by Pamela White
“I can’t judge you. I got caught up myself in a pretty foolish situation with Frank,” she said.
I looked up and stared at her. “You did?” I said.
“Yes. He was the dealer and seller of the Meth. I helped make it and used it myself. But the only one selling it was Frank.”
I shook my head in amazement.
“Yes, I was a fool too. But I have decided I’m not going to return to Frank. I’m going to go and live with my mother instead. She’s a very strict person, but better her than to go back to him.”
I felt better now. I was not the only one at Carlyle who’d made a mistake, with a man. Having Julia for a friend, made me feel that there was hope, in spite of my surprise break up with Mark.
Nine
Tempted
The officer shouted on the bullhorn in the lobby. “Okay ladies! You’re released!” I bolted upright in bed and remembered today was Tuesday, my first day of working on my own at the chapel library.
I stood up and went to the locker. I gazed in my makeup mirror taped on the front of the locker and hand combed my hair until it looked smooth. The weather was beginning to get colder outside now and I did not like how icy cold it now felt in Bryan. I pulled out my neatly folded navy sweater, and the multicolored scarf with matching gloves Maureen had crocheted for me. After getting fully dressed for the wintry weather I walked outside and over to the chapel library.
I tapped on the outer door and waited. After a few seconds I reached up and pressed the lever. The door was unlocked. I quietly stepped inside, went pass the chapel library to the closed office door and lightly knocked. No one answered. I realized Father Daniel wasn’t yet in his office.
I went to the library desk and looked at the stacks of books on both book carts. It only took a few minutes of placing books on the shelves where they belonged, for me to warm up. I took off the sweater, scarf and gloves and neatly placed these inside one of the cabinet drawers of the desk. I could more easily move around now, and work in the shelving of the books.
All of the books were placed upon the bookshelves within two hours. I sat down behind the desk, and began going through book that needed to be checked for damages next. It was quiet in the room, except for sounds I made flipping book pages. When I came across a book with the title, “The Unfaithful Lover” tears came to my eyes. I stopped working and gawked at the front illustration of a man and woman tightly embraced. I had to stop working as my eyes became profuse with tears.
It was then that I heard the chapel door clicking. I looked up and saw Father Daniel entering the room. He was dressed in the usual brown cape and matching felt hat. I sniffled and quickly rubbed my eyes.
“Hi Father,” I whispered.
“Good evening,” he replied.
By now I had almost been at Carlyle for a year. I’d heard the rumor that Father Daniel was from some place in Northern African, from some of the inmates. Was it true? His accent was recognizable to me as being French. I stared behind him, blinking and wondering, as I watched him walk across the room. He entered his office and closed the door.
I wiped my eyes with both hands and sniffled. I wanted to talk to him. Maybe that would make me feel better. I went to his office door and knocked.
“Uh, come in,” he said.
I entered, closing the door behind. It was my first time actually getting such a close up look at the chapel library office. It was somewhat more modest than the chapel office. There were blue shades over the window, a pedestal desk, and an office chair. Instead of carpeting there was an oriental sized rug laying on wood tiled flooring.
“How are you today Father?” I said, sniffling. He had just taken off his cape and hat. He placed them on the hook behind the desk, turned and stared at me from behind the desk. “Are you okay today? Is there a problem?”
I gazed at him. He came from behind the desk, touched my shoulder and patted it. “What’s wrong? Is there anything I can do to help?”
I felt an overwhelming sense of defeat in having lost Mark to another woman. “I found out my boyfriend has another woman!” I blurted. “And I’m only in prison because of him. I don’t know what to do!”
He stared at me. “Life has a way of throwing curves. It’s not always fair. You can overlook mistakes you’ve made in life and keep making the same ones, or you can look to the Higher Power and follow his ways.”
Was that my answer? I felt relieved that he hadn’t given me a much more condemning response. I gazed at his eyes. They were so beautiful and dark with long and thick eyelashes. Did I need to be concerned about losing Mark if I had Father Daniel’s eyes to gaze at for the next few years? I desired to find out what his thoughts were about me. “Father Daniel, do you find me attractive?”
He stared at me with a puzzled expression. “My dear, what makes you ask such a question? Do you forget that I am a man of the cloth?”
I moved close and tightly hugged him. For a few seconds I felt a slight resistance to my gesture. He reached up and pulled my hands from around his neck. I tightened my grip and continued pressing against his body with mine. The tension of being so snuggly close rose the atmosphere around us and I suddenly detected his hardened prick, perceptibly lodged against my pelvic area.
The rigid response of his body told me what he refused to say outright. He wanted me as much as I desired him. Naturally, I slid my hand onto his erection across the pants and began frisking it with my hand. I could feel it growing underneath his fly, as I continued massaging.
His breathing became labored.“No, you mustn’t do this” he whispered. But I wasn’t interested in listening to what he had to say right now. I unzipped his pants, reached into the fly and pulled out the hard dick.
Oh, it’s so huge! This white man has the biggest dick I’ve ever seen! Oh my God! Oh I want to feel it! I stepped back and pulled off my khaki pants and top. He gazed at me, as if he were in a trance. I pulled off my underclothes. Following my own desires, I’d slid down onto the rug behind his desk within seconds. After sitting down, I reached up towards him, motioning for him to come to me.
He continued staring down at me, his dick sticking straight out of the fly, smooth and hard. He stumbled forward and jerkily came down onto the rug. I leaned all the way back and pulled him on top of my aching body. At first, I sensed that Father Daniel felt awkward laying on top of me, on the rug behind the desk. I realized he was a virgin and did not know what to do. I opened up my legs, guided his dick towards my vagina and began pressing my hands against his buttocks.
As he entered my vagina, his breathing began to get labored again. I pushed my hips up eagerly, as the pressure of his hard dick became extremely pleasureable to my need. I felt in awe as his huge dick plummeted inside of me, over and again. It had become so large I was having a difficult time trying to accommodate it all. I tried opening my legs up wider and it seemed to continue expanding inside of me.
I was excited as hell as he continued pushing his hips against mine. I heard him rapidly inhaling and exhaling. When I felt a gush of liquid and his body becoming more relaxed, I knew that he had come.
In response to his ejaculation, my own climax suddenly reached a feverish pitch and I reached my peak too. We continued laying against each other awhile, in a daze.
“You okay?” I finally asked.
Silence.
Father Daniel slowly got up off of me and stood up. We did not look at each other as we both began to get dressed.
“Are you alright Father?” I asked.
“Please, just go!” he said. I sensed that Father Daniel was upset at me. His messy hair and half way buttoned up shirt were in direct contradiction to him being a Priest.
I retreated towards the door, glanced around once at him and closed the door behind myself as I left. I felt exhausted as I began going through the card catalog, now checking for missing books. But it was a happy kind of exhaustion. I continued working until it was time for me to return to the live in unit. I rubbed the back of my neck
, wondering if I should go back into Father’s office and try to talk to him. I went to the door and started to knock. What can I say? That I’m sorry that I needed you Father? I felt afraid that he might get more upset about my having crossed boundaries with him. Instead of knocking on his door, I left the chapel library and went back to the live in unit.
Ten
His past
What were you thinking man? You’ve let yourself down as well as God! That kind of activity must never happen again. You must have to take control over yourself and stop thinking about having sex with that woman!
The doorbell rang at around six, on Sunday morning. I put my bowl of oatmeal on the coffee table to answer it. Since I was bare chested and only dressed in pajamas I checked the door’s peephole. I recognized the tall, slender man with shoulder length blond hair standing at the doorway, dressed in loose fitting casual blue shorts and a white muscle shirt. It was Father Jerry Garner, the closest friend I’d had since arriving in Bryan, three years earlier.
“Well good morning there,” I said. I quickly glanced down making sure my pajama tuck was intact. “Come on in,” I said. I felt the frustrations I’d been feeling beginning to relax in having my friend and comrade over for a visit.
We walked into the living room area. It was furnished with a brown leather sofa, matching loveseat and two plush chairs. The sofa faced the medium-sized television and there was a glass coffee table set near the sofa. I’d had the television on the news station but hadn’t really been listening to it.
As we stood in front of the television, I asked “Would you like to have some breakfast?”
Father Jerry rubbed his flat waistline in a circular motion and replied,“Nah, I’m stuffed. Just finished having a great breakfast.” He reached forward, touched my shoulder and added, “I wouldn’t mind something to drink.”
“Sure, what would you like? I have orange juice, milk, and coffee.”
“A glass of orange juice sounds fine,” he said.
I went into the kitchen, reached inside the refrigerator and grabbed the carton of orange juice. I began to pour it into a glass.
“That’s plenty,” Father Jerry called, now standing behind me.
“Here you are,” I said, turning and giving him the 6 oz. glass of fruit juice. We went back into the living area and sat down.
After a few minutes of listening to the news, Father Jerry said, “Hey you, I haven’t seen you in a few days. How are you my brother? And how’s everything going for you at Carlyle?”
“Well, it’s kind of been challenging over there, to say the least.” I leaned forward, stared downwards, and felt perplexed.
“What is wrong my friend? You seemed to blush when I asked you about Carlyle. Has something happened at the women’s prison?”
I shook my head and looked at him. “Oh, it’s nothing really. It’s just that sometimes I wonder if I am truly called to work in that ministry.”
“Why Daniel_ This is a totally different manner of speaking that you’re having today. I haven’t seen you look so disheveled since we first met. What’s going on?”
“Oh nothing,” I lied. “I just forgot to comb my hair this morning,” I fingered my hair back, realizing it must look a mess. Silently I turned away from Father Jerry’s question and focused on starting at the television. But I wasn’t listening to the news reports. All of my thoughts were somewhere else, in a different place. I began to reflect over when I’d first come to Bryan, and the problems that led to the departure from my previous ministry—
I’d been working as the priest at St. Gerrard’s, an all boy’s Catholic school for three and a half years.
I and a few of the boys from St. Gerrard’s sometimes went camping. The outings began during spring vacation and continued until the end of summer vacation.
All during my third ministerial year at St. Gerrard’s, a twelve year old boy named Joey Collins developed a deep affection for me. Joey followed me around the Catholic school campus after classes ended each day, with the purpose of discussing his course work problems. Then after this, he would want to talk about many of the things he enjoyed doing after school, like playing soccer and watching basketball on TV. He told me he liked talking to me a lot, because his dad, an eighteen wheeler, wasn’t at home very often. Joey told me that he wished his dad and him were closer, but that his father wasn’t that kind of a dad. After a year of being adored, followed around and worshiped by Joey, I had begun to like him a lot too.
∞
On the first campout with Joey, he had been the one out of five others in the group, who got the camp fire started. He walked towards me afterwards, grinning ear to ear.
“Did you see that? I did it! I got the fire started with two sticks!” He proudly announced. He was excited of the accomplishment. I touched his hair lightly and said, “You’re a smart boy, Joey Collins.” We all stood in a semi circle looking at the fire, blazing brightly in the night.
Joey’s eyes lit up.. He stood close to me and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist. I gazed at him in surprise.
“I love you Father!”
I smiled.
We all sat down around the campfire preparing to eat. After eating canned pork and beans with wieners and drinking bottled water, the boys sang several songs.
Later that night, after they had gone into the boy’s tent, I went into my own tent and took off my clothes. I’d taken off everything down to my pajamas when I heard his easy recognizable voice. “Father, can I talk to you?”
“Just a minute,” I called out.
I reached into my sports bag and quickly pulled out my white terry cloth robe. After putting it on I replied, “Come in Joey.”
After sitting down on the air bed Joey turned to me and said, “Father, there’s something I’ve wanted to ask you about, but I couldn’t ask you in front of my friends. Can I ask you a personal question?”
“Yes.”
“What do you do if a girl kisses you?”
“You might ask her why she has done such a thing?’ I chuckled. “Why? Has someone kissed you?’
He nodded. “A girl in my neighborhood kissed me in the park this week.”
“Oh, I see,” I said. “Have you known this girl very long?”
“I’ve known Leann since we were five years old. We sometimes run into each other at the store. She lives down the street from me. Well, yesterday she came to the park and kissed me when no one was looking! What should I do Father?”
I looked at his serious expression and patted his leg. “Don’t worry about it. If you like her, tell her that you like her but that you don’t think that it’s a good idea to move so fast.”
“The kiss felt really weird Father, to be honest. I’m not sure whether I liked it or not.”
“This is nothing to be too worried about. It is quite normal at your age not to know what you want when it comes to girls. This may not be the first time you receive a kiss from a girl. Girls will sometimes want to kiss a boy as some boys will sometimes want to kiss a girl. But I assure you, this is nothing to be worried about. Just take your time Joey. Right now, you just want to stay focused on the things that matter most. Pleasing God and getting your education. I am sure this is what your mother and father want for you too. And when it is time for you to meet that special girl, you will know it.”
“We stood up and faced each other. Joey stepped close to me, reached out and hugged me tightly. “Father, that’s why I like to talk to you. You’re always there to explain things to me, like no one else can!”
I hugged him back. I knew and understood that Joey and his father weren’t close because of the fact that his father was often away from home, driving long haul across the country.
“You are welcomed!” I replied. Overtime I’d begun to enjoy Joey’s adoration of me, as I knew that I would never have a child of my own. “Now, you need to go on to your tent and get some sleep. We’ll be getting up early in the morning and going fishing,” I said.
It
was close to midnight when I awakened. The view around me was pitch black. Then I felt something moving, next to me. I glanced down aghast at the small body form laying flush, against me. The thin figure shivered.
I waited a few moments. When my eyes had adjusted to the darkness I recognized the spiked, auburn hair.
“Hey, what in the world are you doing here?”
Silence. I listened and heard his rhythmic breathing.
I removed the covers, squinting at the sleeping figure next to me. I saw that Joey was laying next to me, wearing nothing except checkered boxer shorts.
I looked in amazement as one of his legs jerked up and fell on top of my legs.
He was fidgeting in his sleep. I shook him awake. “What are you doing in my bed Joey?”
Sleepily he replied, “Oh, Father Daniel, I was cold over there in the other tent. So I came in here to sleep with you.” I looked at his thin shivering body. “You should get out of here and return to the boy’s tent where you belong!”
Joey grabbed my arm firmly. “Please Father! Please! Don’t make me go back to the other tent! Can I please stay and sleep with you?”
I shook my hand back and forth but he wouldn’t let go. I finally gave in. “Oh, alright. But first thing in the morning, you’re to get up and go back to the tent with your friends.”
