Out of Control

by Mary Connealy

  “So you think water maybe came . . .” Rafe hesitated. “Uh . . . blasting up from deep in the earth somehow?”

  Julia unwrapped sandwiches thick with venison and handed them to Seth and Rafe. “It would be one explanation for these tunnels. And if the rain came down and the water came up and the earth was covered, then it stands to reason that fish, normally found in rivers and oceans, usually the lowest ground around, would be up here. They simply swam here. Then, when the waters receded, they were stuck. How else do you explain the fish?”

  “An Apache—”

  “It’s not lunch, Rafe. Who would come all the way down here to eat lunch?”

  Rafe held up his sandwich and smirked at her.

  “They’ve found fossils in an Arizona Territory desert that are a type of shark.”

  “What’s a shark?” Seth spoke around a mouthful of food.

  “It’s a large ocean fish. It only lives in salt water. And I think this fish I’ve found might be one, too. I’ve seen drawings of sharks, and the teeth look similar. What Apache rode his horse to the ocean, rounded himself up a shark and brought it across the mountains, then climbed down here to eat it?”

  Rafe swallowed, so Julia knew she was in for more of his ridiculous opinions.

  “Maybe they were using the bones. They could’ve carried them a long way if they kept them as tools. Indians use all parts of what they catch. With the buffalo they—”

  “But they don’t leave it intact! This skeleton I saw wasn’t cut up. No, there had to be salt water, ocean water, up here.”

  Rafe shook his head and chewed.

  “I’ve seen bones in these walls.” Seth relaxed, stretching out, crossing his legs. He was really at home down here.

  “Really?” Julia was starting to like Seth. “Where?”

  “There are some in the room I’m taking you to. Up high. Strange to see them up there. My friend looked at them for a long time, and we talked about how they got up there.”

  A chill raced up and down her backbone. “About this friend, Seth. Tell me about him. Did he come here with you or did you find him here?”

  Seth eased back as if he was preparing to spin a yarn.

  Rafe moved in the exact opposite manner of Seth. He tensed up. Sat straight. His jaw chomped up and down as if he were at war with his food. Julia braced herself to be told to not bother Seth, but instead Rafe kept quiet.

  “He came with me.” Seth quit chewing and rubbed a palm against his pant leg.

  “From Andersonville?” Julia tried to eat and question Seth at the same time since he seemed willing to talk at least somewhat rationally for once.

  “No . . .” Seth’s brow furrowed like it was painful to think. “We met in town.”

  “In Rawhide?” Rafe asked.

  Julia realized that Rafe knew as little about Seth as she and was no doubt eight thousand times as curious.

  “Yep. I rode in on my horse.” Seth sat up straight. “What happened to my horse, huh?”

  “We’ll find him,” Rafe soothed. “We haven’t had much time to look yet. So, what’s your friend’s name?”

  Seth looked around the cave as if he hoped someone had written the name on the wall. “He was tracking someone. Tracker. I told him I was from out this way and we rode out together. But he didn’t go home. I told him I wanted to go home, but he wanted to go a different way. Follow some trail. Then I recognized this mountain and knew there was an entrance to the cave, and I showed it to him.”

  “When was that?” With a shiver, Julia wondered how long Seth had been hanging around. Maybe he’d been watching her explore for days.

  Seth ate the last of his sandwich and seemed to be searching around inside his muddled head for an answer. When he swallowed, he said, “I don’t know. Once we were down here. There’s no . . . no day or night. Time doesn’t mean much. And every time I talked about going home, I ended up being so tired I just wanted to rest. This is a good place to rest.” He eased back again, and his eyes drifted shut.

  “Just like you were always good in the dark. You knew this cave better than any of us, Seth. And even after your accident, you were never scared.”

  “I came down because . . . well . . . because it was peaceful. The cavern eased all the wild thoughts in my head. I felt whole down here. I felt like . . . like . . .” Seth’s eyes flickered open, and he absently rubbed his hands up and down on his legs, drying his palms, or maybe it was just a nervous habit.

  “Whole? What does that mean?” Rafe sounded bewildered. “You made Ethan crazy worrying about you. I had to come after you and I didn’t want to. But I was so afraid you’d fall and need help.”

  Seth closed his eyes and was silent for so long, Julia wondered if he would answer. She felt sorry for the poor man. She did. And she knew Rafe loved his brother.

  Seth finally whispered, “I left my soul behind when I fell. I needed to find it.”

  Goose bumps rose on Julia’s arms.

  Seth crossed his arms and eased back until he was nearly lying down. Julia watched, waiting for Seth to speak again or Rafe to say something.

  Suddenly a slow, steady noise rose from Seth. It took Julia a minute to figure out what it was.

  Snoring.

  She looked away, no idea what to make of Rafe’s brother. Wounded, scared, lost, dangerous. Her gaze met Rafe’s.

  “He’s asleep.” Rafe shook his head. Then he looked at Julia, frowning, and slid closer to her, the rope only giving him a few feet of distance from Seth. “I don’t know what to do for him.”

  “Neither do I.”

  “I think . . .” Rafe said, swallowing hard. “I have to stay with him, Jules.”

  “And I think he’s not safe to have around Audra and the children.”

  “We’re not . . .” Rafe closed his eyes, and Julia wished it didn’t have to be said. More than that, she wished she didn’t have to say it, but Rafe didn’t seem capable of it.

  So it had to come from her. “We’re not going to be able to be together. At least not until you’ve seen to Seth and made sure he’s okay. You have to help him because that’s the man you are. You can’t fail your brother.”

  “Not again. I can’t fail him again.”

  “And I can’t let my family live in a house with him if he’s dangerous.”

  With a sudden move, Rafe grabbed her arm and dragged her to meet his lips. His grip was gentle iron, but she wasn’t trying to escape. Instead, she leaned closer and held on tight. He lifted her and sat her on his lap. The kiss deepened, and she knew it wasn’t the kiss of a promise and a future. It was good-bye. Long moments later, he said, “I don’t want to give you up. How can I give you up?”

  “But how can we be together?”

  They both turned to look at Seth.

  “Just give me time. We’ll figure something out. I’ll take Seth home and—”

  “And,” Julia cut him off, “I want to stay and explore. Except I can’t with Audra and two little children. So we’ll search down here today . . . and maybe a few more times. Then I’ll take my family and go. Maybe I’ll have enough research to write my papers. Maybe even a book. But whether I have it or not, my family’s safety has to come first. We’ll go somewhere civilized, where I can find work and the children can go to school and there’s a doctor nearby and a store to buy food.”

  “No,” Rafe said, then shut her mouth with his lips, and Julia couldn’t bear to push him away. She wanted him so badly that she had already given up on asking for his love. Now she would need to give up on her cavern and even give up on a life with him. It was everything that mattered most to her, except God and her family. She had to do what was right by her family, and God would give her the strength.

  Rafe wouldn’t have been the man she loved if he’d been able to turn his back on Seth. He finally pulled away, when her lips felt swollen and her heart was so softened toward him it could be torn apart with no effort at all.

  “I have to take care of him.”

&n
bsp; “I know.”

  “He needs to go home.”

  “I agree. And I can’t come.”

  Rafe’s gaze burned through her like lava. Finally he eased her off his lap. “But you can go somewhere safe. Somewhere I can find you.”

  “When, Rafe? A month? A year? How long do I sit somewhere while you battle for your brother’s sanity? No, you have to commit to him and forget me.”

  “I can’t.”

  “If you work with him all the while knowing I’m waiting somewhere, it will make you treat him differently. You’ll either resent me or him or both. And I’ll wait for my life to have meaning until you come to me. That’s a sad, empty life for me. And I want Seth to be well. I have compassion for him. We can’t ever hope to find happiness built at the cost of your brother’s sanity. You have to help Seth, don’t you?”

  She made it a question because somehow, if he never said it out loud, she could wait. She could pretend not to, but wherever she went, she could make sure Rafe could find her. And she could go on with her lonely life, only less so now caring for Audra and the children. And find new places to explore, and through it all she’d wait and hope and pray that Rafe would come.

  A heartbreaking way to live.

  “No! It burns!” Seth suddenly cried out. “Stop. Help. Rafe, help me!”

  He thrashed in his sleep, slapping at his arm as if it were on fire. Kicking and rolling side to side. “Rafe, help me. Ethan, save me!”

  “Yes, for now at least, I have to take care of my brother.” He held her gaze as Seth’s nightmare drove home the point. The brutally sharp point.

  She’d forced Rafe to say those words. And now she had to live with them. Even if they cut so deep she wanted to die.

  Rafe turned away from her and shook Seth. “Wake up.”

  Julia waited as Rafe struggled to pull Seth out of his nightmare. It wasn’t easy, but it was a reminder of all that stood between them.

  At last Seth awoke fully, and Rafe spoke quietly to him while Julia packed up their food from lunch. They needed to go back to the surface. What good was this fascinating cavern when she was crying inside.

  “Let’s go.” Seth stood, apparently over any lingering effects of his dream.

  “You want to keep exploring?” Julia had thought Seth would wake up scared and want daylight.

  “I think we need to stop with the exploring for the day.” Rafe looked more shaken than Seth.

  “No. I want to show you a special room. It’s beautiful.” Seth turned his wild blue eyes on Julia, and they seemed to burn in the lantern light.

  Julia looked at him and wondered, If we headed for the surface now, will Seth even come? Or will we have to restrain him and drag him up to the surface?

  “All right.” Julia felt as if the weight of the world were on her shoulders. She didn’t have the will to make a decision, so she let Seth make it. “Let’s go.”

  Julia started forward. She passed Rafe, and the rope jerked her to a stop at the same moment it stopped Seth. They both turned to face him.

  He looked like a mountain under pressure. She wondered if it was the end of their plans to marry or his dislike of the cave.

  “Can’t you feel it?” Rafe asked, so quietly that Julia came a step closer to hear him, Seth with her.

  “Feel what?” Seth asked.

  “This place. It’s like I can feel the weight of the mountain on top of me.”

  Julia felt it, too, but hers was for a different reason. She looked at Seth.

  “It feels fine to me.” Seth turned away, but Julia thought he did so too quickly. Like he didn’t want to see his big brother show any weakness. “Let’s go. I want you to see this.”

  Julia waited. If Rafe really wanted out, she’d go.

  Rafe drew in a deep breath and, without meeting Julia’s eyes, went after Seth. She followed, wondering what all this was costing the man she loved. She knew what it was costing her.

  Seth kept moving. Rafe kept moving. It was easy for Julia to keep moving, marking as she went. Seth bent low to enter the next tunnel. Rafe was an inch or two taller than Seth and much broader in the shoulders. He had to bend even further. Julia stood upright, but there wasn’t much headroom. The only light in this narrow cave was their lanterns. No torches, but why bother? There was nothing here except passage to the place Seth was so excited about. They stepped into a larger cave. Julia looked around.

  “It’s farther on,” Seth said. “There are a string of caves before we get to the one I want you to see.”

  Julia marked the cave wall with an arrow pointing into the tunnel they’d just walked through. Her black arrows would be useless if something happened to the lanterns. They’d be trapped so far below the ground . . .

  Suddenly, just like Rafe, she could feel the cave overhead pressing. How far had they gone down? Had the cave floor sloped? And they were surrounded by mountains. They could be climbing up as well as down, but it didn’t seem like it. It seemed like they were headed into the belly of the earth. Into the very gateway to hell.

  They were being drawn in so deep, they would never get out. He would pick a spot and rob them of light. This would end. Soon.

  Fighting down the laughter, he corrected himself. It wouldn’t end, it would just begin. Before he was done, Rafe would be dead. His friend would be dead, too. He was tired of sharing this cavern with anyone.

  Except the red-haired woman—she had secrets she could tell him about the money.

  He bided his time as they went deeper and deeper. Gullible fools. They were coming along as if he were a master and they were mules moving beneath his whip.

  He rubbed his hands on his pants, the excitement making him sweat. Soon it would be time to make his move, and he knew exactly where that would be. He knew the tunnel he wanted them near. So he could grab the woman and vanish. He’d leave the others alive for now. But only to enjoy their terror.

  When that got old, he’d finish them and find his treasure.

  In the dark.

  Julia watched Seth wipe his hands on his pant legs as if he was nervous. He seemed so comfortable down here. And it was chilly and they were setting a slow pace. Why would he sweat?

  It only added to her tension. Disgusted with herself, Julia fought off the fear. She’d climbed around in dozens of caves. And they had never bothered her. Much.

  Of course, that had been before the day she’d been trapped down here. And she’d never been in one so deep, with such a labyrinth of tunnels.

  Rafe’s breathing sped up. She could almost feel the tension vibrating off of him. He didn’t like it down here. But he had such iron control that he faced his fear and moved deeper into the cavern.

  She wondered if he’d reach his limit. Then she wondered if they’d reach hers. How long it would be before they needed to leave?

  Seth passed through a small cave and then entered another tunnel, smaller than any they’d passed through before. She saw him again wipe first one hand, then the other on his pants. It had to be nerves. Why would so bold a man as Seth be nervous?

  She turned her thoughts from Seth. He was close enough to being a lunatic that maybe he was both fearless and terrified at the same time. A broken mind living in two halves inside one head. It only made her more determined to carefully mark her path. As she reached for the wall with her chunk of charcoal, she noticed her hand trembling. Thanks to Rafe putting the idea in her head, the weight of the mountain pressed on her.

  Then they got to a much larger cavern full of massive stalactites and stalagmites. Their bright lanterns were feeble in a room so large, and they cast deep shadows everywhere. Seth lit torches wedged into cracks in the wall.

  “Isn’t this pretty?” Seth said. “But it’s not what I want you to see.” He headed for another tunnel.

  “Wait!” Julia needed a few minutes to get her nerves calmed down and to give Rafe a chance to get used to the depths. “This room is spectacular. I want to see more of it.”

  As the flames from S
eth’s torches grew, she did see more of it. There were openings on all sides. Small, large, some might just be shadowed crevasses, while others might lead downward forever.

  “No, we’re almost there.” Seth headed straight for the smallest opening yet, pulling Rafe and an increasingly reluctant Julia along with him. Their footsteps echoed in the room until it almost sounded like someone was following them.

  Seth dropped to his knees. “We’ll need to crawl through this one.”

  “What was that?” Rafe stopped, pulling the rope taut so Seth couldn’t move.

  Julia came up to Rafe. “I didn’t hear anything.” Or had she? She wasn’t wild about entering that tiny hole.

  “Wait a minute.” Julia saw Seth reach for the rope around his waist, clearly determined to go on with or without them. “Seth, don’t!”

  Still on his knees, he turned to face them. “But this is the best part. This is what you wanted to see, Julia. I’m going in.”

  “I don’t like this.” Julia surprised herself by saying it. She wanted to see what Seth had seen. She wanted to find the wonders deep in the earth. She might not get another chance.

  Then a footstep echoed.

  None of them had moved.

  “Hey,” Seth said, looking past Julia. He lit up with his wild smile. “Great. Now you can meet my friend.”

  The sharp crack of a gun cocking sounded just as an arm wrapped around Julia’s neck.

  “Get back!” A voice rough as gravel scraped her ear.

  Rafe whirled around and froze.

  A gun waved right by Julia’s ear; she could just see the muzzle. “Get back or I’ll kill her.”

  The gun pressed to Julia’s temple so hard she’d be bruised—if she lived long enough. The arm around her neck was so tight she had to fight to breathe. She grabbed at the arm, but it was solid as iron.

  Rafe raised his hands slowly and backed up a single step.

  “What’re you doing?” Seth stepped forward, and the man lifted the gun from Julia’s head and aimed down. The gun roared, deafening in the cave, ricocheting with a series of whining, echoing cracks. The man jerked her back, and when he pulled her far enough, she realized the gunshot had severed the rope that had tied her to Rafe.