Trusted

by Vicki Green

  “It’s happening again,” I whisper into the phone.

  “How bad?” His voice answers in concern.

  “Worse pain I’ve had yet.”

  Silence, except for the ringing in my ears and the feel of the pounding of my heart. “Pearl. You’re going to have to let me run some tests and get to the bottom of this, but I’m afraid I’ll have to do them at the hospital. I don’t have that kind of equipment at the office.”

  I sigh, heavily. “Do you think we can wait until after the weekend? Please, Dr. Phillip, I…. I need time,” my voice pleads.

  “Sweetheart, not knowing what it is, time could be your worst enemy.” I wait for a minute and start to open my mouth when his voice makes me close it. “You know I’ve kept your secret for years, against my better judgment, and even though your mom and especially your dad are my dearest friends, I have patient confidentiality. But, as their friend, I don’t know how much longer I can keep this from them, Pearl. You’re their pride and joy and I won’t do anything to betray your trust but I have to tell you, I won’t keep it from them much longer.”

  I close my eyes tight and take a deep breath, my mind swirling with my thoughts and sigh again. “Okay, Dr. Phillip but…. Let me tell them first, please, I…. I need them to hear this from me. I’ll tell them tomorrow, I promise.”

  “Okay, Pearl, as you wish. Call me as soon as you’re ready and I’ll schedule the tests.” I take another deep breath and nod, to no one. “Pearl?” I open my eyes and stare at the wall in front of me. “Don’t take long, time could be critical.”

  “I won’t, Dr. Phillip. And Dr. Phillip? Thank you.”

  “Of course, my dear. I’ll talk to you soon.” The call disconnects and I just sit there holding my phone, not moving.

  I’ll tell Harley in the morning, first thing. We can plan to go over to Mom and Dad’s later in the morning and Bo and Stormy can come too. I’m not sure who is going to be more upset, but I think this might just kill Harley.

  “Morning!” I bring in a tray of food and set it on the nightstand. Harley peeks open one eye, and his mouth turns into a smile. I sit down on the edge of the bed and am swiftly pulled back into his loving arms. “Hey, we need to eat.” He lets me go and I sit back up, taking his plate as my eyes shift to him watching him sit up against the headboard and then look back again. “Here you go.” I hand him the plate and get busy fixing mine. I set the plate on my lap, hand him a fork, take the other and take a deep breath, moving the food around on my plate.

  “Hey,” I look over as he takes my hand and my brows lower as I look into his eyes. “What’s up? Something’s wrong, I can tell.”

  I set my plate back down on the tray and turn, folding my leg up on the bed, and sit up straight. “Harley. You know I have always had a low immune system.” He nods slowly. “Well, there’s something else. Something no one in my family knows.” Worry creases his handsome features, and I take another deep breath. “I’ve been having some minor stomach issues for a while now, but it’s never been very bad until…. Well, I had a pretty severe pain hit me last night so I called Dr. Phillip. Harley?” He sits up and leans closer to me. “I’m going to have to go into the hospital, like really soon, and have some tests run. I didn’t want to worry you. I didn’t want anyone to worry so I….” I close my eyes, my chin down, and I’m trying my hardest not to cry.

  My chin lifts by his soft fingers and I open my eyes and look into his. “You’ve never said anything, never showed you were in pain. Please, don’t shut me out about things, let me be there for you, let me support you. Love is about the bad as well as the good.” A tear falls from my eye, and I wipe it away. “Baby, I know you only think of yourself and I love you for it but this time…. You don’t need to be so strong. Let me take care of you, let your family help.” I nod slightly as his hand slides under my hair and behind my neck, pulling me closer to him until my forehead is laying against his chest. “Let me love you, baby. Everything’s going to be fine.” I nod against his chest as his other hand rubs my back, but I can tell by his voice, he’s worried sick.

  “Mom? Dad?” I shout as we enter their house. Stormy comes running out of the kitchen and immediately grabs Rosie from my arms. Rosie pats her face as she smiles and giggles at her.

  “They’re all in the kitchen waiting for you guys. And how is my little pumpkin today? Hmm?” Stormy takes off walking with Rosie jabbering at her, and I turn and look at Harley. He gives me a smile and kisses my lips then takes my hand, and we start walking to catch up. They’re all out on the deck, playing with Rosie and giving her attention when we walk out. All eyes are on me as I sit down in a lounge chair, Harley sits down beside me and our fingers slide through each other’s, and he squeezes tight.

  “Rosie pumpkin?” She turns her head and smiles. “Why don’t you go down and play in your sandbox?” She nods and Jade helps her down from her lap, and I watch her go down the steps, one at a time, and then to the sandbox. I can hear her giggles from here. I turn and look around at everyone and take a deep breath. “Well, there’s something I need to tell you.”

  “You’re pregnant,” Mom states with her hand over her heart.

  I chuckle but only a little. “No, Mom. I’ve been having these pains in my abdomen for quite a while, nothing too bad but they’ve become severe lately.” Mom’s hand remains on her heart when she gasps. “I need your help.”

  “Anything, princess,” Dad says, his eyes wide. He hasn’t called me that in so long it makes my heart soar with love.

  “I have to go into the hospital for tests and I’m not sure how long I will be there. Can you all help out with Rosie?” Stormy stands and walks over to me, sitting down on the end of my lounger and takes my other hand.

  “That’s a silly question, Pearl. Of course we will,” she laughs, but then her face turns serious. “Do you have any idea what’s causing this?”

  I shake my head at her and then look at Mom and Dad. “No, but please don’t be mad. Dr. Phillip has known about it for a few years but I made him swear not to tell you. He only did what I asked but just so you know, he did threaten me he was going to throw Doctor-Patient confidentiality out the window soon if I didn’t tell you myself.” Dad’s brows lower and I can see the anger on his face.

  “Well, I’m proud of you for telling us. Aren’t we proud, Knox?” Mom looks at Dad and gives him ‘the look’ and his face softens. She looks back at me and smiles. “Whatever you need us to do, you know we will. Will it be better to keep her here or at your house? I want her to be comfortable.”

  I look at Harley and smile, then back at Mom. “Why don’t you go ask her what she wants to do and we’re fine with her decision.” She smiles, runs over and kisses me on my cheek, then Harley, and runs down the steps and out to Rosie. I look back at Dad and smile. “Please, don’t be mad at Dr. Phillip.”

  He clears his throat. “Mad is such a mild word for how I’m feeling right now but for you, I’ll try to control it.” I giggle, and my eyes move up as I see Bo approaching.

  “Sis, Stormy and I will do whatever we can. Do you want me to help out at the bar for a while? I know Pete’s hired a couple more people but I’d be happy to help out.”

  “And I’ll take care of your apartment. I’ll go over and clean it from top to bottom and even make some meals for you all so neither of you have to cook for a while,” Stormy speaks up.

  I try to keep the tears from forming as all their love fills me so much. “You all are the best.” Harley squeezes my hand again, and I almost sob. “We thank you all so much for everything.”

  “Well, little pumpkin has decided she wants do to a sleep over here at G ’Ma’s house.” My brows raise as my head snaps to Harley then back at Mom, who’s walking towards us. “Yes, she called me G ’Ma,” she says proudly.

  “Wow! I can’t get her to say Mommy, yet.” I feel a twinge of jealousy, but I’m so happy Rosie feels so comfortable with her. “I’m glad she called you that.”

  “Are we stil
l moving ahead with the plans for Saturday,” Stormy whispers.

  Crap! I forgot all about that! I look at Harley, such love in his eyes, so sweet, kind and caring and I smile back at her. “Most definitely! Nothing’s going to stop us getting married. Nothing.”

  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  “I’m going crazy here!” I shout at no one in particular. I’ve been pacing in the family waiting room for hours. When Dr. Phillip told us this morning, after running numerous tests, that he was going to have to do exploratory surgery on her stomach, I’ve been beside myself with worry. I barely got to kiss her before they took her away from me…. Again.

  “Harley, you’re gonna make yourself sick. Go get coffee or something to get your mind on something else,” Knox suggests.

  I pull on my hair and walk out of the room and down to the little snack machine area. I take some money out of my pocket and push a button. I tap my boot waiting for the liquid to quit pouring and then grab the cup and do the whole thing again. Finally, I walk back into the waiting room with both cups, hand one to Knox and sit down in the chair next to him. I lean my arms on my legs, holding the cup with both hands, and stare at the doorway.

  “Thanks, son.” I look over at Knox as he takes a drink and takes a deep breath.

  “No one’s ever called me that and meant it before. Sounds kind of good.” I blow on my coffee and take a sip, then I look as he mimics me, leaning down with his arms on his legs and smiles.

  “Well, I don’t call that to anyone lightly. I hold my family close to my heart and will fight anyone who hurts them. You’ve done so much for Pearl, not only just being there for her but I know you love her with your whole heart and that, son, makes you part of my family.” My eyes fill with tears, but I blink them away. “Now, to work on that sweet little daughter of yours into calling me G ’Dad.” He winks, and I let out a laugh, but my mouth clamps shut, and I stand when I see Dr. Phillip walk into the room.

  “Dr. Phillip. Is she okay? What did you find? When can I take her home?” He smiles, putting his hand on my shoulder and pushing me back until my legs hit the chair, and I sit down quickly.

  “Harley, she did really great.” His head turns to Knox as he grabs a chair and pulls it out in front of us then sits down. “Knox.” My head doesn’t turn as I stare directly at Dr. Phillip anxious to hear what he has to say. “I’ve been doing tests off and on for years but nothing has been showing the cause for her abdomen discomfort. The tests this morning didn’t show anything either. With the surgery we have discovered the cause but I’m not going to lie to you, it’s not good.” My heart beats wildly and I look over at Knox, whose facial expression tells me how upset he is.

  “Don’t sugar coat it for us, Phillip. Tell us what it is and what to expect,” Knox’s voice is shaky but matter of fact.

  Dr. Phillip looks at me, and I nod. “Very well, I found some small tumors.” I gasp at his words. “I’m going to sound a little professional for a moment but then I’ll explain. Desmoplastic small-round-cell tumor is classified as a soft tissue sarcoma. It’s an aggressive and rare tumor that primarily occurs as masses in the abdomen. Other areas affected can include the lymph nodes, the lining of the abdomen, diaphragm, spleen, liver, well, and several other areas. Reported sites of metastatic spread include the liver, lungs, lymph nodes, brain, skull, and bones.” My brows crease and my worry just escalated tenfold. “Right now it’s contained in her abdomen but it will begin to spread. How rapidly is anyone’s guess. The disease rarely occurs in females, but when it does the tumors can be mistaken for ovarian cancer.”

  “Can anything be done, any treatments that can help prolong it or cure it?” Knox asks the questions that I want to know as well.

  “The prognosis for DSRCT remains poor. The 5-year survival rate of DRSCT is only approximately 15%. We can try a few things to help prolong it, chemotherapy, maintenance chemotherapy, debulking operation, cytoreductive surgery, and radiation therapy. Sadly, none of these will cure it and there’s a possibility that they won’t even prolong the spreading as we hope but if she wishes we will do whatever we can and of course we will always strive to make her as comfortable as possible.” He reaches over and places a hand on Knox’s leg and then mine. “I’m so sorry. Are there any other questions or concerns?”

  I look down at the cup in my hand, almost squeezing it until it crushes. “Does she know?” My eyes move to his, and I see out of the corner Knox shifting in his chair.

  He looks me straight in the eyes and nods. “She’s still a bit groggy but she remained strong. She’s a remarkable woman.” He looks at Knox, and I watch Knox nod and then bow his head. “But I think you’ll be very surprised at another bit of news that only she can tell you.”

  I stand and look down at Dr. Phillip. “Thank you, Dr. Phillip. I need to see my girl now.” I look back up and walk quickly from the room, down the hallway, turn the corner then down that hallway until I get to the last room. The door is open slightly, and I push it open a little more and walk in. She’s laying there with her head turned towards the window, but I’m not sure she really sees anything. As I get closer to her bed, her head turns to me, and a smile appears on her beautiful face, and she pats the bed wanting me to sit down. I don’t think twice and walk straight to the bed, sit down and pick up her hand, covering them with my other one and smile. I lean down and kiss her lips and feel the dampness of what was probably her tears.

  “Hey,” I whisper against her mouth. She kisses me back with force, and my heart begins beating faster. Finally, she releases my mouth, her pants evident that it took a lot out of her, and I press my forehead against hers. “Slow down, girl. There’s plenty of time for that.” She chokes out a laugh, and I move back a bit and look into her eyes.

  “I don’t want to leave you. Rosie. Anyone,” she says with a sob, and I remove my hands, wrapping them around her and pulling her to me.

  “Baby, shhhh. You’re not going anywhere.” I rub her back as she sobs into my shirt until finally she calms down and sniffles. I lay her back down and search her eyes. “We’ll fucking fight this, Pearl. We’re not giving up, never. There’s treatments, there’s….”

  She places her hand on the side of my face, and I close my eyes, then reopen them and see hers are pleading. “Nothing will make it go away, Harley. I don’t want what time I have left to always be exhausted, sick, anything that will hinder me from living as normally as I can. I want to live. I want to enjoy what life I have left. Can you understand that?” The tears form, and I can’t stop them from falling from my eyes as I look at her. She smiles and takes her other hand, placing it on the other side of my face, her eyebrows lifting. “And I want to get married this weekend, have a honeymoon and…. I want as normal of a pregnancy that I can have.”

  My mouth drops open, and I can feel the tears still sliding down my face, but I think my heart just stopped. “What?” She laughs and removes her hands and grasps mine, moving it to her stomach.

  “There may be cancer in there but there’s also a baby. Dr. Phillip said I can have a normal pregnancy but it will endanger the baby to have any treatments. I want our baby to grow strong. A piece of you and a piece of me.” I look into her sparkling eyes and at the smile on her face, and I grab her into my arms.

  “Oh, my God, Pearl! A baby!” Her arms are around my neck squeezing me almost as hard as I’m squeezing her. I move her back and kiss her so hard that I’m afraid I’m hurting her, but I’m so fucking happy! I laid her back and crawl into bed with her, my arm pulling her close, and she snuggles her head on my chest. “Is it a boy or girl?”

  Her eyes move up to mine, and she giggles. “It’s too early to tell yet. I can’t believe that Rosie will have a little brother or sister. Now, if I can only get her to say Mommy.” I laugh and kiss the top of her head, but as we lay there together one thought comes into my head. A life for a life. My arm tightens around her and my head turns towards the door as the rest of the family enters. She looks up and smiles as everyone gathers aro
und the bed. Stormy and Jade sitting in chairs nearby, Knox on Pearl’s side of the bed and Bo helps himself sitting on the edge at the end of the bed on my side.

  I nudge Pearl with my hand, and she looks up at me, her eyes gleaming and a beautiful smile on her face. She turns to her dad and her mom sitting next to him and smiles. “Hey, everyone. We have some news. Well, I have some first then I’ll let Harley tell you the other.” She looks up at me, and I mouth ‘Are you sure?’ to her, she nods and looks back around at everyone.

  “I know Dr. Phillip shared all the information with you and I’ve decided not to take treatments.” They all start talking at once with their disapprovals, but I hold up my hand and their voices begin to die down. “I know you all are worried and I know you want the best for me but the treatments won’t make the cancer go away. They may not even prolong it from spreading. I want to enjoy what time I have and I don’t want to do it with hair loss, throwing up, and exhausted all the time I want to be happy for as long as I can.” I can see heads nodding slightly, and Jade takes Knox’s hand, sniffing. “And….” She nudges me with her elbow in my ribs, and I choke out a laugh.

  “Well, I really think Pearl should tell you this but apparently she wants me to.” Another jab in my ribs and I laugh again. “Okay! Another reason she has chosen not to have any treatments is because she’s pregnant.”

  “We’re pregnant,” she speaks up quickly.

  “Ha, we’re pregnant but I think she will end up doing most of the work.”

  Jade is up in an instant and Stormy runs closer to the bed, and I don’t have a choice but to release my hold on Pearl as they envelope her in hugs. There’s a room full of chatter when Dr. Phillip walks in the door and stands with his arms crossed watching everyone. Finally, Pearl notices he’s there and her eyes widen, and she speaks out over the noise. “Dr. Phillip. When can I go home?”