by Pamela White
“Oh? I didn’t see you.”
She turned to me and squinted. Julia’s blue eyes seemed to change to a lighter blue in the sunlight. “I was way in the back of the bus, behind the other group, that were taken to another drop off point. I remember seeing you at Harris county jail too.”
“Yep, that’s right,” I said.
“So where are you from?” Julia asked.
“I’m from Houston, and you?”
“Odessa,” she said. ”What you get sentenced for Kelly?”
I glanced at her a moment and replied, “Cocaine; for selling and distribution. And you?”
“I’m in for dealing meth. I got 5 years. How much time did you get?”
“Ten,” I abruptly replied. We walked awhile in silence. I felt reminded of something I did not like to think about, the lengthy sentence I’d been handed. It occurred to me that my attorney had mentioned that he would be filing an appeal on my behalf soon, because the judge had given me the maximum I could have received from the sentence range of the plea agreement I had signed. I remembered my attorney telling me how he was sure I’d received a harsh sentence because the judge wanted to make an example out of me to other youths, since I had barely reached eighteen years of age when I had gone for sentencing.
I sensed that Julia had a nice personality. As we walked pass a grove of tree bushes, I pondered upon the nights I had considered, while living in Harris county, that doing time would probably be easier if I at least had a good friend to spend some of that time with. A light bulb went off in my head. Maybe Julia will be the special friend I’ve been wanting.
As if she had read my mind, Julia said, “Do you wanna hang out some time Kelly?”
“Sure. We can do that.” I told her.
We had arrived at an encampment of huge four story, beige buildings. Spread out In front of them were inmates standing around, staring, laughing and pointing at us.
“Okay ladies, these are the live in units,” the male officer yelled. “For those of you who don’t know, I am officer Mathis. Those of you with papers that have A and B written at the top, you are to follow me. “Those of you with C or D written at the top of your paper, you are to follow officer Roark here.” The female officer raised her hand in response to his words.
I pulled out the sheet of paper I had received in the admission building and read over it. I felt Julia nudge me. “Which live in unit did you get?”
“B,” I said. “And you?”
“C,” she replied.
“Hey, I’ll see you around later Kelly.”
“Okay Julia,” I said, nodding, staring down and double checking the sheet of paper in my hand.
I looked up and moved into the line next to Officer Mathis.
∞
*While standing next to officer Mathis, I looked up at the live in units and noted how ominously huge the gray buildings seemed from the outside. The buildings were high, but scant in windows. And the few windows I saw from the outside, looked smaller than those at my parent’s house.
“This is building B we’re going inside first,” officer Mathis said. I went into the door entrance of my assigned Building B behind four other women. We ascended the brown concrete stairwell. The stairwell led to a huge lobby with an opaque concrete floor, and small white vinyl chairs and tables scattered around in the room. As I looked around the room, I was amazed at the enormity of the area. There were medium sized televisions positioned in concrete posts, that were afixed at different areas of the lobby.
There were women sitting at or standing around most of the vinyl chairs and tables. The room was abuzz with merriment talking and chatter. Some of the women had on headsets. Later, I would learn that these headsets were necessary to hear the television programming or tune in to local radio stations. I was led by the officer to one of the rooms on the second floor. I glanced around at the 12’ x12’ area that had no door and two bunk beds on opposite sides of the room. Officer Mathis looked at the woman who was reclined against the wall in the left bunk crocheting.
“This is your new roommate.” He said. The officer abruptly left after the introduction.
I glanced at my new roommate. She was a thin, light complexioned black woman, with brown hair, neatly cut in a bob. She wasn’t pretty but not ugly either. Maureen was average-looking.
Not wanting to waste any time I dropped my bundle of linen and clothing items down on the empty bunk. I was exhausted after the trip getting there and wanted to get comfortable, as quickly as possible.
“What’s your name?” The woman asked.
I spoke to her while continuing to make up the bed. “My name is Kelly Hall,” I said.
“Hello Kelly. I’m Maureen.”
“Hey there,” I half heartedly replied. My energy was sapped so I continued focusing on making up the bunk. After I had finished with the bed, I began working on getting all of the personal items I’d received, situated into the locker. I unraveled the bundle of clothing onto the bed and began placing pants, dresses and shirts into the empty locker located against the wall, at the front of the entrance. It was easy for me to figure out that Maureen had the locker on the right because of the small photo of her family picture pasted to it. My next task after hanging up and folding my clothing attire neatly inside my locker was to check the bed for tightness. I went to the bed and checked the corners for tightness and sat down. While gazing around the room, it occurred to me that I was hungry. I remembered that I hadn’t eaten since early that morning at breakfast, before we had taken off for the trip.
I reclined back into the bed and rested my head and back against the pillow, that I’d positioned vertically against the wall.“What time is the next meal?” I asked.
Maureen stopped crocheting and stared at me a few moments, as though she were sizing me up. After seemingly feeling more relaxed, she said, “Building B is usually called to eat dinner sometime between 4:30 and 5pm.”
“Oh, thanks,” I said, rubbing my neck. “They didn’t have watches at the holding center’s cantina. Do you know what time it is?”
“It’s already 3:45,” Maureen said, glancing down at her
“Thanks,“ I said. I felt comfortable with my roommate. She seemed friendly enough. I did not like being dependent upon anyone for anything and looked forward to getting my own watch from the cantina.
“So, tell me what’d you do to end up in this place?”
“I was charged with cocaine drug dealing and distribution,” I said.
I looked at her to try to see what her response would be. She didn’t seemed moved. I tried to envision what my new roommate could be in for. I had met enough inmates to tell whether they were safe or decent enough to talk to or not. Maureen did not come across to me as having been a drug dealer. I picked up on a degree of arrogance in her demeanor and she spoke proper english in her manner of speaking. I sensed that she must have been a professional of some sort. I was sure of it.
“And you? What are you here for? I tentatively asked.
“I have several franchises. I’m the founder and owner of Maureen’s Barbecue Pit. They got me for tax evasion. Sixty three thousand dollars worth, the feds said. So, I got sentenced to seven years. I’ve got two more years to go,” she said matter-of-factly.
“Okay ladies, work assignees for the evening shift are released!” An officer shouted in a bullhorn, from the lobby area.
“That’s my call,” Maureen said.
“Your call? What does that mean?” I asked.
It’s time for me to go to my work assignment,” she said standing up. She placed the crochet materials into the locker. “Everyone gets to work in this place. You will too eventually. That is, unless you have a medical problem. You’ve never been in the big house before?”
“No I haven’t,” I answered, low key.
“Well, you’ll have a few things to learn.”
I nodded, realizing I would be going to the dining area alone.
Maureen turned before she left and said
, “Okay, I’m gone. See you later roomie.”
“Yeah, later.”
Four
New friend
I was relieved that I’d gotten a nice roommate. I had picked up on the vibe that Maureen was not aggressive or a threat to me. I stood up and went to the entrance space of the cell. The lobby below was beginning to get crowded now with women. Many had come out of the cells for the meal time call. I went back to my bed, sat down and glanced around at the walls of the room. They were white walls, plain, just like the walls had been in the jail holding center. Except for a couple of small family pictures pasted above Maureen’s bunk, the walls were bare. I considered that soon I would be taping my pictures up above my bed too. I just had to find some tape first. Suddenly the realization of the amount of time I had been sentenced to, hit me like a sledge hammer. I groaned slightly. Now that I had some time alone for once, I needed to spend some of it trying to absorb my fate. I would be stuck in this place for years to come.
I gazed around at my surroundings, realizing that I hadn’t had this much privacy at all, over the past 9 months. During the times I’d spent in the county holding center, I’d lived in an almost steady chaotic, large holding cell area with anywhere between 10 to 12 other women, depending who was moving in, and who was moving out for the day. In that place I’d had to stand up for myself and prove to some of the inmates that I wasn’t a push over. I’d had one fight at the detention county center. A heavy set woman I didn’t even know, for some reason had tried to give me a hard time. She would follow me around in a patronizing manner, shove me and barricade me from my bunk, calling me Snow White. I figured out she gave me such a hard time because of my fair complexion. It made me stick out like a sore thumb among the inmate population.
One day she charged at me for no apparent reason. I’d gotten tired of her antics, having endured her aggressive manners towards me for several weeks. I countered back, threw the woman down to the floor, straddled myself on top of her and beat her brown ass black and blue. It was the first time I’d ever had a fight in my life. I hadn’t realized I could hurt someone like that. And she found out the hard way, that I wasn’t a push over. After that, I was never troubled by the woman again.
I wondered if I would have to fight anyone in Carlyle. I hoped not. I had not grown up getting into fights, in the cushy neighborhood I had come from and getting down and dirty wasn’t really my style. Fortunately, I was taller than the average woman and in great physical shape. I figured I could hold my own if I had to, but I hoped that I wouldn’t have to fight with anyone else, throughout the rest of my incarceration.
∞
It was Sunday evening, and I had been trying to reach Mark all weekend long. I had not received an answer. Now I stood at one of the pay phones inside the lobby hallway trying to contact him again. Finally, on my third try he answered. I heard shallow breathing on the line.
“Hello-Mark? Are you there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“Hey! I’ve been trying to call you all weekend. Where have you been?”
“What’ve you been thinkin’? That I’m goin to be stayin here in the house everyday-all the time? No way! I can’t keep doin’ that. I went out with a friend today,” he said.
I lowered my head trying to focus. “Oh. That’s okay Mark. I’ve been away over nine months now. So of course I don’t expect you to stay in the house all the time. I can understand your getting out with some of your partners now and then”
Silence.
I wondered why he’d sounded so cold. “I just don’t want you to forget about me, that’s all.”
“You know that I won’t forget about you baby. I appreciate all that you’ve done for me. You’re amazing.”
I broke out in a smile. That sounded more like my man.
“Hey, I’m gonna send you $500 tomorrow. Is that enough for the month?”
“Yes, that’s enough honey. You’ve been sending me $500 every month since I been in. There’s only so much in the prison cantine that a person can buy.”
“Anything for my baby,” he said. “I promised you I would take care of you while you’re in the big house. Whether we’re together or not, I’m gonna stick to that promise.”
I felt better after I had spoken to Mark. He meant the world to me. And I believed that I meant a lot to him too. It was only because I hadn’t been able to reach him recently, that I’d started feeling upset. But now I felt much relieved. I considered that as long as I had my man, I would be able to take the long prison time ahead of me.
Later that evening, I stood at the top of the hillside gazing down. The landscape was green and several feet away down the slope, were many women walking around a one mile, convex track field. In the center of the track was ground with scant grass and trees. I looked towards the sunset. The beams of light from the sun angled through the clouds in colorful luminiscent shades. From the hillside, about a fourth of a mile away from the prison grounds, I saw a thick grove of trees surrounding the entire Carlyle complex. A high chain link fence guarded above with barbed wire, separated the thick grove of trees from the prison grounds.
“Hi Kelly! How you doin’ girl?”
I turned in hearing the familiar voice and saw Julia sprinting towards me. We had already somewhat bonded, in talking to each other at the administration building.“Hi Julia,” I said. I was glad to see her. I had spent much of the past three weeks, trying to adjust to living at Carlyle. The life I lived now was a totally different lifestyle from the life that I had grown up in, and even though I’d lived in a detention center before coming to Carlyle, in spite of my brave front around others, I was still not totally used to being an inmate.
“How have you been?” I asked.
“I’ve been okay. Want to go walking awhile?”
“Sure,” I said, glad for Julia’s company. Although I had come out to gaze at the track field view from the hillside several times before now, I had never gone down to the field. So far, I had only gone to look at the view and then back to the live in unit. I was still struggling with being away from the real world and accepting the fact that I was going to be living at Carlyle for a very long time. I knew all of this, but accepting it as fact was not the same as knowing it. And when I considered that I had an attorney who said he would file an appeal for my case, I did not know how an appeal would turn out, even if he did follow through with the promise of filing it.
We descended the hill and instantly fell into a walking pace around the paved track field.
“So how have things been going for you?” I asked Julia.
“Just chipper. I got my work assignment yesterday and had my first day of orientation today.”
“You did? Where at?”
“The dog kennel department.”
I came to a halt turned and looked at her. I felt amazed with the news. “What kind of work assignment is that?”
“They have a dog training program here at Carlyle. It’s a dog training program where inmates go to the dog kennel department and spend the day there training puppies and helping raise up dogs. The inmates chosen for the program get to help prepare them for being service dogs that help the blind, elderly, and people with various health conditions.”
“Really? Do you like working with dogs?”
“Sure. When I was a kid, I had a German Sheperd. I trained Rockie how to do a lots of tricks. He was quick to learn and very smart. But then, after he was grown, somebody stole him out of my folks backyard. I was really sad about that. It took me a long time to get over losing my Rockie. He was a very good-looking German Sheperd. I guess that’s why somebody stole him.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Say, do you think I can get a work assignment working over there?” I asked.
“That would be great if we could work together. But the officers in the dog kennel department told all of us today during orientation, that the dog training program is full for the year. They even mentioned that they had enough inmates in the stand by pool,
for when the regulars are off, sick or in trouble. Of course, you could still try going to the department and ask for yourself. I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt.”
“I’ve been putting in work assignment request forms for the past three weeks and none of them have come through. I’m starting to get really worried about it. I mean, I don’t really want to end up being drafted to work in the kitchen.
Julia gazed up at me with her hand shading her eyes from the sunset. I looked at her light blue eyes. “Don’t give up Kelly. You just keep on searching. I’m sure that someone will sign off on your work request sheet, as nice of a person as you are. She glanced off in the distance and we began walking again. “How’s your old man doing?” She asked.
“Mark is fine,” I said. “I spoke to him earlier today. He told me he’ll be sending me some money to fund my account here, tomorrow.”
“That’s great. At least you have your man supporting you while you’re in,” she wistfully said. “My man hasn’t hardly helped me since I came in. But then, when we were together he wasn’t there for me then either. As a matter-of-fact, I’m kind of starting to think that maybe I shouldn’t have even been with him.”
“Oh? Why is that?”
She sighed. “When I got busted, I was so high. That meth-oooh. I felt like I was walking in a dream. Funny thing is, I didn’t even start using it until I got involved with Frank. We stopped as she hesitated. I touched her shoulder and said quietly, “I know how you feel more than you can imagine.” Then we began walking in silence.
“I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll be returning back to him after my time is up. All that man does is make and use Meth. If I go back to him, I know I’ll start using it again too. And if I use it, Frank will be there trying to get me to go and sell some for him.”
I glanced downward in silence as Julia continued. Her words struck a cord that bothered me.
“I was so high when I got busted,” she continued. “I was carrying a gun and walking around the parking lot of Wal-mart like a zombie. I didn’t even know what I was doing, when the police arrested me. I was so out of it. Now, all I can do is wait until it is time for me to get out of this place. Wait, and return to Odessa and look for something better to do with my life, than being a Meth dealer.”
