"Relax for a second, Reagan."
"I can't. I have to find Felicity and Elliot. Where are they?" His smile is weak and his eyes are sad. I look away from him and squeeze my eyes shut, trying not to cry. "What happened, Will?"
"They were in an accident. They’ve been transported to the hospital. I won't lie to you. It's bad. I don't have all the details but even if I did, I wouldn't want to be the one to tell you. They're both in surgery right now. James promised to call as soon as he found anything out."
"Will you take me to them? I need to be there."
"I can if you want me to." He stands and helps me into a sitting position. "Do you want some water before we go?"
"No. I'll be fine." I stand on my own and head into the kitchen to grab my purse. The food has been put away. My guests are gone. I can only imagine I have Will to thank.
I text James once we are on the road. He replies instantly, letting me know where to meet him. It feels like the fifteen-minute drive takes over an hour. My body fills with dread as I close Will's car door and head towards the Emergency entrance. The door opens for me, but I stop.
If I walk through that door I may get news that I won't be able to handle. I'm not ready to go in yet. I need more time. I need to prepare myself for the inevitable.
"I'm right here, Reagan." Will whispers in my ear. "You don't have to do this alone."
"I have to call Felicity's parents." It's the first thing I think to say. It's a fact. I need to stick to the facts. I don't have many, but I have a few. Being uninformed will help at this point. It'll keep me calm when I tell them what I know.
"Why don't we take a seat and you can call them. After, we'll find James." Will leads me to a bench near the entrance.
I rummage through my purse for my phone. Once I find their number my fingers freeze up. I can't call them. I can't tell them something has happened. I don't have the strength to hold myself together. I'm not strong enough.
"Do you want me to call them?" I nod and he takes my phone. I listen as he tells them what he knows. After a few minutes, he covers the phone with his hand and leans in close. "They want to talk to you. Are you up for it?"
I nod because I know I have to do this. The hardest part is over. They know what happened. "Hello."
"Reagan. Is she going to be okay? Is my baby going to be okay?" Mrs. Granger is frantic. Fear is crippling her right now and as much as I would like to think I understand, I can't possibly imagine how she feels right now. Her daughter has been hurt and she's not here.
"I don't know. I will call you when I find out more." I'm not doing a very good job of reassuring her. I'm a horrible friend. "I can get you on the next flight out here if you want to come."
"Yes. Please." The words are out before I even finish speaking. I promise to text her the flight information as soon as I can.
Will volunteers to pick them up at the airport and bring them to the hospital after I hang up. I throw my arms around his neck and cry. I let it all out. I need to. If I don't, I won't be able to pull myself together for my friends. They need me to be strong right now. They need my support. I can do this. I just need to be weak for a few more minutes.
James spots us the second we enter the waiting room and heads in our direction. His parents are in the corner, his mother crying on his father's shoulder.
"Do we know anything more at this point?" My voice is stronger than it's ever been. I am determined to find out what is going on.
"Not yet. A nurse came out a little bit ago and said that Elliot was still in surgery. They wouldn't tell us anything about Felicity since we weren't immediate family. I thought you might be able to find out about her."
I grab Will's hand and pull him toward the reception desk. The lady behind the desk is on the phone but smiles up at us. I wait patiently for her to end her phone call for about five seconds before I wave someone else down. I need answers.
"Hi. Felicity Granger. Do we know anything about her condition yet?"
"Are you family?" She has an attitude with me and I don't blame her. I'm being blunt, but I also don't need her shit right now.
"Yes. I'm her sister." I lie. It feels natural. Will squeezes my hand, a sign that he'll back me up if needed.
"Just a minute, please. I need to check." She disappears around the corner but returns a moment later with a tablet in her hand.
"It looks like she's out of surgery and has been admitted to the burn unit. You're welcome to go up and see her, but it looks like she's still unconscious. They won't know much about her condition until she wakes up. I paged the doctor to come down and talk to you. He shouldn't be long."
I thank her and head back to the waiting area for the doctor. I tell James what I know and text Mrs. Granger an update. Will's on his phone booking flights for them and as soon as I have that information, I send that to them as well. The doctor takes his sweet time coming down. The few minutes I expected it to take him turns into almost thirty minutes and then an hour. I'm sure he's a busy man, but I need answers.
We wait in silence. The only sound in the room coming from a small television in the corner. People come and go. Patients are called back to be seen. The police show up to speak with us. They have more information than we do at this point.
Elliot was driving. He was turning left and a large pickup truck ran the light and crashed into him. That must be why his surgery is taking longer than Felicity's did. The impact caused the airbags to deploy. Whatever is inside those airbags burned Felicity's face. She has rib fractures which punctured one of her lungs. They’ve inflated it but she is sedated.
They were able to get her out of Elliot's SUV without any issues and get her to the hospital. Elliot was trapped in the vehicle for twenty minutes before they were able to get him out. His injuries were worse than Felicity's. The driver of the truck was treated on the scene for minor injuries and then arrested.
I play the scene over and over again in my head. Were they laughing before it happened? Did Elliot see the truck before it hit them? Were they happy one minute and in pain the next?
It doesn't matter. All that matters now is what the doctor has to say about Elliot and Felicity. We need an update. Just as I'm about to go find the nurse I spoke with earlier, the doctor walks in the room. I stand when he comes in the room, ready to introduce myself. "Mr. and Mrs. Evans."
I drop back into my seat. Will scoops up my hand and laces our fingers. James takes my other hand and does the same. Mr. Evans nods his head and the doctor takes a seat next to him. I watch as the doctor places his hand on Mr. Evans shoulder and I know what's about to happen. The tears start to fall before the words are spoken.
"Elliot was badly injured in the accident. His heart stopped in the ambulance on the way here, but we were able to revive him. He had multiple internal injuries and internal bleeding that we were unable to get it under control causing stress on his heart. We did everything we could. I'm terribly sorry for your loss."
I CAN'T MOVE. My body is in shock. I will myself to snap out of it, but it's no use. The doctor’s words echo through my mind followed by Mrs. Evans’ screams. It's like my brain is on instant replay. I hear it over and over again. James took them home a while ago, but it's still all I can hear.
Will's still here. He hasn't moved. He hasn't let go of my hand. He hasn't said a word. I think he understands me better than I gave him credit for. Right now I just need someone to be here for me. I don't want to talk about it. I can't. Not yet. I need him to hold my hand, though. I need him to give me strength.
This is just the beginning.
I want to go see Felicity. I want to stand up and get in the elevator. I want to walk into her room and see her face. I need to see that she's alive for myself. My fear is that she won't make it. I can't lose them both. I won't survive.
Felicity's doctor showed up right after Elliot's left. He said that she should recover but that she has a long road ahead of her. Her burns weren’t nearly as bad as they had anticipated. Most of them were
superficial and will heal on their own. She's still unconscious and not out of the woods completely. They need to evaluate her once she wakes up. Until then they won't know if there is any brain damage.
"I can't lose her." I have to say the words out loud.
"I know. You won't."
"You don't know that. You can't promise me that." I know Will's intentions are genuine but false hope isn't going to do me any good and neither are promises that he can't possibly keep.
"You're right. I can't. She has a chance, though. She made it through the surgery. I'm sure she has a rough road ahead of her, but she has you. You'll help each other through this."
I let his words sink in. I'm going to have to help her through this. Through her recovery and the loss of Elliot. Who's going to help me?
"I will."
I must have said that out loud. I never meant to ask the question, but I'm not surprised by his answer. "Why?"
"Do I have to have a reason?"
I turn toward him and look him in the eye. "There's a reason for everything in life. There's a reason Elliot... There's a reason Felicity is lying in a hospital bed right now. There's a reason you are sitting here with me. Some of the reasons suck. What's your reason?"
"I care about you, Reagan. A lot. More than I should. I'm hoping that someday you might feel the same way about me. If not, I'll gain an amazing friend out of the deal." Always so honest.
I want to care about Will. If there's been anyone I've met who's been worth caring about, it's him. I didn't realize it at first, our date being cut short and all, but I realize it now. He's a good person, a good man. He's the kind of man that I've been trying to avoid all these years for fear of falling in love with someone else. Someone that isn't Luke.
Luke. I wonder if he knows.
"I have to head to the airport soon to pick up Felicity's parents. Why don't you wait upstairs with her? I'm sure she'd like some company." Will stands and holds his hand out for me. I place mine in his and allow him to pull me to my feet. "I know this is horrible timing, but I'm going to kiss you, Reagan. Not because I'm trying to get you in bed and not because I like you. I'm going to kiss you because you need it. You need something good right now and it's all I can offer you. I can be your consolation prize."
He's right in so many ways, but I'll never tell him that.
I let him kiss me. It's sweet but passionate. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer. He responds perfectly, pulling me into his body and holding me there. When our lips part, my first thought is that I want him to do that again. For me, that's the opposite of normal.
"Ready?"
His eyes meet mine and I see the meaning behind that one word. For the first time ever, I don't hesitate. I don't run. "Yes."
Walking hand in hand to the elevators, I smile. I think about how Felicity would be proud of me. Thinking of Felicity causes me to think of Elliot and my smile fades. Guilt creeps in. I lost him today. He was smiling and happy this afternoon. He was alive, fighting with Luke on the phone. He had his entire life ahead of him. He was going to ask Felicity to marry him.
It all ended in the blink of an eye. His life was cut short by some asshole that decided to run a red light. He destroyed Elliot's world. He destroyed the Evan's world. He destroyed a large part of my world.
The door to her room is open. I take a step in the door and I feel like I'm being punched in the face. So many sounds assault me at once. Felicity is hooked up to a bunch of machines, but she looks like she's sleeping peacefully. The doctor said that they were able to remove the machine that was breathing for her. She's still hooked up to a heart monitor, an IV and a couple of other machines that I have no idea what they are for.
"Are you going to be okay if I leave you here and head to the airport?"
"I'll be fine. Thank you for all your help and for picking them up. Will I see you when you come back?"
"I'll bring them up here. Did you want me to stay?"
Do I? No. "I was hoping that you might bring me back home. If she's not awake by the time they get here, I want to give them their space with her."
"Sure. I'll see you in a little bit. Call me if you need anything."
Will closes the door behind him and I take the seat next to the bed. I caress Felicity's hand and talk to her like she can hear me. I tell her all good things, only positive things. I tell her all about how amazing Will has been. I tell her about my plans for taking this one seriously and giving him a chance. When the words come out of my mouth I'm shocked. It was only this afternoon when I told him that I couldn't offer him more than friendship. Now, I'm telling Felicity that I want more.
I'll have to be the one to tell her about Elliot. I don't want to be that person but at the same time, I do. She's going to need me when she finds out. I'm going to need her when I finally say the words aloud. Until then, it's not real. Not as real as it will be at least.
In less than an hour, Will is back with the Granger's in tow. I hug them both as they cry on my shoulder. Felicity looks just like her mother. I've seen pictures of them together before, but the resemblance in person is scary. They could be twins, born twenty years apart.
I need air. I have to get out of this room. I'm going to start crying if I don't get a moment alone so I excuse myself for the night. They promise to call if she wakes up. I give them my key to the house and the address in case they want to get some rest. I know they won't show up. They probably won't leave her side until she's awake.
Will offers to come in and keep me company but I want to be alone. Opening the front door, walking into the silence that is waiting for me, is more than I can handle. I'm exhausted, but I need to run. It's the only time I feel like I'm not alone.
I change and slip on my shoes. I stretch for a few minutes on the deck before taking off down the beach. I don't push myself. I'm barely running. I stop after only a few yards and drop on the sand. I watch as the wave’s crash against the shore in the moonlight. It's beautiful and I wish I had someone to share it with.
My mind wanders to Luke. I'm sure James called him and told him the news. I'm sure he'll come home to lay his brother to rest. I'll be seeing him soon but for the first time since he left, I don't want to.
I call Felicity's parents before attempting to sleep to see if there's any change. She still hasn't woken up. The doctors came in and checked on here after I left. They spoke to the doctor about her condition and her chances. They seem to be optimistic at this point. Her body is healing. Their main concern still is whether or not she has any brain damage and they won't be able to tell until she wakes up.
Sleep eludes me as I toss and turn for hours until I finally give up. Every time I close my eyes I picture Elliot. His face is bruised and battered. He's bleeding and screaming for help. I can't remember the man he used to be. I can't remember the boy I grew up with. That's who I want to remember. I don't want my last memories of Elliot to be of today, of this accident.
I rummage around in my closet until I find what I'm looking for. It's been a year since I've opened it. The last time I even thought about it was the day Felicity and I cleared out the spare bedroom for Elliot. I set it on my bed and reach for it with shaky hands. My favorite pair of Nike's use to be in there. Those have been gone for a long time. Now, the contents are more personal. I remove the lid and Elliot's face greets me with a smile.
I flip through picture after picture of the two of us, setting each one aside to look at the one behind it. The bottom of the box is full of paper folded into different shapes, most of them triangles. Notes Elliot and I use to pass back and forth to each other in school. I spend a few hours reliving some of the most interesting moments of our childhood.
There was the time Elliot told everyone that we were dating, even though he had a girlfriend. It caused a stir for about ten seconds until she showed up and put the kibosh on his tall tale. The next one was just a picture he drew of one of our teachers. Algebra I think. She was an odd woman. The notes had plans for the weekend, dirt
y secrets about his girlfriends and inside jokes that are no longer funny. An inside joke is only funny when you can share it with the only other person who will understand it.
The pictures are my favorite. There's prom. I didn't go, but Elliot made me put on a nice dress and take pictures with him. The Maroon 5 concert Elliot took me to for my birthday our senior year. Tons of pictures from our weekly trips to the beach in the summer. Elliot's random girlfriends appear and disappear throughout the stack. The very bottom picture is of James, Elliot, Luke and me when we were little. The four of us are covered in dirt. I don't remember what we had gotten into, but there's a huge smile on all of our faces. Whatever we had been doing must have been fun.
The good ole days. Back when life was simpler. Our biggest issue was not being able to think of anything fun to do. I miss those days. I miss my friend.
I load everything back into the box. As I'm putting the lid back on, something catches my eye. There's a picture taped to the inside of the lid. A picture of the three of us. I'm in the middle, the boys on either side of me. It was taken the afternoon Luke kissed me before it happened. Elliot's girlfriend at the time took it for me with my camera. I'm not sure if I ever showed the picture to either of them.
THERE ARE FIVE stages of grief. Stage 1: Denial. I'm pretty sure I skipped that stage. It feels real. The situation was very black and white. I still hear Mrs. Evans screams sometimes when I close my eyes.
Stage 2: Anger. I'm angry at the man who ran the red light. I'm angry that the doctors weren't able to save him. I'm angry that it took so long to get him out of the car. I'm angry that I have to attend my best friend’s funeral. I'm angry about a lot of things, but I'm not in denial.
Stage 3: Bargaining. Either I haven't gone through this stage or I'm going to skip it. I know that nothing will bring him back. If I could find a way to do it I would but I'm too much of a realist to think that I could barter my way out of this.
Next (Kiss Series Book 1) Page 10
