“Maybe because I don’t,” I say, pouting in frustration.
His brows draw in. Those eyes…I’ve never seen anything like it before. It’s like you see the exact moment he locks in on you and starts to read your soul. I turn away to prevent him from seeing yet another of my secrets. The one secret I don’t own all to myself. If I did, I’d tell him.
His long fingers go under my chin, turning my face back towards his. I can see all of the questions in his eyes. I’ve opened a can of worms. I know Felix and once he wants to know something he doesn’t stop until he gets to the bottom of it.
“Help me understand,” he says in that deep voice that does all types of things to my belly. “I want to help you with your writing but you seem to be stuck here. I don’t understand why—”
“It’s nothing. I should just write sweet romance and stop trying to go for the shock factor. It’s not like my father would ever let me publish it anyway,” I reply.
“You’re a grown woman now. You can make whatever decision you decide to, Kaye. I know your father has always been strict, but I don’t think he would have as big a problem with this as you think,” he says gently.
“You can’t be serious,” I scoff.
“I am. Besides, you’re books would feel like they’re missing something completely if you go the sweet route. You have something here. It’s like the buildup and chemistry is there, but when you get to it mechanic—”
His words cutoff and he hones in on my face as several thoughts race across his features. Intrigue, confusion, and shock. I feel like I’m shrinking into myself.
“I should go. Thanks for reading the pages for me. I’m going to go work on it. I’m thinking about submitting this time,” I rush to say and move out of his reach to get my journal.
He places a hand on my arm, causing me to turn to look back at him. The hum I feel travel up my limb and through my body is absolutely insane. This…this right here is why my buildups are so amazing. I write them from moments like this. When I’m around Felix and I feel this charge, it’s…it’s something I can’t fully describe and trust me I have tried.
“Wait, are you saying you’ve never—,” he starts to ask.
Thank God for cell phones. Mine rings, saving the day. It was a slip of the tongue that has gotten me here. Now I’m going to have to wiggle my way out of this.
“Hey, Danny,” I sing into the cell phone so grateful to my brother.
And then, my world starts to fall apart. Anyone that knows my family knows that my brother and I are super close. I’d do anything for Danny. Anything.
* * *
Felix
There is no way Kaye is saying what I think she’s saying. At twenty-two there is no way she’s never been kissed or fucked. I mean, come on. Kaye’s body has starred in more of my dreams than I care to admit.
Yeah, I know Pastor Porter has been super strict on both Danny and Kaye. Still, I’m having a hard time believing what I think she’s hiding. This isn’t adding up in my head.
For one, I know her boyfriend has been sexually active. Yeah, not even going to get into that one. Alberto and Danny both confirmed that Kaye and Alberto had broken up during that one time. Danny being Kaye’s brother and super close to her, I believed him and went on to mind my own business.
Okay, that’s a lie. I went on to plot my chance to finally ask Kaye out. She was away at the church’s women’s convention. I was going to ask her to a movie when she returned. To this day, I don’t know how she and Alberto made up so fast.
Probably for the best. Not only is Kaye my best friend’s sister. She’s been dating my other best friend off and on since junior high school. I can’t blame Alberto.
Just look at her. Kaye is gorgeous. Those dark brown eyes, her clay brown complexion—more reds mixed in with that bronzed brown color. Her black hair can go from looking like thick silk to one big curly mass of wool. Either way, she’s always gorgeous—and I’ve seen it all. I’ve crushed on her for years.
Most people mistake Kaye and Danny for being Hispanic. They’re not. They’re a mix of Polynesian, Jamaican, African American-Creole. Their family gives them a uniqueness of their own. Their home is full of cultures that have colored my life since I first made friends with Danny in kindergarten.
My Irish-Scot ass has had a thing for curry goat, jerk chicken, and roti since I was six—thanks to Grandma Reid, Kaye and Danny’s maternal grandmother. Their maternal grandfather is the reason I love gumbo and cherry wine. I can sit with Grandpa Reid for hours and talk cars and computers.
I care for the Porter family as if they were my own. It’s the reason I’ve hidden my feelings for Kaye for years. Even before she started to date Alberto, I kept my feelings a secret because of the family. Honestly, I was crushed when the two started dating.
Which brings me back to my questions. If I go by the way Kaye writes love scenes that would suggest so much that Alberto isn’t doing for her. Yeah, I’ve always said something is odd about their relationship. I also know how bias I am so I tend to turn a blind eye to anything concerning their relationships.
Stop overthinking, Felix. She’s probably saving herself for marriage. Her father is a Pastor, you know.
I know all of this to be true, but I also know Danny threw all of that out of the window. He got his dick wet as soon as he could. I remember all of the porn he would sneak over to Alberto’s.
Like John, Danny has a singular taste when it comes to his porn. However, unlike with John, I couldn’t get into a lot of what Danny liked to watch. Still, I know for a fact he’s no virgin.
Honestly, I can justify the lack of sex. Kaye’s a girl. Losing her virginity should be special. If she’s waiting for marriage I respect that. It’s just…yeah, something isn’t adding up.
The wheels turn in my head. Conversations with Alberto, Kaye’s writing over the years. Sure, Alberto could be lying on his dick, but with Kaye simple kisses in her writing seem a bit off.
They would have kissed at some point over the years, right?
“Slow down, Danny. Okay, okay. I’m on my way,” Kaye’s voice pulls me from my musing.
She hangs up the phone and starts to gather her things. Her hands are shaking. I’m instantly on alert.
“Hey, is everything okay?” I ask.
“I…I don’t know. I…I have to go,” she rushes out.
“Oh, okay, sure,” I murmur. “You want me to drop you off? I was going to see my mom anyway.”
“No, thank you,” she says, as she shakes her head.
If I’m not mistaken, I think I see tears gathering.
“Kaye, what’s wrong? Do you need me to come with you?”
“No, no,” she says quickly, shaking her head. “I’ll call you later. Okay?”
“Should I call Danny?” I persist.
“No,” she says frantically.
My brows draw. There isn’t much I haven’t gone through with these two. When Grandpa Reid had a cancer scare I was there with them.
When Pastor Porter talked about moving the entire family across country, I was there. I sat writing a petition with Kaye and Danny to get their dad to see why they needed to stay. Granted, Pastor Porter’s words to us were, ‘I’ll do what the Lord tells me to do.’
We spent weeks in their treehouse praying the Lord would tell him to stay put. The Lord heard us. Pastor Porter was offered a better opportunity here in California.
Through all of that I was there. I can’t imagine why Danny wouldn’t want me to be there for him now. I look down at my phone to see if I missed a call.
Nothing.
I shrug it off. Maybe it’s be a brother, sister thing. My brothers and I can get like that. I’ll check in with Danny later.
For now, I let everything go. My questions about Kaye’s personal life and whatever could be going on with Danny. After all, there’s always tomorrow.
Chapter 2
Devastated
Felix
Six months later…
/> I sit up with a head splitting headache. I drank way too much last night. I reach for my head and it all comes back to me. The car accident that took the lives of my two best friends, my brothers coming to be there for me, and the tattoos. We all got tattoos last night.
I reach for my ribs and close my eyes. I have my reasons for placing my tat there. My mind shifts from my night with my brothers to Kaye. She wouldn’t answer my calls last night.
To tell the truth, I haven’t seen Kaye in months. Not since that day she rushed out of my apartment. Things have been weird between me and my friends.
I had planned to go to that party last night to see if I could close the gap that seemed to be forming between me and the guys. Alberto hasn’t been around much lately. The one time I did link up with Danny, something was off.
I’ve known these guys all my life. I can read them just as well as I can read my brothers, my own flesh and blood. Danny was hiding something. He seemed so stressed out and then he asked me for that weird favor.
“Felix, promise me. If anything ever happens to me. You’ll be there for Kaye. Watch out for her for me,” he said.
“Dude, what the fuck?” I had replied.
He only slammed the shutters down so I couldn’t look into his eyes. He sat and waited for me to make the promise and I made it. He would never have to ask me twice for something like that.
Kaye will always be special to me. If I wasn’t crazy about her, I’d say she were like a sister to me. I drop my head in my hands. I feel so guilty for having thoughts like that.
Pushing that guilt aside, I reach for my phone to try Kaye again. Again, her phone goes to straight to voicemail. I run a hand through my hair and blow out a breath.
I make a face at my own foulness. I need a shower and to brush my damn teeth. Then, I plan to go pay my respects and see what I can do to help out.
* * *
Kaye
My soul aches in ways I could never explain. I’ve lost not one but two of the most important people in my life. Yet, I can’t return home. Six months ago, my brother asked me to do something for him that I still can’t believe I said yes to.
In my heart, I wonder if he’d still be here if I’d said no. Daddy always says the women in our family are enablers when it comes to Danny. We help him get away with murder.
A sob tears from my lips. This time he was trying to save a life. I don’t know what happened in that car, but I can’t help feeling like Danny and Alberto made a trade. I’ve told two huge lies in my life and they have both landed me here.
Alone, scared, and without my big brother to make it right.
“What are we supposed to do now?”
The lack of emotion in her voice makes me want to turn and pounce. Some people are so selfish. The precious air she’s breathing is a blessing. I would kill for that to be Danny standing there watching me, but it’s not.
“We continue with the plan,” I reply just so she’ll go away.
Chapter 3
Laid to Rest
Felix
A week later…
I look around for the millionth time. Something is wrong. Kaye should be here. Never in a million years would I think she would miss her brother’s funeral. I can’t wrap my head around it.
At first, I thought maybe she was in the restroom or something, trying to pull it together. When we loaded the casket into the back of the hearse and there was still no sign of Kaye, I couldn’t focus on anything else. I started to panic and think that something happened to her.
I was only able to relax after overhearing Pastor Porter telling someone that Kaye was devastated that she wouldn’t make it in time. Still, something isn’t fitting together. You don’t grow up in a family’s home without learning a whole lot about that family.
There is a quiet anger beneath it all. Pastor Porter is holding so much in, I think he is going to bust soon. Granted, finding out that Alberto’s blood alcohol level was enough to keep him from behind the wheel is enough to consume anyone with rage. However, I see something else. Something beyond what he’s dealing with on the surface.
“You alright?” Wyatt asks beside me as others start to leave the grave site. “You want to head out?”
“I’m okay,” I murmur. “Can you guys give me a minute? I’ll be right there.”
“Yeah, you got it, man. Anything you need,” Noah replies.
I give my family a weak smile. I’m grateful that they all took the time to be here with me. My mother steps forward and I bend so she can kiss my cheek. This has been hard for her. Danny has run through our home hundreds of times over the years. He was another one of the kids she took in for her own.
“I love ye,” she whispers.
“I love you too, Mom,” I reply.
She and my brothers turn to leave. I turn to look at the Porter family. Mrs. Porter and Grandma Reid look wrecked. I think about turning away to let them have this time. I’ll catch them at the house.
Just as I go to turn, Pastor Porter turns. He sees me and waves me over. I nod and move to join them around the hole their son has just been lowered into.
“Good to see you, son,” Pastor Porter says.
“Tanks Felix. I know Danny would’ve wanted you to be one of em pallbearers,” Grandma Reid says with her thick Jamaican accent.
“Yes, he would have really—”
Mrs. Porter can’t finish her words. I feel my own tears stinging the backs of my eyes. I hate seeing her in so much pain. She’s been like another mother to me.
“I’m here for anything you all need. Don’t hesitate to ask,” I say.
“You can go get my granddaughter and bring her back home,” Grandpa Reid grumbles.
“Daddy,” Mrs. Porter snaps.
Grandpa Reid rolls his eyes and grumbles something under his breath. I don’t miss the daggers he shoots in Pastor Porter’s direction. My warning bells go off.
“Is everything okay with Kaye?” I ask.
“She’s been doing some mission work. She wouldn’t have made it back in time for the services,” Pastor Porter replies.
“So the good Pastor is a bold face liar now, ay?” Grandma Reid says.
“Mama,” Mrs. Porter hisses.
Grandma Reid sucks her teeth long and slow. Her body language tells me a whole lot. Grandpa Reid looks like he’s restraining himself. I’ve never seen this kind of tension between those four.
“Gyal, mi held mi tongue for months. Now, yuh ave one pickney in the ground and the other yuh drove from ar home,” Grandma Reid snaps.
“No one drove her from her home. She chose to be fast and where has that gotten her. A dead—”
“Don’t you do this here,” Mrs. Porter snarls. “Not at my son’s grave. You will not do this here!”
“We’ll see you at the house,” Pastor Porter nods at me and turns, ushering a broken Mrs. Porter away.
Her pissed off looking parents follow behind them. Again, all of their body language telling a story. I read what I can as I stand watching them walk away. I don’t know what’s going on, but I know for sure I am going to find out.
Where the hell are you, Kaye? What’s going on?
* * *
Kaye
My face is soaked with tears. Today hurts so much. I watch as my family walks away to climb into the waiting limousine. I want to rush over to jump into Felix’s arms. One hug from him would make this all just a little more bearable.
I give a weak smile when a memory of my brother and Felix giving me birthday hugs fills my head. I lived for those hugs when I was younger. What I would give for one now.
Instead of rushing out of the shadows, I wait. Felix stands there for about ten minutes more before all of his brothers return to surround him. My heart breaks into tiny pieces on top of the already shattered pieces, when they have to support Felix to walk away.
He has always been such a good friend to Danny. Bitter rage builds when I think of my brother’s other so-called friend. I don’t know if I will ev
er forgive Alberto for this.
I drag my body over to the open grave of my brother. I drop to my knees beside it, wiping a hand under my nose. I can’t stop the tears from falling.
“You didn’t think I wouldn’t show up, did you?” I give a tearful laugh.
My lips tremble as I stare down at the casket inside the dirt. I can’t believe this is where my brother will rest his head forever. This is so unfair and wrong.
“What happened, Danny?” I sob. “Why’d you get in the car with him? You had to know he had been drinking. What were you thinking?”
I punch the tops of my thighs in frustration. This shouldn’t be happening. I shouldn’t be here saying goodbye to my brother.
I lie on my side and let the tears flow. I wish there were something I could do to change this. I’d give anything to make it right.
“You deserved better than this, Danny. I don’t ever want to love someone if this is where it lands me. You deserved so much more than this,” I cry out.
Chapter 4
Overwhelmed
Kaye
Two weeks later…
I’m so tired. I didn’t think it would be like this. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. When Danny asked me to do this, he had a plan. It was all supposed to work out differently.
I just don’t know what to do now. If I go home, I’ll have to explain. Explaining will lead to questions, questions will lead to answers I just can’t give. Danny trusted me. I need to do this in his memory.
Besides, things have been said. Words have cut to bleed and left wounds that have not yet healed. As much as I need help, my pride won’t allow me to go back with my tail between my legs.
Brothers Black 5: Felix the Watch Page 2
