There's not a whole lot going on here that you're missing. Elliot has a new fling. Some girl from a different school. He calls her V so I'm not really sure what her name is. She's kind of skanky. Even James doesn't like her and you know he normally likes everyone, especially Elliot's "toys". That boy will never learn to keep his hands to himself.
I don't have much else to tell you. I hope I get a letter back from you soon. They are the highlight of my day. Just remembering our last few weeks together makes me smile. I can't wait until you come home and we don't have to sneak around. It was pretty hot, but I think things can be just as interesting without all the secrets.
Miss you,
Reagan
October 2, 2004
Reagan,
Things here are crazy. I'm being deployed. I can't tell you where but it's not somewhere I want to go. Please don't worry about me. I know you will but try your hardest to know that I'll be as careful and safe as I can. I'm not sure when I'll get a chance to write again either.
If something happens, always know that I will never forget you, Reagan Elaine Brooks. You are the next chapter in my life, the one that matters.
I'm sorry this letter is so short. I have to pack and we are leaving in 30 minutes.
Always in my heart,
Luke
November 13, 2004
Luke,
You totally could have left out the part that said "don't worry" because you know me better than that and I've done nothing but worry about you since I got your letter. The part about never forgetting me and shit. I hate you for that. You make it sound like a goodbye letter and I won't accept that. I know you're scared and so am I. You will be fine. You will come home safely. You will come home to me and it will be soon.
Instead of asking Elliot about you, I ran into James on purpose the other day at school and asked him. He said you were fine. It made me wonder if he really knows anything so I invited myself to dinner at your house last night and asked your mom.
She looked concerned, Luke. What the hell?
If your mom is worried about you, then you are probably in danger. Does she know where you are? I need you to at least tell me that. I can't stop thinking about you. I actually failed a government exam the other day because it asked me something about a war and I couldn't answer it. I froze up. All my thoughts went to you and your safety and I didn't even finish the exam. It was the second question!
I need peace of mind, Luke. Please.
Call me. Text me. Send me another letter. I've been waiting for a letter for over a month so that I know where to send this one. I'm hoping it reaches you, wherever you are.
Okay, I'm crying now so I better wrap this up. I love you, Lucas Robert Evans. Come home to me safely and come home to me soon.
Love,
Reagan
January 11, 2005
Luke,
Why haven't I heard from you? Did my last letter reach you? I wasn't sure if it would, but it's been four months and I haven't heard from you. Please let me know you're alright. I need to know before my sanity runs out.
Love,
Reagan
March 30, 2005
Luke,
Your mom says you're back in the country. Elliot said that he thought you were in North Carolina. What I want to know is why I haven't heard from you? Something is wrong. I can feel it. Please let me know that you're okay.
There are so many things that I haven't told you about. I got into Yale! I found out just after you were deployed. They accepted me for early admission. They accepted Elliot too, but he decided to go to Columbia instead. I hope he told you that already. If not, act surprised when he does.
I'm this year’s Valedictorian. No, I'm not excited about this. You know how I feel about being the center of attention. I've been working on my speech for a week now. It’s way too long. I need to trim it down so that I can get off the stage as quick as possible.
Are you going to be able to come to graduation? I sure hope so. It would be so amazing to see you. It's been too long. I crave the sound of your voice so the sight of you might be more than I can handle. J/K Please come if you can. I promise to behave in public. Are we still hiding this from Elliot? I haven't said anything to him.
One more month. That's all. Then, I can leave high school behind me and move on. I'm excited to start the next chapter. Yale is going to be amazing. I'm trying to convince my parents to let me experience it like a normal student. They aren't budging at the moment. They are "concerned for my safety" because I’ll be all the way across the country.
You know, Yale is a lot closer to North Carolina than California is. You should come up and see me. Or I can come down and see you. Whatever works better.
Okay, I better get back to work on that speech. It's not going to write itself. I only have 5 weeks to perfect it. You know me, I'll work on it every day until it's time to walk on that stage. Hopefully, you'll be there to hear it. I could use a muse in the audience. Staring into your eyes while I give the speech would make everyone around disappear.
I can't wait to hear back from you.
Love,
Reagan
June 3, 2005
Reagan,
I'm back in the states. Things are busy. Congrats on Yale. I hope your graduation speech went well. Sorry, I couldn't be there to hear it.
Always in my heart,
Luke
September 5, 2005
Luke,
I did it! I'm free!
I'm sad you missed graduation. Your parents said that you were on the move. I'm not sure what that means, but I hope you're safe. The fact that you couldn't come home makes me worry. I want you to be safe. I need you to come home. You promised you would come home. I know you still have a few years but don't forget what you promised me. We have plans. Big plans! Plans that won't happen unless you come home.
I'm going to change the subject because now I'm getting emotional. I miss you.
My parents wanted me to live off campus, but I convinced them to let me live in the dorms. Did I already tell you that? I'm about ready to pack all my things. I have no idea what to take. I want to leave this part of my life behind and start over. I'm sick of being this version of myself. I want to be a better version, a different version. I think college is going to be the perfect place for me to reinvent myself. Elliot seems to think I'm crazy for wanting to change who I am. What about you? I know I'm a good person. I don't want to change that. I will still be me, Reagan Elaine Brooks. I'll still be the same girl you grew up next door to. That won't change. I just want a new image. I want people to see me as more that the little rich girl that I've always been perceived as.
I know I'm rambling. I'm sorry.
How are you? I haven't heard from you much since you graduated from boot camp. I hope everything is going well. Elliot still acts weird when I ask how you're doing. I know he doesn't know anything, but it still makes me nervous. Should I be nervous? We're both adults now. We can make our own decisions and we don't have to justify them to anyone. Should we tell him? He's your brother so I'll leave that decision up to you. If you do decide to tell him, let me know first. You know how I hate surprises.
I'm sorry my letter is so short. I have packing left to do and very little time to do it. I'm going to mail this from the dorms. I know I already sent you the address, but I thought it might be kind of cool to send it from there. Plus, I'll be there in less than 48 hours!
I miss you,
Reagan
Day one.
THE MOVING COMPANY is unloading the truck. I watch as onlookers stare as they move box after box up the stairs to my dorm room. I begged my parents to let me do it myself, but they refused. Having a moving company is the equivalent of a neon sign in my opinion. "Rich girl moving in."
I thank the moving guys and watch as the truck pulls away. There are still a few people standing around, watching my every move. I can feel their judgmental eyes on me. It bothers me because this is the stereotype I wanted to
avoid. I need this fresh start.
Instead of heading up to my room, I take a walk. I head in the direction of the dining hall. The hall is only two buildings away and I’m in need of something to eat after the long flight. I grab a bottle of water and a muffin and head back to my room. Tomorrow is going to be a big day for me. My first day as a college freshman. Not to mention the other things I need to get done.
I wanted to arrive a few days ago and get settled, but my parents insisted that I fly out this morning. The bookstore will be my first stop. I'm sure the line is going to be horrendous. After that, I need to head to the car dealership. My parents wanted to make sure that I had transportation so they bought me a new car. I offered to drive my car here, the brand new car they bought me two years ago, but they wouldn't allow that. Too dangerous. Finally, I want to make a trip to the grocery store. This is a new addition to my list after seeing the selections offered in the dining hall. I'm a picky eater and as much as I could stand to lose a few pounds, I might wither away if I don't pick up a few groceries to keep in the room.
I stop at the mailboxes on my way up to my room. I pull the envelope out of my purse and slide it in the outgoing mail slot. It should reach him faster now that I'm on the east coast. A day, maybe two. It depends on how often they pick up the mail. I can't imagine it's a daily task. I slide my key in the slot and open my mailbox. I pray that there's a letter waiting for me, but I find it empty. His last letter still has me on edge. I'm starting to question everything. It was the first time I felt completely disconnected from him. If a letter can make me feel that way... what's really going on? He promised to always write me back. He promised to always tell me the truth. This is the first time he's broken a promise to me. My imagination runs wild at the different reason why. I silence the crazy thoughts and try to focus on the present. I have enough to worry about. His letter is not at the top of my list today. It can't be.
I walk up the two flights of stairs to my room. Room 201. A one room, two-bed dorm that I'll share with another girl. A girl that I'll meet shortly I'm sure. I find my room easily. I requested one on the end so that it was a little bigger. Sliding the key in the lock, I listen as it disengages and then push the door open. It's exactly what I expected, only smaller.
I close the door behind me and as I'm standing in the middle of the room, I give myself a much-needed pep talk. I think I'm ready for this. It's all I've been thinking about for the last two years. Getting out of Pacific Grove and starting my own life. One that revolves around something other than people with money. I love my family, I enjoy the fact that I've never had to want for anything in my entire life, but I also hate being known as the plastic surgeon's daughter. Or, the rich girl. Everyone I went to high school with was from a wealthy family. Why was I the rich girl?
If I had to guess, it would be because there was nothing else about me that was interesting. There was no other way to describe me. Nothing else that defined me as a person.
Baggy jeans and a t-shirt were my standard wardrobe. Tennis shoes or flip flops depending on the weather. No makeup. Who was I trying to impress? No one. I didn't play sports and I wasn't part of any clubs. I didn't have time. Aside from Elliot, I didn't talk to anyone. I kept to myself. I kept my head down, worked hard, got good grades and focused on getting the hell out of there. That was my goal. Get into Yale, move across the country and find a way to start over, to reinvent myself.
The first part is going according to plan. Here I am. A freshman at the prestigious Yale University. On the other side of the country from the only place I've ever known as home. I didn't think I would miss it as much as I do right now, but I'm attributing that to nerves. That's the only thing I can think that it is. Unless it's the fact that I'm about to meet my dorm-mate.
My parents threw a fit when I told them I wanted to live in the dorms and have the full college experience. They were ready to shell out a boat-load of money to buy me my own condo or flat. I thought about it for a second but knew that I would become a recluse if I allowed them to do that for me. I can't let that happen. I need to broaden my horizons, according to Elliot, and meet new people. I think that's why he chose Cambridge instead of Yale. He knew that if we were here together that I wouldn't try to make friends. He's been my only real friend since we were kids. I've always had him, so I've never needed to have other friends.
Elliot and I grew up next door to each other. When I say that we were neighbors, I mean that in the sense that we had a football field of yard that separated our houses. We use to call it our own private playground. It was partially wooded so we had plenty to explore growing up. His little brother James use to follow us around and spy on us with his friends. I always thought it was cute, Elliot didn't.
Elliot’s the middle child. Luke was a year ahead of us in school and James has one year left then he'll join Elliot at Cambridge. I'm an only child. Just me. Always flying solo, no annoying siblings following me around or telling me what to do. I always hoped that my mother would change her mind about having another kid, but it didn't happen.
Thinking about Elliot and Luke makes me smile. I remember the good times that Luke and I had before he left. I think about the times Elliot almost caught us. My favorite memory has to be the night I snuck out his bedroom window. I came over earlier that night, while Elliot was out with Kylie. The plan was for me to leave before Elliot came home and we lost track of the time. We had no idea he was even home until he knocked on Luke’s bedroom door.
I almost screamed and blew our cover. Luke covered my mouth before any sounds came out. If Elliot hadn’t broken up with Kylie that night things would have gone according to plan. Instead, Luke ended up playing video games with Elliot that night and I ended up climbing out his window and spending the night alone in my room.
I hear the door handle jiggle, metal slides against metal and the door opens with a pop. I stand, leaving a dent in the mattress of the bed I had been sitting on. My bed, I think. Her things are already on the other side of the room. There's your typical Einstein poster on the wall above the headboard. Boxes are stacked in front of her dresser. We said that we would meet at 5 o'clock today to head to freshman orientation together. Glancing down at my watch, I see that she's five minutes early.
We are going to get along great.
A short, brown-haired girl with a huge smile on her face comes rushing towards me before I have the chance to move. She wraps her arms around me in a hug and squeezes as hard as she can.
"Reagan!" She squeals.
"Hi." I'm trying to be polite, Elliot said that I needed to be polite and friendly when I meet Felicity, but I hear the uncertainty in my voice. I'm uncomfortable.
She lets me go and studies me for a brief second. I'm in my standard uniform of jeans and a t-shirt. I have sandals on today because I knew it would be stifling on the plane. I push my glasses back on my nose and smile a tentative smile at her.
"Wow. You look really nervous right now." She pauses and I can't help but smile at her blatant honesty. "Are you ready to check this place out? Orientation starts in a half hour so we have time to roam around before we head to the student center if you want. I've been hanging out in the library most of the day so I can at least show you where that is."
"Sure." I've seen the library. I've been to the student center. I won't have a problem finding my way around campus. My parents and I took a tour when I came to visit last fall after I was accepted for early admission. I don't want to spoil it for her though so I let her lead the way.
Felicity talks my ear off until we reach the student center and orientation is under way. She's a bright girl. She's here on a full ride scholarship. Even I wasn't able to do that and my grades were top of my class. I'm glad she's here, though, and I can't wait to tell Elliot about her. I've been instructed to call him tonight and tell him all about my first day on campus.
I think he worries about me too much. I can handle this. I can make new friends. I can become the person I've always wanted to be but have
been too scared of becoming. No one knows me here yet. I can be whoever I want to be. I can reinvent myself to the ends of the Earth and back if I want to. The only person who would even notice a change is Elliot and as much as his opinion matters to me, I need this. He knows that. I need this time away from home for me. To become who I want to be.
Felicity and I walk around campus after orientation and talk for hours. We both need to unpack, but it's the last thing on our minds. I spot a coffee shop and practically drag her inside. I place my order and let her step up to the counter. She doesn't order anything and I can't help but ask her why.
"Not a big coffee drinker? I thought I saw a coffee maker in the room."
"No, I love coffee. It's just..."
Her voice trails off and she doesn't finish her sentence. I don't push her because I can see that whatever I said has hit a nerve. I grab my coffee when they call my name and we walk back to our room in silence. Felicity immediately starts unpacking her things, stuffing her drawers full of clothing with her back to me. I open the first box I see and pull out the framed pictures that I had sent. What I didn't think to bring was a hammer and nails so that I could put them up on the wall.
"Hey, do you have a hammer and a nail that I can borrow? I didn't even think to pack one."
"I didn't bring one either. Sorry." Her voice cracks as she apologizes.
"What's wrong? If we're going to live together we need to talk to each other. I'm not really good at this sort of stuff, but I am a good listener." I walk toward her and take a seat on her bed. "I can tell that something is wrong. Did I say something wrong at the coffee shop? I'm really sorry if I did."
Next (Kiss Series Book 1) Page 2
