Investigating Julius Drake

by daisy harris

  For some unnameable reason, my mood lifted. “Then how do you know he is?”

  A breeze rolled in from the water, rustling the evergreens that lined the sidewalk. Bethany pulled off her sweatshirt and tied it around her waist. “Well, some of it is how he dresses and acts.”

  “That doesn’t mean anything.”

  “Yeah, but when we had health in seventh grade, he told the teacher he didn’t think he should have to take the class since it was mostly reproduction and birth control. Julius turned up his nose and in front of the whole class said, ‘I promise you, I shall never have need to know about either of those things.’”

  I could imagine Julius saying exactly that, though I still wasn’t sure that meant he was gay. “Maybe he just didn’t want to take the class.”

  “Maybe.” Bethany shrugged. “It’s fine if he is.” She looked at me out the corner of her eye. “It’s fine if anyone is. Even if you are.”

  To that, I just trained my eyes forward and kept walking through the parking lot to my apartment.

  “So, this is my place.” I locked my bike to the rack and then went to unlock my door. Though I’d made the decision to have Bethany over, that didn’t make it any less weird inviting her inside. Compared to her house, I was sure our apartment was tiny.

  “Oh.” She crossed the threshold behind me and her eyes went everywhere—to the couch with its tattered cushions, and to my bed in the corner.

  “I don’t have my own room.” I cleared my throat to cover my nerves. “We just moved to Seattle, so, uh . . . this was the only place we could find near school.” I lifted my chin. Lying sucked, but feeling like I had to lie sucked even harder. My hands fisted of their own accord.

  “It’s cute.” She tapped her lips thoughtfully. “And it’s a great location. Did you go to the beach a lot in the summer?”

  “A couple times.” I sighed, air rushing out of me along with stress. Bethany had given our little apartment her stamp of approval. I could have hugged her; I was so relieved not to feel ashamed of where I lived. “We only got here at the end of August, and the water’s way colder than I’m used to, but the beach is cool.”

  Bethany smiled. “My dad always brought me down here after school when the twins were younger.”

  Right then the doorknob turned and my mother came pushing into the apartment. Bags of groceries dangled from her hands.

  “Oh. Hello.” She gave Bethany a wave. “You must be the new girlfriend I’ve been hearing so much about.”

  “Mom.” I glared at her. “Bethany is a friend. Just a friend.”

  Bethany glanced nervously to the side. “Yeah. We’re just . . . Henry’s going out with my friend Thea tonight.”

  I couldn’t believe Bethany had told my mom that. She’d clearly done it accidentally because she was nervous, but I still pressed my lips together, silently telling her to shut up.

  “A date? How exciting.”

  “It’s a group thing,” I said. “We’re going to see the new X-Men. Remember? I told you?”

  “Yes. I know. But the date aspect is new. Is your other friend going?”

  I assumed she meant Julius, and couldn’t figure out why all of a sudden everyone expected me and him to be attached at the hip.

  “No. He, uh, couldn’t make it.”

  “That’s too bad.”

  My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I checked the screen.

  The text was from Julius. Is tonight the big movie date, or are you free?

  I replied, Not free. Sorry.

  “Is that your girlfriend?” My mother used the singsong voice she liked to torture me with.

  “No.” I didn’t say it was Julius, though. That was private.

  My phone buzzed with another text, Why?

  Just because. I smiled.

  You didn’t answer my question about the movie.

  That was ironic, considering Julius never answered direct questions. At least not unless he wanted to. Yes. We’re going to the movies tonight. I paused, wondering if there was any way to hang out with Julius too. It’s over at nine thirty. Maybe we can meet after? That was an hour before my curfew.

  There’s a swim team party tonight not far from here. I’m going to check it out.

  It wasn’t clear whether Julius planned to actually attend this party or hang around in the driveway taking notes. Either way it sounded cooler than my other plan.

  I’ll text later.

  Girls always responded with smiley faces so you knew they’d gotten the message. Guys less so. With Julius, I was never going to get an emoticon. That wasn’t how he rolled.

  “So, what time is the movie?” Mom asked.

  I was still distracted by Julius’s message. “Hmm?”

  “It’s at seven twenty, but we were going to meet downtown at six fifteen for dinner.” Bethany took a seat on one of the stools my mom kept tucked under the kitchen counter.

  “I take it you want a ride?” Mom teased.

  “Oh, yeah. Sorry I didn’t ask.”

  “That’s okay.” She finished putting things in the fridge. “Let me take a shower and rest for a bit, then I’ll get you downtown.”

  The burger I’d eaten at Johnny Rockets sat in my belly like lead. Thea was next to me in the movie theater, with Bethany at her side and Kevin the next seat over. He’d been playing video games on his phone since dinner.

  If Bethany had noticed her date ignoring her, she didn’t seem to care. She and Thea chatted about classes and teachers and their parents, and I started thinking I could get through this without even having to talk to Thea directly.

  Then the lights went down and the previews began. Thea’s arm brushed mine. “Thanks for coming,” she whispered, close enough to my ear that I felt her breath. “I’ve been wanting to see this for ages.”

  Jerking at her sudden nearness, I crossed my legs. “Yeah.” I cleared my throat. Since I didn’t want to whisper in her ear like she had mine, I shouted over the sound track. “I’d seen the commercials. The reviews said it was good.”

  One of the kids in the family in front of us turned and gave me the stink eye.

  Finally, the movie started. With the explosions and the excitement of the opening sequence, I could almost ignore her arm against mine. Once the movie switched into the main action, though, more of her seemed to be against me. The pressure wasn’t unpleasant, but I wondered if I was meant to be doing something date-like.

  “It’s so cold in here.” She rubbed her arms. She’d worn a light, frilly blouse over a tank top.

  I knew from my dad that the chivalrous thing to do was to offer my sweatshirt. But if I did, then I’d be cold. Still, manners won out. “You can wear this if you want.” I pulled my sweatshirt over my head. In the process of handing it to her, I caught Bethany giving me a smile.

  “Thanks.” Thea snuggled into my sweatshirt.

  “’S’okay.” Hopefully, it didn’t smell of BO.

  Leaning back in my seat, I tried to focus on the movie. Unfortunately, now I was cold, and I had to cross my arms not to think about it.

  “You can have it back if you want.” Again, the whisper was way too close.

  I shivered, slightly nauseous from my meal. “I’m fine.”

  Thea laid her hand on the armrest between us, then subtly turned it over, palm up. Now, people didn’t put their hand that way for no reason. How uncomfortable was it to twist your elbow into your side and rotate your forearm upwards? She had to be dropping a hint that she wanted me to hold her hand.

  As casually as I could, I eased forward so I could glance at Bethany and Kevin. They weren’t holding hands. Why should I have to?

  I had two choices—hold Thea’s hand, and basically commit to being her boyfriend, or ignore the offer and be a jerk. Worse, I might lose Bethany as a friend.

  Having decided to go ahead and hold it, though, I had to decide how. I’d avoided it for a couple of minutes and now it was no longer a casual thing. Her hand was lying there, and I could feel the
embarrassment pouring off both of us. Should I grab it? Or ease my hand over slowly? Honestly, there was no simple way to slide a hand onto a movie seat armrest.

  So I did what any guy would do in my situation. I faked a yawn, holding my fist to my mouth. Then I dropped my hand on top of Thea’s.

  At first, I laid my palm right on top of hers, with our fingers lined up. That was weird, so I turned my hand to the side the way I used to when I’d hold my mom’s to cross the street.

  Why did girls think you were supposed to hold hands while watching movies, anyway? Guys on screen were fighting and blowing shit up. There was nothing cozy or hand-holding about it. My palm started to sweat, and now I wanted to gracefully get out of the hold to wipe off my palm.

  All I’d wanted was to see the movie.

  In the end, I stayed there—cold except for my clammy fingers—until the credits rolled. It was good—the movie, at least. When it got released online I was going to rent it, if only to see all the details I’d missed while trying to figure out what I was doing with Thea.

  Bethany stood first when we’d finished watching the extra scenes, and Thea and Kevin followed suit. I remained sitting long enough to wipe my hand on my jeans, but had to get up to lead the way out of the row.

  “That was great,” I heard Thea say to Bethany behind me. “And, oh my God, that one guy’s abs? I thought I’d die.”

  I wasn’t sure if I should be offended that Thea was checking out the actor when she was supposed to be on a date with me. Truthfully, I didn’t care. But Bethany and Thea would probably have been mad if Kevin and I had compared notes on which actresses had the biggest boobs.

  “He’s too built for me.” And Bethany started talking about some other actor I’d never heard of.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket—I’d left it on vibrate for the movie—and I checked my texts.

  Join me? Julius said. I’m leaving soon.

  My heart thudded. I wanted to be out in the dark, riding bikes and finding trouble with Julius, not in this bright theater lobby.

  “Hey, y’all, I’m going to take the bus.”

  They all turned to look at me like I’d said something in a foreign language.

  “Um . . . My mom can give you a ride,” Thea offered awkwardly.

  “That’s okay. The number eleven goes to Madison Park, and I can transfer in Capitol Hill.” I backed away from the group.

  Thea frowned, and Bethany crinkled her forehead in confusion. As usual, Kevin’s attention was buried in his cell phone.

  “Bye.” He waved halfheartedly.

  The girls said good-bye, too.

  I gave a final smile, meant to be an apology for Thea, before I left. Clutching my phone, I texted, I’m heading home now. I can get out in an hour.

  On the escalator down, I got Julius’s response.

  Hurry. I’m not going to wait around all night.

  I entered the apartment as quietly as I could, glad when Mom’s door didn’t open.

  I’m home, I texted Julius.

  Though the bus had been warm enough, I’d left my sweatshirt with Thea, so I’d shivered on the walk from the bus stop. Opening my dresser drawer, I got out a flannel and dragged it on over my T-shirt.

  “Henry?” Mom stuck her head out the door of her room. She’d clearly stayed awake to make sure I got in by curfew. Her hair was a mess, and she must have taken out her contact lenses because she was squinting. “Good. You’re home.”

  “Yeah.” I realized that in putting on more clothes I looked like I was leaving, so I pulled off my shirt.

  “How was the movie?”

  “Great.” From what I remembered, the actual film had been good.

  “And the date part? You like this girl?”

  Why did she think that was a reasonable question to ask? “Mom. Geez.” I took off my jeans and put on my sleep clothes.

  “Henry, I just want to make sure you know to respect this girl.” She rubbed her face in that nervous way she did when she thought I needed parental guidance. “Sometimes kids your age want to do things they aren’t ready for. And that’s not the end of the world, but—”

  “God, no. Ew.” I climbed into bed, more to cover up with blankets than because I had any plan to sleep.

  “Oh.” She deflated. “So it wasn’t really a date?”

  “Not to me.”

  “But to her?”

  The bed seemed to engulf me, and even though I was desperate to head out and see Julius, I wanted to disappear. “I guess she thought it was a date.”

  Mom sighed. I could tell she wanted to say more, but she didn’t. “I’m going to bed. You must be tired.”

  For the second time that night, I pretended to yawn into my fist. “Totally beat.”

  She yawned too, but hers was probably real. “Good night, then.”

  “Good night.” Once she’d closed her door, I got out of bed and went to the washroom to brush my teeth.

  From her bedroom, I heard the rain-like sound of her noise machine. She’d started using it back when she worked odd shifts, and had stuck with it ever since.

  After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I shoved some pillows under my blankets to resemble a person. And then I waited.

  My phone buzzed. Are you coming?

  I frowned, annoyed. Why did Julius get to do whatever he wanted?

  In a bit, I replied. Where is this place? I can meet you there.

  Hopefully, the party was somewhere near our neighborhood. My biking had improved considerably since I’d come to Seattle, but not enough for me to cover more than a few miles.

  It’s in Mt. Baker. How long will you be? he asked.

  Half an hour. That should be enough time for my mom to doze off.

  Fine.

  I sat on my bed, eyes heavy, waiting for the minutes to tick by. Though my brain was full of thoughts of Thea and Julius, I tried not to think too deeply on either of them. Julius had nice shoulders, but Thea’s upper arms weren’t bad. Both had qualities to recommend them, but the truth was I’d bailed on Thea to hang out with Julius. Did that say something about who I liked better, or was it just that Julius was really interesting?

  Last year I could have been attracted to a telephone pole if I looked at it from the right angle. Now I’d stopped getting excited by the vibrations on the back of the bus, but as for reacting to people—I could never tell what was going to get my blood heated. Sometimes it would be a thing that made sense—like the way someone’s jeans fit or the angle of their jaw. But other times, my body had a mind of its own. Like how now the smell of damp grass made me think of Julius and had me picturing him brushing back his hair. Suddenly my skin was tense and my mind swimming with images. I couldn’t think too much about it, because it was too confusing. So I tried to watch a stupid movie while I waited until it had been long enough since my mom went to sleep.

  Eventually, my phone showed a half hour had passed. I stood, shaking out pins and needles.

  The apartment was quiet, doubly so because Mom’s noise machine covered the sound of the refrigerator and passing cars. I’d never snuck out before. I wasn’t the type of kid to do that.

  I sent Julius a quick text to tell him I was coming, and shoved my phone and what little I had left of my allowance in my pocket. When I turned the doorknob, the click was loud as a gunshot. Breathless, I waited for Mom’s voice.

  Seconds passed and nothing happened, so I took that next scary step outside. The air was thinner and cooler than in the stuffy apartment, and the night stretched out before me like a buffet. If only I could close the door again without my mom knowing.

  This time the click of the door was all the more terrifying because I was officially outside. If she woke up, she’d catch me leaving.

  I backed away a few hasty steps, then broke into a run to the bike rack. With shaking hands, I keyed in my combination. Then I climbed onto my seat and rode into the night.

  Julius was waiting for me on the street above his house, pacing along his n
eighbor’s concrete wall. He was fussing around on his phone and bouncing in place like he couldn’t wait to get going. I couldn’t imagine what kind of parents he must have that he could wander the sidewalk close to midnight with no one caring.

  “You’re late.” He hurried over to me, dragging his bike away from the wall.

  I panted. “My mom was awake when I came home from the movie.”

  “No matter. I’m sure the party is in full swing by now. No point in getting there early when everyone’s sober.” His cheeks were flushed, and his speech quick and frantic.

  My own blood rushed to the surface too, climbing like an itch up my neck. Being close to him was like being shot through with electricity. I wanted to ride to the ends of the earth with him, and jump off docks together. Anything to keep up the sweet rush I felt in his presence.

  “It’s in Mount Baker, so not far.” Julius climbed onto a fancy hybrid with a leather seat like something out of an old movie.

  “I’ll follow you.” I mounted my ten-speed and pedaled after him. There were a few hills on the way there, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Soon we were streaming down the very road Hal had challenged me to race on the first day of school.

  Every time a car passed, I worried they’d hit us. Julius was almost invisible in his black jacket and gray bike, and I couldn’t have been much better in navy blue. We were like night and shadow, swerving up streets and popping over sidewalks. I huffed, catching up so we could ride side by side. “So, are we actually invited to this party?”

  “Of course not.” Julius sat back on his seat, riding without handlebars.

  “Then how are we going to—”

  “Turn here.” The path through the trees narrowed, then led uphill. I stood on my pedals, legs screaming as we climbed.

  “Roy’s place is up ahead.” Julius slowed and then stopped near a retaining wall.

  Halfway down the block, cars were parked densely and a couple of people loitered in front of a modest house. How were we going to slip into the party without any bushes or trees to hide us?

  “We’re going to have to approach from the side,” Julius said like he’d read my thoughts. He scurried along the next door neighbor’s house, head low to avoid the windows.