Lulu’s Recipe for Cajun Sass

by Hill Sandra

  Adèle’s eyes lit up and she said, “Yippee!” She held onto the book even as she went back to her Mr. Potato Head, who was looking more like Mr. Mashed Potato. Justin followed Louise inside. While she put the flowers in an oversized Mason jar in the sink, Justin opened the champagne and poured some in two St. Jude tumblers.

  Louise sat next to him at the kitchen table and raised her glass to click with his. After they’d both taken a sip of their bubbly drinks, she said, “So, Mister Mysterious, what’re we celebrating?”

  He took one of her hands in his and kissed the knuckles. “I have the most amazing news.”

  She waited for him to tell her that he’d accepted Dr. Clovis’s offer.

  “I’ve been offered a residency in heart surgery at Chicago General, one of the best teaching hospitals in the United States…maybe in the whole world.”

  She blinked several times, not sure she had heard right. It was totally not what she’d expected. “Chicago?” she asked. For some reason, a picture flashed into her head, one that had appeared in the Times-Picayune last winter showing something like three feet of snow in the “Windy City.” A blizzard, it had been, which apparently wasn’t unusual for that part of the country. To a bayou girl who’d at best seen snow flurries, that scenario boggled the mind.

  “Are you serious? Chicago? Heart surgery? I don’t understand.”

  He squeezed her hand and said, “Honey, this is a dream come true.”

  Your dream. She pulled her hand away and fiddled with the St. Jude placemat sitting on the table before her.

  “I know I haven’t talked about it, but it’s a specialty I’ve been thinking about for a long time. The human heart is such a remarkable organ.”

  Tell me about it. Mine is beginning to develop a few cracks as you speak.

  “This is a field that’s expected to explode in the next few years. They’re already talking about open-heart surgery where they hook a damaged heart up to a bypass machine while they operate. Hell, some people think there will be heart transplants someday. Imagine! And I would be in on the ground floor of all this medical magic.” He beamed at her, expecting her to understand, to approve of his decision.

  “I can see how excited you are, but, Justin, why haven’t you mentioned it to me before?” Why have you led me on to believe you might be a doctor here on the bayou one day?

  “I don’t have the money to pay for that kind of specialty myself, and the opportunities for scholarships in this field are slim and highly competitive. But miracle of miracles, I’ve been offered a full-ride scholarship, including living expenses.”

  Um, that isn’t exactly what We consider miracles up here, St. Jude said in her head. And believe me, I know miracles. Raising the dead, curing the lame, parting the Red Sea. Now, those were miracles!

  Honestly, the saint appeared at the most inopportune times, bless his heart. She hadn’t heard from him in days, and now when all her hopes were going down the drain... Hopeless.

  Bite thy tongue, girl, said the patron saint of hopeless cases.

  Did I wait too long? Is it too late for a miracle?

  “What did you say about miracles?” Justin asked.

  “Nothing,” she said, adding a Shhh! to her inner voice. Looking directly at Justin, she said, “That still doesn’t explain why you never mentioned your interest in a heart specialty to me. We’re not talking about the world. I’m the person you supposedly love. There should be no secrets, not even little ones, and this is a biggie.” At the back of her mind, she felt a tiny twinge of guilt. Hadn’t she been keeping a big secret from him?

  “I didn’t want to jinx my chances. And, besides, like I said, my chances were so remote.”

  He isn’t taking Dr. Clovis’s offer. For some reason, that thought kept hammering in her head. Apparently, the reality of it hadn’t fully registered yet. “But Chicago? How long will you be there?

  “At least three years.”

  She groaned. She couldn’t help herself.

  “But, honey, it’s not how long I’ll be there. How long we’ll be there.”

  “What?”

  “Marry me, Louise. Marry me and come to Chicago with me. Please.”

  She was in shock. Yes, this was what she’d wanted, what she’d been fantasizing about for weeks…to have Justin propose, but never had she expected it to come like this. In her fantasies, the proposal led to the two of them working together here on the bayou.

  Sensing she was dismayed by his less-than-charming approach, Justin dropped to one knee and took both of her hands in his. “Louise Rivard, would you do me the honor of marrying me?”

  Tears filled her eyes. “I don’t know.”

  Justin flinched, taken aback. Was he really so clueless that he expected her to jump at the chances of marrying him no matter what? Realizing that he needed to do some damage control, he quickly said, “I love you, Louise, and I know you love me, too.”

  “I do, but…”

  “Love conquers all, isn’t that what they say?”

  Is he trying to be funny? Now? Yep, clueless! “Maybe they weren’t hit by a stumbling block the size of a bayou barge.”

  He rose to his feet and sat down again, facing her, but still holding onto both hands.

  Compromise…that’s what all the magazines said couples needed to make a relationship work. Louise searched her mind, trying to find a way that this might work, even though she wasn’t sure she could live up north for that long, or wait for him here for that long. “Would you return to the bayou…well, at least Louisiana…to practice medicine after those three years?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe. It would depend on whether there were openings for heart surgeons.”

  So much for compromise. She shook her head and pulled her hands from his grasp, grabbing a St. Jude napkin to dab at her eyes. “That’s not good enough, Justin. I’m sorry, but the bayou is in my blood. The Cajun community is like my family. It’s who I am. I’m not a Yankee folk healer. I’m a bayou folk healer. I deal with plants that grow in the swamps, not in some city park.”

  “You could ship your plants there.”

  “My customers are here. Can you imagine a market up north for gator salve or whooping cough tea?”

  “You’re overthinking this. If you love me, if we love each other, we can find something for you to do. Is the bayou more important than love? Just give it a chance…give us a chance.”

  She ignored his pleadings. “Honestly, a vacation or short time elsewhere, maybe, but I can’t see myself leaving for good. And definitely not to a big city with all that concrete.” She shivered at the thought. “My soul would wither without greenery and water surrounding me.”

  “What if I promised we would come back after my residency is completed?”

  “How could you promise that? You just said there might not be any openings.”

  “If I had to, I could open my own office.”

  “Could you afford to do that?”

  “Probably not. We could sell your cottage if worst came to worst, I suppose, and rent some living space until my practice was established.”

  “Sell my cottage? My family home?”

  “I don’t know. I just know that I don’t want to live without you.”

  “I don’t want to live without you, either,” she said on a sigh. “There would be so many details to be worked out.”

  Seeing that she was succumbing to his persuasions, he kissed her quickly and pulled her onto his lap. “There is one other problem.”

  She braced herself. What could be worse than leaving the bayou for years, maybe forever? Or selling her home?

  “The housing provided for a married resident is what they’re calling a one-bedroom apartment but is so small it’s really just an efficiency…in other words, one room serving as bedroom, living room, and kitchen. Plus, the building for resident living is in a poor neighborhood.”

  Louise tilted her head, wondering where Justin was going with this new bit of information. It’s not l
ike she was fussy about living arrangements. Even the shabbiest of dwellings could be improved with a little paint or bright pillows. As for small, hadn’t she been living in a small cottage her entire life, even when her parents and brother shared the space? “And?”

  “There would be no room for Adèle. Not at first.”

  Louise felt as if she’d been sucker punched. She pushed out of Justin’s embrace and stood, turning away from him. For a second, she couldn’t breathe, just panted for breath. When she turned, her body froze, like there was ice in her veins. Justin stood, too, and looked as sad as she no doubt did.

  “I thought you liked Adèle.”

  “I do, honey. In fact, I love her. Let me explain.” He reached for her, but she stepped away.

  “You love her, and yet you suggest us sashaying off to Chicago? Without her? For three years! Or do you mean forever?” Louise reeled with disbelief. His announcement that he was going to Chicago had been like a stab to the heart, but this…this exclusion of Adèle in such a dismissive way…well, that was the mortal blow.

  “No, no, no! Not for three years. Just temporarily. There is a way. Just keep an open mind.”

  She bristled. Now he was laying this disaster on her?

  “I was talking to my mother, and she mentioned that Adèle’s mother lives in Mexico, but that she has a grandmother living in Biloxi. Why couldn’t we ask her grandmother if Adèle could stay with her until we get ourselves settled…until we can find bigger accommodations in a better neighborhood?”

  The ice in her veins shot to her brain, and she felt light-headed and dizzy. “You’ve been talking to your mother about me?” That felt like such a betrayal of trust that Louise staggered and put a hand on the countertop to steady herself.

  “It wasn’t like that. My mother came to Nawleans because she was worried about you, and that’s when the subject came up.”

  This situation just got worse and worse. “Why was she worried about me?”

  Color infused his cheeks as he confessed, “She was afraid that I was going to hurt you.”

  “Bingo!” Louise said.

  “Not like this. She thought I was going to be one of those love ’em and leave ’em kind of guys, which is clearly wrong since I’m asking you to marry me and come with me.” He tried to take her in his arms once again, pleading, “Louise, I love you. You love me. We can work this out. We’ll find a way.”

  She shook her head and stepped back a few steps. “I think you should leave, Justin.”

  “No, honey, we need to settle this.”

  She shook her head again, and the tears that had been welling in her eyes overflowed. She put a halting hand out to prevent him from getting closer.

  There were tears in his eyes, too. “I’ve handled this badly, but please give me a chance to explain this better.”

  “All the explaining in the world isn’t going to make any difference. It’s like my mama always said. You can’t undo a burnt pudding.”

  “Maybe we both need to step back and think about this. I’ll come back later. Tonight. I promise we’ll find a way to make this work.”

  What he really meant was that she would find a way to compromise, Louise suspected. Which wasn’t going to happen.

  “No, Justin, don’t come back. It breaks my heart to say this…” her voice cracked with emotion, “…but it’s over. I love you, but I can’t see you anymore.”

  “What? Why?” He was totally shocked now, and ignored her attempts to prevent him from taking her into his arms. Holding her tightly against his body, he leaned down to whisper against her ear. “No, Louise, don’t say that. This isn’t the end. It can’t be.”

  For a moment, she pressed her face against his chest and relished the feel of his arms. His hands caressed her back in soothing strokes. Then he took her face in his hands and kissed her, hungrily, coaxing, unending, as if desperate to continue the kiss, lest she mention a break-up again.

  Which she intended to do.

  “Justin, I need you to step away so I can tell you something.”

  He gave her another short kiss, then released her. She went to the other side of the kitchen table, just to make sure he kept his distance.

  “There’s a reason why this will never be…not our marriage, not a move to Chicago for me, temporary or otherwise.”

  “There is no reason I’ll accept, nothing could be that important.”

  “Adèle is my daughter,” she said, “Not my niece.”

  * * *

  You always hurt the one you love…

  Justin was finally able to talk with Louise on the phone later that night. She’d ignored his previous twelve calls, and he was ninety-nine percent sure that she would not welcome an in-person visit from him, at least for the time being. And forget about studying; his concentration wasn’t worth shit at the moment.

  His mother had been worried about how he might hurt Louise. What she hadn’t taken into account was how hurt he would be.

  “Louise, please let me talk to you. At the least, let me clarify some things. One, I love you. Period. No question. Two, it doesn’t matter to me if Adèle is your child, or your niece, though I wish you had trusted me enough to tell me before. Third, I love Adèle. I would never do anything to hurt her, and, yes, I realize now how selfish it was for me to even suggest that she be separated from you, even for a short time. Fourth, I will do anything to keep you. Give up the heart surgery specialty. Accept Dr. Clovis’s offer to partner with him in general medicine. Anything.”

  There was a silence before she asked, “Are you reading from a script?”

  “Yes, dammit! My brain is so screwed up I can’t think straight. I had to put my thoughts on paper or else I would have been babbling like an idiot or begging like a baby.” Both of which he was doing. Dammit!

  “Oh, Justin! You have to study for your medical boards. You only have a few days left.”

  He took her concern as a good sign. “You do care about me.”

  “Of course I care about you. Women aren’t like men. We can’t turn love on and off like a faucet.”

  He decided not to argue with her over-generalizations about men, which obviously included him. And besides, she must mean that she still loved him. “Louise, let me come to your cottage so we can discuss this face to face.”

  “No. Absolutely not.” He could hear her take a deep breath before adding, “Justin, I’m not angry with you. Just disappointed. I had built up in my mind this foolish fantasy of you and I being married, partners in a unique medicine/healing arts office, probably in Dr. Clovis’s mansion. Talk about! That’s why I took your news so hard. But that doesn’t mean I wish bad things for you. Concentrate on studying for your exams. After you pass them, as I’m sure you will, we can talk again.”

  “But—”

  “It’s the best way. We both need time to think. It’s only another week.”

  He was afraid that, if he didn’t resolve this now, her feelings toward him would be cemented. Too much thinking wouldn’t help his case, he was sure.

  “Look, Justin. Your tests are on September tenth and eleventh. Come see me after that. But don’t contact me before that. I mean it, Justin. No phone calls, no visits, no letters. Nothing.”

  “All right. The train takes two days. So, I’ll be back here on September fourteenth then,” he said. “Okay?”

  “Okay. Best wishes on your tests. I’ll say a prayer for you.”

  Her words sounded so calm and positive, but Justin wasn’t fooled. “I love you, Louise,” he said again.

  She didn’t respond. In fact, he heard the click of the phone, then a dial tone.

  Chapter 10

  I’ll walk alone…

  Louise went about her business for the next week with a heavy heart, but she was getting by.

  This was unlike the time after Phillipe’s death, the period when she’d suffered from what she called her Big Grief, when she’d been reduced to a zombie-like depression, combined with a period of wild, boozy, prom
iscuous behavior, until she’d learned of her pregnancy. Her mother had come to her aid then.

  Ahem, the voice in her head said.

  My mother and St. Jude, she corrected.

  Thank you very much.

  Did this mean that she didn’t love Justin?

  No, she definitely loved him.

  As much as she’d loved Phillipe?

  No.

  Yes.

  She couldn’t decide.

  Maybe it was just a different kind of love.

  So, Louise went out onto the bayou to gather her herbs, and thought about Justin. And her heart hurt so bad....

  Could I really live anywhere other than the bayou?

  Maybe a day or two. Even a week. But more than that…I don’t think I could breathe.

  She took care of Adèle and listened to incessant questions about Justin. And her heart hurt so bad....

  Tante Lulu, when will Justin come back?

  Tante Lulu, is Justin mad at us?

  Tante Lulu, why cain’t we call Justin on the telephone?

  Tante Lulu, could Justin mebbe be my daddy some day?

  When she took her vegetables and fig jams into Boudreaux’s to sell, she fielded questions from Justin’s mother. And her heart hurt so bad....

  Mrs. Boudreaux was being extra pleasant to her because she thought Louise might be in contact with her son or maybe because she pictured Louise as a future daughter-in-law. Louise was wary of Mrs. Boudreaux, ever since Justin had mentioned his mother’s gossip about Adèle’s family.

  Have you heard from Justin?

  Doan you look pretty in that straw hat.

  Come, sit a spell so we kin talk.

  Is that a new blouse? Very chic.

  How’s that niece of yours?

  When she lay in bed at night, she couldn’t help but replay in her head all the lovemaking that had taken place there. And it hurt so bad....

  His kisses…oh, he is such a good kisser....

  The way he smiles when he hears me moan....