Pastor’s eyes filled with tears. Unlike Detria, he was not able to catch them as they overflowed and cascaded down his face. Detria searched in her purse and found a package of tissues, then used one to wipe the tears from his eyes.
“Pastor, I was wrong for hurting you. I was mixed up on the inside. I think I still am in a way.” The more Detria talked, the more she wanted to talk. She had a breakthrough of sorts, because for the next thirty minutes or so, she poured her heart out. “I know there is nothing in the world you would intentionally do to hurt me or my unborn child. But when I lost my baby, I wasn’t thinking like that. All I could think about was, if I hadn’t lifted you, then I wouldn’t have put the strain on my body that caused me to lose my baby. I didn’t care that my doctor said losing the baby was God’s way of saying something would have been wrong with my child. I didn’t care if something would have been wrong. I wanted my baby regardless.” Tears poured down Detria’s face.
She turned slightly so Pastor couldn’t see the hurt she was sure was etched across her face. “Stiles doesn’t know that I was the one who abused you. He still believes it was one of the ladies from the agency. How can I tell him that his wife . . . that it’s me who brought harm to his father? How do I confess it to him, Pastor? I love my husband. I love him with all of my heart. This is about to drive me insane. I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t blame you for not wanting to be around me. I’ve seen fear in your eyes when I would come in your room at home. You couldn’t speak out for yourself. You had no one to tell. You took the pain that I inflicted on you. Oh, God, I am so sorry, Pastor.” Detria bowed her head and allowed tears to fall. She used her hands to cup her face.
She cried until she felt a trembling hand rest on the crown of her head. Detria slowly lifted her head and looked over at Pastor. His eyes seemed full of compassion and sorrow. She was deeply moved. “Can you ever forgive me? Can you ever look at me without despising me?”
With tear-filled eyes, Pastor nodded. He paused for several seconds between each word that poured forth until he was able to say fully, “I forgive you.”
Detria didn’t know how to respond. She felt like her heart was about to spill over with joy. She stood up, went to Pastor, and embraced him as tears dripped on top of his full head of salt-and-pepper hair. Detria rocked him in her arms.
“Thank you, Pastor. Thank you, so much—”
“What’s all of this about?”
Detria jumped when she heard her husband’s voice. Standing next to him was one of the nurses.
“Mr. Graham, I told your son I saw you coming down here with a beautiful young woman hanging on to you,” the nurse said with an upturned mouth.
Detria found it hard to smile. She didn’t know how much Stiles had heard. “We were just talking. I was telling Pastor how good it was to see how much he’s improved,” Detria said with a voice that she felt was shaky.
Stiles must not have noticed anything out of the ordinary initially because he walked up, hugged his father, and then embraced Detria. “You didn’t say anything about coming to see Pastor,” he told her.
“I know. I had to come downtown to run a couple of errands and thought I’d stop in to check on him.”
“How are you feeling today, Pastor? Looks like you’ve been crying? Are you in pain?” He turned around and looked with suspicion at Detria.
“Crying? Why would he be crying? He’s fine,” Detria responded.
“No cry. Good,” Pastor managed to say with ease.
The nurse spoke up. “Are you in pain, Mr. Graham?”
“No. Feel fine,” he answered the nurse.
“Well, if he keeps up like this, he’ll be out of here before you know it. Won’t that be great, Mr. Graham?”
Pastor nodded.
“No, let’s not nod. I want you to talk every chance you get.”
“Yes,” Pastor said to the nurse.
“I’ll leave y’all in here to visit. If you need anything, let me know,” the nurse said, and then turned and exited the room.
“God is good, I tell you,” Stiles said.
Detria smiled awkwardly. Her heart kept up a rapid pace, but she was beginning to feel confident that Stiles more than likely had not heard the depth of her conversation with Pastor. The three of them lingered in the recreational room, and Stiles used the opportunity to tell Pastor that Francesca had been asking about him without mentioning her sickness. There would be time for that, but this was not the time to do so.
Pastor seemed to beam with happiness when Stiles told him Francesca had asked about him.
“Francesca said her church has been praying for you. I can’t wait to tell her how good you’re doing. You’re going to be excited to hear something about her, I bet.”
“What?” Pastor asked.
“I believe your daughter has herself a boyfriend.”
Pastor managed to smile. “Boyfriend?” A questioning look came across his face.
“Yep, boyfriend,” Stiles repeated.
“This is the first I’ve heard of this myself,” Detria chimed in. “You’ve been holding this back from me and Pastor for how long?” she asked Stiles.
“Not long. I had to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth. Hey, let me see if I can get ahold of her now.”
Stiles pulled out his cell phone and scrolled through the numbers until he came across Francesca’s number at the hospital. It would be a great opportunity for Pastor to hear his daughter’s voice without knowing where she was. He hoped Francesca wasn’t asleep. He had left her only a few hours ago, and she was napping. Tim had made it to the hospital, too, so Stiles felt more assured that Francesca was awake.
The phone rang a couple of times and Francesca answered. “Hey, sis. I’m here at the hospital with Pastor. He wants to speak to you.”
“He wants to talk to me?” Francesca asked. “Praise God, he can talk again,” she said, though her voice still sounded faint.
“Yes, he can talk again. And he may not be able to tell you all of what he wants to say, but just so you know, I told him about your man,” Stiles said. He laughed. “Hold on just a sec. Here you go, Pastor.” Stiles passed the phone to Pastor.
“Fran,” Pastor said. “Fran,” he said again.
“Hi, Pastor. It is so good to hear your voice. God is good, isn’t He?”
“God good,” Pastor answered. “Boyfr—”
“Don’t listen to your son, Pastor. He’s going overboard. I do have a dear and close friend. You may not remember him, but he was with the group that came to Memphis a few months ago. His name is Tim, but everybody calls him Brother Tim. He’s right here with me. I think you’ll like him, Pastor.”
“Good to you?” Pastor said almost coherently.
“Yes, he is, Pastor. You’ll get a chance to meet him again soon, okay?”
“’Kay. Bye.” Pastor passed the phone back to Stiles.
“Sis, how are you?” Stiles asked in a voice that sounded ordinary and unconcerned so as not to get Pastor worried.
“I’m good,” she said, but Stiles could hear how weak she was.
“We’ll talk later.”
“Tell her that I said hello before you hang up,” Detria chimed in.
“Oh, my lovely wife says hello,” Stiles told Francesca.
“Tell my sister-in-law the same. Bye, bro.”
“See ya, Francesca.” Stiles ended the call and placed his BlackBerry back in its case on his waist.
“Pastor, I think it’s time we get you back to your room. Your roommate is probably wondering where that strange woman took you off to,” Detria said.
“Come on, let’s get you up,” Stiles told Pastor.
Pastor returned to his room and sat on his bed.
“Pastor, I’m going to get ready to leave. It was good seeing you,” Detria said as Stiles stood and focused on something playing on the television. Detria embraced Pastor and whispered in his ear. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” She kissed him on his cheek. She felt
his arms reach around her waist as he returned her hug. She felt absolutely wonderful. The feeling of guilt over what she had done had just about disappeared.
Detria touched her husband’s shoulder to get his attention. “Are you staying here or leaving?”
“I believe I’ll follow you out. I’ve had a long, harried day. I want to get some food in this belly.” Stiles patted his stomach. “And then I need to start revising this week’s sermon. Pastor, are you going to be all right?”
“Yes. Fine,” Pastor said.
“Great. Then we’ll check on you later. We love you, Pastor,” Stiles said for both himself and Detria. “God bless you, sir,” Stiles told the man in the bed next to Pastor.
On her drive home, Detria felt overjoyed. She couldn’t wait to call Brooke. There was no way she would have been able to tell her the good news when she got home. With Stiles there, it would have been nearly impossible to express her gratitude to Pastor for all that had transpired during her visit. Detria dug around inside her purse until she felt the smoothness of her cell phone. She pushed the number four key and waited for the phone to connect. “Hey,” she said when her sister answered.
“Hey, what’s up with you?” Brooke asked.
“I called to tell you that I just came from talking to Pastor.”
“You did? How did it go?”
“Better than I could ever have hoped. I told him everything. I feel so relieved. I asked him to forgive me, and he said that he would. It was indescribable. God heard my prayer. Brooke, I feel like I can move forward with my life. You just don’t know how wretched I felt.”
“I still think you should ask Dr. Henderson to refer you to a good psychologist. You still have some unresolved issues. And are you going to tell Stiles?”
“I don’t know. We’ll see, though. I want to talk to Pastor again. But maybe you’re right. Maybe I do need to talk to a professional, at least a few times. I’ll see.”
“I’m so glad for you, Detria. John, the kids, and I are going over to Mom and Pops. Why don’t you and Stiles meet us there? Momma cooked some turnip greens and a pot roast. She invited us to come over. You know she doesn’t know what it means to cook only enough for herself and Pops, so there’s going to be plenty.”
“That actually sounds like a good idea. Let me call Momma, and then I’ll call Stiles to see what he thinks before we get all the way home. But I’ll come even if he decides not to.”
“Good. I’ll see you in a few,” Brooke said and hung up the phone.
Detria’s mother loved the idea of her and Stiles joining them for dinner. It had been months since her children and their families had been over at the same time. Detria called and asked Stiles if he would join them, and he agreed. Detria smiled, then turned up the radio to listen to a group singing one of her favorite songs, “Our God Saves.”
“Yes, you do save, Father God,” Detria said. “Yes, you do.”
Stiles told Detria to meet him at home so they could go to her parents’ house together. Detria agreed. The two of them freshened up when they got home and then went to her parents’.
Dinner at the Mackeys’ turned out to be fun for Detria. Stiles acted like he had a great time, too. If the amount of food eaten was any indication of how much of a good time he had, then Stiles would have definitely taken home a first place trophy. Detria enjoyed playing with her nephews. It reminded her of how much she wanted to have a family with Stiles. Perhaps God would smile on her again and give her another chance at being a mother. She wasn’t without hope that it would happen one day.
Before they left her parents’, Detria prepared a nice-sized carryout of food for herself and Stiles. The couple exchanged hugs and kisses with everyone and then left for home.
“That was a great dinner, wasn’t it?” Detria asked. She massaged Stiles’s thigh while he drove.
“Yeah, I had a good time, and don’t get me started on the food. I forgot what a Grade A cook my mother-in-law is.” Stiles laughed. “I’m so full, but I’m still glad you brought plenty of leftovers.”
“I know you are,” Detria quipped. She leaned over and kissed Stiles on his cheek.
“What was that for?” he asked and looked at her with pleasure on his face.
“Because.”
“Because what?” he asked.
“Because I love you. Because I’m glad we’re at this point in our lives. Because I adore the man you are.”
“Whoa, are you setting the stage to get a larger ring or something?” He whipped into the far right lane. “If you are,” he added, “then you might be on the right track.”
“Is that right? Well, you ain’t seen nothing yet,” she cooed into his ear and lightly bit the tip of his earlobe. “Wait until I get you home,” Detria teased.
Stiles chuckled. His head went back, and then he sped up when he made a left turn onto their street. “I’m going to hold you to whatever it is you have in mind.”
“Do you think you can handle it?” she continued with her flirtatious antics.
“I’ll let you be the judge of that,” Stiles said with a look of delight plastered on his handsome face.
“Oh, shucks.” Detria pouted her lips.
Stiles pulled into the garage and turned off the car. “What’s wrong?”
“I forgot that you have to work on your sermon. Oh, well, what I had in mind will just have to wait. Maybe next time.”
“Oh, no. Don’t think you’re going to get off that easy. I already have my sermon outlined. I have to pull it up and work on a few things that God placed in my spirit. After that, I’m all yours.” This time he was the one who kissed her. His lips lingered on hers and his hands expertly caressed the body he knew so well. The sounds of love that escaped from both of their lips filled the garage.
Suddenly, Detria pulled away. “The last one in the house is a rotten egg,” she screamed, grabbed the containers of food, and fled out of the car, but not before Stiles beat her to the door, opened it, and rushed inside.
“Come here, my rotten egg,” he said and whisked her in his arms.
Chapter 22
You are what I never knew I always wanted.
— Fools Rush In movie
Two additional weeks passed before Francesca was discharged from the hospital. Brother Tim talked with Stiles and told him that he would take Francesca home, so there was no reason for Stiles to drive all the way to Dyersburg.
Francesca leaned her head back on the car’s headrest. “I don’t know how to thank you for all you’ve done for me,” she told Tim on their drive to her apartment.
“How many times have I told you that there’s no need to thank me. I love you, Francesca. I think you know that, don’t you?”
Francesca remained quiet and looked out the window. Her mind was full of confusing thoughts. Was this real? Could she be in love with Tim? If she was, did that mean she was never a lesbian? She didn’t know what to think about her sexuality, but she admitted to herself that her heart did pound faster whenever she saw Tim. He did make her laugh, and he always made her feel special. But what about her sexual orientation? What about the years she spent in the arms of other women? What about Rena? Rena? Oh, I need to call her. I can’t believe she called to check on me. She must think I don’t give a darn about her concern since I haven’t called her back.
“Hey, you,” Tim said. Francesca jerked her head around. “Have you heard anything I’ve said? You seem like you’re in another world.”
“I’m sorry. My mind just went to some other things. I was thinking about Rena.”
Tim stopped at a red traffic light. He turned his head and looked at Francesca. His hand began to lightly caress her hair. “What about Rena?” He didn’t act the least bit perturbed or uncomfortable with the fact that Francesca brought up her ex-lover.
“You told me she called. Stiles told me she called, and I’ve yet to call her back. I was just thinking that she must think I really don’t give a care about her show of concern. That’s all. And
it’s not just her. There have been so many people who’ve been praying for me and who sent cards and flowers.” Francesca looked over her shoulder at the backseat and viewed the balloons, box of cards, flowers, and other tokens people had sent while she was in the hospital. “It makes me realize just how much God loves me, even after all the hurt I’ve brought into people’s lives, including Rena’s. I just can’t believe she still cares about me.”
The light changed, and Tim continued to drive. “Francesca, the main thing you have to do is stop beating up on yourself. God has forgiven you, and it sounds like Rena has, too. I mean, you were more than, well, lovers.” Tim sort of stumbled over the word. “The two of you were best friends forever, you know.”
Francesca looked at Tim. He looked over at her. “What?” he asked.
“I love you, Timothy Swift.”
Tim’s face turned red. His eyes glistened. He quickly focused back on the road.
“Are you all right? Did I say something wrong?” she asked him.
“No. You just don’t know how long I’ve wanted to hear you say those words. I’ve prayed and prayed. I know it wasn’t easy for you to tell me that you love me. I—”
“Don’t say anything. Just listen and drive,” she said and then grinned. “I don’t know if my love is enough for you, because I don’t know how to love a man, Tim. I don’t know if what my heart is feeling is the kind of love that you need and deserve. All I know is that you are extremely special to me. And if there is any chance, any chance at all, of having a relationship with you, then I want to go for it.”
Tears streamed down Tim’s face as he stared ahead.
“I don’t know how I can be much of anything to you, especially now that I have AIDS, but I do know that I want to spend my time trying.”
Tim made the final turn onto Francesca’s street and pulled up to the security gate. She passed him her entrance card and the gate slowly opened. Tim parked in front of Francesca’s apartment. Without saying a single word, he jumped out of the car, walked around to Francesca’s side, and opened the door for her.
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