Red Baker

by Robert Ward

  “Say that again,” Vinnie said. “I musta not heard it.”

  “Teepees,” Frankie said. “What you stupid or something? Everybody knows fucking Dots live in fucking teepees.”

  “Aww shit,” Vinnie said. “Man, that’s American Indians. These guys are from the other side of the world. Dots are India Indians, you know the kind that are into snake charming and voodoo and shit.”

  “Voodoo,” Crystal said. “Indians aren’t into voodoo. That’s what people from Haiti are into.”

  “Hey,” Vinnie said. “You ever been to India?”

  “No,” Crystal said.

  “Then shut the fuck up. What would you know about voodoo? Snake charming and voodoo is the same thing.”

  “Bullshit,” Crystal said. “Voodoo is when you make little dolls of people and stick hatpins in them, and they start to look like Wayne Fucking Newton.”

  Well, this got the biggest laugh of the night. Even the sailor on the other side of Crystal cracked up over that, and Vinnie was really pissed.

  He started in with his defense of Wayne Newton, but nobody could hear him because we were all roaring. Especially Dog. He had his head back and was holding his gut, and tears were streaming down his face.

  “Hey,” Vinnie said, “what the fuck you laughing at? You’re just a fucking welfare man. Just like the niggers. ‘Whoa suh please gimme my check.’”

  “Hey, cool it,” I said to Vinnie. “We’re just having some fun.”

  “You cool it then,” Vinnie said. “I don’t want to hear one more word in the denigration of Mr. Wayne Newton, who is a great performer and a hell of a guy.”

  “Great,” I said. “A great guy.”

  But Dog didn’t say anything. He just stood there, staring blankly past Vinnie, as if he were dreaming of pointers sectioning off a green field of tall grass and high above them a pheasant streaking toward the sun. Then he blinked and looked around, and I could see it happening to him again, his dream being wiped out by the bar, the sound of the cash register, and the dull hardness of Vinnie’s eyes.

  “Shut up, Vinnie,” he said in a voice that was deathly still.

  Vinnie looked at him with as much meanness as he could muster up, but there was something gone in Dog’s face that scared even me.

  “Hey, Doggie,” I said, “come on now. Let’s get us a booth over there.”

  “You better have money, Baker. This place don’t run on credit.”

  Dog stood very still, his hands rubbing the bottom of his jacket.

  “Shut up, Vinnie,” he said again in that same silent way.

  Vinnie swallowed hard and walked toward the other end of the bar.

  “Come on over and sit down with me and Crystal,” I said, tugging at his arm.

  “No, want to think some,” he said, sitting down on the stool. “I was just remembering Bruno. That was one hell of a dog.”

  He smiled at me with such pain in his face that I squeezed his arm.

  “We’re right over here if you want to talk,” I said.

  “Yeah,” Crystal said, “don’t go into one of them funks now.”

  Dog nodded, but I could see he was already headed down into it. The black sewer, covered with twisted, wet leaves.

  I looked over at the barmaid, Julie, who gave me a quick glance. I knew she’d keep an eye on Dog. Then I followed Crystal over to the booth.

  “I hope Doggie’s okay,” I said. “He’s worrying me. Keeps changing moods.”

  “He’s just tired, hon,” Crystal said to me. “It’s a strain, you all been going through. But tell me what you been up to, Red. Where you been keeping yourself?”

  I slid into the booth and relaxed a little. Always been a booth man since I was a little kid. Booths are like quilts, you don’t feel anything bad can happen to you long as you’re in or under one.

  “Well,” I said, “I been looking for work, that’s about it.”

  “You know how to use a pay phone, don’t you?”

  “Honey, it’s only been a month or so.”

  “Only a month, and what am I supposed to do, stay home and knit two purl one?”

  “Hey,” I said, “gimme a break … goddamn I’m so glad to see you I can hardly stand it, and here you are getting angry on me. But I bet I know what it is.”

  I reached over and took her soft chin in my hand and stared directly into her big green eyes.

  “I’ll bet you were worried when you got your hair cut short like that I’d be upset, and all I want to say is you look prettier and younger and more sexy than ever … I don’t usually like that shag haircut on most women, but on you, well, it just makes you look like an innocent kid.”

  Her face got all soft, and she put her cheek in my palm and sighed deeply.

  “You’re a bad man, Red Baker. You really are.”

  “Hey,” I said. “I’m just doing the best I know how, honey.”

  She smiled a little, that curious half smile that always cut straight into my heart.

  “And damn you, that’s pretty fine. Am I going to see you tonight?”

  “Sure,” I said. “We can go down your place after you get off.”

  “I wish you could stay all night, Red. I get so damned lonely. I mean it, I could just cry.”

  “I’m sorry, Crystal, I really am. You know I miss you too, honey. All the time, every day.”

  “No, you don’t, Red. You miss me, but you have Wanda and Ace. There ain’t any point in you pretending you don’t love her, because I know you do.”

  I just smiled and shrugged at that one. There was something about being with Crystal that made me feel like I could love a lot of people. I don’t mean screw them, I mean love them. She saw this in me, this largeness of heart and spirit, and I saw her seeing it and kind of picked up on it and felt that way when I was with her. That I was this big, kind man.

  It wasn’t the worst way to feel.

  I reached over and rubbed her cheek again, just getting set to let some tenderness float over to her, when I was crushed by a three-hundred-pound wrecking ball of flab who slid into the booth next to me.

  “Hey,” he said, “what you two doing?”

  On “doing,” Henry’s voice went up just like Andy Devine playing Jingles on the old “Wild Bill Hickok” show.

  “Well, we were getting ready to go over the top-secret nuclear bombing strategy for NATO,” I said, “but I guess we can let that wait.”

  Along with Henry came a huge hero sandwich, about the only thing Vinnie’s kitchen knew how to make.

  Henry, as I have mentioned, is a big man, not your basic slob. He’s just big all over, though he could probably benefit looks-wise if he dropped a couple hundred. Much of his girth is due to subs, of which he is way too fond. He also enjoys describing the making of these great sandwiches, whether you are in the mood (and no one ever is) to hear about them or not.

  “Look at this beauty,” he said, rolling his eyes, pressing up against me, and driving me into the wall. “Custom-made job. I had Robinson make it for me special. It’s got cappicola and turkey … see right here.”

  He opened the sub and pried back a couple of layers of cheese.

  “Got American and Swiss too … Robinson says he don’t like Swiss cheese, but that’s the way it is with niggers. Anyway, yeah here it is, cappicola and ham … and turkey. Yeah, three kinds of meat. They add up to this one kind of taste. Home, Babe makes these for me just right, but Robinson, he’s got this special sub oil, which I have never been able to duplicate, and he just will not tell me what’s in it. Does that to get even with me cause I won’t give him Babe’s donut recipe …”

  “That’s extremely interesting, Henry,” I said, my bones being crushed and wanting like hell to have more time alone with Crystal.

  Henry smiled at Crystal and me and then took a huge bite of his sub, smiling again while he was chewing and managing to drop a good deal of it down his plaid shirt and green work pants.

  “Ummmmmmmm ummmmm, is that good or what?”
he said. “You want some, Red, Crys?”

  “No thanks, Henry,” I said. “But that does look good. Yessir.”

  “Well, it’s hell of a lot better than a crab-cake sub. Robinson thinks he can put crab cakes in this kind of roll. I told him fifty times that you eat crab cakes on saltines with mustard and a little horseradish. Only assholes eat ‘em in sandwiches … That’s the truth. I swear to God.”

  “No doubt about it,” I said. “What else you been up to, Hen?”

  “Nothing, ‘cept I got me a job today.”

  “No shit? Where?”

  “Vinnie here gimme one. Darned good one too. I’m the new bus-boy for the Mona Lisa Pizza.”

  “That’s great,” I said.

  “I don’t know,” Henry said. “He’s making me wear one of them outfits, you know, to look like I’m out of one of those Charlton Heston movies or something. I got to stand around a lot with a spear, but it’s damned hard work, I’ll tell you. Man, Vinnie does a business there, you know that? I mean, it seems like people keep eating pizza and drinking beer no matter what.”

  “I guess ole Vinnie’s paying you pretty good too,” I said.

  “No, not that good yet. Paying two bucks an hour. Babe is making more’n that over at the mattress factory. It’s just a temporary thing.”

  “Yeah,” I said, “well, it’s better than what I got. So far I’m batting a giant goose egg.”

  “You been looking hard?” Crystal asked with her half smile again.

  “Sure I have,” I lied, but she started laughing at me right way.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked.

  “I can always tell when you’re lying,” she said. “You rub your nose every single time.”

  “Nah, bullshit.”

  She reached over and touched my nose real soft and smiled again.

  “Ev-er-y sing-le time,” she said in a slow, sexy voice.

  “Okay,” I said. “You got me. But I am going to really start tomorrow. I needed some time to get over the shock of getting dumped. It’s just that the jobs I hear about are such shit.”

  “Yeah,” Henry said, “I’m thirty-eight years old, and they got me busing tables. I feel like an asshole. You know?”

  “Yeah,” I said, “I do know …”

  Before I could say anything else there was a nerve-splitting sound of smashed glass.

  I looked up in time to see Dog picking up his beer bottle and hurling it full force at Vinnie, who ducked barely in time to avoid getting hit square in the face.

  “You son of a bitch,” Dog screamed. “You come up the goddamned carnival, Vinnie. You hear me? You come up the carnival.”

  “Oh shit,” I said.

  I tried to get out of the booth but had to wait for Henry to vacate his place, which took maybe thirty seconds, way too long to stop Dog, who was running full tilt the length of the room and knocking people off their barstools in the process. Vinnie was backing away fast, holding his short, fat arms in front of his face.

  “Dog,” I yelled. “No … wait.”

  But it was no use. He made a flying leap toward Vinnie and grabbed him around the throat. Vinnie stepped out of the way just enough to avoid having his head torn off, but Dog still had him around the neck and was choking him down. They were like two lumbering bears in slow motion, and then Frankie came up and smashed Doggie in the ribs and knocked him down next to the Pac Man game. He started kicking him, but I had managed to get around the bar myself by then and leaped on Frankie’s back, grabbing him around the throat and pulling him behind me. Joey Capezi was moving forward, but Henry jumped in the way and pushed him backward.

  “Hey, who the fuck you working for?” Vinnie screamed at Henry. “You fat fuck.”

  “I just don’t want to see anybody get hurt, Vinnie,” Henry said. “Dog’s just drunk, that’s all.”

  Joey Capezi pushed past Henry and tried to get a kick in at Dog, and I stepped forward and grabbed him, but he turned quickly and hit me in the forehead. It was like being struck by lightning. My eyes went dark and I fell backward, and I saw him coming straight at me, so I gave him the only defense I could think up quick, which was a good sharp knee right in the nuts.

  This sat him down next to Dog, who woke up and hammered him once in the face with his fist.

  “You crazy mutherfucker,” Vinnie screamed. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Baker, you get that crazy-assed son of a bitch out of here, or I’ll have him taken downtown, I swear to God. One more time like this, I’ll have his ass. He’s fucking psycho.”

  Suddenly Vinnie reached down and grabbed Dog by the chin.

  “You hear me, you psycho fuck. You ought to be in Meyer Clinic. No wonder they fired your ass. You’re a bag of shit, you hear me?”

  Dog started to grab Vinnie by his gold chain, but I smacked his hand away, and between Henry, Crystal, and myself we got him on his feet and started for the door.

  Vinnie was full of himself now, screaming and ranting as we left.

  “And you’re going to get a fucking bill for all of this, whacko, and you better come up with the bread. I mean it, or you’re a dead mutherfucker, you hear me?”

  “Fuck you,” Dog said, turning his head around, though his feet were dragging. “See you up the carnival, asshole.”

  Outside I got him into the truck and gave Crystal my sheepskin jacket. It was cold as hell, and the snow was getting deeper. Big, fast flakes covered her face and hair.

  And suddenly she looked strange, like a ghost of her own youth, and I felt a chill come over me.

  “See you guys later,” Henry said. “I got to get back in. Cold as hell. He going to be okay?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Thanks, Hen … I’ll take him home.”

  Henry waved and hurried back to the red door.

  “Well, what in God’s name started that?” Crystal asked. “I mean, Vinnie was down the other end of the bar.”

  “Jesus, I don’t know. He’s been like this for a month or so, maybe longer. He keeps changing on me. I think this layoff thing is really nailing him, but it’s been coming on a long time too. He and his wife are just about through, the two girls side with her … I don’t know, shit … everything coming down on him. I got to get him home, Crys … Damn, I wanted to come over tonight. You know that, don’t you?”

  She huddled close to me and held me around the waist.

  “I know,” she said. “You couldn’t just drop him off and then maybe come over for a while? I don’t finish here for an hour more.”

  “I want to, honey. But I think I better stay with Dog. You know?”

  “Sure,” she said. “Go ahead, but after he gets to sleep, I mean.”

  “I don’t know, honey. I mean I go out then, and Wanda hears what time I left from Carol … well, you know.”

  “Oh shit,” Crystal said. “Goddamn it, Red, I’m sick of waiting around here for you. Jesus Christ, you got loyalty to everybody but me. I’m getting damned tired of it. I don’t have to play second fiddle, Red. You think there’s no guys … lots of guys who want me? Huh, guys coming in there every damned night?”

  “I know there are, honey,” I said, feeling so cold and so damned tired and old.

  She walked away through the snow, then stopped and turned around.

  “I’m sorry, Red. Call me tomorrow, will you?”

  “First thing,” I said, “and I’ll make it up to you. I promise. We’ll go down Bud’s Crab House on Thursday … How’s that?”

  “Sure,” Crystal said. “Sure, that’ll be great. But I won’t hold my breath.”

  Then she threw me my jacket and ran back across the parking lot to the bar.

  I got inside and looked over at Dog. His face was covered with blood, which was running out of his nose, and he was moaning and holding his ribs.

  “Get me home, Red, get me home.”

  “I will, partner. But first we’re going by Hopkins emergency ward. I think you might have a couple broken ribs.”

  “No, man. No …
just get me home. That fuck Vinnie. I just wanted to do it, you know? I couldn’t look at that cheap fuck anymore. I couldn’t stand it, Red, you see that?”

  “Hey, I see it, Doggie, but take it easy, will you? Don’t worry about it now.”

  “You hear the shit he called me? He said I was a sack of shit, that I was nothing. You hear that?”

  “I heard it. You know it’s all bullshit.”

  His big hand came over and touched my leg. He put his head down next to my lap, and started to cry.

  “No,” he said. “No, it’s true. Vinnie’s right, Red. I’m nothing. I got nothing and I’m going nowhere. Red, it’s all true. It just hurts to hear it from a fuck like Vinnie. Shit. Shit … I went down for a carpenter job today, Red, but they didn’t want me. Nobody. Nothing.”

  He began to sob deeply. I put my hand down on his head and patted his hair. It was covered with snow and sweat and blood.

  “It’s bullshit, Dog,” I said. “You’re the best man in town. You believe that shit and you’re nuts. Don’t ever say that, you hear me?”

  “It’s fucking true,” he said again and again. He sobbed deeply. I took my hand off his head long enough to turn on the truck and shift into reverse. The tires skidded as we hit the highway, and I held on to him as we drove slowly through the blizzard down the dark, dangerous highway toward the emergency ward.

  • • •

  At the Johns Hopkins emergency ward I waited for Dog to get his ribs X-rayed and taped up. It turned out Frankie had managed to split two of them pretty good, and even though he was in considerable pain, the Dog talked about getting even with a vengeance, but with the same wild-eyed moon lunacy that I’d felt coming off of him earlier. I mean, he fairly shined with craziness.

  “I tell you what we do, Red. After I get these old ribs taped, we head back down there and wait for Vinnie and Frankie to come out, and then we fucking waste them, man. I’ve eaten that fat Wop’s shit for the last time. You know what I mean?”

  I stood there looking at the doctor’s face as he tried to hold Dog still long enough to get the tape around him.

  Every once in a while he’d look over at me and raise one eyebrow. Finally he took out a needle and gave Dog a shot.

  “What’s that for, Doc?” Dog said. “You a friend of Vinnie’s? Maybe slipping in the old hypo on me, huh?”