  Julia snorted in a way that was purely rude. “My father—”

  “Even if he wasn’t around much.” Rafe cut her off. “He bought the cabin.”

  “It’s a wreck.” Her hand flew wide. “It can’t have cost anything.”

  “He brought supplies for you.” Moving closer, he glared down at her shadowed face. Rafe knew how to control a situation, and he knew he had a glare that made grown men take a step back.

  She took a step forward. “He brought barely enough for us to get by.”

  She was a brave little thing. Rafe had to admire that. Although foolish might be a fair description instead. “He earned the living for your family.”

  “Which he never shared with us.” The look in her eyes was the next thing to shooting burning Apache arrows into his hide.

  “Can you hunt? Can you bring down a deer and butcher it and tan the hide? Can you snare a rabbit or even catch a fish?”

  “I can fish and I can plant a garden.”

  “Mostly you just sit and write about old bones, and climb around in dangerous caverns.”

  “I can earn money with that writing.”

  “Money you can’t get because you can’t get to town without leaving Audra alone while you ride out in a dangerous country.”

  Her jaw got so tight, Rafe worried that she might break her teeth.

  “If you survive the ride to town, and get your money for your writing, you’ve still got to chop enough wood to keep you warm and cook your food.”

  “I can swing an axe.”

  “Can you build a better cabin? That one”—he jabbed his thumb over his shoulder—“is going to be pretty small for the four of you. And even if you don’t mind the size, it’s too drafty to keep you warm through a Colorado winter, no matter how much wood you chop and burn. Can you do any of those things while you’ve got a frail stepmother, one baby in your arms and another around your knees? You’ve got one horse between what will soon be four people. You couldn’t ride anywhere for help now, not all of you. And come winter you’d have to do it with snowdrifts higher than your head. You won’t be able to go for a doctor if one of the little ones gets sick.”

  “Audra isn’t that frail.”

  “You need a husband. A woman in the West doesn’t survive without a husband. And if not you, then Audra. And considering all the smooching we’ve been doing, I thought marrying you was the better choice.”

  She gasped, and Rafe noticed she’d made a fist. He braced himself for her to let it fly. This wasn’t the marriage proposal of a man’s dreams. Of course, maybe it wasn’t what a woman dreamed of, either.

  He forced himself to control his temper. He pulled in a deep breath and blew it out. “Julia, honey, I don’t want to argue with you. I want to marry you.”

  The fist relaxed. The temper faded from her eyes and she got a sad look, hurt. It reminded Rafe too much of his mother, and he realized he’d rather have her yelling at him than crying.

  He realized that at the exact same second the first tear streaked down her face.

  “Now, Jules, don’t go crying. I don’t like it when a woman cries.”

  She sniffled and swiped the back of her hand across her face. “A woman wants nice words when a man asks for her hand. Not orders. Not talk of common sense. Not being informed that the preacher is coming before the man so much as asks for her hand. She wants kindness and affection. She wants to hear talk of love, Rafe. I lived all my life with a father who never said a word about love, and now you want me to give myself over to a man for the rest of my life who talks of marriage with less excitement than he talks of buying a mountain meadow.”

  “You want me to bring you presents? Or posies? You want talk of love?” Rafe was real disappointed in her. She seemed like such a sensible woman. “You’re a practical, reasonable woman. I think we’re alike in that. I’ll make a good husband to you, but I’m not going to spout a bunch of pretty lies about love. You wouldn’t respect me if I spoke of such. Instead I’ll talk about what’s important.”

  “Love’s not important?” Another tear rolled down her cheek.

  Rafe gritted his teeth to keep from saying anything, speaking any words he could that would make her stop. “Life and death are important.”

  “Of course.”

  “And to me, getting married looks like a choice between life and death for you and Audra and the babies. Can you say I’m wrong?”

  “I . . . I . . . I know life would be easier with help. But—”

  “Good.” Rafe cut her off before she could talk more nonsense. “I want honesty between us.”

  “Honesty? Then maybe you should know that I have a dream I want to follow. It doesn’t include being a rancher’s wife.”

  Scowling, Rafe asked, “What could be better than being a rancher’s wife?”

  For some reason that jiggled a small smile out of her. “Did you know there’s a man writing a book listing all the dinosaurs ever found? I have his address. If I send him the information about that cavern, he might use some of my findings in his book. He might pay me and give me credit for my discoveries. They won’t be named a Julia-saurus, but I could support myself and earn some respect for my work studying dinosaur bones.”

  “Again you’re talking about dinosaurs, Jules?” He raised his arms like a surrendering outlaw. “What’s the big deal about a bunch of animals that’re all dead?”

  “I could get more papers published. I can earn money doing that. I can support Audra and the babies.”

  “You won’t need money if you’re married to me.”

  “But there’s more than that. The things I’ve found in Seth’s Cavern. The fish.”

  “Someone’s lunch.” Rafe raised his eyes to heaven asking for patience.

  “No, there’s more than fish. There are layers in the stones. There are fish overhead, where no one ever ate a meal. It’s the flood.”

  “What flood?”

  “Noah’s flood!”

  Stunned, Rafe couldn’t quite say the next word. He managed to get his jaw to quit gaping open. “Look, sweetheart—”

  “I’m not your sweetheart!”

  He leaned over her and roared, “Yes, you are!”

  She should have backed down. Rafe knew his temper, and he knew any sensible person backed away when he started yelling. Instead, Julia jammed her fists on her hips and poked her little nose up so it almost touched his. “You can’t yell at me to get me to say I’ll marry you. That’s just about the worse way to convince a woman to marry you that I’ve ever heard of.”

  Rafe’s chest heaved. He wanted to yell again. Julia had to marry him. Why didn’t she see reason? She was breathing just as hard. Her eyes flashed. Suddenly, instead of fury, he had a glimpse of the fear he knew lived inside him. As if all this fire had thawed out the worst part of himself.

  She had to see reason. She had to understand. She had to marry him.

  Whatever he had to do, to get her married to
him, he’d do. And he could only think of one thing that she wanted badly enough to pay almost any price. It didn’t suit him. In fact, it felt so wrong it bordered on a sin. And he knew this was the thing that would drive Ethan away. Rafe swallowed hard as he tried to figure out how to tell Ethan, or how to sneak this past him. But he had to get her in front of a preacher. His need to marry her went so deep it was like a hunger, and he was a starving man.

  So he said it. The stupidest, sinfulest, wrongest thing he could imagine. “If you marry me, I . . . I . . .” He forced himself to go on. “I’ll let you explore that cavern.”

  The fire went out in Julia’s eyes, replaced by a gleam of excitement. “Really? You really believe in what I’m doing? You want to find out about the dinosaurs, too?”

  “No, of course not.”

  Her eyes narrowed.

  Before she could start nagging at him again, he said, “But it’s important to you, and I want you to be happy. So, if you make me some promises so I can be sure you’re safe, I’ll go down there with you.” He felt a chill so cold it hardened in his gut. “First, we have to find whoever stranded you down there. That’s promise number one.”

  She looked undecided. Which Rafe thought was a big improvement over Absolutely not. So, to distract her from all the thinking she seemed bent on doing about what seemed simple and obvious to him, he did the one thing that seemed to make her cooperate. He kissed her.

  When she got to kissing him back with her usual enthusiasm, Rafe risked lifting his head. “What do you say? Will you marry me?”

  She sniffled.

  Rafe braced himself for more tears.

  Instead she nodded.

  All his talk of logic and practical matters didn’t explain the almost explosive relief he felt when she accepted his proposal. He hoisted her up into the air and spun her around with a laugh of pure happiness.

  Then he kissed her because he was afraid of what she’d say next if he gave her a chance to talk.

  He decided that’d be his approach to all their disagreements.

  CHAPTER

  14

  Three days and still the circuit rider hadn’t shown up. It was driving Rafe out of his mind.