Matchmaker Abduction: Aliens In Kilts, Abduction 1

by Donna McDonald

  “I’m suffering from lack of sleep today. Can I trouble ya for some tea?” Erin asked.

  Angus watched panic cross their faces. He chuckled at their anxiety. “She means the stimulant powder ya have with yer morning meal. We call that tea.”

  They both nodded in great relief. “Good. We’ve never heard of tea,” Carleton said quietly.

  Erin put a hand to her chest and pretended to lose her breath. “Never heard of tea? What kind of place have ya brought me to, Angus?” She turned a smiling face to him.

  Angus laughed and smiled back. “I believe this is yer new home, Erin O’Shea.”

  Erin got serious fast. “How could a body ever live in such a grand place and ever feel at home? I already miss my little peat fire bad enough. The sheer size of this place is pure torture on the senses.”

  “Fire?” Carleton perked up. “I can provide you with a fire—of sorts—Mrs. MacNamara.”

  “That’s wonderful,” Erin said, “but the name is O’Shea.”

  “Of course,” Carleton said, glancing at his wife. “So I take it you’re not in a committed relationship?”

  “Not yet, but I’m fecking working on it,” Angus said, irritated with events. “Let’s go watch yer recording. We had a little telly where we came from so we know what that’s like.”

  “Very good,” Carleton said. “Please follow me.”

  While his explanation had stifled the castle keeper’s personal questions, Angus had the feeling Carleton was not happy with Erin’s declaration of her unmarried status.

  He was mad too.

  He just wasn’t sure if it was at Carleton for being nosey, or Erin O’Shea for forgetting her own intentions about pretending they were as committed as any matchmakers this universe had known.

  Erin lifted a framed photograph from the shelves that lined a whole wall of what Carleton had called the parlor. “My whole cottage would fit in this room. Look, Angus. This is them. Goddess, in this picture they look just like us.”

  Angus stopped his study of all the plaques and awards his predecessor had collected. He was nowhere near as learned as the man he was replacing. His idea of education was reading a book or two during the winter months when there was little else to do on his land. Ya didn’t need book learning to be a farmer. Ya just needed a strong back and enough optimism to take the bad times with the good.

  Angus took the picture when Erin held it out to him. The differences were so subtle, only he and Erin would probably have been able to deny it being a picture of them. “It’s like looking in a fecking mirror, isn’t it?”

  Erin nodded and stared at it with him. “My mind’s doing that thing again where it wants to shut down and just say this isn’t happening. I go through it about three times a week now. It was about seventy times a day at first. I still don’t understand any of this, Angus. How could there have always been other versions of us and we never knew?”

  Carleton walked into the room a little ahead of Elsa who followed and set down a tray with steaming mugs and what looked like fresh biscuits on it. After he revealed a hidden telly big as the one in the conference room, Carleton started a recording of what looked like the room they were standing in, then froze it.

  Reaching down under the telly, he turned a knob and flames leapt to life in a grate behind a set of glass doors. Angus shook his head at how everything he’d seen in this world instantly worked at the slightest touch. If there was effort behind something, he’d yet to see anyone sweating.

  Carleton looked between them, seemed to make a decision, and carried the device in his hand over to Erin, which made her smile brightly at him.

  “When you’re ready, just press this button on the remote,” Carleton said.

  He pointed at it until she nodded. Erin smiled again to let him know she appreciated his help.

  “Press the large green button at the bottom when you’re done and ready for me to return. We’ve made your shuttle pilot comfortable and given him some refreshment as well. So you can take all the time you need without worry.”

  “Thank ya for everything, Carleton. Yer kindness is greatly appreciated,” Erin said.

  Carleton gave them both a little head nod and then disappeared.

  “Do ya suppose Carleton is a butler?” Erin asked after he left. “I read about butlers all the time in books. Rich folks hire them to run and fetch for them.”

  Angus walked to the sofa and sat. It was the most direct seat to face the giant screen. He patted the place beside him. “Come drink some tea and let’s watch this recording. The biscuits look freshly made.”

  Erin stood by the sofa but didn’t sit. “I’m nervous, Angus. I’m not sure I want dead people talking to me. It’s bad enough I’ve already got to answer to humans from the future and fecking aliens.”

  He chuckled at her complaining and pulled her down beside him. “Ya are not alone in being a bit spooked, but we’re already on this path. We might as well hear from the source what this is all about. I had the feeling during our meeting that Director John was only telling us what he wanted to about things. Let’s see if our other selves do a bit better by us.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Still nervous, Erin took a deep breath and pressed the button.

  “Angus, look,” she said gripping his arm. “That’s what we’re going to look like when we get really old. They both have silver hair. This is nearly unbelievable.”

  Angus would have answered her, but he was too busy staring at what he might have become if he’d stayed back home and let nature have it’s way for another thirty or so years.

  Universe 1, Dargoona Castle, April 19, 2496… (unofficial matchmaker recording)

  “Erin, will you stop and please come sit down? The recording has started already and you’re still puttering with all that nonsense. We’ll be dead when they see this. They won’t care if the photo of us is in the right frame, and you won’t know what they think of it anyway.”

  “Why did you start the recording, Angus? You could tell I wasn’t ready. And I wanted to put the older photo in the frame, in case I die at the same time you do. They won’t recognize themselves if all they see is us as we are now. ”

  “We discussed this already. That’s not going to happen because you will be alive to help them acclimate to life here.”

  “I might not be. You know your organs regenerated faster than mine did every blessed time. I have aged two times as fast and you can’t order me to outlive you.”

  “I believe I just did.”

  “No, you just spit a lot of nonsense out of your mouth and it went on the recording.”

  “Carleton will edit it and we’ll look at it again before we put it away.” Angus frowned about his wife’s comment. “I can’t get it to say official. Why is this recording unofficial? How will our alternates know it’s real if it can’t even bloody say official on it?”

  Rolling her eyes, Erin reached out and patted her elderly husband’s arm. “They’ll know, Angus. They’ll know.”

  “So you say,” he grumbled. “Not everyone is as sure about everything as Erin MacNamara.”

  “Don’t be an idiot. They knew it was us the first moment you spoke and fussed at me. Now quit complaining and make the damn recording.”

  “Stop swearing. Women shouldn’t swear.”

  Erin turned and glared. She punched his arm when she caught her husband laughing at her. She punched it again, but mostly to get him to look at the recorder instead of at her. “Talk to them, not me. That was the purpose of this, wasn’t it?”

  Angus let out a breath and adjusted himself in his seat. “Okay. Hello, alternate selves. We don’t know which universes you hail from or even if you knew each other before you got here. But I’m trusting the Universe 1 theory of special physics that energy and DNA permeate across time and space. To say that more plainly, I believe you’re enough like us to figure out what we’re telling you in this recording is the truth as we know it.”

  He lifted his hands and waved
them around. “Before I forget, which I do a lot these days, welcome to Dargoona Castle. I know you probably think this is a crazy place for two people to live, but I think you’ll come to appreciate it in time. I’ve put some amazing things in here. Make sure Carleton shows you the waterfall room.”

  “Focus on our task, Angus. Tell them about us, not the damn castle,” Erin ordered.

  “Fine. Right. There’s just so much to cover, but I guess they can learn about the castle from Carleton and Elsa.”

  Angus pushed himself up as best he could in the chair. “As you can see from our diminished appearances, Erin and I are very old. You probably wouldn’t believe how old if I told you. The rejuvenation cylinder stopped working for us nearly a hundred years ago. So we’re not far from our last days in this world. If you’re seeing this recording, it’s because John and the Guardians were successful in jumping you here from an alternate Earth universe to take our place. Now I know your universe wasn’t as advanced as ours—which is why we chose to number them starting with our own. However, you should be advanced enough to understand that we would only take this drastic step for the highest of purposes. You see, we need your help. All the universes connected to New Earth need your help. The connections between our universes is what keeps all of us spinning in space.”

  He turned to look at his wife. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked.

  Erin put a hand on his arm. “Because your heart is in your words and I’ve always loved that about you. In another life, you might have been a writer or a poet.”

  Angus smiled. “And miss all the adventures we’ve had as matchmakers? Never.”

  “Go back to your explanation, Angus. I’m sorry I distracted you.”

  Angus smiled. “Wife… you distracted me from the first moment we met. I wouldn’t know anything else as normal.” He finally looked back at the recorder. “Okay, sorry. My wife and I are getting sentimental as the life spark starts to dwindle in our cells.”

  “Don’t forget to tell them what you told John.”

  “Yes, right. I made John promise to tell you the whole truth about things, even knowing you won’t understand most of it. Here’s the most important, though… if you want to go home, they can do that for you. Don’t buy any story they give you about not being able to take you back. They can change one little number in the coordinates and put to right all they’ve changed so far. I helped figure out the damn portal so I know that’s the case. Unfortunately the time jump doesn’t work for us here in Universe 1. It’s not possible to revisit our own past and collect our younger selves or fix our bodies to last longer, but it works well in every echo of us. What I’m saying is Universe 3 would be a challenging universe to collect you from, but we could go back and forth to Universes 10 and 11 all day and never worry. You might want to bypass John and talk to Agent Black. Tell him the original Angus told you the truth. I made him promise to do the right thing by you as well. He’s one of the first alien hybrid children to return to New Earth. You can trust him, unlike some of the others.”

  “Now don’t get riled up, Angus. It’s bad for your heart. Just tell them the rest so we can get this over,” Erin ordered.

  “Okay… here’s the story of the aliens. There are an infinite amount of planets out in space. New Earth is just one of millions. And we were invisible to the others until two of the planets orbiting our sun with us collided into each other and broke apart. The Earth of that time shot forward in the line up and that movement made us visible to some alien races who move from planet to planet harvesting what they can use and leaving destruction behind. We fought off a couple attacks successfully. Then came the one we couldn’t fight. Those on this planet who weren’t killed watched loved ones get sick and die from some biological weapon they used on us. But we got lucky. We got very lucky. If Darcone is still working for AAS, you need to thank him because it was his people who saved us. He’s scary looking to most, but even scarier to those aliens that tried to destroy us. His race is one of the most noble we’ve encountered.”

  Erin leaned in front of her husband. “And we have never been able to find the poor man a good woman. He’s been here with us for several hundred years.”

  Angus huffed as he tried to push her back to her chair. “Two hundred and ten, Erin. There’s no need to exaggerate. We know exactly how long it’s been.”

  Erin turned to glare at Angus again when she was back in her chair. “However long it’s been, it’s not right that we never helped him.” She turned back to the recorder. “I’m just letting you know so you can keep an eye out for that special someone for him. Darcone will be revered by his people when he brings a New Earth woman home. He once told me his whole planet was like the lushest jungle we have on ours.”

  “You got all that from his growling and grunting?” Angus asked.

  “Stop teasing, Angus. You know Darcone can talk. He just doesn’t like to. He hates the way his voice sounds.”

  Angus gave Erin a disbelieving look before turning back to the camera. “Erin and I made this recording to personally ask you to stay. But we also wanted to let you know that we honor whatever decision you make. Please don’t erase this recording. Just leave it for the next versions who are collected. Too late, we realized that we probably should have trained others to do our job, but not everyone gets along as smoothly as we do.”

  Beside him his wife burst out laughing at his lie and it made him smile.

  “In all seriousness, please consider that I asked them to collect you because I think no one but another version of us will have the strength of heart and character it takes to do what we’ve been doing. Others might not agree with me, but I found our aliens to be decent men, no matter what they looked like on the outside.”

  He looked at his wife again. “Is that enough to convince them, do you think?”

  Erin put a hand on his arm. “It’s all we can do, Angus. It’s all we can do.”

  Angus looked back at the recorder one final time. “If you decide to stay, John is going to tell people that we’ve been rejuvenated again. He’s going to lie and say the aliens changed us so we can keep helping them. I don’t normally agree with lying as a strategy, but it would be worse for New Earth people and the aliens to know we’ve discovered how to use the portal they gave us for time jumping purposes as well as interstellar travel.”

  He lifted his chin.

  “Okay, I guess I’m done now. There’s not much else to say except good luck to you both. Thanks for listening to our words. That’s all anyone can ask of you. Carleton has a complete list of all our properties. If Erin outlives me, her care will come first. Afterwards, whatever we have is yours. May whatever gods you serve, honor your choices in this life and the great forever. And don’t believe the message on the recording about it being unofficial. Erin and I are officially doing this because we believe it’s right. There’s no other reason.”

  “They know that, Angus. You already told them. No need to repeat yourself.”

  Angus rolled his eyes and laughed. He waved one hand as he lifted the remote in the other to stop the recording.

  Silence fell in the parlor after the big screen went blank. The only noise was Carleton’s “fire of a sort” crackling in the grate without putting out an ounce of honest heat.

  Thinking of the couple they just saw, Erin rose and went to get the framed photograph that looked so much like her and Angus. She brought it back and shoved it in front of Angus to stop him from staring at the blank screen.

  “She chose this thinking we’d need to see their younger selves to believe their words. It’s like they’re still here somehow. I can’t imagine any ghost having more power. I’m trying to think what Carleton and Elsa must see when they look at us. They have to be seeing them.”

  Angus nodded, nearly speechless over what they’d heard. Being without any words at all had happened more to him in the last couple of weeks than it had in his entire life. He always had a joke or a quip or an opinion. He’d
known his own mind nearly since the moment he’d come out of his mother’s womb.

  “It’s like my conscience sprang to life, grew white hair, and came back in time to lecture me on doing the right fecking things,” he said.

  Erin laughed low at his words and looked at the picture again. “We might not be legendary lovers like these two were, but I can see why they all thought we’d fool most of the people.”

  “Is that what we’re doing, Erin? Are we going to be liars and deceivers now? I can’t see how doing the right thing by the old version of ourselves is worth it if we have to pretend to be who we’re not.”

  “Maybe we’re not pretending, Angus. No one stays the same every moment they live. Maybe we’re changing, you and I. Nate’s changing our bodies with his medical magic. But these strangers we’re helping are the ones really changing us. I can’t say that I didn’t enjoy helping Mia get things worked out. Can you?”

  Angus shrugged. “I guess not.”

  He looked at the woman staring at the photograph of a married version of themselves. He could see what was in Erin’s eyes because it matched what was growing in his heart. He just wished he’d been smart enough to see it nine years ago when Erin was helping him with his own family. They might even have had a babe or two of their own if he’d been smart.

  All the times he’d disappointed her now were like scar tissue. He needed time to work on healing it before she’d thaw enough to believe he’d come around to being genuinely fond of her. Maybe he would have that time here.

  “I know I’m not half as smart as that white-haired version of me, but I understood him to say the portal didn’t give a fecking care about time. We could stay here for a while, see what good we can do, and decide later if we want to go home.”

  “I already told ya I don’t want to go back,” Erin exclaimed, the photo falling to her lap. “I’ll take my chances here. But I completely understand if ya want to go home.”