by Toni Aleo
“She disrespected him! It was not right. I don’t care who the hell she is.”
Either she or I will not make it to her eighteenth birthday. “Calliope. Do as I say and go to your room,” I warn, and tears fall from her eyes.
“If you hadn’t had the shock of learning what you did, then you would have defended him too. You—”
“Calliope, I swear to God, if you do not get up those stairs, I will take away gym and make you cut up onions for a month.”
She scrunches up her face in complete horror. I wait for her to come back at me—we’re a stubborn pair, she and I—but thankfully, she turns on her heels and heads up the stairs. I hear the door upstairs slam, more steps, and then her door shut. I set my purse on the table and exhale. When I look up at Nico, he’s standing there awkwardly, probably wishing he were anywhere but here. I push off the table and pat his chest as I walk by. “Let me make you a sub.”
“You don’t have to,” he says as I pass by. “You could just yell, get it done, and I’ll leave.”
I pause behind the counter. “Why would I yell?”
“Because I didn’t tell you.”
I hold his gaze. “I’m not going to say it doesn’t bother me that you didn’t tell me. It does. It feels like you didn’t want to share that part of yourself with me, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you, Nico. That label, as Callie so sweetly put it to your mom, doesn’t change anything. It explains a lot,” I say with a smile, “but it doesn’t change a thing.”
He swallows hard.
“What else are you hiding?”
His eyes meet mine. “Nothing, and it’s not that I didn’t want to tell you. I couldn’t.”
I start to make him the sub. I decide if I gawk at him, he won’t feel comfortable and will not be open with me. “Why couldn’t you?”
“I was terrified that you wouldn’t want to be with me.”
I want to pause; I want to run to him and wrap my arms around him so tightly. “That’s not true. At all,” I say, looking up as I set down the cheese. “If I had known, I could have helped the night of the gala.”
He nods slowly, tucking his hands into the pockets of his slacks. His light-blue shirt has come untucked, and he looks a mess. A beautiful, stunning mess. “There is no helping me when I get like that. I just gotta ride it out.”
I add some roast beef. “Okay, well, I would have liked to have known that. I was worried.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
I add another layer of cheese. “When did you tell Callie? I assume she’s known?”
“Yeah, since before we started dating.”
Why am I jealous of my sister? “Why did you tell her and not me?”
“I don’t know,” he answers, and I know he means it. “I’d never told anyone before her.”
I look up then. “Not even Chandler?”
He shakes his head. “No, I just told him a couple weeks ago. I was working up to you, but I’m scared.”
“Nico, you have nothing to be scared of, and I’m sorry if I—”
“No, no,” he says quickly, coming to the counter. “It wasn’t you, our relationship, or anything—it is all me. It’s my insecurities from living a life where I was the weird kid who got made fun of. Kids weren’t nice to me because I couldn’t control what I was feeling. For the longest time, I just couldn’t. Now, as an adult, I’ve learned a lot, and I go to a lot of therapy. But sometimes, I can’t get a grasp on all this emotion inside me. I felt awful for snapping at you before the gala. To the point that I had a panic attack when I got home, and all I could think was, She’s gonna leave me. Why would she want me? I knew I had to tell you, I had to explain myself, but then you called that morning to check on me and invited me over for lunch, and I got scared again.”
I gaze into his eyes, my whole body shaking, and I want to cry for him. But Nico isn’t one to feel pity for.
“I mean, I have an out-of-this-world gorgeous woman who wants to be with me. Who enjoys me, and I don’t want to lose that. I didn’t want you to think you had no future with me because of my diagnosis. That I probably never will be able to handle big situations like that—”
“But if I knew, it would be easier for me to understand, and I can find tools to help.”
He shakes his head, and when a tear rolls down that gorgeous face of his, it breaks me. I cover my mouth as he says, “I know, Aviva. You would be on the damn WebMD or whatever site you can find to be supportive. But then what happens when you realize our kids could come out like me?”
My heart stops, and I hop onto the counter, surprising him. I cup his face, looking deep into his eyes. I feel him swallow as tears start to gather in my eyes. “If our kids came out half as loving, kind, and funny as you, then I don’t know how I would be able to stand it. I would be so overfilled with love. So complete that nothing could touch us. Do not, Nico—for real, listen to me—do not feel like your autism holds you back. If anything, it makes you who you are, and that’s a damn great man.” I lean my head into his, my body vibrating for him. “And if we, by chance, have these kids we’re apparently thinking of…”
He wraps his arms around me, pulling me off the counter and close to him. I touch my face to his, our noses side by side as we stare into each other’s eyes.
“You will be the example for them. So, you gotta be proud, and you gotta be the cocky, amazing man I am falling head over heels in love with, because our kids will be nothing less than a pain in the ass. I mean, look at me. Look at Callie. Are you sure?”
He laughs as he gathers me in closer, pressing his lips to mine. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”
I close my eyes as the tears roll down my face. Our hearts pound together while we cling to each other. “What did you tell me that one time? I can’t always think of the bad side of everything? That could apply here.”
He shakes his head seriously. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“Nico, I’m terrified to lose you. You have nothing to worry about here.”
His eyes search mine, and knowing that he usually doesn’t look people in the eye pulls at my heartstrings. He kisses my nose as he whispers, “You have nothing to worry about.”
Oh, heart. Oh, poor heart. “Nico, I want you to know that when I lost my mom, I seriously lost every beacon of happiness. All I had was Callie and Jaylin, but I swear, I faked most of it with them. It took you coming into my life to break open that part of me, and I can’t thank you enough. Really. I can’t.”
He kisses my nose. “I mean, I am a joy and a delight.”
We both grin. Of course, he would quote that asshole upstairs. “And while I love your relationship with Callie and I know it was hard for you to watch me yell at her earlier, you need to be on my side about this. She cannot talk to your mom like that.”
He inhales heavily and then lets his breath out. “Callie was right, though. I’m pissed at my mom.”
“I know, but Callie called your mom an old lady.”
He grins. “Sorry. I’m on her side.”
I let my head drop down against his jaw. “You two are going to be the death of me.”
He kisses my forehead. “Don’t worry. You took her phone away. I’ll deal with my mom, and everything will be fine.”
“She hates us,” I say on a groan as I look up at him. “Callie more, but still, your mom knows I raised that opinionated, loud kid, and she’s just like me—”
“I know—she’s perfect,” he says with a grin. “And like she said, who cares if my mom likes you guys or not? I like you, and I think how the three of us feel is all that matters.”
I get lost in his eyes. “So, if Callie didn’t like you, we’d have a problem?”
He scoffs. Back is my playful Nico, and everything inside me wants to celebrate. “Please. I’m awesome. That kid had no chance. Just like you didn’t.”
I laugh as I lean into him. I can’t even disagree because he is completely right.
Now I know
I had no chance whatsoever once Nico decided I would be his.
Callie is at school and Nico is at practice, so since I’m alone, I try to get ahead on the week. I have to cater for the IceCats four times in the coming week. As much as I love the money, the process stresses me out. I feel like I can’t get it all done, but somehow, I do. Nico suggested I hire help, but I don’t want to pay someone to do a job I can do. I guess I could hire some high school kids, but then I’d have to micromanage them, and I already do that for Callie. I don’t want to do it for anyone else.
I turn on the mixer, and it struggles to mix the dough, but it gets the job done. I walk to the front to check my proofer and then my ovens. I hate having the ovens out here, but Mom said it makes the customers’ mouths water. I believe they could smell them from the back because I’m sweating like crazy out here. I switch some things over and start a prepping area for the veggie trays I’ll make. I had to Google how to make pretty trays since I didn’t want to embarrass Nico. Apparently throwing everything on a tray isn’t professional-looking. How was I supposed to know? This is my first catering job, but Jaylin made sure to let me know.
As I move through the shop, doing what I need to do, my thoughts, as always, float to Nico. He’s been dodging calls from his mom, and I almost feel bad for her. I don’t agree with the way she handled things, but she wasn’t out to hurt him. She was confused, and to be honest, so am I. I’m unsure how I feel that he hid that part of himself. I showed him every scar and told him about my fucked-up life, but he never once told me he is autistic. It all makes perfect sense, and I’m surprised I didn’t catch on before, but I don’t know if I’m bothered because he didn’t tell me or because he told Callie first.
I think this may be a jealousy thing.
I want to know everything about Nico. I want him to tell me all of it, but he confided in my sister about a huge part of his life and not me. Like I told him, it doesn’t matter—he’s still Nico to me—but I can’t help but wish he had been honest with me from the jump. Nothing would have changed; I would still be in my feelings for him, but I did want to know.
When the door opens, I wipe off my hands as I say, “Welcome to Willz. Give me one second.”
I turn just as Nico’s mom reaches the counter. “Hello, Aviva.”
My heart kicks up in speed as I put down the towel. “Hey, Myra. How are you?”
“Well, thank you.” She looks around, a small smile on her lips. “This is a wonderful place.”
“Thank you.”
“Willz?”
“My mom’s name was Willow, and she wanted it to be like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, so she added the z.” I tuck my hands into my apron. “Can I get you something?”
She shakes her head. “No, I’m not hungry. I came to apologize.”
I pause and then slowly cross my arms. “I don’t feel that you owe me one. It’s more to Nico than anything.”
She nods. “I know, and I have apologized to him, but…” She pauses to clear her throat. She sets her large purse on the counter and folds her hands on top of it. “I need you to know how overprotective I am of him.”
I hold her dark brown gaze. “I don’t blame you. I’d be the same—well, I am with Callie.”
She quirks her lips. “That girl is a firecracker.”
I’m still embarrassed. “She is, and sometimes that’s an issue.”
She slowly shakes her head. “It’s not. I thought I was the only one who would ever be able to defend or stand up for Nico, but she proved me wrong. If the way she acted is how you would handle things, I have nothing to worry about.”
I clear my throat. I was terrified this lady would hate me. “You don’t. I would be the same way.”
She looks away and draws in a deep breath through her nose. “Nico, ah, my Nico is a blessing. I was with a horrid man, but Nico was the light. When he was diagnosed, I was scared that I couldn’t love him right, and I suspect that’s also why his father left. He was a coward.”
He sure as hell was. Bastard. I look up just as she does, her gaze holding mine, and I see such pain in her eyes.
“I know I overstepped, and I hope you don’t think I’m an awful person. For so long, he was unable to tell me what he felt. Then when he figured it out, he was made fun of. Kids were awful to him, calling him names that still hurt me to this day. When he asked to play hockey, I knew it was what he needed. I didn’t know at the time he was using the gear to hide from the bullies, but it helped. It made him who he is today.”
My heart aches for the boy Nico was. Then I remember the helmet in his kitchen. “Does he still do that?”
She nods. “There is a helmet he uses at home to recenter himself. It’s hard for him to stop feeling fear when it comes.”
My stomach twists for him as she goes on.
“He’s always been loud, quirky, and with no filter whatsoever, but what I’ve noticed lately is that he’s been slowing down. He never listened before, never paid attention. He always just jumped and did what he wanted without caring about anyone. He didn’t have girlfriends because they didn’t understand him, and he didn’t slow down enough to think of what they were feeling. With Shelli, it was like that. He didn’t pay attention to what she was doing and saying; he just felt. A lot. She was pushing him away the whole time, just wanting sex from him.”
I clear my throat. I hate the jealousy that is eating at me. “Did he love her?”
She shakes her head. “No, he was infatuated with her. He wanted to love her, and I thought that when she chose the other man, it would ruin relationships for Nico. I was very wrong.”
I find myself holding my breath as she exhales. With her eyes on me, she says, “Lately, I’ve noticed a huge difference. I thought it was the new therapist, but then I watched him with you and Callie, and I knew it was you two. He doesn’t want to mess this up, and it thrills me.” She reaches over, taking my hand in hers. “Thank you. Thank you for being kind to my son, for being patient and for loving him, because he loves you with his whole soul.”
Everything stops. Do I love Nico? “He makes it easy.”
She laughs. “Nothing about Nico is easy.”
“That’s the damn truth,” I say with a grin. “But at the end of the day, he makes me happy.”
“As do you for him. It’s incredible to watch. I’m so happy for you two and Callie. He has taken to her completely.”
I smile. “I love their relationship. Even with the ten-year gap, they act the same age.”
She laughs. “They’re both very lucky to have you.”
My heart warms. “Thank you.”
“I hope you don’t hate me.”
I shake my head. “Not at all. I think emotions were just high, and everyone was nervous. Things were said, and I don’t think they were meant to be hurtful. I was surprised he didn’t tell me either.”
Her smile falls as her eyes stare into mine. “He’s never told anyone. Every time he did when he was growing up, people would call him stupid or weird. I thought he would have told you with how much he says he loves you, but I think the pain of his childhood held him back. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect him from that. I’m sorry it bled over into his adult life and he struggles.”
My gut hurts as I hold on to the counter. How could anyone treat him like that? “Don’t apologize. I completely understand. I’m a mother hen too. We have to protect our babies, and Nico and I are fine. We talked it over, and at the end of the day, his autism makes him who he is, and I love all of him.”
Holy shit. What did I just say?
Her eyes light up. “I know, and I thank you for that.”
“You don’t need to. Again, Nico makes it easy. I really want you to fix things with Nico. He loves you too much.”
She pats my hand. “I will. Thank you,” she says softly. “This is a wonderful place, and you really are an amazing woman. I am very glad Nico has found you. He would do absolutely anything for you.”
I grin. “Thank you.”
/> “Can you tell Callie I am sorry for offending her yesterday?”
No. “I will.”
“Thank you,” she says, and then she grabs her purse. “I’m gonna go see Nico for lunch. We’d love for you to join.”
I hold out my hands. “I gotta work.”
She nods, though I notice she’s disappointed. “Don’t forget that you need to enjoy life. No point in working if you can’t enjoy the benefits.”
With that, she leaves, and as I watch her get into her car, her words turn over and over in my head. Before, I would work myself into the ground. I had to get ahead. I had to pay off my mom’s bills and make Callie a good life. Now, I feel like I’m finally getting ahead, and I am accomplishing my goals. The benefits are like neon signs in my face, and I hate that it took someone helping me get out of debt to see that. I regret not enjoying the little things before, when now, I get excited just to see Callie do homework. Before, I worried I wouldn’t be able to send her to college. Now, I see she can do it all and then some because someone took away the things that were distracting me and holding me back. I worried myself sick for nothing. I would have been fine. I could have been happy, but instead, I didn’t allow myself. It infuriates me, but I’m also thankful.
And shit. Did I tell Nico’s mom I loved him?
Shouldn’t I have told him that first?
Well, I guess even without my impending doom of debt, I’m still a mess.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Nico
“Did your mom get home okay?”
“Yeah, she landed this afternoon,” I say, turning onto my road. I’m running a bit late for the rehearsal crap Amelia is making me do. I can walk with Carter in my arms; it’s not that hard. There is even an aisle for me to walk down. Shit, I stop pucks coming at me at over 100 miles per hour; I can walk with a kid and a dog. Sadie can lead us, really. Hell, maybe she’ll calm me down.
Doubtful.
“She said to thank you and Callie again for dinner last night. She had fun.”
