Oh, Baby!

by Nancy Krulik

  As she stared at the animals, Katie began to suck on one of her fingers. It calmed her down—until she realized she wasn’t sucking on her finger at all. She was sucking on her big toe. Yuck!

  The bathroom smell was getting really gross. Watching the animals go around was making her dizzy. Pepper’s barking was giving her a headache. And now her whole mouth tasted like feet!

  It was all too awful. Katie burst into tears.

  Suzanne stormed into the room. “Katie, you have to make Pepper stop barking,” she said. Then she stopped and looked around. “Katie, where are you?”

  Suzanne couldn’t see her! Now Katie was really scared. What if the magic wind made me invisible this time? she thought.

  “Come on, Katie. I know you’re here. Quit fooling around,” Suzanne called out again.

  Katie was afraid to answer her. If Suzanne heard a voice coming from an invisible girl, she’d be really scared. Katie didn’t want to scare her friend.

  Just then, Jeremy walked into the room. “I’ve got the bottle,” he said.

  “Thanks,” Suzanne replied. “Have you seen Katie?”

  Jeremy shrugged. “No. But she couldn’t have gone far. Pepper’s still here. ”

  “That’s true.” Suzanne agreed.

  “Maybe she’s in the bathroom,” Jeremy said.

  Suzanne shrugged. “Maybe. Anyhow, I’ve got to feed Heather. She’s crying again. Pepper’s barking is making her nuts.”

  Suddenly Katie felt something or someone grab her and lift her off the ground. Katie looked down. The floor seemed very far away. Katie couldn’t help it. She started crying all over again.

  “Don’t cry,” Katie heard Suzanne say.

  Katie looked up to find a giant Suzanne-head staring down at her. Her mouth seemed huge.

  “Here you go,” Suzanne said as she shoved a big blob of rubber into Katie’s mouth. A sweet, smelly liquid poured out onto Katie’s tongue.

  “Isn’t that yummy, Heather?” Suzanne asked.

  Heather?

  Katie’s eyes grew wide with fear. The magic wind hadn’t made her invisible. It had turned her into Suzanne’s baby sister!

  “WAH!”

  Chapter 6

  “I don’t get it,” Jeremy said. “I thought that bottle was supposed to make her stop crying.”

  “So did I,” Suzanne agreed. She pulled the bottle from Katie’s mouth. “Maybe she’s not hungry.” Katie wanted to explain to her friends that she wasn’t crying because she was hungry. She was crying because she didn’t want to be stuck in Heather’s tiny body.

  But Katie knew she couldn’t say anything. She was supposed to be a baby! Babies didn’t talk. Suzanne and Jeremy would totally flip out if they knew who this baby really was.

  “Let me try one more time,” Suzanne said. She shoved the bottle back into Katie’s mouth.

  Katie made a face and tried to spit the bottle out. But Suzanne held it tight. Katie had no choice. Slowly she began to suck at the smelly, sweet baby formula. As she sucked, she glanced at the clock on the wall. It said 4:45.

  Oh, no! Katie’s mother had warned her to be home in time for dinner. If the magic wind didn’t change her back soon, Katie would be eating baby formula for dinner. And baby formula tasted awful. Katie squirmed and tried to spit the stuff out of her mouth.

  “Nope, she’s definitely not hungry,” Suzanne said finally.

  “Then why is she still crying?” Jeremy asked.

  “I think she’s wet,” Suzanne told him. “So what does that mean?”

  Suzanne rolled her eyes. “It means we have to change her diaper,” she told him.

  Jeremy shook his head wildly. “No way!” he declared. “We don’t have to change her diaper. You have to change her diaper. I’m not going near that thing.”

  “Fine, I’ll do it,” Suzanne said. She picked up the baby and carried her to the table.

  Oh, no! Katie thought nervously. Her best friend was about to change her diaper. There was no way that was going to happen!

  Katie was so upset, she completely forgot that she was a baby. She opened her mouth and began to scream.

  “No, don‘t!” Katie cried out. She kicked her legs wildly. “Stop!”

  Suzanne jumped back with surprise. She looked over at Jeremy. “What did you say?” she asked him.

  “I didn’t say anything,” Jeremy replied. “I thought you did.”

  “I didn’t say anything, either,” Suzanne told him.

  Jeremy looked at her curiously. “If you didn’t say anything, and I didn’t say anything, who said that?”

  “Stop kidding around,” Suzanne told him. “Let me just change the baby and then . . .”

  But Katie wasn’t going to let that happen. “I said don‘t!” she shouted out again. “I’m fine, guys. There’s no wet diaper here. I’m just crying. You know how us babies can be.”

  Suzanne and Jeremy stared at the baby with amazement.

  “Did you hear that?” Suzanne asked Jeremy.

  “Uh-huh,” Jeremy said slowly.

  “Heather talked,” Suzanne shouted. “She definitely talked.”

  “Uh huh,” Jeremy said again. He couldn’t seem to say anything else.

  “But she’s only three months old,” Suzanne said. “Three-month-old babies can’t talk. Unless...”

  “Unless what?” Jeremy asked her.

  “Unless she’s a genius!” Suzanne declared. “Heather is the smartest baby in the world!” Suzanne picked the baby up and put her into the playpen. “You stay here,” she told Jeremy. “I’ve got to get my mom!”

  As soon as Suzanne was out of the room, Jeremy headed for the front door. He let it slam behind him as he left.

  Katie wondered what was so important that Jeremy had to leave right away. But she was glad to be by herself for a few minutes. Well, sort of by herself. Pepper was still in the room with her. The dog walked over to the playpen and stared at Katie.

  “I sure hope I turn back into me soon,” Katie told her dog. “I can’t put off this diaper change thing forever. She squirmed uncomfortably. ”I really do think I’m wet in here!“

  Pepper barked softly. He knew what it felt like to have an accident.

  Just then, Katie felt a familiar breeze begin to blow around Heather’s playpen. Katie knew right away that it wasn’t an ordinary wind. By now, she could feel the difference between the magic wind and just plain wind. She closed her eyes tight. Katie knew what was going to happen now.

  The wind began to blow stronger. The small playpen rocked back and forth wildly. As the wind circled around her, Katie got really scared. The wind was very strong, and she was very small. What if the wind carried her right out of the playpen? Where would she wind up?

  Katie gulped. She knew she would never get used to the magic wind. Oh why had she ever wished to be anyone other than herself? Right now, she really wished she could be Katie Carew again.

  She wanted to be wearing her own clothes—including her dry underpants.

  She wanted to be tall enough to look in a mirror and see her own red hair and green eyes.

  Katie licked a drip of sticky baby formula from her lip. She wouldn’t mind being home in time for dinner, either.

  Chapter 7

  “Is this ever going to end?” Katie screamed out as the magic wind circled around her. By now the wind was so strong and loud that she was sure no one could hear her. Katie began to cry as if she were a real baby. This was the worst the magic wind had ever been.

  And then it stopped—just as suddenly as it had begun. Everything in the room was completely still.

  Katie blinked as her eyes focused on a bright white light. It took a minute for her to realize that the light was coming from the ceiling in Suzanne’s living room. That was where she’d been before the wind had blown. And she was still lying flat on her back.

  Hadn’t the wind changed anything? Was she still baby Heather?

  Nervously, Katie looked down toward her feet. Instead of ten tin
y toes, Katie saw her bright, red platform sneakers.

  “I wouldn’t want to put those in my mouth,” Katie laughed to herself.

  Then she looked at her hands. Her fingers were the regular size. The chipped blue nail polish she had forgotten to take off was still there.

  No doubt about it. Katie was herself again!

  Pepper came over and licked Katie’s face. “You knew who I was the whole time, didn’t you, boy?” she said as she reached over to pet him. “You’re such a smart dog.” Pepper licked her face again.

  Just then, Katie heard Suzanne’s voice. “Honest, Mom, Heather talked to us. She told Jeremy and me not to change her diaper!” Suzanne exclaimed. She practically tripped over Katie as she came into the room.

  “Watch it!” Katie called out.

  “What are you doing down there?” Suzanne asked her best friend.

  “Oh, just lying around,” Katie answered nervously as she jumped to her feet. She smiled. It felt good to be standing again.

  “Where’s Jeremy?” Suzanne asked her.

  “I don’t know. I guess he left,” Katie told her. “He was gone by the time I got back from the bathroom.”

  Of course, Katie had never actually left the room. She felt bad about lying to Suzanne, but there was no way Katie could tell her the truth. Suzanne would never believe it anyway.

  “Well, you really missed it,” Suzanne told Katie. “It was amazing. Heather talked. And not just goo goo gaa stuff. She really talked.”

  “Suzanne, I need to get back to the laundry,” her mother said. “So if you’re finished with this nonsense...”

  “It’s not nonsense,” Suzanne insisted. She walked over to the playpen. “I’ll bet she’ll do it again.” Suzanne looked down at her baby sister. “Heather, do you want me to change your diaper?”

  Baby Heather stared up at her big sister. She didn’t make a sound.

  “Come on, Heather,” Suzanne urged again. “Are you wet?”

  This time, Heather opened her mouth wide.

  “Look! She’s going to say something!” Suzanne exclaimed.

  “WAHHHHHHHH!!!!” Heather let out the loudest cry Katie had ever heard.

  “Well, there’s your answer,” Suzanne’s mother said as she left the room. “She’s wet, and she needs her diaper changed.”

  Suzanne looked like she was about to cry, too. She turned to Katie. “She really did talk,” Suzanne insisted. “She is the smartest baby ever!”

  Katie handed Suzanne a diaper. “I think Heather’s really smart... even if she doesn’t say another word until she’s one year old,” she said.

  “But that’s when every baby talks,” Suzanne said. “Heather’s special.”

  Katie smiled. “Of course she is,” she said kindly. “Just look at who she has for a sister.”

  Chapter 8

  By the time Katie and Suzanne got to school the next morning, a whole crowd of kids had gathered on the playground. George was the first one to spot the girls coming toward them.

  “Hey, Katie Kazoo! Suzanne! Look at this!” he called out. He waved a sheet of white paper high in the air.

  “What’s that?” Katie asked him.

  “The 3A Times,” George told her. “Check it out.”

  “No, thanks,” Suzanne told him. “I’ve heard enough about Tornado.”

  “Oh, we never wrote that article,” George told her. “We forgot.”

  “Figures,” Suzanne said.

  “So then what’s in the newspaper?” Katie asked George.

  “Look!”

  Katie took the newspaper from George’s hand. Right there, on the front page, was a huge headline. It read:

  SUZANNE’S SISTER SPEAKS!

  Genius baby learns to talk!

  Suzanne grinned. “Now, this is what I call news,” she said.

  Jeremy walked over toward the girls and George. “I wrote the article yesterday after I left your house,” he told Suzanne.

  Miriam and Mandy raced over to Suzanne.

  “What did Heather say, exactly?” Miriam asked.

  “Did she really tell you not to change her diaper?” Mandy added.

  “Yes!” Suzanne smiled. She really liked all the attention she was getting. “I always knew my sister would be smart, but I never thought she’d be a genius!” Katie watched as Suzanne talked to the crowd of kids gathered around her. She looked very happy.

  “Hey, do you guys know why a mother carries her baby?” George asked the others.

  “Why?” Manny asked him.

  “Because a baby can’t carry her mother!” George answered.

  A few of the kids giggled. But most of the class was too busy listening to Suzanne to laugh at George’s joke.

  Katie could see that George was kind of sad that the kids hadn’t thought his joke was really funny. She felt bad for him.

  “I liked that one,” she whispered to George.

  “I can always count on you, Katie Kazoo,” George rhymed. “Have you heard this one? Why do moms dress baby girls in pink and baby boys in blue?”

  “Why?” Katie asked.

  “Because babies can’t dress themselves.”

  Katie giggled. “Very funny.”

  Just then Mrs. Derkman blew her whistle. It was time to go inside. As the kids lined up, Katie heard Suzanne still talking about Heather.

  “Why don’t you guys come by after school?” Suzanne said. “Then you can hear Heather for yourselves.”

  Katie gulped. “Suzanne,” she whispered nervously. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

  “Why not?” Suzanne asked.

  “Well, you never know. What if Heather doesn’t feel like talking again?” Katie said.

  “Don’t you believe Heather talked?” Kevin asked Katie.

  Katie blushed. “Um sure, I guess I do,” she said nervously. “But...”

  “You didn’t hear her yesterday,” Suzanne told Katie. “I think you’re just jealous that you missed it.” Suzanne rolled her eyes at Katie. “Can I help it if you’re never around when the good stuff happens?”

  That made Katie mad! She wasn’t jealous at all. She was just trying to keep Suzanne from being embarrassed. Well, if her friend was going act like that, let her bring the other kids home. She’d see.

  Chapter 9

  That afternoon, a whole crowd of third graders followed Suzanne home from school. They weren’t just kids from Class 3A, either. By the time the end of the day rolled around, almost everyone in the grade had heard about the amazing talking baby.

  “You know, I think we should make a videotape of Heather talking,” Suzanne told Jeremy as they walked toward Suzanne’s house. “She could be on the news.”

  Jeremy nodded. “She could be famous.”

  Suzanne looked at the crowd of third graders trailing behind her. “I think she already is.”

  George and Katie were walking toward the back of the group. “Suzanne seems really happy,” George told Katie.

  “I guess,” Katie said glumly. She knew Suzanne wouldn’t be very glad for long.

  George studied Katie’s frown. “I know how to make you laugh, Katie Kazoo.”

  George walked over toward Miriam Chan. He opened his mouth wide and pushed on one of his top teeth with his tongue. The tooth wiggled all the way around in a circle. It was really loose.

  Miriam made a face. “Eeww! George, that’s gross!” she shouted. “Close your mouth.”

  Katie giggled. Everything grossed Miriam out.

  “See, I told you I could make you laugh.” George said.

  But Katie’s laughter didn’t last for long. As soon as they reached Suzanne’s house, she had that old guilty feeling again. If only she’d told Suzanne about the magic wind, none of this would be happening. But Katie knew she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t tell anyone.

  “You guys wait here,” Suzanne said as she went into her house. “I’ll bring Heather out.”

  A moment later, Suzanne came outside again, holding Heather
in her arms. “Okay, Heather,” Suzanne said. “Say hello to my friends.”

  Heather looked up at her big sister. “A-goo,” she said quietly.

  “That’s baby talk,” Kevin shouted out. “Any baby can do that.”

  Suzanne shook her head. “She’s just warming up,” she insisted. “Go ahead, Heather. Say something.”

  “A-goo,” Heather repeated.

  “There’s nothing special about that baby,” Andrew Epstein from Class 3B said, as he and some of his friends left.

  “She can’t talk,” Kevin declared. “Suzanne, you’re such a liar.”

  “I am not!” Suzanne insisted. She looked at Jeremy. “Tell them, Jeremy!”

  Jeremy nodded. “She really can talk, you guys. I heard her.”

  Kevin frowned. “Next time, save it for April Fools’ Day.”

  “Yeah, you should leave the joking to the experts,” George added.

  “It’s no joke,” Jeremy insisted. “I wouldn’t have written about a joke in the 3A Times.”

  “You shouldn’t have put this in the paper,” Manny said as he walked away. “Mrs. Derkman is going to be so mad!”

  Jeremy gulped. If the kids didn’t believe them, Mrs. Derkman probably wouldn‘t, either. He was going to be in big trouble.

  Before long, Suzanne, Jeremy, and Katie were the only ones left standing outside the house. Suzanne looked angrily at Katie. “I’ll bet this makes you really happy,” she told her.

  Katie was really hurt. She never wanted Suzanne and Jeremy to be embarrassed. “No, it doesn‘t,” she insisted.

  But Suzanne was too upset to hear her. She took Heather into the house.

  Jeremy turned to Katie. “Katie, you believe us, don’t you?” he asked. “It had to have been Heather talking. No one else was in the room. Where else could that voice have come from? The bookshelf?”