Out of Control

by Mary Connealy

  For all the years she’d spent alone.

  For her father who never loved her.

  For the man who wanted to marry her and didn’t love her, either.

  For the glory of a new life and a mother’s love.

  Not wanting Audra to hear, she went outside as quietly as possible, and found all three men standing in a row, staring at the cabin. Ethan held Maggie in his arms.

  “We . . . uh . . . heard the baby cry,” Rafe said.

  “It’s born already?” Ethan asked.

  “She. She’s born already. Audra had another little girl.” Julia reached out and tickled Maggie’s tummy.

  Seth said, “We need a doctor. And I need to go home.”

  “We don’t need a doctor,” Julia snapped.

  Rafe pulled her into his arms. “Are you all right?”

  “Yes, it’s just an emotional thing to see a baby born. I’m sorry for the tears. Everyone’s all right.”

  “The baby isn’t too early, then? I didn’t hurt him?” Seth came up beside Rafe, looking so worried that Julia had one brief moment of the easing in her disgust for Seth Kincaid.

  “It’s a girl. And no, you didn’t hurt her, much. Luckily. Miraculously. I hope. She’s so tiny.” A glance at Rafe warned him to keep Seth away from Audra.

  Seth leaned closer to Julia. “Can I hold the baby?”

  “You’re as crazy as a swamp rat, aren’t you?” Julia felt Rafe’s hands tighten on her as if he was holding her back from punching Seth in the nose.

  Wise of him.

  Seth shrugged. Ethan grinned. Rafe held on tighter.

  “I like Audra.” Seth ran his hands over his face as if he wondered where the fur had gone. “She’s pretty. And nice.” He said that in a tone that clearly suggested Julia was not nice. “I wanta see the baby.”

  Julia arched one warning brow at Rafe. If he didn’t control his brother, she would. “No, you can’t see the baby yet. She’s too . . .” Julia couldn’t think of an excuse. “Uh . . . too young. She’s too young. I’ll let you know when she’s old enough.” Never. “Until then, leave that baby alone. She’s so little, and she’s s-s-so beautiful.”

  What she’d seen in Audra’s eyes overwhelmed her, and she wept into Rafe’s shirt.

  Rafe didn’t know much about women, except that they did tend to cry over everything.

  With some hesitation—over where it’d been—he stuffed an extremely limp kerchief into Julia’s hands and let her lean on him. And thought about how impossible it was to imagine Seth and Julia living in the same house. He flipped possibilities over in his mind until finally the storm of her tears passed.

  When she calmed down she straightened, lifted her chin, and looked at him with shining, soggy green eyes. Eyes so deeply moving, he wondered if she might have seen a miracle.

  “So the baby’s going to be all right?” Rafe spoke quietly, well aware his brothers were only a step away. He’d really like to have some private time with Julia. And with two babies, a stepmother—good grief, if he married Julia, Audra would be his mother-in-law—and a locoweed brother living with them, that probably wasn’t ever going to happen.

  Private. Rafe loved the sound of that word.

  Julia nodded, blew her nose, and nodded again. “She’s a little thing, but full of energy. We named her Lily Sarah. I left Audra alone with her for a while, just to hold her baby in her arms privately.”

  Julia obviously liked the word private, too. Her lips looked swollen, like maybe she’d been biting them while she did something as terrifying as delivering a baby. Her cute little nose was as shiny as a new penny. Her eyes were awash in glory and love.

  “So I didn’t harm her, then?” Seth asked.

  The green eyes shot lightning bolts. “Not for lack of trying.” Julia stepped out of Rafe’s arms and moved sideways so she could glare at Seth.

  “Can you help me find my way home?” Seth’s eyes lost focus, and he took a step closer to Julia, which proved his brother was crazy.

  A noise started low in Julia’s throat and got louder. Sounded a little like Rafe imagined a volcano would when the lava first started boiling, getting ready to blow.

  Rafe should go, too. Seth needed him. But he couldn’t leave Julia and Audra alone, which meant Ethan would have to stay. But Rafe wanted to stay. He wanted to take care of his woman.

  “Ethan,” Rafe said, against his better judgment, “take Seth home.”

  “Yes, good idea.” Julia’s eyes flashed as hot as lava. “He wants to go home really bad. I say take him.”

  “Aren’t we home now?” Seth asked. “I like it here almost as much as the cave.” He rubbed his face. “Didn’t I have a beard?”

  Julia’s rumbling built toward an eruption.

  “We’ll go in the morning.” Ethan ignored the fact that Julia was an eyelash away from attacking Seth, and Rafe had given a direct order. “We could get there faster if we forded the creek and had horses waiting there. I think I’ll put up a corral over there and do that next time. Otherwise, with our horses here, we’ll have to go the long way and we’ll be riding all night.”

  Rafe hadn’t been making a suggestion.

  Looking down at Maggie, Ethan added, “Say, why’d she have it so fast? I thought she said it’d be morning.”

  That cut off the animal sounds. Julia threw her arms wide. “I don’t know. It’s only the second time I’ve seen a baby born. Maybe they’re all as different from each other as night is from day. It was a lot longer than this with Maggie. I don’t know what changed, but she had it so fast this time we barely got her to lay down and get her clothes—”

  “Julia!” Rafe cut her off. He felt heat climbing up his neck. He cleared his throat. “I . . . ahem . . . I don’t think we need more details.”

  Julia clamped her mouth shut as if she had to physically hold back the words. Maggie yowled.

  “Oh, my goodness.” Julia looked up at Rafe, her eyes wide with worry. “We don’t have any milk.”

  “There’s some in the supplies I brought from our place.” Ethan tweaked Maggie’s nose and smiled at her.

  Maggie giggled.

  “I thought a baby might drink milk. I set it in the stream to keep it cool. Seth, you want to take Maggie?” Ethan handed her over.

  Rafe moved before his clueless brother brought down volcanic fury from Mount Julia. “Let me have her.”

  He snatched her before Seth could get a firm hold. Ethan headed for the stream to get the milk. Rafe turned to face Julia. It wasn’t like he was scared of her or anything. He just wanted her to love his brother as much as he did.

  “I wanta see the new baby now.” Seth bounced a little, clearly eager.

  Julia jabbed a finger right at Seth’s nose. “You stay away from that baby.”

  Rafe balanced Maggie in one arm, clamped the other around Julia’s shoulders, and turned her around to drag her inside. “Let’s go introduce Maggie to her little sister.”

  “I think I will.” Julia took Maggie and went back in the house, slamming the door in Rafe’s face.

  Which seemed a little rude. He’d sort of thought she’d let him in.

  Rafe turned to Seth just as the door popped open again. Julia stuck her arm out with a bar of soap in her hand. “Have you got a change of clothes? I’m a little busy to do any sewing right now.”

  “Yeah.”

  Sewing?

  “Then run your brother under the water again. It takes more than one bath to wash off five years of stink. And tell that grinning fool of a brother of yours . . .”

  Rafe assumed she meant Ethan.

  “. . . to get back here with the milk. Maggie’s hungry.”

  Maggie grinned and waved bye-bye to Rafe. She looked okay to him.

  Rafe took the soap.

  Julia slammed the door in his face again.

  Turning to Seth, Rafe said, “Let’s go find Ethan.”

  “I’m not taking another bath.” Seth took a step back.

  “Hav
e you seen the stream?”

  Seth looked suspicious. Rafe glanced at the cabin. “Let’s get you some dry pants. Yours are wet, and mine’ll fit good enough.” Rafe dropped his voice to a whisper. “You don’t need another bath, but we’ll let Julia think you took one. You smell fine to me.”

  “I heard that, Rafe Kincaid.” Julia’s voice echoed out of the cabin like the voice of Doom.

  Rafe flinched. He grabbed clean clothes from his bedroll. Then he jerked his head toward the back of the house—and water. “Let’s go find Ethan.”

  Seth might have forgotten about the bar of soap, or he might really want to see Ethan, but he came along quietly. The poor crazy kid.

  CHAPTER

  19

  “It burns! Rafe! Ethan! Help!”

  Rafe jerked awake, his gun already in hand. Save Seth. Someone was hurting Seth.

  “I want to go home. No, no! Put it out. Stop. It burns!” A terrible scream ripped Rafe the rest of the way out of sleep and he remembered. Seth was home.

  In the bright moonlight, Rafe saw Seth, tossing and turning in his sleep. Ethan was sitting up on the other side of him and had a gun drawn, too.

  “Seth’s having a nightmare.” Rafe spoke loudly, hoping to pull Seth out of his dreams.

  Rafe was on his knees. He reached for Seth, and Seth punched him in the mouth. Not ready for that, Rafe fell over backward.

  “Seth! Wake up!” Ethan ducked a fist, jumped back, and turned to Rafe.

  “Seth!” Rafe eased forward. “Let’s each grab an arm.”

  The cabin door slammed open and drew Rafe’s attention. Julia stood with a rifle in her hands.

  “He’s having a nightmare, Jules. Put the gun down.” Rafe looked at Ethan. “Ready?”

  Seth shouted again. “It burns. Stop. Help me, Rafe. Help!”

  “Seth!” Ethan yelled. “Wake up!”

  “It’s like he’s trapped in the dream.” Rafe was sick to think that all these years later, his little brother still had nightmares about the fire. “Remember his nightmares after the accident?”

  “But they stopped,” Ethan said through clenched teeth. “Why was he hiding in that cave? Why are the nightmares back?”

  Seth screamed again, a perfect echo of the noise he’d made that day when he was on fire.

  “Let’s grab hold so he can’t hurt himself or us. Then we’ll wake him up somehow.”

  Cold water hit all three of them in the face.

  “Hey!” Rafe turned to see his fiery little woman standing with a basin in her hands. Empty. Now.

  “What’s going on?” Seth sputtered. But he’d escaped from the prison of sleep.

  “Julia, why’d you do that? Now we’re all soaking wet.” Ethan drew an arm across his face, but his shirt was just as wet as his hair, so he kept dripping.

  “I want to go home.” Seth sat up and stared at Julia with wide, wild eyes.

  “I want you to go home too, Seth. Believe me. You woke Maggie up with your shouting. Her crying woke Audra and the baby. Now I’ve got a night’s work ahead getting everyone settled again.” Julia jammed one fist on her hip.

  “You have a nightgown on,” Seth said. “You’re pretty.”

  Looking down, Julia gasped in dismay, wheeled, and ran back into the cabin. She slammed the door so hard, Rafe watched to see if it would just come flying straight off the hinges to land on the three men.

  It held, so Rafe turned back to Seth and shoved him hard enough that he landed flat on his back. “Don’t talk about Julia’s nightgown.”

  “Izzat you, Rafe?”

  “Yes, it’s me.”

  “And Ethan? Am I home?”

  Rafe looked at the door of that rickety cabin. “Close, kid. You’re mighty close to home.”

  “Can we go on home now?”

  “It’s night.” Ethan used his blanket to mop his face and hair, then reached for his saddlebag, pulled a dry shirt out, and changed. “We’ll head for home in the morning.”

  “Well, then why’d you wake me up?”

  “You were having a nightmare.” Rafe forgot his dripping hair and looked at Seth.

  Seth stared into the distance and finally spoke. “They’re crazy, twisted up. Some of ’em stay with me while I’m awake.”

  “Do you have a lot of them?” Ethan clapped him on the shoulder, then offered him a dry shirt. While Seth changed, Rafe saw the scars and exchanged a long look with Ethan. How could Seth not have nightmares? Rafe shook his head and dried himself off. There were more pants, too. Enough for everyone. Most of the clothes he owned were over here—not that he owned all that many.

  As he buttoned his shirt, Seth said, “Just since the war. No, before that. I was having them even before Andersonville.”

  “You were in Andersonville?” Rafe sat down on Seth’s right while Ethan sat on his left. Rafe threw more kindling on the low fire crackling in front of them. They were lucky Julia had missed it with her water. “No wonder you’re so thin. I heard about the living skeletons who came out of that place.”

  “No food. Lots of men died.” Seth shrugged. “Yeah, I had lots of nightmares there. But they started . . . I’ve had them all my life.”

  “Not all your life.” Ethan’s hand rested on Seth’s back. On his scars. “Just since the cave accident. They started after we took you home. For months after that, you’d yell in your sleep. Always on fire.” Ethan stopped speaking, as if he didn’t trust his voice not to break.

  Rafe could understand that. He picked up the story. “We’d have a terrible time waking you up.”

  The door jerked open and Julia came out, properly dressed, with Maggie sitting up, rubbing her eyes.

  “Sorry about that.” Seth sidled behind Rafe. Which meant Seth had picked up on the fact that Julia was not happy with him. That didn’t make Seth a mind reader.

  Stopping so she faced all three brothers, she said, “You were having a nightmare, weren’t you?”

  Seth moved a little, so Rafe wasn’t completely protecting him. Rafe sure hoped that wasn’t a mistake. Though having the baby in her arms might slow Julia down a little if she decided to attack.

  Then Maggie squealed and reached for Ethan. Ethan took her. She giggled and kicked her feet.

  Still, Julia didn’t launch herself at Seth. “I’ve had a nightmare or two in my life. I know it’s not your fault that you woke everybody up. I’m sorry I was so rude.”

  Seth now moved so he was right beside Rafe. Rafe wondered if Julia wasn’t luring him in like a baited trap. He braced himself to save Seth.

  “You really scared me in the cavern.” Julia studied Seth in the moonlight, frowning. “I know you’ve been through something awful, but I’m afraid you might be . . . be . . .”

  “Loco?” Seth asked.

  Julia shrugged. It was the first time she’d hesitated instead of just hitting Seth with both barrels. Rafe found that encouraging.

  “The thing is, I understand that you need your brothers to help you. I understand you’ve been through war. I’ve heard of Andersonville and it would be hard for anyone to survive that.”

  “Terrible place. I was so hungry. So much death.”

  “I’m sorry you went through that, Seth,” Julia said quietly. “I’ve seen pictures of the starving men.”

  “Terrible. Ugly. Filthy. I have nightmares about that place more than the cavern, or maybe they’re all mixed together. There’s always fire.” Seth was sounding rational.

  Rafe wondered if they oughta change the subject.

  “I had to remember how to eat afterward. It was like my throat’d close up. And if I ate too much, I’d lose it from my belly. Callie helped me get my strength up.” Seth slid both hands into his hair. “And I started for home.”

  He looked at Rafe. “What month is it?”

  “It’s June.”

  “I started for home right after Lee surrendered.”

  “Who’s Callie?” Julia asked.

  “I don’t know anyone named Callie.” S
eth looked into the fire with narrow eyes.

  “You just said ‘Callie helped me get my strength up.’ ” Julia threw another stick on the fire, and Seth stared into the flames and didn’t answer.

  “Seth,” Ethan said, shifting Maggie into his left arm so he could put his right along Seth’s shoulder, “that was a year and two months ago. The war’s been over for more than a year.”

  Seth turned to look at Ethan, his brow furrowed. “Are you sure?”

  Ethan nodded.

  “So how come it took me so long to get home?”

  Ethan shook his head. “Maybe it didn’t take that long. Maybe you got as far as the cave and stayed there for a while.”

  “And where’s my horse? The one I got from the Union army when I was ready to leave?”

  “And you said they gave you a rifle?” Ethan patted Maggie’s tummy.

  “My friend might have it.” A smile quirked Seth’s lips as he looked at the little girl. “I should go back and get him out, too.”

  “Is there really someone else in there, Seth?” Julia asked. “We didn’t see any sign of another man. There was only one bedroll. There was no sign of horses anywhere in the caldera or the vents.”

  “Caldera?” Seth scrubbed his face with both hands. “What’s that?”

  “We want to know about your friend, Seth.” Rafe tried to get his brother to make sense. This was the closest he’d come since they’d found him. “And how’d you know about that exit into that mountain valley where we were today?”

  Seth looked from Rafe to Julia and back to the fire, as if it were calling to him. “I’ve always known about that back door, I reckon . . . or no, not always. I found it after the accident. But I was still a kid when I found it. I knew almost every inch of that cave before I took off to enlist in the war.”

  “You know your way around in that cavern?” Julia asked.

  She was interested in Seth all of a sudden. Rafe wished he’d never mentioned the cave. He also wished he could gag his little brother.

  “Better’n I know my own face.” Seth’s shoulders lifted as if he felt strong and confident on this one subject.

  “I haven’t gotten to the ends of it yet.” Julia had a new best friend. “I found some fish fossils and I’d—”