Barely Breathing

by Brenda Rothert

  I also didn’t want to see Grayson just yet. He’d flown home to Indy yesterday and I didn’t think my parents would appreciate a brawl over my stolen watch and his drug addiction. They had no idea what was going on with my brother. Maybe his appearance would give him away.

  “I might give your brother a black eye for Christmas,” Kane said, seeming to read my mind. “Just a heads up.”

  I shook my head. “It’s going to be an awkward visit for sure. It’s past time my parents find out what’s going on with him.”

  “Let’s not worry about it now. Are we staying at your place tonight?”

  “If you want the cinnamon rolls and breakfast casserole in my fridge for tomorrow’s breakfast we are.”

  “I do.”

  We got to his car and he opened the door for me. I looked up at the sky and let a few fat, wet snowflakes melt on my cheeks.

  “It’s after midnight,” Kane said softly. “You know what that means?”

  “Hmm?”

  “It’s Christmas. Merry Christmas, Viv.”

  He pulled me close and I cupped his bearded, snowflake-covered cheeks. We kissed and kissed, not caring that we were standing in a cold, tightly-packed parking lot. When Kane was near, I was always warm.

  When we got back to my apartment, I made hot chocolate and after just a few sips, drifted to sleep laying across Kane’s lap. I woke up in my bed much later, sunlight streaming in through the windows.

  Kane was half-asleep next to me.

  “Hey,” I said, sitting up. “How’d I get in bed?”

  “I carried you in here last night.”

  “You did? I don’t even remember.”

  “You were asleep. Didn’t even wake up when I changed your clothes.”

  He reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a small box wrapped in silver paper.

  “Open it.”

  “I thought we agreed the necklace was your Christmas gift to me.”

  He shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t think so. Open it.”

  “I have something for you, too. I’ll go get it.”

  I was only wearing a t-shirt, and as soon as I left the warm bed I was freezing. I ran into my living room and pulled the box with his gift down from the shelf of my coat closet.

  He was sitting up in bed waiting for me when I tossed his present on the bed, jumped back in and got under the covers. I huddled against him for warmth. He leaned down on an elbow and pushed the hair away from my face, looking at me.

  “I love you, Viv.” He said it in the soft tone I’d never heard him use with anyone but me. My heart swelled as I held his gaze. His reverence for me was humbling.

  “I love you, too. So much.”

  He traced a fingertip over my jaw line and around to the back of my neck, cupping it in his huge palm. “Now open my present, woman.”

  I grinned and sat up, keeping my legs under the covers as I picked up the silver-wrapped box again. He’d thought of me, and I loved whatever was inside this box because of it.

  There was a small, unmarked white box inside. When I opened it and pulled aside some cotton padding, I gasped audibly and put my hand over my mouth.

  “Oh, my God. I can’t . . . you bought me a new Bulgari watch.” My heart raced wildly as I picked it up out of the box. “This is just like the one my Gram bought me. How did you know?”

  His dark chocolate eyes were so warm on me. Silently, he reached for the watch and turned it over. The back of the face was engraved.

  For Vivi

  Love, Gram

  Tears rushed to my eyes and spilled forth all at once.

  “My watch. It’s my watch.” I rubbed my thumb over the engraved words. “How? Did you get it from Grayson?”

  Kane shook his head. “It wasn’t quite that easy.”

  I leaned over and kissed his forehead, still crying. “This means so much to me. How did you do this?”

  A smile played at the corners of his lips. “I had a contest with my employees. Told them the day after your watch was stolen that an engraved Bulgari had been pawned somewhere in the city, and whoever found it would get a thousand dollar cash bonus.”

  My mouth dropped open in shock. “You did that?”

  “One of my servers found it in two days. She worked that phone like a fucking telemarketer. And she’s a single mom with three kids, so that money’s giving them a nice Christmas. It worked out like it was supposed to.”

  “You’re so amazing.” I cradled the watch in my palm. “Every lousy date in my life was so worth it because I was waiting for you.”

  His expression turned serious. “You’ve done more for me in the past couple months than anyone ever has. I was a broken man when we met and you put me back together, Viv. I’m whole with you. I love you so much I don’t even know what to do with it sometimes.”

  I leaned over and kissed him, cupping his scruffy cheek with my palm.

  “Open,” I said, reaching for his gift and handing it to him.

  His eyes met mine for a second before he tore into the paper. I held my breath as I waited. When he withdrew the lid of the box, he smiled broadly at me.

  “Viv. I love it.”

  He reached into the box and took out a framed photo of me and him. We’d been walking in the city one afternoon when he’d snapped it while standing behind me, his arm around my waist and his head leaning against mine.

  “What’s the empty frame for?” he asked, taking it out of the box.

  “A picture of you and Brooklyn. You need to get on that.”

  His eyes softened and he looked through the rest of the box’s contents: an engraved nameplate for his desk, a stone paperweight and a pen set.

  “Damn, you’re making me feel like a fuckin’ professional here, baby.”

  “As well you should.”

  He set the picture frame back in the box and eyed me. “You feel like getting fucked by a professional?”

  “You know I do.”

  He moved the gift boxes to the floor and climbed over me, parting my thighs.

  “Thanks for the presents, Viv,” he said softly. “And for taking a chance on a roughneck like me.”

  “You’re so easy to love, Kane.”

  He pulled my t-shirt up and over my head, kissing me softly before moving to my breasts, where he was not soft. He sucked and nipped and licked while I hummed my satisfaction and wrapped my ankles around his thighs.

  Kane brought my body to the brink with his mouth before taking a condom from the nightstand drawer. His gaze roamed my body hungrily as he sheathed his erection.

  “One day soon I’m gonna come in your sweet pussy, Viv,” he said in a low tone. “Of all the stupid shit I did when I was younger, I never once fucked anyone without a condom. Not consciously, anyway. I must’ve when I was high since I’ve got Brooklyn. I’ve got no memory of it, though. I want it with you, when I know it’s safe.”

  “Yes. I’m on birth control and I want that so much.”

  His eyes were dark as they locked with mine. “I’ll get tested. Then when you come to my office I’ll fuck you hard and fill your cunt full. I like the idea of you walking out of there wet with my come.”

  He flipped me over and pulled my hips back, entering me from behind. I moaned and pressed myself back as he sank into me.

  I let myself get lost in him, crying out his name as he pounded into me. He pulled me up, my back to his chest, and leaned around to kiss me. One of his arms was locked around my waist and with his free hand, he found my sweet spot and circled his fingers until I came so hard my knees nearly gave out. He was right behind, thrusting deeply into me and biting down on my shoulder as he came with a loud groan and a shudder.

  “So fucking hot,” Kane said as he pulled out of me and took off the condom. He took it to the bathroom trash can and then we laid back down for a few minutes, the smells of sweat and sex in the air.

  Breakfast was a semi-success. My breakfast casserole wasn’t great, but the cinnamon rolls were decent. I wasn’t
much of a cook, but I liked feeding Kane, so I’d just have to get better. And in the meantime, he was too wise to admit my cooking wasn’t the best.

  “Ready to go see Brooklyn?” he asked when we’d finished the dishes.

  I looked at the clock on my wall. “What time are we supposed to be there?”

  “No set time,” he said, shrugging.

  “Are you sure it’s okay? I don’t want to interrupt anything.”

  “It’s fine, Viv. We’re not staying. I just want to give Brooklyn her present on Christmas instead of next time I see her.”

  This meant a lot to him. I agreed, took a quick shower and dressed in a dark green sweater dress, brown leggings and tall brown leather boots.

  I was quiet on the drive there, because I was nervous. Meeting Brooklyn was a big deal. I wanted to get to know her, if she and Kane and Cori were ready for it. But I worried about stepping on her mother’s toes. And I didn’t have much experience with kids. What if she didn’t like me?

  When we walked up to the front door of Cori’s modest bungalow, I slipped my hand into Kane’s for support. He smiled and rang the doorbell.

  “Dad!” The little girl who opened the door took my breath away. She was beautiful, her dark eyes shining with happiness.

  “Kane?” a female voice called from inside.

  “We just came by to drop off gifts.” Kane led me inside, still holding my hand.

  When we went inside, the few family members inside silently checked us out. Cori’s relatives had probably never even seen Kane.

  The small house was cozy, with garland over the doorways, a tree covered with a child’s homemade ornaments and opened gifts scattered on the floor. The smell of cinnamon filled the air. Even though none of the furnishings looked new or expensive, they were stylish and the place looked like a comfortable home.

  Cori was thin and petite with long, perfectly straight chestnut hair. She was pretty and Brooklyn was too, but Brooklyn looked just like Kane. Seeing the man I loved reflected in the face of his little girl melted me inside.

  I wanted kids. With him. I hadn’t seriously thought about it until this moment, but seeing him next to his daughter made it all so clear. I wanted Brooklyn to be as much a part of our lives as she possibly could, and I wanted more kids, too.

  “Guys, this is my girlfriend Viv,” Kane said to Cori and Brookyln. He wrapped an arm around my waist.

  “Hi,” Brooklyn said, smiling.

  “Hi.” I smiled back and turned to her mother. But Cori just regarded me with a cool expression and said nothing. Maybe she was skeptical of any woman who would be spending time with her daughter.

  “This is for you,” I said, handing her the centerpiece I’d bought her. It was a basket of Christmas greenery and pinecones. She looked at it with her lips set in a thin line.

  “Thanks.” She took it but wouldn’t even look at me. Kane rubbed his hand over my hip.

  “Brooklyn, I’ve got something for you,” he said.

  Her dark eyes sparkled happily as he handed her a small box. She tore through the shiny silver paper and delicate red ribbon to reveal a Tiffany blue box. Kane seemed to be holding his breath as she opened it.

  She gasped and looked up at him. “It’s so pretty. Can I wear it?”

  “Brook,” Cori prompted her. “What do you say?”

  “Thank you,” she said to Kane.

  “You like it?”

  “I love it. Can I put it on?”

  Kane looked at me. “I’ll let Viv handle that because me and those tiny necklace clasps don’t get along so well.”

  Brooklyn handed me the box and I looked down at a silver heart-shaped pendant on a chain with small sparkling silver stones on one side. Kane was working hard at being a good dad. I was so proud of him.

  I helped Brooklyn move her hair aside and I put the necklace on her, trying my best to ignore her mother’s icy glare.

  “Perfect,” I said when she turned around to show it to me.

  “We have to go,” Kane said. “But I’ll see you soon, Brook. Maybe Viv and I can take you ice skating over your school break if it’s okay with your mom.”

  “Can I?” Brooklyn asked Cori.

  “We’ll talk about it.”

  “Merry Christmas,” Kane said to Brooklyn.

  “Merry Christmas.” She smiled and toyed with the shiny new necklace around her neck.

  Cori reached for Kane and hugged him, pressing herself to his chest. I gripped my purse strap, feeling awkward and out of place. He patted her on the back, but didn’t return the full embrace. Finally, she pulled away, her eyes full of emotion as she looked at him.

  We said goodbye and walked out, and Kane wrapped his arm around my waist again for the walk to the car. Once inside, we drove in silence for a couple minutes before I spoke.

  “What was that about?”

  “What?”

  “Cori,” I said, my tone indicating it was obvious. “She hates me.”

  “No, don’t take it that way.”

  “She glared at me the whole time we were there. What does she have against me?”

  He shifted in his seat and I felt a nervous flutter in my stomach.

  “Kane. What does she have against me?”

  “How can she have anything against you? You’ve never met before.”

  I sighed with aggravation. “Don’t tell me you didn’t notice how cold she was to me.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “Was she just upset that we dropped by unannounced?” I continued before he had a chance to answer. “No, because look at the way she hugged you. It’s just me she hates.”

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “I know there’s something you aren’t telling me. What is it?”

  He shifted in his seat again. “Let’s not talk about her on Christmas, babe.”

  “Too late. Tell me.”

  His expression darkened slightly. “She’s made comments about wanting to get with me.”

  My heart nearly stopped. “Get with you? Are you serious? What, like sexually?”

  He gave a half shrug. “Yeah, but not just that. She wanted us to try a relationship.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” My voice was high with panic but still laced with anger.

  “I told her no, Viv.”

  “Pull the car over.”

  “Babe, don’t––”

  “Now. Pull over, Kane. Right. Now.”

  With a heavy sigh, he did. Then he just looked at me, his expression a mixture of annoyance and expectation.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? How could you take me over there and not tell me that?”

  “I told her no,” he repeated, as though it answered everything.

  “Did she even know I was coming with you today?”

  He lowered his brows and stared straight out the windshield. “No. I don’t need her fucking permission to bring my girlfriend places with me.”

  “But to her house? On Christmas?”

  “Look. She got out of line last weekend and I was trying to send her a message. I’m with you, and she needs to respect that.”

  My mouth fell open in shock. “What do you mean, out of line?”

  He shifted in his seat. “Does it matter?”

  “You bet your ass it matters.”

  “She . . . came on to me, I guess. Grabbed my dick and said some stuff.”

  My heart pounded wildly. “Grabbed your dick? And you didn’t think you should mention that to me? What did she say?”

  “I already told you. She wanted to get with me. Talked about her pussy being shaved and shit.”

  The fucking whore. I thought it and almost let it fly out of my mouth.

  “With Brooklyn there?”

  “No. Brook left to go to a sleepover.”

  Tears pricked at my eyes. “And you stayed? With Cori? Who was grabbing your dick?”

  “I left when she started that shit.”

  I buried my face in my hands and took a few deep
breaths.

  “Viv, what are you so pissed about? I turned her down cold. Several times. I’m with you. I love you.”

  “And what about seeing Brooklyn? You’ll just keep going over there and playing right into Cori’s hands, because it’s the only way you can see her.”

  “I’ll never turn my back on Brooklyn again. Don’t ask me to do that, Viv.”

  I lowered my hands to my lap, clenching them into fists. “I’d never ask that. But now I feel like a homewrecker.”

  “That’s fucking nuts. Cori and I slept together a few times ten years ago. I was too high to even remember it. She got pregnant. We’ve never been together. Not like you and me.”

  “She’s Brooklyn’s mom.”

  “So what?”

  I turned to face him, gathering my courage to ask a question I was afraid of the answer to.

  “Did you think about it? Giving things with her a chance so the three of you can be a family?”

  He pressed his lips together, silent for a few seconds. The longest seconds of my life.

  “There’s my answer,” I said, my voice breaking. “Take me home. I don’t want you coming with me tomorrow.”

  “Be rational, Viv.” He scowled at me. “What matters is that I chose you.”

  “While I foolishly didn’t even know I was in a contest with anyone.” I wiped the tears from my face. “I hate you right now. Take me home.”

  He did, and I slammed the car door and stormed into the house alone, locking the deadbolt. I got in bed and cried and cried and cried, not stopping until my eyes were swollen and I had a pounding headache.

  It hurt bone deep that my one and only had considered another woman, even for a second. I didn’t think that was something I’d be able to forgive.

  TWO FUCKING WEEKS.

  Viv hadn’t answered my texts or phone calls since Christmas Day, and I was out of my mind. I stared at the January calendar on Jeff’s wall, wondering how many more weeks it would take. How many days. How many hours.

  “What’s going on with you and Viv?” Jeff asked, closing the screen on his laptop. Obviously he’d figured out I had no interest in his boring financial forecast for the club.

  “Nothing,” I muttered.