The Praetorian

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  All the while I run, I think about every step I’ve taken in this life. I feel alone, even though I’m surrounded by people. Sometimes all the things on my mind feel too heavy. I hold everything inside. I used to talk to my dad when I was younger, but after everything he and my mother pulled when they got divorced, I lost all respect for him.

  Up until that point, I thought we were on the same page. But now I can look back and see everything he ever did was about him. It was never about us or what we needed. I’m not sure how I turned out so differently. Every move they made and every word they said was for one purpose only: to make more money and keep up appearances. It’s why I walked away. It’s why I try to never look back.

  After my run, I usually go to the pool to cool off and think, but there are too many people around and Dawson is scared of pictures, so I listen for once. After checking in with Natalie, I shower. My mind drifts back to the show.

  Last night was interesting. I had just started watching the day’s recording on my TV when my iPad notified me of movement in the east wing. I kind of like this setup. I get told who’s moving and where. Tori and Reed were more curious than the others. They’re the only ones who left their rooms last night. I watched them descend the stairs. When Tori pulled Reed’s arm and she refused to follow, I saw an opportunity to speak to her alone and took it.

  She didn’t seem at all affected by me. Maybe I’m not her type. I think about who she is and realize she’s way out of my league. I have a greater chance of being arrested by her than her being attracted to me. She’s plain in a perfect “girl next door” way. I’m definitely the bad boy, and we all know the bad boy always hurts the good girl. I don’t want to be that guy.

  I pay extra attention to my appearance. Dawson advises they want me in the dressing room early for prep, so I go downstairs for my meeting. It’s time to find out what they have in store for me today. There had better not be a cape.

  JP and Esto are in deep conversation when I enter. It’s 7:00 a.m. and we have the dining hall to ourselves.

  JP stands to shake my hand. “Good morning. We were just discussing the plans for today.”

  One of my servers pours me coffee and then exits the room. He knows we need privacy.

  Esto is the first to speak. “Thank goodness it’s a beautiful day. We’ll start off in the forum and then move outside.” I get the feeling JP already knows what’s going to happen. I don’t like being the last to know.

  “We always like to start off with something really grand on the first day,” Esto says excitedly. “So we arranged for a few guests to be flown in.” He glances at his watch. “They should be arriving soon.”

  “Guests? What kind of guests?” I ask.

  Clark suddenly appears around the corner. “Sorry to interrupt. Esto, we have a problem.”

  “What kind of problem?” I ask.

  Esto immediately stands and places his napkin on the table. “I’ll handle it,” he says. “I want this to be fun for you, Roman. The last thing we want to do is worry you with minor production snafus.”

  Clark smiles awkwardly. He knows what’s going on, I can see it on his face. I gawk at JP. He knows everything too. Am I the only one they don’t “worry?” Something builds inside me. It’s time for another visit with my best friend.

  Pushing out from the table, I stand. “So what I hear you saying is that everyone knows the fucking plans except me? What am I, a child? You don’t tell me so I don’t worry? What the hell does that even mean? This is bullshit. This is my house and my life. If someone doesn’t fill me in on exactly what’s going on, you’re all packing up your shit and getting the fuck out of my fucking house.”

  I’m pissed and by the expression on everyone’s faces, they know it.

  JP places a hand on my arm and I pull away. Esto and Clark glance back and forth between each other, as if they’re communicating with their eyes.

  No one says a word and it’s making my blood boil.

  “Listen,” Esto begins. “If you want to know the plans, we’d be happy to tell you. The truth is, we figured it would be better not to stress you out with all the minor details.”

  “Minor details? I don’t know any details. If this is how you operate, then I’m done. I don’t ever walk into something without knowing what’s expected of me.”

  Rushing from the room, I push Clark’s hand away as he attempts to stop me. Dawson sees me bolt from his position in the hall and he takes off after me as I climb the stairs two at a time. Bobby and Cedric are coming from the opposite direction and stop cold when they see me.

  This whole thing is starting to feel like a shit idea.

  “Boss, wait!” Dawson yells.

  But I don’t stop. I fly down the hall and into my bedroom, slamming the door behind me.

  A few minutes later, I hear a soft knock. “What?” I shout.

  Dawson opens the door slightly. “Esto wants to meet with you. He said you’re right. They made a mistake and he wants to tell you everything.”

  Pushing my hands through my thick hair, I feel like breaking something. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

  Dawson nods. “Say the word and they’re all gone. I’ll remove them myself if I have to.”

  Staring at him and his stance, I know he would. He didn’t want me to do this stupid show from the beginning and once again I didn’t listen. Now everyone is here, and I want it to stop.

  “You’ve never quit anything, boss. Not once, the entire time I’ve known you. If you want them gone, there’s a damn good reason. Say the word. Just say the word.” He folds his arms and waits.

  I know he’s ready to pounce. He always has my back, even when I make mistakes. He’s right. I never quit anything. I follow through on my promises. Always have, even since I was a kid. My word has always meant everything to me.

  Trudging over to the window, I see a tent and at least fifty people setting up something major. Yeah, I’m pissed I’m in the dark and it would make my life a lot easier if they all went home. But as I watch them working, I wonder how many of those people would be out of a job if I quit. I bet they have families to feed and people counting on them, like me. Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and try to think. Everything is a jumbled mess.

  I scratch my head and flop down in the chair in my sitting area. Dawson waits patiently. He knows my process.

  “Tell them I want to know everything. No more secrets. I want them to promise to tell me everything from this point forward.”

  After Dawson leaves, I pull out a pad of paper and flip through my drawings from yesterday. I consider sketching the tent to help clear my head but I’m almost out of paper. I couldn’t sleep last night so I sat up for hours drawing everything and anything to avoid the long, lonely night. The only time I have trouble sleeping is when I’m worried. Most nights, I sleep hard and fast, but this whole thing has me tense and aggravated.

  I stop flipping the pages when I get to a picture of Reed. I re-draw the freckle on her face until I know it’s perfect. I flip to the next drawing of Natalie sitting by the bed while she reads.

  The pit in my stomach returns and memories of the past flood my mind. Natalie should be out enjoying her life. Instead she’s cooped up in that room. She can’t go outside like she used to, now that everyone is here. I need to make amends. The money I make from this show will be enough to hire others. There’s no one like her, but she can’t do this alone.

  I’m reminded again why I went into this blindly to begin with. The money. I’m not like my parents. Money isn’t why I live and breathe. I use it to protect the ones I love. I made a vow and I won’t break it. Not this time, not ever.

  Grabbing hold of my sword, I twist and turn to avoid his thrusts. As he swoops downward, I move in for the kill. The gladiator falls to the ground, clutching his chest, blood seeping out around his fingers. Catching my breath, I crouch next to him and remove his mask. I gasp in horror when I realize the man I slayed is Roman Creed.

  The buzzi
ng of my alarm sends me flying out of the bed in a panic. I hit snooze, afraid I woke Tori, but her bed is made, and she’s gone.

  Grabbing my watch from the nightstand, I check the time, breathing deeply when I realize I’m not late after all. I wonder how long ago she left.

  I heard her come back last night. I was already in bed, but I couldn’t fall asleep. Trying to close my eyes and drift off was almost impossible, knowing the bedroom door was unlocked. It reminded me of many a frightened night in my childhood.

  She must have laid out some major confessions in the dairy room last night, because she was gone for a solid hour after I returned to the room. I didn’t want her to think I was waiting up for her, so I pretended to be asleep. I was going to ask her about it this morning, but I’ll have to save my questions for later.

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, I push my disheveled hair from my face. I can’t believe she was able to shower, get dressed, and make her bed without waking me. I’m a really light sleeper. I must have been more exhausted than I realized.

  After I shower and dress, I head downstairs. Bryce gave us a schedule of what we needed to wear each day. Today is business casual, so I opt for my black slacks and pale pink blouse. I have to admit, I’m brimming with excitement to see what they have in store.

  I’m right on time as I enter the dining room. Tori has already eaten and is chatting with Bobby McNeal, from Chicago. He seems to be entertaining her. She’s laughing and trying to be quiet.

  Cedric is holding a cup of coffee and reading the paper. There are several copies stacked on a table in the corner. I haven’t held a real newspaper in my hands since I was a kid. I’m surprised they’re still in print.

  “Good morning,” Cedric says as I approach an elaborate buffet set up at the side of the room.

  “G’morning,” I reply. “How’d you sleep?”

  “Great. I think I got a full three hours.”

  “What are you, Elf?” I ask him. The throne of lies comment I made yesterday is still playing in my mind.

  He stares at me questioningly.

  “Elf?” “The movie? Oh, come on. You know what I mean. Elf… Will Ferrell thinks he’s an elf. With Santa? Wait, you haven’t seen it?”

  He smiles, and I know I’ve been duped. Shaking my head, I pour myself I cup of coffee and he returns to reading his paper.

  A few seconds later, Akio and Raul appear near the entry to the dining room. Akio wasn’t a popular choice for a roommate last night, and I sense Raul picked him because he felt bad. Akio sashays through the doors as if he’s royalty. His head is back, his chin is up, and he pauses while making his entrance until heads turn to regard him. Raul waits for him to move. Akio didn’t need to showboat. His outfit makes a statement all by itself. He’s wearing a black shirt with gold buttons and gold flourishes in the panels of the sleeves. His black pants shine like silk and hug his ankles like joggers. He sticks out like a sore thumb.

  Cedric holds out his fist to Raul and he bumps it as he passes by. I wonder if they’ve spoken to each other. Their military training must give them an edge over the rest of us. I decide it’s time I met Raul.

  “Hi,” I say, approaching him at the buffet. He’s already fixed himself a heap of eggs and quickly puts down the spoon, rubs his hand on his pants, and holds his hand out to shake mine.

  “I’m Reed. I think I saw you at auditions in LA a few months ago.”

  “Yep, that was me. I remember you too. You stood out from the others.”

  “How so?”

  “Did you see the way some of those people dressed? Have they ever been on an interview in their lives? You’d think it was a fashion show competition.”

  I laugh. He’s right. I like his smile. “I felt underdressed and out of place. Who knew five pounds of makeup was a requirement,” I reply sarcastically.

  “You’re a natural beauty. You don’t need all that stuff on your face to stand out.”

  I smile shyly. Is he flirting with me? I’m so bad at this stuff. He is kinda cute. Crew cut, clean shaven, arm muscles that show he’s strong but not vain. “Thanks,” I reply awkwardly as if I’m twelve with no idea how to take a compliment.

  He grins at me as I take a step toward the plates. He returns to assembling his breakfast, and we don’t speak again. I need to up my flirting game. I suck.

  I take a piece of toast and a couple of slices of bacon and sit next to Tori. She turns as I pull out my chair.

  “Hey, roomie. Have you met Bobby?” she asks.

  “No I haven’t.” I hold out my hand, and he fist-bumps my palm. I pull back slowly after attempting to make a fist too late. I should have seen that coming.

  “You two are roommates, huh?” he asks. “How’s that workin’ out for ya?”

  “Great,” I reply. “I hope I didn’t keep you up by snoring or something,” I say to Tori. “You were already gone when I woke up.”

  She takes a sip of a soda and waves off my question like it’s absurd. “Not at all. I’m an early riser.”

  “Yeah, that’s her second soda. She’s gonna be high as a kite from all the caffeine,” Bobby replies, taking a huge bite of a danish.

  “I can’t help it. I’m addicted to soda. Plus, it keeps me awake when I’m tired.”

  “Are you tired?” I ask, still afraid maybe I called out in my sleep and woke her. I’ve woken myself many times after having a nightmare.

  “I’m good. I’m excited to get started.”

  One by one, the rest of the contestants join us. I note Naya and Kari seem to get along really well. Maybe I judged her too quickly. I need to get to know them. Logan the cop and Matt the bouncer are the last to enter. Logan heads straight for the pastry table and Matt stops at the buffet, stretching out his arms and yawning loudly. Cedric stares at him briefly before turning back to his paper.

  Bryce enters the room as Matt sits down with a heaping plate of food.

  “Good morning! I hope you all slept well.” His smile is bright and welcoming. He must be staying here, like the rest of us. I heard he got married not long after The Fabulist aired. His wife must be pretty amazing. He’s a catch and a half. I wonder if he has children.

  I gaze down at my cup of coffee as people chatter around me. I always thought I’d be married with a kid or two by now. I’m even up for adoption or fostering. I see a lot of kids enter the system, due to situations like mine. I’d like to give them hope and a chance at a better life. I wonder if my recent suspension will affect that dream. I don’t want to be a single parent, so I guess it’s not in the cards, or maybe I haven’t met the right guy. I refuse to settle. The man I marry better love kids and have the patience of a starving man waiting for his Jell-O to set. I will not repeat my past.

  Bryce captures everyone’s attention the minute they hear his voice. “Please enjoy your breakfast. I’m going to ask you to meet me in the forum at nine o’clock on the dot.” He clasps his hands excitedly. “We’ve got a great day in store for you!”

  “I wonder what they have planned,” Tori whispers.

  “I have no idea, but I bet it’ll be something crazy.”

  Tori moves her head to the right and stares. Following the direction of her gaze, I see Creed has entered the room.

  The mumblings of conversation end abruptly, and you can practically hear every breath he takes, it’s so quiet. He pours himself coffee and then turns his head in our direction. I swear, everyone turns away like we’re doing the wave. It makes me chuckle. I cover my mouth with my fist and cough to cover it, but he’s staring quizzically right at me. I gaze at my coffee like it’s the most fascinating beverage I’ve ever seen.

  Creed says, “I’m just a guy. A normal guy who needs coffee to function in the morning, like the rest of you. Please don’t stop talking because of me. If it’s too quiet, I may doze off.”

  Raul is the first to stand. He approaches Creed and shakes his hand. Creed smiles like he genuinely appreciates the effort. Chatter begins again as person after person in
troduces themselves and makes small talk. He doesn’t seem to mind at all.

  As he’s chatting with Bobby, I steal a glance in his direction. His hair is messy in a way that looks like he did it on purpose. He’s wearing a gray T-shirt and I notice the muscles in his arms. He has a long sleeve of tattoos on the right arm, with a couple random on the left. I wonder if his body is covered with them. I don’t have anything against tats, but it would be a shame to cover something that beautiful. I bet his olive skin is flawless everywhere, like it is on his face. I catch myself mid-thought and feel my cheeks heat. I remind myself of our conversation last night and how he stood in front of me during his presentation. He’s an ass in horse’s clothing. I repeat it inside my head until I believe it.

  Tori pushes away from the table and makes her move, whispering, “Here goes nothing” in my ear as she stands.

  She steps over to him as he takes a sip of coffee and he automatically puts it down and smiles up at her. I wish everyone would shush. I can’t hear what they’re saying. Tori pushes a lock of hair behind her ear as she speaks, and he gazes at her with interest. My teeth clench and I stand with the intention of filling my cup with coffee I don’t want to get close enough to hear them.

  “You’re up,” Raul says, nudging me from behind. “You’re the only one who hasn’t introduced herself. I think he’s waiting.”

  I turn to reply to him and lock eyes with Creed. He lifts his cup to his lips and I tense. Facing the coffee pot once more, I cringe. No one has ever made me feel so nervous. I’m a goddamn cop. I don’t get nervous around anyone but the mayor.

  Raul nudges me again and I decide for appearances sake I’d better pretend we haven’t been introduced already. I don’t want anyone suspicious of me.

  Abandoning my cup on the buffet, I wipe my hand on my black slacks to make sure it’s not sweaty. It feels like I’m walking in slow motion. He stares down at his cup, but the slight lift of his upper lip tells me he knows I’m coming. He’s a guy. Just a guy.