Rachael Lost Love: contemporary romance

by J K Ashley

  At home, I find a beautiful candlelit dinner waiting for me. James really pulled out all the stops, something I never expected of him. He’s romantic in many ways, but he’s never been huge on the mushy stuff like this. This is the kind of thing you’d find in a movie! He laid out a fancy tablecloth and set candles in the middle of the table to give the room a homey glow. He also left a bouquet of roses on my seat for me to find, and had soft music playing in the background and our fanciest plates set out for the meal.

  I give him a huge hug and kiss and thank him for the lovely sentiment, and we dig into the food. I have a sneaking suspicion he got his mother to help with the cooking, since he’s never been the most gifted of chefs, but I don’t bring it up. Instead, I turn the conversation to tomorrow’s events.

  “The reunion is tomorrow,” I say slowly, after I’ve taken some time to chew and swallow my food.

  “Tomorrow, really?” James says in surprise, looking up at me from his plate. “I thought you said it was next week?”

  “That’s what I thought too,” I say with a sigh, setting my fork down on my plate with a louder clatter than intended. “I ran into Lucy at the coffee shop yesterday. She was mistaken in her voicemail to me, it’s tomorrow.”

  “You’re going then, I assume?”

  “Yes . . .” I grimace. “I’m going.”

  “It’ll be fine,” James reassures me. He reaches a hand across the table and squeezes my fingers. “You’ll have fun. Want me to pick you up after it’s over?”

  The thought of seeing James’ smiling face immediately after the reunion sounds lovely, so I smile at him and say yes.

  The next day, 1:30 P.M. rolls around and I find myself waiting on my front step. I’m just beginning to consider whether I should go back inside for a light sweater, when Lucy pulls into the driveway.

  I can see her beaming and waving from inside her car. I push back a sigh and smile back at her, walking down the front walkway and hopping into the passenger side seat.

  The drive to the reunion is short, just a few minutes. We make small talk the whole way, and I feel my stomach clenching and flipping around inside me the closer and closer we get. Finally, we’re parked and I’m forced to leave the safety of the car and venture inside.

  The reunion is held in a large room with tables and chairs set up all around and there is a small snack table on the far side of the room with what looks like crackers, cheese, fruit, and juice. People are milling around, making conversation and beaming at faces they haven’t seen in years.

  Lucy takes the reigns, strutting over to a nearby group. I remember most of them and smile and shake hands, before falling into small talk. None of these people were significant to me in high school, so I don’t feel any sort of pressure speaking to them.

  The longer I stand there, smiling and talking, the better I feel. I feel the tension lifting from my shoulders, and before long my smiles are genuine. The reunion isn’t as terrible an experience as I imagined. But that may just be because I haven’t spotted a certain person. Hopefully they won’t show up at all. I try not to scan the room, looking for that familiar face.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket. Lucy has taken over the conversation now, talking to a young woman with curly black hair and dark brown eyes—I believe her name is Maria. We were in a class or two together, back in the day. Two men that were a part of the conversation before have migrated a few feet away, now deeply engrossed in a discussion about hockey. They were probably on the high school team together. No one is speaking to me, so I divert my attention to my phone and take a step back from Lucy and Maria, so as not to seem rude.

  It’s a text message from James. A smile turns up the corners of my mouth, and I know my cheeks are growing pink. It always makes me so happy to see his name light up my phone. It makes me feel like a teenage girl again, which is rather fitting considering where I am right now.

  I never want this feeling to fade, the silly love I have for James. People always say that the “honeymoon phase” ends eventually, that your passionate love dies down and you become more ambivalent towards each other. But I can’t imagine that happening and honestly would prefer if it didn’t.

  My meeting’s over, James’ text reads. I can pick you up whenever you want. Don’t feel like you have to stick around with all those people if you aren’t enjoying yourself. :)

  James, always such a saint. He’ll encourage me over and over again, telling me that everything’s going to be fine, but then assures me that it’s okay if I feel the need to leave anyways. That’s why we’ve always clicked so well. He understands me and my various anxieties.

  I know there’s another reason James is texting me, though. We made last minute plans last night, after dinner. James had taken Monday and Tuesday off work in case I needed any help with wedding planning, but since the wedding dress fitting had gone so well yesterday I didn’t need him for anything. Plans were going smoothly, and I could afford to take a day or two off my bridal duties. So instead of going back to work, James and I had decided to take a spontaneous couple’s vacation. We’re going to go away up to Vermont, though we haven’t decided exactly where yet. We’ve always been spontaneous people, so we figure we’ll start driving and figure it out on the way. We just want to be in a nice and scenic place, rural and in the wilderness. It’ll be peaceful to get away and just be with each other, almost like a quick little sneak peek to our honeymoon.

  I lose myself in a daydream for a moment, imagining the time we’ll spend together. It’ll be lovely, just the two of us. We’ll cuddle together and make beautiful love in a big bed under a thick quilt, with a small fire crackling nearby. In the morning, we’ll make eggs bacon, maybe some pancakes too. Then we’ll settle on the front porch with steaming cups of hot cocoa in ours hands, wrapped up in blankets and laughing as our breath frosts in the air. It’ll be just the two of us, no one else around to intrude and ruin our moment in any way. I’ll be able to let loose and relax, be the absolute opposite of what I’ve been feeling all day in anticipation for this event: tense and coiled, ready to snap.

  Cuddling in the cabin together is a cheesy image, I know. But I’ve always been a sucker for that stuff.

  The earlier I leave this reunion, the earlier we can get going up north. It’ll be quiet a drive and I’m sure James wants to get up there before dark, since we don’t know exactly where we’re going. But he’d never say that outright, he doesn’t want me to feel rushed or pressured.

  I glance at the clock. It’s only 2:30, I can stick around for a little while more before making my exit. Things aren’t totally unbearable right now, and I’d hate to be rude to whoever went through the effort of putting this all together. At home, my bag is all packed and ready, all I need do is run inside and grab it, and we’re good to go. I could even tell James to bring it with him and we’d just leave from the reunion, driving up north towards the lovely cabins and chilly morning air.

  “Oh, you’re getting married?”

  Maria’s voice pulls me from my reverie, and I put my phone away without having answered James. I look at her in surprise before recovering with a smile. She’s pointing at my left hand, at my glittering diamond ring.

  “I am!” I say, smiling and stepping back towards the group. I hold at my hand so she can inspect the ring better. “I just got fit for my wedding dress yesterday. I’m so excited.”

  “I’m sure you are,” Maria says, grinning. “That’s so amazing. Your wedding will truly be the best day of your life, believe me.”

  I notice then that she’s wearing a wedding band on her finger. She’s also got a little swell going on around her midsection, so I suspect a bun in the oven as well.

  “You’ve been married long?” I ask.

  “No, not long.” Maria smiles wistfully. “Just two years. Our anniversary is coming up next month.” She rests a hand on her stomach. “We’re expecting, too! Just found out a couple months ago.”

  Lucy takes over the conversation again, then, cooing
over the new baby. She’s always loved children. I’d like kids of my own, one day, but it feels weird to think about them now when my head is so full of wedding plans. I haven’t room in my brain for anything else.

  I sense a presence behind me moments before I feel the hand on my shoulder. I look over my shoulder in surprise, and all intelligible thoughts flee my brain.

  John Keeton is standing behind me.

  He looks exactly the same as I last saw him, just with more years tacked on. He’s tall, nearly six feet, and his grey eyes are piercing. He has auburn hair which he’s wearing a little longer nowadays, combed to the side and wavy. He’s grown in a little beard, which he seems to have kept very trimmed and controlled. Fitting, as he’s always obsessed over control.

  The more I stare at him, the more panicked I feel. It’s only been a few seconds but it feels like years. I don’t know what to do, what to say. I can do nothing but stare and feel like a deer in headlights.

  It’s been years. I thought I’d never see him again. I had no idea he came back or was in the area again. I was dreading potentially seeing him here, but I didn’t think it was a serious possibility because last I heard he was halfway across the world.

  “Hello, John,” Lucy says from behind me. Her usually chipper voice has gone cold, and Maria has stopped speaking. Lucy tugs at the back of my shirt and I take a step back, John’s grip loosening as his hands finally falls from my shoulder.

  “Lucy,” he says, cracking a grin. His smile is wide and perfect, with shining white teeth.

  She steps forward to stand between us, doing her best to block my view of John. Her little shoulders are squared and for a moment I nearly laugh aloud at how bizarre this situation is. “I didn’t know you were back in the area,” Lucy says. Her voice is still chipper though her body language says a completely different story. “Have you been here long?”

  “Yes, I have.” John is speaking to Lucy but looking at me. Due to his height it’s no trouble at all for him to look straight over her head and into my eyes, and I find myself paralyzed to turn away or do anything about it. Tremors are running through my body and I feel like I’m going to fall apart from shock.

  “Well, that’s interesting . . .” Lucy trails off, and throws a look over her shoulder at me. I must not look very good, because her eyes narrow and she turns back to John with a renewed vigor.

  “I think you should go, John,” she says firmly, taking another step towards him. He doesn’t move.

  “Why, I just got here,” John says, though there’s no light-hearted humor in his voice. “I think I can decide when to leave. Thank you, Lucy.”

  I appreciate Lucy’s effort, but there’s nothing more she can do at this point. I didn’t even really expect her attempts to work. John’s always been very hard-headed. He gets what he wants, always.

  “I want to dance with you.”

  John hasn’t stopped staring at me. He’s hardly blinked and it’s making me even more uncomfortable than before. I look down at the ground before my eyes flit back up to meet his.

  “I don’t want to dance, John,” I say. My voice is low.

  “Dance with me, Rachael,” he says, and his voice sends a terrible shiver down my spine. “Dance with me just once and then I’ll leave after that. I promise.”

  I’m losing myself in his eyes. They’re large and piercing. They make me feel frozen to the ground, like I can’t move an inch for fear of shattering. My entire body feels like it’s vibrating and my face is heating up in this terrible way and I know that I’m bright red.

  I never thought I’d see him again.

  “Rachael?”

  I realize then how silly this all must look. I’m at this high school reunion that I didn’t even want to go to, surrounded by people I haven’t seen in years who are all probably staring at me as I have an emotional breakdown. And over what? A stupid boy from high school? Am I so emotionally stunted that I haven’t gotten over something that happened years and years ago.

  No. I’m better than this. I’m not a sniveling little girl, shaking and crying beneath her sheets anymore. I’m a grown woman who’s about to get married. I have a career and a man at home that loves me unconditionally. I can handle myself, and I can sure as hell handle facing John Keeton for a few minutes by myself.

  “Yes,” I say suddenly. Lucy turns and looks at me with wide eyes, but I ignore her. I force a smile onto my face and I nod. “Yes, I’ll dance with you.”

  John stares at me for a moment, gauging to see whether or not I’m serious or not. Then a smile breaks out across his face and I’m reminded of the young man I used to know. My stomach squirms uncomfortably.

  He holds out a hand, but I don’t take it. I stride out towards the dance floor and he follows me. They’re playing music, something I hadn’t paid any attention to before. I’m hyperaware of John’s presence behind me. I can smell his cologne, and with displeasure I realize he hasn’t changed his brand over the years. It makes memories wash over me, which I desperately shove away.

  I turn to face John with bile rising in the back of my throat, and I let him take my hand. He places a hand lightly on my waist and I place my other hand on his shoulder. We start to dance, and I refuse to meet his eyes.

  “You look beautiful.” John’s words are measured and calm, like always.

  “Thank you,” I say stiffly. “I see you haven’t changed much.”

  John laughs, and for a moment something jumps inside me. I remember how much I used to love making him laugh.

  “I really do mean it, though,” he continues. “I know you probably don’t want to hear it. I know you don’t want to talk to me but I saw you and I had to try.”

  “Why?” I ask, suddenly exasperated. “Why all of a sudden do you care?”

  “I never stopped caring.” I look up at him quickly and his eyes are boring into me. I look away.

  “Don’t lie to me.”

  “I’m not lying.” John’s words are firm, unarguable. “I never stopped caring. I know you think I did, but I didn’t. I’ve always cared for you, and I’ve always wanted you. It’s killed me all this time not having you in my life.”

  I bite back a laugh, but a sarcastic smirk still works its way to the surface. John observes me with knit brows and I feel his shoulder tense beneath my hand.

  “I mean it, Rachael,” he insists, his voice dropping. “If I could have you back now I would. If you’d just let me. I can prove myself to you and win back your trust.”

  What is he saying? Is this real life? Just ten minutes ago I hadn’t seen or spoken to this man in years, and now he’s here in front of me insisting that he still loves me and wants me back? It’s ridiculous, absolutely preposterous.

  And what’s even more ridiculous is the butterflies fluttering around my stomach as he says it.

  “Stop it, John,” I say firmly. I stop the dancing and take a small step away from him, though he doesn’t relinquish hold of my hand. Instead he grips even tighter, and a spark of fear arches through me. “I don’t want you back. You may have been pining over me all these years, but I’ve moved on without you.”

  He’s staring at me with wide and confused eyes, but I know not to fall for it. I hold up my left hand, the one he’s to hanging onto for dear life. He looks at it and realization dawns in his eyes as he stares at the sparkling diamond ring on my finger.

  “I’m getting married.”

  “Oh.” The word falls out of John’s mouth, falling onto the ground with a terrible thud. He stares at my hand for so long that I become uncomfortable and drop it, hiding it behind my back. I take a step away. I don’t want to be here anymore. There’s nothing I have left to say to this man.

  I turn to walk away, and his words pierce me.

  “It’s not going to work out.”

  “What?” I turn, eyes wide and unbelieving. Does he really have the nerve to say this to me right now? Does he really have the nerve to even try and have this conversation with me. Of course he does. He�
�s John Keeton, and time has not changed him one bit.

  “It’s not going to work,” he repeats. His eyes are blazing. “I know you, Rachael Lawson. I know you better than anyone else on this planet, and especially better than this fiancé of yours. It’s not going to work out because you haven’t moved on, and you love me.”

  Chapter Four

  I flee outside the building and stand beneath a shady tree. As soon as I’m outside I text James and tell him he can come pick me up whenever, and then I wait nervously. I hop from foot to foot and stare up and down the street, waiting for our familiar car to turn the corner.

  No one comes out after me. Not John and not Lucy, though I know I’ll probably be receiving a concerned call later once she realizes I’ve disappeared.

  Finally James pulls up to the curb and I clamber inside. I can’t bring myself to tell him what’s happened, so when he asks me if everything is alright I just tell him that I’m not feeling well.

  “Not feeling well?” he says in concern, turning to look at me before bringing his eyes back to the road. His forehead creases in that way it always does when he’s worried, and for a moment I feel terrible for not telling him the truth.

  “Yeah,” I say, glad he’s not looking at me anymore so I don’t have to blatantly lie to his face. “The reunion was actually good fun, I got to talk to a girl I hadn’t seen in a while. But then my stomach just started acting up. I’m thinking it’s something I ate earlier, but I’m not sure.”

  “Should we got to the doctor?” James asks. He looks down at his watch and I know he’s trying to assess whether or not we’d have time. “I don’t want you getting sick. We should make sure everything’s alright.”

  “No, James,” I say, feeling exasperated but at the same time nervous that my lie is about to be exposed. “Really, it’s nothing serious. I think I just need to lie down for a while and get some rest. It’ll pass.” I smile at him reassuringly.