It Started with a Secret: The feel-good novel of the year, from the bestselling author of MAYBE THIS TIME

by Jill Mansell

  ‘Well, maybe a tiny crack.’

  ‘I like that kind of sound,’ said Ned. ‘Craaaaa-ckk!’

  Lainey smiled. It was going to be an interesting trip.

  Oh, but so much more interesting for having Seth with her. She watched as he finished loading up the vehicle and signalled across to them that he was ready to leave. He was wearing a navy polo shirt and jeans and looking – let’s face it – pretty damn gorgeous.

  Next to her, clearly having noticed this too, Grace said quietly, ‘When I was young and painfully shy, I spent years getting picked on at school because I was so quiet and easy to make fun of. Then, when I was seventeen, I took a job during the summer holidays working in an ice cream booth on Menhenick beach. That was the year Sir Richard bought the big house there and brought his family down to St Carys for the summer. All the girls in my class fell in love with Seth, and wherever he went, they followed like geese. That’s how he found out they were being mean to me. I mean, he could have had anyone he wanted, and obviously he didn’t fancy me or anything like that, but he spent time chatting to me and just being friendly. And then he started inviting me to join them after I’d finished work . . . even though I didn’t want to at first. But he wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I started going along with him to the parties that were being held on the beach. And the fact that Seth was so kind meant the girls had to be nice to me too, because they were so desperate for him to like them. But eventually we all got used to each other, I stopped being terrified of them, we ended up becoming friends, and the teasing became a thing of the past.’

  She shook her head as if still marvelling at what Seth had achieved during the space of one summer. ‘You can’t imagine the difference he made to my life. He returned to London, but we always knew he could be back at any time. School stopped being an ordeal and I had some friends of my own at last. I actually began to enjoy getting up in the mornings, and that was all thanks to him. He didn’t need to do any of it, but he did.’

  ‘That’s fantastic.’ Lainey was moved to hear about Seth’s kindness as a schoolboy.

  ‘If this was all happening in a book or a film, years would pass, Seth would fall on hard times and everything would go wrong in his life, whilst I’d miraculously find myself in a position to return the favour and do something wonderful for him.’ Grace looked rueful. ‘Except that hasn’t happened, has it? Here we are, fifteen years on, and he’s still the one helping me.’

  ‘He doesn’t have to, though,’ said Lainey. ‘He’s doing it because he wants to, because you’re friends.’

  ‘I know, I do know that. I just don’t like feeling beholden. If only I could repay him in some way.’

  ‘We never know what’s going to happen.’ Lainey shrugged. ‘Maybe one day you’ll get your chance.’

  Ned was back from the bathroom. ‘You could bake him a cake.’

  ‘With my cooking? Oh, poor Seth, that would be too cruel.’ Grace smiled at her eldest son.

  But Ned was heading impatiently for the front door. ‘Come on, hurry up. Let’s go.’

  The early start enabled a speedy, relatively traffic-free journey across Bodmin Moor and up the M5. Ned, using a variety of blue felt-tip pens, carefully filled pages of his exercise book with the registration numbers of vehicles they passed along the way. Bay listened to children’s stories through headphones and let out intermittent shrieks. Stevie, clutching his bag of shopping receipts, unfurled them one by one and read the lists of items and their prices aloud. After pointedly ignoring Lainey for the first hour, he eventually gave in and passed her one of the long receipts. Still gazing out of the window on his side of the people carrier, he said, ‘Now you read them.’

  ‘OK.’ Touched by the tiny breakthrough, Lainey said, ‘Jersey Royal potatoes—’

  ‘Not potatoes. You have to say it like it’s written.’

  ‘Sorry. Jersey Royal pots, one pound fifty—’

  ‘No! You don’t say the prices.’ Stevie shook his head wildly at her faux pas. ‘You say what the things are, then I say how much they cost.’

  ‘Right, got it.’ Impressed, Lainey said, ‘And do you know all the prices?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘That’s amazing.’ She knew that only a tiny percentage of people with autism possessed rare talents, but Stevie was evidently one of them. ‘Right, here we go. Jersey Royal pots . . .’

  ‘Seven.’

  Meeting Seth’s gaze in the rear-view mirror for a split second, she saw him nod, encouraging her to continue. ‘Chantenay cars.’

  ‘Eleven.’

  ‘Toms.’

  ‘Waaaaaahhhh.’ Securely strapped in next to his mother, Bay began kicking the back of the seat in front of him.

  When he’d finished, Stevie said, ‘Three hundred and twenty-six.’

  They reached their destination at nine in the morning. Situated away from any other houses on the very edge of a village called Easter Compton, it was a run-down-looking property surrounded by an overgrown garden.

  ‘I know it’s not Buckingham Palace,’ Grace was apologetic, ‘but my sister’s never been house-proud. On the up side, it means she’s not going to mind if a wall gets scribbled on or a couple of mugs are broken. If we rented somewhere from a stranger, I wouldn’t be able to relax for a second.’

  Once the car was unpacked, they let themselves into the empty house, which was dusty and cluttered but clean enough.

  ‘Now we have bacon sandwiches with tomato ketchup,’ Ned announced, because this was what they always did upon arrival.

  ‘Coming up,’ said Grace, but Lainey gestured for her to sit down.

  ‘Relax, it’s your holiday too.’ Well, inasmuch as any kind of relaxation was possible under the circumstances. ‘I’ll put the kettle on and make the sandwiches.’

  ‘And I’ll take the boys outside.’ Seth scooped Bay up. ‘Let’s explore the garden, shall we?’

  ‘Can we climb trees?’ said Ned.

  Seth shook his head. ‘No, remember what your mum told you. Not until you’re older.’

  Through the kitchen window they watched Seth outside with the boys. Grace said, ‘Ned broke his arm last year jumping out of a tree. He does things without thinking they might not be a good idea.’

  ‘I did something like that once; lucky I didn’t break my neck.’ Lainey winced at the memory. ‘I was staying at my gran’s house, got one of my flying fairy dolls caught in the top branches of the tree outside my bedroom window and thought I could climb out and reach it. But then I got stuck and couldn’t climb back inside or get down the tree.’

  ‘Oh my word! What did your gran do?’

  ‘Nothing, she was having a nap and had taken her hearing aid out. She lived on the outskirts of a village, so no one would have heard me if I’d yelled for help. I honestly thought I was going to fall trying to get down, and probably die.’

  ‘And yet here you are.’ Grace smiled. ‘Still alive. How did you manage it?’

  ‘A boy saw me from the field behind my gran’s house. He came running across, jumped over the wall into her garden and climbed up the tree. He was older and taller than me and he helped me down. I was so relieved to reach the ground I almost burst into tears. I wanted to hug him because he’d saved my life! But I didn’t,’ Lainey said wryly. ‘Which was just as well because he called me an idiot. Then he turned and jumped over the wall again, and ran back across the field that led down to Goosebrook, and I never saw him again.’ She laughed. ‘Thank God. I spent the rest of the week absolutely terrified he was going to turn up and tell Granny Ivy what I’d done, then she’d tell Mum and I’d never be allowed to stay there again!’

  ‘Ha, bet it put you off climbing trees for life,’ said Grace. ‘That’s the trouble with Ned, it wouldn’t occur to him to stop doing things that might hurt him. Like that.’ She pointed through the window, where her oldest son, blonde hair gleaming in the sunlight, was now clambering onto the wooden garden table. Lowering Bay to the ground, Seth swiftly retrieved
Ned before he was able to launch himself like Spider-Man at the washing line six feet away. ‘They really like him,’ she continued fondly. ‘He has the magic touch.’

  ‘He’s so good with them,’ Lainey agreed.

  ‘He always has been. When the time comes, he’s going to make a brilliant father.’ After a pause, Grace said drily, ‘Unlike my ex-husband, who couldn’t have been more rubbish if he’d tried.’

  ‘What happened to him? Sorry, you don’t have to tell me.’

  ‘Oh, no worries, it’s one of the great love stories of our time.’ Half laughing, Grace took a gulp of hot tea. ‘I met Pete when I was working in the Co-op. We got chatting and he started coming into the shop more and more often. It kind of became a standing joke; he’d be popping in three or four times a day and everyone at work thought it was so romantic. Then he invited me out and we started seeing each other, and the next thing you know, I was pregnant. Everything was OK for a year or two; it was all a bit sudden, but we loved each other and thought we could make it work . . . except Ned screamed non-stop and never slept, and I thought it had to be my fault, that I must be a terrible mother. Then Pete’s mum told me the reason he was so difficult was because I was making too much of a fuss of him, and the best thing I could do was have another baby, then I wouldn’t have time to be so neurotic.’

  ‘Ouch.’ Lainey turned back from frying the bacon, appalled.

  ‘And Pete always did what his mum told him to do, so a year later Stevie came along. We did still love each other, you see. All we wanted was to make our marriage as happy as possible. But it just got more and more difficult, and we couldn’t understand why our children were so much harder to cope with than other people’s, and finally they were referred to a specialist and were both diagnosed. It was almost a relief for me in a way, because at least we had an answer at last, but Pete found it harder to accept. He couldn’t cope. We struggled on for a while, because what else could we do? But he was becoming more and more stressed and withdrawn. Then one day he just said he couldn’t handle it any more, and walked out.’

  ‘Oh Grace.’ The determinedly brave face she was putting on made the story all the more heartbreaking.

  ‘And a week later, I found out I was expecting again.’ A wry smile.

  ‘What did he say when you told him?’

  ‘He said I always did have a rubbish sense of timing. Then he told me he’d moved in with the barmaid from the Crown because she wasn’t always nagging and she understood him. Which was nice.’

  ‘I don’t know how you get through something like that,’ Lainey marvelled.

  ‘It wasn’t the best time of my life, I’ll give you that. But I had my boys,’ Grace said simply. ‘And I still have them, and I love them to bits. They’re my world.’

  ‘Of course they are.’ A lump sprang into Lainey’s throat; she had to concentrate on turning the strips of bacon in order to get herself back under control.

  ‘Not saying they’re not hard work, because they are, obviously. But they mean everything to me. I’m lucky to have them and Pete’s the one who’s missing out.’

  ‘He doesn’t see them?’

  ‘No. Then again, lots of friends have melted away over the years. Especially the ones with so-called normal children.’

  From the garden, through the open window, came one of Bay’s ear-splitting shrieks, followed by the sound of Seth saying, ‘Don’t worry, it’s just a butterfly, it won’t hurt you.’

  ‘In fact, pretty much the only person who doesn’t steer well clear of us is Seth. He’s our knight in shining armour.’ Draining her mug, Grace rose to her feet to start buttering slices of bread. ‘He was telling me last week that he has a new girlfriend.’

  ‘He does.’

  ‘Dawn, he said her name was. Isn’t that a beautiful name? Have you met her?’

  ‘I have.’ Lainey nodded, wishing she had the kind of name that people thought was beautiful.

  ‘He deserves the best. She must be absolutely stunning.’ Grace gave a happy sigh. ‘And I bet she’s lovely too.’

  What else could she say? Lainey drained the rashers of crispy bacon on a sheet of kitchen paper and summoned a bright smile. ‘Oh she is!’

  Chapter 19

  Fourteen hours later, the boys and their mum were asleep upstairs in their rooms and the house was quiet – for now at least.

  Seth came down the staircase with an armful of bedding. ‘How are you doing? Shattered?’

  ‘It’s been an experience.’ Lainey watched him dump the duvet and pillows on the sofa; she had a narrow single bed up in the converted attic, but Seth would be sleeping down here in case Stevie or Ned woke up and started wandering round the house. ‘Are you ready to go to sleep? Because I can leave you to it . . .’

  ‘No, no, it’s not even midnight yet. Want a drink? Red wine?’

  ‘Are you having one?’

  ‘Better not.’ He shook his head. ‘I’m on child-wrangling duty, so I’ll stick to water.’

  ‘I will too.’ After all, this wasn’t a holiday; they were here to work.

  Seth returned from the kitchen with two glasses of cold water from the tap. Once he was sitting next to her on the sofa, they solemnly clinked their drinks together.

  ‘Thanks again. Now you know why I didn’t want to cancel.’

  Lainey nodded. ‘I do.’

  ‘They’re good kids. It just breaks my heart to see what Grace has to go through. Has had to go through,’ he amended, ‘practically her whole adult life.’

  ‘But you’ve stuck by her. She appreciates that so much,’ Lainey told him, ‘and she loves you for it. Not love loves you.’ It was her turn to correct herself. ‘She’s just so grateful for everything you’ve done to help her.’

  ‘Who wouldn’t want to help?’

  ‘Well, lots of people.’

  Seth tilted his head sideways. ‘What are you looking at?’

  Whoops, the honest answer was that she’d been studying his profile, the line of his jaw, the curve of his neck and the way his dark hair curled over the collar of his polo shirt. But since she wasn’t about to give him the honest one, Lainey said, ‘You’ve got some dried drool and tomato ketchup on your shirt.’ She patted her own shoulder to show him where it was.

  He pointed. ‘And you’ve got chocolate in your hair.’

  ‘Let’s hope it is chocolate.’

  Seth leaned across, lifted the section of hair and inhaled. ‘It’s OK, you’re safe.’

  Which shouldn’t have sounded seductive, but somehow did. Flustered by his proximity, Lainey jumped up. ‘I’m going to get some crisps.’

  In the kitchen, she bent over the sink and squirted washing-up liquid onto the glued-together strands of hair. When the chocolate had been rinsed away, she grabbed a bag of crisps from the cupboard and called out, ‘How about some Brie and crackers?’

  But when she returned to the living room, he was on his phone.

  ‘. . . No, Grace has gone to bed. That was Lainey.’

  Lainey stopped dead in her tracks; Seth was on his feet now, facing away from her.

  ‘I couldn’t get anyone else at such short notice. She has an enhanced DBS and agreed to help out.’

  She silently reversed into the kitchen, her ears on stalks. After several seconds of listening to whoever was on the other end of the phone, Seth said, ‘We’ve been busy, I didn’t have time to call. I wasn’t deliberately not telling you.’

  Yeesh. She slid further back across the kitchen, opened and closed a couple of cupboard doors for effect and gave her bag of crisps a rustle and shake for added authenticity. When it was safe, she returned to the living room. Seth, no longer on the phone, was studying the A4 sheet printed with tomorrow’s diary of activities, clearly laid out so the boys knew what would be happening and could be reassured there’d be no surprises.

  ‘We need to be at the shopping mall as soon as it opens, so they can see the fountain while the place is still practically empty.’

  Lain
ey nodded; Ned and Stevie were evidently enthralled by the spectacular indoor fountain that intermittently sent a jet of water shooting high into the air.

  ‘And then at nine thirty we’ll leave there and head to the zoo.’ Again, before too many other people arrived, because crowds and noise were what most unsettled them. She’d already learnt today that if Ned didn’t want to go where you wanted him to go, he was apt to leg it in the opposite direction, whereas Bay threw himself to the ground and wailed inconsolably. On the up side, she’d discovered that if Stevie was growing anxious, he could be calmed by having items from his shopping lists read aloud to him.

  ‘That was Dawn on the phone,’ said Seth when she’d sat back down and ripped open the packet of crisps.

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘Did you hear what I was saying?’

  ‘No.’ Lainey caught his raised eyebrow. ‘OK, yes.’

  ‘She’s a bit put out. About you being here.’

  ‘Sorry.’

  The corners of his mouth twitched with amusement. ‘You don’t have to apologise.’

  ‘I know I don’t. But there’s no reason for her to be put out, is there? I can’t believe she is.’ Lainey realised she was burbling. ‘I mean, what’s the point? This is Dawn we’re talking about! Why would she ever need to worry about anyone else?’ It didn’t help that Seth was watching her intently, the expression in his dark eyes unreadable. Panicking, she thrust the bag of crisps at his chest. ‘Here, grab yourself a handful.’

  Seth did the world’s tiniest double take and she felt her cheeks heat up as realisation belatedly dawned. Because this, this was the effect he had on her.

  It was also the reason she could never aspire to be as irresistible to the opposite sex as Dawn, who as well as being absolutely stunning to look at was dignified and in control at all times and would never inadvertently say something so ridiculous.

  Flustered, Lainey said, ‘OK, can we delete that? Pretend I didn’t say it?’

  ‘We can pretend.’ Seth was making heroic attempts to keep a straight face. ‘But I’m not going to be able to forget it.’